Can't Deal With It Anymore.

My daughter was 18 when she started working at a popular restaurant in our town. Shortly after she was hired, she broke up with a guy who was quite a loser in his own right. He had been graduated 2 years from high school and the only thing he managed to accomplish was working a part-time job at a home improvement center. I noticed her mentioning a guy at her job that I knew to be much older than her and warned her  to not get involved with him. She did anyway. He was 30 then. I knew something in my gut was going on with her because she kept asking to sleep over her friend "Mary's" house. The next opportunity of her "sleeping out" I was going to drive to "Mary's" and catch her in the lie. I never got the opportunity. It was now mid December and I asked her if she wanted to accompany me to a book signing. On the way there I asked her if anything was new in her life, knowing full well something was amiss. She confessed that she and this co-worker had been dating and that she was in love with him. I was furious to say the least and everything I said went in one ear and out the other. I figured the best thing to do is just ignore it and hopefully it will end. Wrong. In late January she texted me because I was very upset that she had stayed out for two nights in a row and barely contacted her father or I to let us know where she was. We knew, we just wanted her to tell us. She told me she was with, let's call him jerkface, all night because he had been to bankruptcy court the day prior. I flipped. At this point I had never met him and what I did know about him was already making me ill. He lives at home with his parents, he was now 31, drives a piece of **** car, bankrupt, a "former" drug user, a part-time waiter,  and had previously dated my daughter's (at the time) 17 year old best friend. I told her right then that she was in over her head with this guy. She told me not to judge him. I almost fell of my seat! Now we'll go onto February. It was before 11am on a Saturday morning and my daughter had stayed out the previous night. The phone rang and the caller ID was a number we didn't recognize. My huband picked it up. It was jerkface saying he was "dumping my daughter" and that she was drunk and he can't do anything with her anymore. They hung up. I called back and read him the riot act! How dare he call us and say this crap and just hang up! I told him he should have known better than to ever get involved with someone as young as she was! I was screaming at him. My daughter texted me and said she was drunk and to please stay away from the car. I found out that they had both been drinking at a co-workers house and they ended up in a huge fight. It was decided that her dad would meet her outside because I would be charged with assault on jerkface if I had my way. He dropped her off in the middle of our street and took off. She was completely intoxicated at 11:30am and her hoody had vomit and blood all over one sleeve, as in wiping a bloody nose. I asked her about the blood and she said she tripped and hit her nose on someone's bed. I texted jerkface after a bit and he sent text messages such as "She's still going to "f'" me even though I dumped her" ,  "She's 19, she'll do whatever the "f" she wants", and told us that her threw her car keys out on the highway (which later turned out to be a lie). It was that last text of many that made me say "Oh yeah'? I told her that if she ever got back together with him, she was to leave the house. We were not going to live like this anymore. Guess what? On February 21 she was asked to leave. I packed all of her stuff. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but I was determined to get my message across. To make this long story short, she was back a week later and nothing has changed other than her world is shrinking. We GPS'd her phone and I check her phone usage. We blocked him from her phone, my phone, my FB, and our house phone. She hasn't been texting her friends and vice-versa. No calls from them either. She is completely broke. Drained her savings the whole time she's been with him. She doen't take care of herself. I finally made her a hair appointment, dentist appointment, and eye appointment. She's been in counseling since she came back after being asked to leave and it hasn't helped. I don't know a lot about this guy. I have never met him in person, but "sociopath" comes to mind. I remember flipping out when he would leave messages on her facebook that said "IKHTFYR". I know what that meant. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. Most of his messages were sexual in nature and he knew she had family on FB who would see them. He doesn't care. He has no regard for anyone. It's slowly killing me that she stays with him and no matter what I say, it doesn't make a difference. The thought of her ever ending up with this guy scares the life out of me. I told her that if she gets pregnant by him (already found pregnancy tests in her car) I would have nothing to do with her, him, or their offspring. I despise him that much! 
corgilover corgilover
3 Responses May 4, 2012

I have to say as another guy this person she's with is worthless. Anybody who could act as boldly as he does without remorse is a sad individual. This is coming from another guy here. It makes me sick when you see this huge age gap between people in a relationship. I think the older person in the relationship searches out someone innocent and on a lower maturity level that is equal to their own. The bottom line is there are people out their ready and willing to take advantage of others. It's up to us as parents to educate our children that not everyone out there has the best intentions

Thank you so much for your input Rynoryan. It's helpful hearing from a guys perspective too. I have told her that he seeked her out because a woman his age would see right through him. Apparently, he also has a drink problem. I found out through a source close to my daughter that she's been driving him, his brother, and their drunk friends around in her car. This person also told me that my daughter let him drive her car while he was "buzzed". I'm pretty sure I can bet my life on it that she has driven home intoxicated more than once. My husband and I agreed that if she gets pulled over for DUI, we will not bail her out. We try not to think of the other scenarios. Believe me when I tell you, I have said everything that can possibly be said to my daughter. I've given up. There's no getting through to her. Something very bad is going to have to happen to her to wake her up. This guy has all of the control and he knows it. I just pray she comes home every night in one piece.

We sent our daughter for counseling and ended up cancelling her sessions because the counselor and we as her parents saw very little, if any, change. If your daughter isn't ready, willing, and able to open her eyes and see what everyone else does, then counseling is useless. She will just go throught he motions and tell the counselor what he/she wants to hear. Naturally, any professional will see right through her. I wish you the best and hope you achieve better results than we did. Unfortunately for us, we see no light at the end of our tunnel.

I'm so sorry to hear your pain. I'm afraid that my daughter is heading down a similar oath only with a boy closer to her own age. Im getting her to counseling and hope her self esteem improves so she can see what we all see. Good luck with ur situation.