Daughter in law AND Her Mom

I do not hate my dil but I do not like her as a person. She seems to try to be a good mother to my grandson, but she is very munipulating and sneaky.

She met my son while they both were working at the same place - she knew he had a girl friend - I guess it didn't matter to either of them - I found out his girlfriend was pregnant and he is seeing this person (my soon to be dil).  I was livid - he still lived at home - no more after that. She lost baby.

When he and Susie(not real name) moved in together she told him not to tell me where they lived - because she didn't want me around (he told me).

OK I let this go, then they marry so her father would let them live there - I did not attend - only her mother, her and my son attended. I was at work when they called to see if I wanted to go right then.

Then they live with her father - he and my son did not get along - they move in with her brother - he moves away and they move back in with her father.

They ask my husband to check out a house they want to buy to see if it is worth buying - he does - they buy it - we wonder how they got the credit and the money to buy - but said nothing - cute small home - well kept - until they start repainting and other things - never finishing any of it .DIL quits her job saying that if my OTHER  DIL can stay at home she can too!!!! Susie has a pampered chef party she asked all to come - my family goes to help her get free things for her kitchen(so we were led to believe) - next day my son calls to tell me the house is being foreclosed. Party one nite, next morning forclosure - WHY would you do that - later I found out that the girl doing the party was her best friend who was hurting for money. TWO days later her trailblazer was repoded after she had just went to fill it up with gas. - go figure

We help them move their belongings to storage a building and some to her mothers.They move in with her - shes pregnant. When she has the baby no one shows up at the hospital but her mother and us - I ask where is her dad and her sister and brother and I am told her and her mother do not get along with any of them. So we admire the baby through the nursey window and take pics through the window. We were wating to see Susie to see how she is and brag on the baby to her - but her mother told us it was getting late and we probably needed to leave. Her mother went back to Susies room and I followed a few seconds later and walked in and the room became silent as the two of them were talking to a nurse and I could tell that I had walked in on something. No one in my family got to see Susie except me when I walked in. It all was very strange - my son was in the nursery with the baby and did not know any of this was going on.

Then they stay at her mothers for several months - they fight - he comes home to stay with us - she wants to come move in  - I Said NO - visit until the two of you work things out - she come over constantly - Xmas comes - he, baby and susie all stay with us for Xmas - Xmas-eve they argue - he wakes me up in middle of the night saying I need to talk to her so she will let him go back to sleep - I try - she will not stop arguing with him - finally I make coffee we sit in living room - he goes to sleep on sofa - I'm left up talking to her.

Had it not been for me and my husband - he would have gotten a divorce then - we tried to be nutral and tell them both the ups and downs of marriage and of divorce.

NOW -  Susie's mother does not want me to pick the baby up from her  (she is the primary babysitter of the child) because he is so attached to her that when anyone comes to get him (even his own mother) he cries and does not want to leave granny. So she now has told Susie that I cannot pick him up from her that it upsets her when he cries - HE IS TWO YEARS OLD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm the only one she has said this about. - so why - when he gets away from her he is fine - he cries when he has to leave my husband and me.

I need some one to tell me why this granny can stand it when others pick him up but not when I pick him up

Granny did not want us at the hospital when he was born and now she does not want me picking him up from her

Granny  went back to Susies father (they were separated when I first got to know them)a few months ago because she could not afford to live alone.

They have gotten my son and their daughter to move to a duplex very close to them which is ok for the babysitting - but my son now drives abt.30 miles one way to work and  THEY picked out a new living room suite and bought it for them - they are giving them their used stove and fridge - actually everthing in their home is from her parents and she has given away everthing my son had without asking him - and he just lets it go because it creates a problem.

I think they are setting him up. Susie and my son filed for bankruptcy when they lost the house and her car. Just recently she bought a NEW car and he has her old one (hers was better than his so he kept hers) now she tells him that the car he is driving is hers he has nothing - he wanted to trade it( for gas mileage) for a stick shift and she said no it was her car and she would decide what to get.

I gave this girl a NICE baby shower - WE own two homes and are financially secure and I think her mother is very jealous and wants me and my family out of the picture.

Susie did ask me if my husband and I would buy a home and they would make the payments and I said no - you have to get things on your own to appreciate what you have.


 HELP PLEASE I NEED ADVICE SOMEONE PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


bwkitty bwkitty
51-55, F
3 Responses Mar 6, 2010

The only good news is that she will cheat on him and leave him. Until then, you are stuck with her in his life. It is inevitable that she will cheat on him or has cheated on him, and will eventually leave him for someone with more money. <br />
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You mention that you are financially secure. Immediately go to a lawyer and set up your will so that when you die your assets do not go to your son or to your grandchild. Instead, set up a trust fund with a separate person as the administrator so that your son or grandson cannot have access to the money until they are 65. Then tell your son and your DIL that you have done this. If they ask why, tell them that you believe the money should be for retirement. <br />
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If your DIL is with your son for money, she won't have the patience to wait until he is 65. Also, this will prevent her from killing your son after you die so that she can get control of the money (yep you hear of this happening, very sad, but true).

Good advice. To bwkitty, I would also say, if you're able to sit down and discuss things with your son, I would have you and your husband talk to him about all this that you posted and say, "Hey, we think she's going to set you up, but hope and pray that she's not and that it'll work out. That being said, you would be well advised to have two accounts, one joint and one just for you. That way you won't be left in the drain if something should happen. If it doesn't, then you have extra money. Also, assert your right as a parent more often. Get the kid and come over and spend some quality time with us." That was always the best thing with our boys, we've always been able to talk to them and tell them what we thought. They don't always listen, they don't always follow our advice, but thank heavens we were always able to sit at the table and express our opinions and views.

I cannot believe that there has been this may views and no one has anything to say. I would have to advise you that your DIL sounds as if she is behaving as she was raised. Your son, I wonder, why is he so financially immature? What happens when you try to talk to your son? Since she doesn't sound like she has had much of the "good life", maybe you could teach her a little bit about decisions and how to improve her life if she put forth the effort. She may never have been told that she is better than what she is projecting.

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