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Makes Me Sick

My daughter has been dating her boyfriend for two years and I'm now to the point of every time I hear or see him it makes me sick.  I thought that she would get tired of all his crap, but she continues to put with it.  I always thought she was an intelligient girl, but lately I'm beginning to believe she is just stupid.  She does not listen to me or her father.  Her friends do not like him.  I believe he is a manipulator and tries to control every thing.  He will not talk to us except to say hi and bye.  He speaks so low that only she can hear when they are in a room with us.  He puts on this big front of what a great guy he is, but we see him for the turd that he is and I'm ready for her to dump him.  We were fighting so much over him during the summer that is was absolutely horrible.  He ended up giving her an engagement ring.  I pray constantly that she will wise up and see the light soon.  She will be miserable if she marries him.  She is never at home and yet complains that we don't love her.  I think the jerk is trying to alienate her from us.    I have cried and cried over this more times than you can imagine.  I feel like I have lost my daughter.  She is distant with us and does not seem like my daughter anymore.  At times, the weight of all of this crap is almost more than I can bear.  I try not to say anything negative about him to her anymore cause all it does is cause fights, but it sure is hard to be nice and pleasant to someone when you want to pinch their head off.

dumphisbutt dumphisbutt 41-45 97 Responses Dec 18, 2008

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My daughter is doing the same but worst, she doesn't care how I feel. I love my daughter with all my heart but the guy that she is dating turn my daughter against our family. I even got into a fight with his mother and my daughter turn her back on my. That was the worst feeling ,seen my daughter walking away not even care for own mother. And the worst part is that his family laugh about it. They completely brain wash her. I know how you feel.

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Been there, as a parent.

always begin, stop in the middle and end by emphasizing that you love her, but keep the worst on a shelf until they are split. THEN, when the dust settles, tell her the rest and why you held onto it: you didn't want to lose her any further.

Let her know she isn't to blame for anything; you've all been duped.

I'm a father. When I began to see and hear some things, and when her girlfriends began talking to ME about concerns, I found him trying to drive a wedge between her and us, her parents. THAT is a rat. After much support, time, money, welcoming this vain bum into our lives, he proved himself garbage. It's a classic story; make your version work out better.

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I feel like your writing my story. My daughter married a junkie and turned her against her whole family. I spend over 30 years loving, caring, supporting, sending her to the best college and was as close as any mother-daughter could be. He destroyed her and her family cohesiveness within 6 months. I live in a nightmare every day. My health is going downhill. We can't say anything about him. He's not only an addict, but a drug criminal as well and has never held a job. She lied to us and didn't tell us he was addicted to heroin. I don't even know her anymore. It's as though he took her soul away from her and brainwashed her. Now we are the enemy and she and him say they are the victims.

Friends of ours have a lovely daughter who married some dimwit whose ambition was to LEARN to tattoo. He had no schooling, fixed cars and was covered with ink. Her dad bought them a house; he kept his name on the place, along with his daughter's name. Smart move.

Too many young women, our daughters, find themselves being won over by low-life snakes. Better a celibate life saving her money for herself then giving it up to some junkie.

I am in the same situation but my daughter is 20 and he is 18, he is controlling her, she moved out 2 months because she cannot be without him. Gag. He said HER car was too expensive and his car dealer daddy could get her a Cheaper one, so she stopped paying on her car due to his demand. Low and behold her 2014 car was repoed and she lost her credit. Where's her new car? Still in the lot. But they never listen. She says she cries nightly and hates his dad and wants to come home but only if he can live here. HECK NO. They plan on moving to Florida and I laugh because neither one has ever paid a bill in their life. Worse part is is that I am very sick and he won't allow her here to help me. So much for raising what was a good kid

It make my stumic crawl knowing my daughter want "to make it work " with her ex coming law boyfriend. My grandson will not benefit from someone how try's to comet suiside to manipulate my daughter. It's sickning.. I don't kno how to handle it

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My daughter’s boyfriend tried to convince me that 21 goes into 17. I forbid her from seeing him again.

I have a 31 year old daughter, her boyfriend moved in under the conditions that once he found a place to stay he'd be gone, which was a year and a baby ago. He works 1-3 days a week, if at all, I want him gone...... I tell her to get em out, but he's still here, I want to call the cops to get him out, but I'm sure she'll have him back the next day. She works full time, while he sits on his *** playing video games and watching baby, smoking weed and ciggs in a small closed room, I feel so bad for baby, daughter says baby is fine??????? My rent got raised and still no money, only when he feels like giving me something, and my daughter gets mad at him leaves baby with him HERE, and shr goes for a cruse in her car. I'm in my bedroom 247..... UGHHHHH HELP I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE, I'VE EVEN THOUGHT OF SUICIDE JUST TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!

It must be real hard. I remember I made the same mistake and ended up getting married, and after 1 year got divorced. Thank God I had no children with my ex. All I can tell you is that be supportive and just give her your opinions only when she ask you for them, BUT be careful how you respond, make it sound general and give her examples and then ask her "what do you think?" This can help you by letting her use her own judgment and lets her think twice.
I wish you the very best!

Thank you I wish I can talk to her again. Like I said it feels like a lost my daughter. I'm trying to be strong because my other kids are hurt with all of this. My little girl ask me why my sister is doing all this. I think my little girl feel like her sister don't want her anymore and it really hurts. All I can do is wait to see what happens now I need to help my other kids. I have my son who have cerebral palsy and I know he is going through a hard time with what's going on with his sister. Thank you for your support.

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wow sounds like he has a twin brother, my daughters boyfriend. we need to pray and ask god 4 help to open their eyes before its too late. please we ask that all the positive prayers be sent their way to prevent them from living hell. please PRAY FOR ALL OF THESE MISGUIDED CHILDREN WHO CANNOT BELIEVE THEY CAN DO BETTER.

wow it sounds like you are mental!!
god have put love in our hearts for a reason and we should go against it because peoples like you don`t like the guy!!
This is pretty egoistical and it isn`t your life or your dreams. The daugthers have own dreams, the own taste and it`s thems heart who beat for someone and not yours!!
She have to be happy at the end not you. God make her heart beat for someone and not the parants!!

I´m so glad I have such awesome family!!
So long you knee down and pray I´ll act and use my brain to take your daugther away - lol

I got an answer why it happend. I am not from america and so I didn`t know. She said: If its one thing that America has, it's an unhealthy amount of religious fanaticism in certain places. There we have the answer!!

I've read your three posts and determined you are likely quite young, immature and fairly unintelligent due to your lack of life experience.

Really Denny? sounds like you are the daughters loser boyfriend! You obviously don't know what its like to be a mother. I too have a grown daughter that has went from one loser to another, she has self esteem problems, she is very pretty and she also lets these guys control and hit her, the last one I prayed and prayed he would just leave, and even though they were not together he would come over and eat my grandchildrens food and sleep there when he wanted, now he is finally gone, but in the most horrible way, He raped and murdered someone, this could have been my daughter or grandchildren this sickens me, and she goes to the jail to see him, I can't stand it I hope they put him to death so she can finally move on as well as that poor family of the murdered woman, so am I crazy too????? SADMOM you keep praying for all this misguided young ladies, you are not crazy If these guys walk like ducks thats what they are

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My daughter is 31 and has just married a guy who has a child he never sees. Just after they married his ex girlfriend somehow tracked me down and provided proof he had been sleeping with her from the very start of his one year relationship with my daughter, he was constantly running my daughter down and he must have spoken about me as well otherwise how would she know how to cintact me. Long story short told my daughter and provided proof (text between him and the other girlfriend) Out come is never invited to my daughter's wedding and she has cut me dead as I will not accept him now. Sad part is she is currently pregnant so I have lost my daughter and grandchild. He is very happy with the situation as he has total control over her now. Although the loss of my daughter is causing me unberable pain and I cry alot I will not accept my daughters terms which are I have to accept him. I can not do this as I know he will constantly cause trouble and I can not and will not accept. My dayghter and I had a very strong bond and spent a lot of time together, but this has not stopped this heart breaking situation. My advice to you is, you sit back and shut up or accept it, this is a battle you will not win. 💔😢 broken hearted mum 😭💔

I really feel bad for my daughter this is the first love and she is just like my sis she had only one guy in her life and she stayed wit him until she passed away I jus don't want my daughter to think that he is the only one for her he talk crazy to her because she has bipolar but his issues are worser than her a least she gets a ckeck for her disably and he just sit around and live on her and the kids income this is not a good way to show his two boys the way to be a good man

of course ur worry cus shes ur daughter but its her life if she doesnt listen to u and ends up with a bad life she'll come back crying to u ive seen it happen many times u have to let her experience it herself to know... i know a girl who keeps up with this one guy although he is a wacko head who doesnt care about her but she loves him so nothing can be done u wouldnt know unless u walk in their shoe :)

I feel your pain. I've actually become an expert at dealing with numerous losers my daughter has dated. She is 20 years old n continues to date drug addicts. Criminals. Liars. Lazy ***** that don't want to work. Etc etc etc. I've cried so ling n so hard n no. It isn't me never being satisfied. I've bent over backwards to help her in a few of her past relationships. She's still in love with her high school sweetheart n he us with her but he's always messing up n pushes her into the arms if an even bigger loser then he is. I'm drained from crying my heart out for like 5 or years. She has plenty of good guys with jobs n cars that would love to date her but somehow they "suck" just because they show compassion n love...I don't get drained. She makes me feel like I'm 85 years old

ill be honest I cannot imagine what position you are in and how you feel but maybe the guy is just shy ill be honest I'm 17 and very much the same I am very meek and don't really elevate my voice too much because I'm shy I do not exaggerate anything with me i am who I am and to be honest there's no point in causing arguments it will push her away simply avoid everything with him in the context-dont say anything about him im sure she wont either then but be there for her make sure your there with her and do some activities together to bond a little more i know you love her but she is most likely at that age that she cant see that and a little time spent together will show her that you really do even if its an afternoon out shopping or something you both love, ill be honest there's only a couple ways that his 'front' could be, it could be true or it could be a pile of garbage made up to try to impress you, more importantly of that is that he wanted to impress you so you weren't offended if anything he probably was trying to make a good impression and his confidence may boost and be less inaudible around you and trust me if he's not the one she'll know and you'll be there to kinda say i told you so but care for her and help her get over it and feel better which will again bring you both closer together.

I have a 19 yr old daughter who is my world well she just graduated this past June. She was dating a wonderful kid whom we absolutely love and have been friends with his family for years and just recently spent new years with them.
About 3 months ago my daughter ended her 3 1/2 year relationship and now she's dating this creep that she met at work. This guy is 22 has a child that he doesn't take care of nor that he can support any longer beings he got fired for money missing from the safe. No surprise I was told he can't hold a job. My daughter's ex the kid we love so much wants my daughter back and try to work on their relationship. I am at my wits end I wish she would see that this new boyfriend will get her no place. He doesn't even have his license because he failed the test like 5 times! God I just don't want my daughter pregnant with this clown

They more you fight it the more you push her away from you. I hate to say it but it sounds like her distance from you is more your doing than her boyfriend

Im not seeing a lot of suggestions for these crazy young ladies in our life....my little 24 year old butterfly is living with her bf of 4ish years (don't know how long because she didn't tell me when she met him-he was a Christmas dinner surprise)...at the time he had a scooter and a part-time job at a sandwhich shop (and a college degree). 6 months ago he was working part time as a janitor with no car...every time I would ask what their plans were - what his goals were - what is he doing her response would be "I don't know it's his life"...after huge fight (her yelling at me and running off in tears 4 months ago finally spoke to her yesterday and she was hysterical crying and yelling about how I never listen to her and I nag at her and I am mean. But suddenly bf works 35 hours week and does some other part time jobs and his car is running (thank you Lord)! At least she is telling me that he is beginning to get his act together - though he has the personality of a rat - we shall see if she shows up over the holidays and what her attitude may be. But I did tell her that if she didn't show me respect that she didn't need to bother. Question I have is how do I communicate with her? If I ask her a question about her life (what are you doing, what is bf doing.....typical conversation starters to show an interest in someone's life and get to know them - in a normal world) I am accused of nagging her and being critical of bf and her and their choices in life. Yet if I ask no questions and show no interest in their lives "that just proves you don't love me"....I feel like I am dealing with an hormonal 13 year old!!!!

I have a daughter now 23 (she goes to college full time and works full time) who started dating this guy about 3 years ago, he's now 26 never graduated from high school. She found out that he was addicted to heroin 3 months into their relationship. I told her that it is a lifelong battle and that the statistics say they will fall off the wagon again and again throughout life.

She told me "you guys always said you don't kick a dog when he's down" He's trying to get clean and I'm not going to kick him when he's down. We supported her decision to give him another chance. Not long after he fell off the wagon and began doing heroin and now xanax. He cried and begged her to forgive him in our driveway.... she did. He fell off the wagon again not long after and went to jail for a month (he got caught with enough to make him a dealer...yes he only got a month because he was accepted into a first time offender program).

Every time he fell off the wagon I saw him messed up and I would say to her "he's messed up on something" and she would say "No he's not" then the next day it would come out because he would get fired from his job... that happened more than once, one time I bought a drug test kit and she tested him, and the last time he got arrested.

I don't know if she knew and was just lying for him or if she really just didn't know, couldn't tell. I almost believe she can't tell because why would she accept the drug test kit from me and test him then have me look at the results because he was trying to manipulate her into believing that it was negative. I am so confused.

He got out of jail and manipulated her into believing that he has never felt better and he is never going to do it again because he likes feeling normal. She takes him back.

My husband kept telling me, she's an adult, there is nothing we can do. We tried to talk to her but to no avail.

About a month and a half after he got out of jail she came to me and told me she was pregnant. I try not to talk negatively about him because I didn't want to lose my daughter but this time it slipped and I said "Please tell me it's not his, Please Please"

I only thought maybe because while he was in jail during new years eve she got really depressed and hung out with her old boyfriend (they are still friends) ... about 2 weeks before he got out of jail... She and her ex got really drunk after my husband and I went to bed and she doesn't remember everything and neither did he. (I calculated it out and it appears to be the drug addict ... by the due date).

Her boyfriend fell off the wagon again when she was about 6 months pregnant and she forgave him again.... same old I'm sorry, crying, begging, I want to get clean for my child. He got kicked out of his parents house and didn't have a place to live and she begged us to let him move in so we thought okay she keeps saying we are not giving him a chance and are not being supportive. As much as we did not want to we let him move in... I know but look at it from my point, I was trying to manipulate her into getting rid of him, I knew it would be a matter of time and was hopeful that this time would be the last time.... and she wouldn't have anymore excuses and I thought once the baby is born she would put the baby first and get rid of him. Boy was I wrong.

He help set up for the baby shower then left to pick up a friend and came back to the baby shower completed messed up on heroin and xanax. Everyone at the baby shower was talking about how messed up he was.... he went into the house and I followed him in because i didn't want to confront him in front of everyone, I told him he was a drug addict and always will be and kicked him out of the house and told him to never ever come back to my house again... my daughter walked in and said what's going on.. I told her he was on drugs and she said no he's not...the next day he lost his job and she found out it was because he was trying to buy drugs from a co-worker.

She took him back AGAIN, she said that she had to try to help him because he is the father of her baby. (Keep in mind that through all of this my daughter is still in college full time and working full time during her pregnancy and worked until a week before she had her baby, never taking a quarter off of college)

We told her we would be there for her and her baby but that we can not be there for her boyfriend any longer. She understood. She had the baby in October and he fell off the wagon again in January, he got kicked out of where he was living and had no place to live, he promised her he would go to rehab but he couldn't find one... it's funny but when he really had no where left to stay except a homeless shelter he found a place that would take him. He was there and seemed to be doing well, I don't know first hand because I never saw him... i'm going off of what she told me. He left the program with only 2 weeks left until completion because from what she said his friend died and they told him he couldn't go to the funeral... I don't believe it... but I'm used to his lies and if it's not a lie .... well it's his fault I don't believe him.

I have not seen or spoken to him since the baby shower and it's been almost a year. I love my grandson with all of my heart and I feel so sorry for him. I don't believe my daughter when she says he's been clean.... there have been times where I can tell somethings wrong.... but she doesn't tell me what it is... It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out... I feel so sorry for my grandson because my daughter is not putting him first, she is still putting that drug addict before her own child.

I can't wrap my head around it. He has no car, just got fired from another job, living off of other people, crashing on other peoples couch again and has nothing to offer this child or her. I raised her to be a strong person, and she is except for with him, with him she is this undeserving of a good guy, feels guilty i think because he has been manipulating her for so long... but why in God's name is she risking her child's life and happiness by being with this guy?????? She is like an abused little girl, afraid to walk away, thinking he is this great guy with a problem, thinking she can help him, help him be the person he keeps telling her he wants to be.... my GOD when will she wake up???

I know this is long but I had to finally get this all off of my chest.

Now, I can't say if he's been clean or not because I haven't seen him in over a year. My gut tells me he's fallen off the wagon more often than I even think but she continues to lie and tell me he's doing good. She's not telling me because she thinks one day I will like him again. How do I tell her he will NEVER be anything but a drug addicted looser to me. I will NEVER forgive him or like him again... He has ruined it... it's too late!

I'm at my wits end.. I keep saying she needs to live with him to really see how he is, but I think that is about to happen here in the next month or so and I am so sad. I am worried something will happen to her or my grandson and I can't do anything about it. I think I'm falling into a depression and as long as she is with him I will never be okay again.

Please help me!

I couldn't read all the stories because I am so sad, but it is a little comforting to see that my husband and I aren't the only ones in a situation like this. I'm going to come back later in the week to read some more.

My situation is so similar, and I am so broken hearted. I feel like a failure as a mother. We have four children, and they all say that we were wonderful parents (even the daughter who just moved into her underemployed boyfriend's bedroom in his mommy and daddy's apartment). But, I just don't know what to say or what to do - nothing has prepared us for this. I'm lost in another culture - and I want to just go back in time a few decades so that she can't hurt us this way.

I don't think that she realizes that her actions are like a stone thrown in a pond, and the ripples are tearing this whole family apart.

My other daughter works with someone who told her that she can't move in with her fiance because her parents are so conservative that it would break their hearts. I am SO JEALOUS of those parents. What did they do that made their daughter love them enough to just wait until she was married.

My husband and I said that this boy could have our daughter if he got a job to earn enough almost enough money to support her in their own apartment (in case it became necessary for them to move out of his Mommy's place). We thought we were being REALLY kind when we said that he only had to have a job where he needed to earn 3/4 of the amount of money that would take. We said that he had to have his driver's license. (He doesn't have it yet because his father couldn't teach him to drive because other cars on the road make him jumpy - literally jumpy where he visibly jerks in fear.) And my husband said he had to attend RCIA (we are Catholic). He is an atheist and we said that we didn't care if he lied in the vows - just we want possible grandchildren to be raised in our faith. This is also very important to our daughter - she wants (at least she did then) to raise her children in the faith also.

So three things:
Job earning 3/4 of the amount of money needed to live.
Driver's license.
Convert (and he could just "fake" convert if he didn't feel anything).

They both agreed to this two months ago. But, she's living in his bedroom now even though none of those three things happened.

My husband calls this boy "Wormtongue" because ever since he entered our daughter's life she has been turning against us.

I thought that we were REALLY nice to figure out a way to say yes so that this loser could have our wonderful daughter. (She graduated with degrees in German and Latin with a minor in art and maintained an almost 4.0 GPA. She did this in only three years. She has a driver's license. She is amazing. And now I can't even talk to her on the phone because I can't think of things to say - just tongue tied with my own daughter.) :-( I am so sad. I don't know if I've ever been this sad in my life before.

My husband is frustrated because I cry all the time, and my other children are saying things like stop calling yourself a failure as a mother - look at us - you must have done something right. They are joking, but they are getting a little sick of my inability to look away from her and focus on them.

I've talked to my mother-in-law, my sisters, our priest, our parish counselor, and my godmother. (My own mother has Alzheimer's) Nobody can give me any good advice about what to do so that we can make a relationship with our daughter actually work somehow. Everybody tells me that she is doing something crazy stupid and/or sinful and wrong, but what am I supposed to do. I can't talk to her anymore.

My husband says he understands parents saying "she is dead to us" - he doesn't want to say that and he still has the ability to talk to her, but he understands.

This is killing us.

First of all, you cannot force someone to convert to a religion they don't want to be a part of, even if it is fake. That's against his civil rights as a U.S. citizen. Second of all, you guys are not his parents, therefore you DO NOT need to be telling him what to get and what not to get. They are both adults from what I am reading, therefore you cannot pick and choose who your daughter dates. Let them be

Obviously you are not a parent. A parent that has invested everything they have into the life of this child from the moment of conception. A parent knows what is best for their child.

Hi just read this and believe me I can understand your pain. It is an awful situation and I have first hand experience. I don't have any great answers but I do know this- the best thing you can do is search your own heart and pray. You need to give your daughter to the Lord- I say this because you say you have faith. You also need to calm down and stop torturing yourself. Examine your motives and forgive your daughter. Keep in touch with her, ask her how she is often and try to keep things light. You have told her how you feel, now don't hassle her about it- just pray hard. I personally think it was a big mistake to ask him to convert, you'd be better to show him through your lives your faith means something real to you and is worthwhile than asking him to be a hypocrite. Hope things are much better for you since you wrote this post. God bless

What did they do that made their daughter love them enough to just wait until she was married. That's you're disconnect right there. Understanding that it's not about you. She isn't doing any of this cause she doesn't love you she's doing this cause she thinks she loves him. You need to step back out of the situation for a minute if you can and retread this whole post that you posted. Maybe it will give you a better understanding of what's happening and how best to deal with it.

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The issues I am having with my daughter, She is 17 and her new bf is 21. They have only been seeing each other for 2 months. I have noticed he is very jealous of her. Constantly accusing her of wanting to cheat on him. She acts like she totally hates me, speaks very smart to me. Every time I say anything about the bf, she gets mad and threatens to go live with her dad's parents (they let the bf spend the night). I have rules in my home. If he comes over on a school night, he has to leave no later than 9:00 pm and on weekends he needs to leave around 11:30 pm. She doesn't want to stay with me on weekends because I wont let her bf stay the night. I'm irritated, scared, and just generally worried.

You all seems to be great parents and want the best for your kids. What you all have to understand this is a new generation, freedom of choice and association is always preached to them since their were children. Most of them will make these mistakes then found it later when I was almost too late. You'll have to keep praying and approach the matter sensibly, never use force because it won't work.
I wish they will all listen before 2 late.

i have a simular problem with my daughter,the more we push them away from each other the more they wanna be together .

Here's my opinion.
Is it really him. Is he really that bad? Have you seen him do anything wrong to her? Has he hurt her? Is he controlling? Is it just you being over thinking parent who can't get to grips that their daughter is dating someone.. Maybe he isn't your mister right but he's probably hers.

Do you dislike the person your child is dating? Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best? VPEtalent is seeking concerned and dynamic parents who think their teen or 20something is dating the wrong person for a new docu-reality show for MTV's international channels. Contact amy [dot] frank [at] vpetalent [dot] com with your story to apply.

Hello.
I am in exactly the same boat you are in except my daughter now has babies by her boyfriend. He has turned her against us. We paid for the the prenatal care, and birth of both babies because he got fired and she did not have insurance. We've seen the babies maybe 2 times. My daughter does not speak to us. I found out he has been cheating on her but she prefers to drink the koolaide and put up a front for everyone. He broadcast the other girl on his Facebook account.. I have no idea what to tell you except pray and pray very hard. he did a few dirty things to me directly and when I called him out on it, my daughter jumped down my throat. Pray that she will use birth control and if they mention marriage, be polite and say "You do not have my blessings" - and leave it at that. My daughter was going to marry this creep after she had the babies. When they told me ( During an argument) I said those words exactly: 'You do not have my blessings'. He is afraid of a confrontation( Due to the cheating) and now my daughter says she will call the police if I contact her. I've never been to her home, and I rarely call her. I suggested family counseling, but she never came and he thwarted every attempt. I pray your "Problem" is not as bad as ours, but if so,,my heart goes out to you. This boy has manipulated my daughter in such a way, she is paranoid of us. Now she lies and does everything he asks.It's sickening. Stay calm, and just act like he is anyone else. People like him enjoy knowing they have the power to hurt others. It makes them feel like 'Big People'. One of the first signs of an abusive relationship is when a guy estranges a girl from her family. Once he as accomplished this, she is putty in his hands. I finally told my daughter to kiss off and that I refused to be an opponent in a game of emotional chess. People think I was bad for saying it, but enough was enough. Yes, I am sad and miss her everyday, but doing what she wanted was humiliating. Best wishes!

When I read this I thought it was one of my posts, LOL!
I know exactly what you're going through!
My daughter has been dating her boyfriend/fiancée for about 4 years now and he's a real turd as well. He came over one night, drunk, and asked for my daughters hand. After they had gotten engaged behind my back 2 weeks earlier.
During the 2 weeks I went through back surgery and noticing she was hiding her ring.
I wanted to break his neck but I knew if I ran him off and he got into an accident I'd get the blame. Besides, I'm an adult and had to bite my tongue and make him stay the night till he sobered up. What I should have done was call his parents and make them come get him and his car, hindsight...
Anyway, they do the same things. Lying, whispering in front of my wife and I, all the crap kids at that age do, they're both 19...
Don't feel alone. All kids at this age act like this. It's our job to live through it, pray 24/7 and hope we as well as our kids come out of it alive with nothing but wrecked nerves and gray hairs.
My wife and I have also spent the last 2 years getting into arguments and being depressed about what's going on. Now that she's spending most of her time shacking up with him at his apartment "the size of a bedroom". We hope he starts showing her what a dink he is and that she'll realize and start seeing what we, as well as her friends, see in him and dumps him like a bad load of Chinese food...
Please tell your husband that you guys aren't alone. Y'all will be in my prayers!

Thank you so much for this. It's almost as if you wrote this for me. I am experiencing the very same thing. The difference is that my daughter is going to marry the turd in a couple of months. My husband and I have tried to reach her but she won't listen. The little witch that introduced them continues to fuel the fire and turn our daughter against us. My daughter is desperate to get married and this is the slime she is settling for. She doesn't need to be desperate. She's 32, a doctor, always was very sweet and beautiful. He has his hooks into her and won't let go. He's 11 years older than she is and has 2 brats. I could go on and on, but you already know my story. Thank you, now I know I'm not crazy or imagining things.

You're imagining things like the rest of us. I guess that makes us all crazy, LOL! Why our daughters make such stupid decisions is beyond me. It sounds like she's really got her life off to an awesome start and now she's going to let some creep ruin it all. This happened to me and my first wife. She had 3 kids and thank God we didn't have any together because by the time she was done with me I had a foreclosed house, bankruptcy, and 15,000.00 in bills she hadn't paid before leaving me for some guy she met on the Internet. Now my daughter with my second wife is dating a guy with creep tattooed all over him and they're engaged. Thank God for now we've got her to promise us she won't marry him until she's done with collage, that 3 years, whew! Now my wife and I hope she'll see what a creep he is before the wedding, or she gets pregnant... I'll be praying that your daughter sees the light before she ruins her life with this jerk.

I thought I was the only crazy one going through this. It is madness. I was a sucker for so long with my daughter's boyfriend. He tells to many unbelievable stories about whre he's been etc. It has gotten to where I literally skate when I see him or hear his name. Now they have a baby. He does love his son, but he doesn't financially support him because he quit his job. He's 21, has no job, no car, no valid driver's license. He says he's not coming back to our house because I make him Uncomfortable; I have yelled and screamed at him several times.

Wow I know this all to well. I hope your daughter is not like mine. He has my daughter speak on his behalf...

Is she still with him?? I so feel your pain and everything you just described I feel every day!! She is 22 and he is 20. She has been dating him for a while and now he is in jail. She seems to be closer to his family now, exp. his mother, that he's there and I can't deal with it any more. They really love her and i no why! i thought she was a smart girl! It truly is killing me! She lives with us still and is going to graduate from college soon to be a teacher and he is a high school dropout! She doesn't understand how she is hurting our whole family watching her be with him. I cry almost everyday!

I know how you feel. My nerves are just about gone. This past week my daughter came to town with her fiancée. She's been dating him for about 4 years and he's a real dipshit. Anyway, we haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks because she's been shacking up with him in another town. his parents live about 5 miles from us and they stayed with them for almost 4 days and she never even came to visit. My wife and I are beside ourselves with hurt. Not only is he manipulative, his mother is too. She took my daughter to look for a prom dress last year and even though she took my wife along, they alienated her all day. When she got home she cried for 2 days after. Now my daughter's hinting that she wants to go with his mother to look at wedding dresses. This is our only daughter, as well as child. and this ***** is taking away every special moment that should be shared between a mother and daughter. I didn't mean to on so long but I just wanted to let you know that there are parents out here who are hurting with you. You'll be in my prayers!

It is exactly our situation. We only saw our daughter long enough on Christmas Day to open the presents we got her. He took her, crying to his family, and also took my husbands car keys. He has one set of keys, and my car was in front, in the garage, so we were stuck. Neither of us could return to work on Boxing Day. We finally got the keys back, which obviously belong to my husband, there are truck keys on there too, they said my husband had planted them in my daughters handbag.. That didn't happen. She had been brainwashed in 30 hours. He text me and said she needed to be with family on Christmas, that's why he took her. I got angry, and told my daughter not to come back with him again, he text and said thanks for making it so easy for me. He told us to stay out of her life. Six months they have known each other, they were engaged after 2 weeks and living together after 3 weeks. I don't want to lose my daughter I love her. This guy is a nut. She has lost all her friends, and her family are alienated. Dyes her pretty blonde hair dark, calls her fat, won't let her eat till late, and decides what she has. Also put her 12000 in credit card debt. My daughter is only 19, we love her what can we do?

Sounds like my daughter also. I am sorry this happening to you.

I know what you guys are going through. If I where you I'd be worried that the turd took them and made copies of all the keys on your key ring...

WOW sounds like I'm heading in the same direction as you already have been for too long. My daughter is 21 and her boyfriend is 24, you would think he was raised by a "pack of wolves", he seems to have no "social" graces. He was over in Iraq at the age of 18, his dad was killed in an accident at 14 years old and his mom never did a good job with her son and younger daughter after that, moved them to CA to be with her boyfriend so there are things that i understand, he is an "Economics Major" so no dummy - but he does things that I can't relate too, he own guns (which scares me), owns motor cycles, seems very reckless to me (once again that scares me). They seem to curse at each other alot, my daughter has a fowl mouth herself, which everyone these days seems to use the "f" word alot, but the other day they were going back and forth and he said to her "stop being a "f"n **** - well I spun around and told them both that if you act like "trash" then people will treat you like "trash" I was so mad, I've been crying myself to sleep - my husband, older daughter and I just don't know what to do - we don't get what she sees in him. My daughter was brought up in a solid loving, great home, lots of friends - we've lived in the same town for 27 years, and I don't understand what she sees in him. He wears the same "red" flannel shirt every day - my daughter is a clothes horse - just doesn't seem to have anything in common, except they are both in college, and he is going onto grad school - I'm just so confused by him, he's smart and yet acts like "trash". Please I need some advice here.

I feel for all of you. my now 20 year old is determined to marry a 26 year old who still lives with his mother, smokes mj, and takes every dime she earns and blows it, or smokes it. She was raised in a home where no one drinks, no one smokes, and everyone works for what they get. Needless to say, we are so upset. She knows that we do not nor will we ever accept a doper, let alone one that is willing to mooch off of others. He is not allowed in my home because I also have a son and no way in hell is he bring his lazy dope smoking butt into my home to live off of me and my husband when we are up at 5 am every day going to work. No way is he going to be allowed near my son! My daughter and my husband are now at each others throats, all of the time. I am in the middle being verbally punched by both of them. She tries to force this a hole on us, and my husband says if I accept any part of the boyfriend, he will leave. So I give up my daughter, or my husband. I am so depressed that I find no joy in anything anymore. Our family was once a very happy family. Now, it is being utterly destroyed.

I know exactly what you are going through. I am in the same sad place and there is nothing I can do about it. My daughter has chosen someone who is morally bankrupt, mooches off everyone, and somehow got his hooks in her. She is an over achiever and he is a total under achiever. He has succeeded in making her lose all her friends and now is working on destroying her family ties. He comes and stays (lives) at my house even when I make it known he is not welcome here. He mooches and acts like we owe him something. My daughter graduated from a top university and landed a high paying job for which she will now be supporting him. He is a clerk, making minimum wage who never fully graduated from college. Nothing we say or do gets through to her. She has made up her mind she wants to marry this guy. All I can do is forbid him from staying here once again and I'm pretty sure they will both leave at that point and I will lose my daughter for good. I'm sad...very sad, as she is my only daughter. We were so close for so long and now I've lost her.

i am in exactly the same position my 16yr old daughter met her 20 yr old boyfriend he is rude disrespectful puts me down and very possive if my girl follows her the toilet everywhere hhardly answers when i speak to him and now she stops at his flat alot if i say anything its me in the wrong so im powerless to do anything it eventually led me to have a breakdowm im now on anti deepressants and havin counciling but she cant understand why she my baby i want to protect her and feel as im losing her i cry all the time .

my question is I have a son in law that has deceived my daughter for the entire length
of their relationship- she is in the midst of divorce proceedings, he refuses to leave
the home, but the home they live in is owned by me (I reside elsewhere) do I have the
right to ask him to leave my property - there is no written agreement for them to
reside in my property it was an offer I made when they were unable to find proper
housing- can I tell him to leave?

Depending on your town, I suspect the best thing to do is have a formal eviction notice given to him. Many towns have " Squatter's Laws" . Call the local police, tell them you situation. Make sure and mail the eviction notice certified with a return receipt. If he does not move according to the eviction notice that's on him and the police will remove him. But check with them first. Good luck.

Sorry folks, all I hear is give in for the love of your daughter! So when is it okay for our children ( just because they are adult now) to bring someone into our life ( parents ) and disrespecting us and we should just have to accept it?! Especially when we were the one who taught our children about LOVE & RESPECT at the first place! I found it rather hypocritical!

I agree with you, I am not going to sit here and just let my 21 years old daughters boyfriend disrespect my daughter and us, everytime I hear something out of his mouth I do not like I let him know it, I told him the other day that we do not speak like that in this house and if he wants to stay here he will stop. We don't have to put up with everything that is dealt us, that is what's wrong with the kids today - they are the ones in control - not the parents anymore. My parents were in control not me.

I'm feeling for you as your situations sounded pretty close to mine. My daughter who's 28, her boy friend is 30 yr old and they have lived together for 5 years. I really can't stand my daughter's boy friend to the point when hearing his name it upsets me a great deal ! He's not only manipulative and controlling, but he is also a big baby! He's over 6 feet tall , healthy,and buffed! Can't do things without my daughter's assistance. Ever since he moved in with my daughter, she only visits a family once in a great while or when he's out of town. And when they came over, a majority of time they only stayed for a short time, it was either he has stomach problem or he has some kind of appointment. When ever they came over to my house he only sits at the couch and played with his iphone and ignored my family! It breaks my heart when i see my 6 year old son tried to conversation with him, he shows no interest in my son and carried on with his iphone! The only person he talks to was my daughter. It seemed to me that when I talked to him, he would not look at me even I was sitting across in front of him. There has been a time where we were having dinner together and he got done before me and he just set there and kept yawning while I was still eating. It would've been decent of him to either say, " excuse me" or leave the table. When ever he doesn't like my food, he would simply pushed his dish a side for my daughter to finish it for him and he does not put his own dirty plates in the sink or gets his own drinks either. He treated my daughter like she is a maid than a girl friend who also made way more money than he is and paid for most of their expenses including dinning out and vacation trips! Sometimes he would pry into my daughter's phone conversation with me. During one of the conversations, I told my daughter that I was very impressed with her younger brother who's only 14 yr old and has been fixing airsoft guns ( fake gun) in exchange for admission to get in and play soft gun. At the other end, her boy friend was saying to my daughter, " why is your mom letting your brother touch the guns? " He went on and said that even he is an adult he wouldn't be comfortable with guns, fake or not. I think to myself ( what gives him the right?) to criticizes my parenting skill, for a mother who has been raising 5 kids and two had already graduated from college. Not to mention my daughter ( his girl friend ) also graduated from LUC and making over $120,000. 00 per year! Then I must be knowing/doing my job well, right?He has been telling my daughter that he is so afraid of me! For a man of his physic to be afraid of a woman of my height 4' 10'' and in a wheel chair....is beyond me!

When I read this it breaks my heart because it is like a chapter from my own life. I have exactly the same problem and I know how you feel. I don't know where this will all end up. My daughter is only 16 and her 18 yr old bf constantly disrespects me. Then I get made out to be the bad guy all the time. The worst is his interfering mother sympathises with her and wants to take her shopping etc. it's like I am in a nightmare.

I think you as a mom do not sound like a mature adult at all.. you maybe the cause of him acting like he does!!! If she is 41 & he is 45, you need to stay the hell out of it, it's none of your business anyway!!!! And if that isn't there ages and they are of age.. you still need to stay out of it, unless she asks for your opinion!!!! Or they will end up moving away or something. I'd let her live her own journey unless she was being abused!!!!!

You know that is easy to say but hard to do when you love your child and you can see very clearly the mistakes they are making. Some mistakes end up being devastating and really are foreseeable and obvious. When you put so much love and money into your child and watch someone undeserving come along who deliberately uses his influence to alienate your daughter --this is totally unacceptable! When the person has a track record for hurting and mooching off his friends (stealing his best friend's girlfriend and brain washing her to hate her family and friends) this person is morally corrupt in every way and has his grips on your child...when that happens to you, I doubt you would be calling parents here selfish! It is painful to watch this go down as a parent, when there is nothing you can do but watch from the sidelines.

well, honey, we know you haven't had a teenage daughter. Check back in a few years

You do not mention one reason why he is so horrible. Does he work, does he share with your daughter? This from a daughter who is giving up on her da, and I am 55 years old going through this. Be happy that she is happy, no matter what. Love her, no matter what. Include him more (maybe he'll start talking more) because like it or not, he is part of her life and she should not have to choose between you or him!

I am in a situation similiar to your daughter, but my boyfriend and I have only been dating for a little more than a year. We are long distance (about 20 hours if you drive) and are both 20. My parent's are divorced. My dad's side is fine with him, but my mom's side can't stand him. I grew up with my mom, and we are so close. None of my friends have a relationship with their mom like I do with mine. Maybe you could give me some advice? My mom has, what I think, irrational expectations of him. When he would stay at our house when he came and visit me (I lived at home at the time), she expected him to wake up and ask what he could do for her today, if anything. She EXPECTED him to. He even told me, which I have no doubt, if she would ask him to do something, he would of course do it. But he wasn't going to go personally ask for a list of chores to do everyday. Which, I don't really blame him. I can see both sides, but...knowing that they would do something, I don't think it's a reason not to like someone. He always said thank you for things, but she swears she never heard it. <br />
Him and I have never gotten into a fight ourselves, so it's not like I ever, ever complained to her that I didn't like him. I've never spoken one negative word about him. I understand that she is scared of losing her "baby girl" to someone who lives far away. But....our fights are horrible. She tells me that if I don't break up with him very, very soon, she will never talk to me again. I always ask if there is ANYTHING I can do to have both her and him in my life, but she tells me no. I know I am saying my side of things, and I'm sure there's more that could be added to her side but....since she is refusing to let me have both people in my life, or she will just cut herself off, am I still in the wrong? She started not liking him after about 11ish months of dating, so we were already so close.

hi,hope my humble opinion helps a little?I think that if your boyfriend stays over(for how long does he stay?)then he should help a little maybe in the house but really he is a guest,unless of course he stays long term,which is why I asked how long he stays for.Reading between the lines it seems as if your mom feels afraid of sharing you with somebody else,maybe I'm wrong here as I don't know the character of your boyfriend as your mom and yourself do.I think your mom would have to have a pretty good reason before she insisted that you break up with your boyfriend and that bit"if I don't break up with him soon she will never talk to me again"shold set alarm bells ringing for you-that is very unfair,it's like blackmail-it's me or him,and that's so wrong.I would say that unless your mom has adamn good reason to demand such a thing(such as him hitting you,mental abuse,etc and only you and family know that)then she sounds scared of losing you to this man and it wouldn't make any difference which man it was,the reaction would be the same from her.Give her time,be patient,but you must be allowed to grow up and with that sometimes comes making mistakes but you must be allowed to fly the nest and your mom must also accept this.Just my opinion and hope this helps?

He has never, ever done anything to make me upset. I think our biggest fight is deciding what to put on our pizza.
He has stayed at my mom's house twice - both times for about 2 weeks. The first time, my mom mentioned that she needed yard work done, so I asked my boyfriend if he could help while I was at work and he did without arguing. The second time, there was nothing specifically that needed to be done, so he didn't do anything since my mom didn't ask.
Yes, the whole "I won't talk to you again" does make me think that it's not me. I'm moving out to my first apartment next month (not because of fights, but because of school), and she tells me this is when she will stop talking to me.
Thank you, it does help. :) I'm hoping once I move out, yet continue to at attempt to call or text once a day, she will become more accepting and know that I still care about her, but I can't let her make this decision for me.

You've got it! You sound a sensible girl and please be assured I wasn't suggesting that your boyfriend had done anything to you and your mom sounds asif she is the one that is putting the obstacles in the way because she doesn't want to lose you but you cannot stay that little girl forever,although you will always be that little girl to your mom,if you understand.you will still love your mom the same,you'll still be there for her but you are entitled to a life of your own and a love life of your own ! Be patient with her and try and understand her insecurity and reassure her how much you love her but at the same time don't be emotionally blackmailed-that's way out of order.Like the old saying goes,if you love something let it go,and if it comes back to you it was always yours.God bless and you carry on being that sensible girl-you'll be ok,just trust it will.

Well, I just thought I would update my story from March. I ignored everything that went on for months, but it made no difference. Once work was over for the year she flew off to be with Navy guy for the summer. He happened to buy her a one way ticket, but I thought she would come back at least for another year and to find work. Her prospects at home for a job are a lot better since she's a teacher and grew up in the area. <br />
Anyway, she took off in June and we talked, and texted then in July we were talking and I asked when she planned to return home and I got, "I'm not". She might as well have stabbed me in the heart. I calmly said that I had to go and that I would talk to her later. The next day I sent a text to her asking when she planned to come get her things, she only went up there with summer/casual clothes, and I reminded her that he's not welcome in my house so don't bring him with her. Her only response was, "I know". Nothing else no call, no let's discuss this nothing. So, I lost it and texted never mind I'll ship your things to you. I then let it go again. <br />
The following Monday I get on Facebook and I read a rant from my son saying that his sister has decided to leave the only family she knows to go live some stupid inbred a**hole. I find out that the a**hole has written on his post that my family and I are a bunch of f***ed up people and no wonder she doesn't want to go home. OK, now I have vented on here anonymously, but the people on FB know me and I don't put my personal life out there. It's no ones business, so I call her and ask her why she let him post that about her family? Her reply was I can't control what he puts on his FB. REALLY? you love him that much that you didn't even call him on it? So, now I'm really ticked and I tell her to tell him to take it off or I'll call the ba<x>se and file a formal complaint against him for harassment. He took it off, but I don't know what else he's saying because he defriended my son so we have no idea what kind of b.s. he's spouting about us. I haven't talked to my daughter since.<br />
Then this week I see all these people telling my daughter congratulations on FB and I figure it out, they got engaged. I send her a text saying, Congratulations and she returns with, on?, so I say don't play stupid and she admits that they got engaged in front of all their friends at the Sports Bar. ( All his friends, she left all hers here at home.) <br />
I'm still paying her phone and on the last day when we had it out I asked her if she thinks he really changed and she said, "I do". I said well let me know about that in a year or so. No one can actually change, but as my friends keep telling me let her go, he'll go back to being the controlling jerk he is eventually. A leopard never changes his spots. <br />
Now of course my sister says I drove her away, but that's ok, until they are together daily and not just texting and skyping she won't realize that he didn't change and that she doesn't actually love him. She loves the traveling and the partying with HIS FRIENDS. She hates his Mother, sister, sister-in-law and brother and brother-in-law. She will miss home too, she's all about her home state and our heritage. My Mom wants me to call her and apologize, but at this time I can't. I refuse to discuss this with my sister because she makes me out as the bad guy, and I can see on the phone bill that she talks to my daughter at least twice a week. No clue of course as to what's being said, but I wouldn't put it past my sister and her husband to help pay for the wedding or travel to where ever the wedding will be. She has also started talking to another aunt that she rarely talked to before, this aunt works for a lawyer and I think she's trying to get legal advice. I don't know why, she can come get her things, but without him. <br />
I think I deserve and apology for the way she handled the situation. She really hurt me and I cringe when I think of her married to him. Here's a visual think Barney Rubble with very little hair. <br />
I've been so depressed I've gained 10lbs in 3 weeks. I cry at everything, I'm going through menopause and that doesn't help. I can't talk to her right now, I'll just lose it again and I have to stop. I figure when she goes through the holidays with his mother she'll realize what she's left behind. The sad thing is my daughter and I have always been very close, she just has horrible taste in boys/men. I also think she's settling, we live in a small suburban area and there aren't many people her age that aren't already hooked up or married so she thinks she'll never meet anyone closer to home. <br />
Just wanted to update and vent.

I really feel for you but your daughter doesn't need rescuing,she needs to wake up.I am going through asimilar situation myself,but it is my daughter in law and she is due to marry her low life this weekend and he is so controlling and has a foul temper.One consolation is that one day your daughter will wake up and wonder what she saw in that loser and tht's all you can hope for really as your daughter is the only one who can change this and until she wakes up there ain't a lot you can do,the more you push it,the more she is convinced he's the bee's knees.Be kind to yourself,give yourself some me time and be assured you are not in the wrong,despite what your sister says.Keep the faith and trust that everything will turn out ok in the end.My thoughts are with you.

Thank you so much for the words of wisdom. I actually talked to my daughter for a few minutes today. I noticed no activity on her phone so I texted her and asked her about it. She thought I was going to cancel her phone so she went ahead and got her own service. I didn't cancel it and didn't plan on it, I wanted her to be able to call me if she needed me. Anyway I'm going to work on my relationship with her. I still won't have anything to do with him, but I won't say anything negative about him. I figure he prefers that she doesn't talk to me or any of her family, because he wants to get us entirely out of her life. If she and I are on good terms it might have a negative affect on him. I know she will eventually see him for the controlling jerk he is.

Hi.I'm so glad you are trying to keep the communication open between you and your daughter.Unfortunately for me,my daughter in law doesn't speak at all because her low life threatened both myself and her Father and I won't tolerate such behaviour from anybody-what happened to talking?She shows no respect to her Father or myself and do you know the saddest part?At one time I'd have given my life for that girl and now since she met that a--e I'm the worst thing walking the earth and the biggest liar walking.But of course,I know it's his opinion really,but nevertheless,he has totally ruined our relationship.So sad.Hope you can find some peace and remain true to yourself and truth will always find a way.God bless.

I'll pray that your daughter in law comes to her senses. I've decided to only focus on my relationship with my child. He's not important and I would hope that my daughter is smart enough to realize it when he goes back to being his controlling self. He isn't allowed in my home because he threatened me when he thought I was the one who broke them up. I'm kind of heartened by the fact that she hasn't announced that she is engaged, not to her family and friends here at home. Now that it isn't a long distance relationship the bs is likely to start again. Once again you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm praying for enlightenment for both of our daughters.

I think it's too late for my daughter in law-she gets married to her Barney Rubble this weekend!Maybe she will come to her senses when he steps up the contolling,because once they're married the in his sad sick eyes she will be his property completely and if challenged by anybody he will come back with "back off,she's MY wife now",I can just see it.Once the wedding is over she will completely ignore her Father(at the moment she's barely speaking to him)but htey need him to walk her down the aisle you see,and after that it's back to no contact or communication.I have tried to talk to her,but low life has her so paranoid that she doesn't trust her own Father let alone me,she can only talk to people he says she can talk to,he has got rid of all her friends(they tell her he is acontrol freak,she tells him,he tells her to cut all contact,blah blah blah,I'm sure you know the score)he tells her what to wear,and I've even had"he doesn't work because every time he gets a job I'm always picking on her"How come low life,being the fine upstanding man that he is didn't pull me for it?What would my husband say if that were thr truth?It is all lies to turn her against me,because one thing smelly boy doesn't like(apart from soap that is)is strong women,he likes pushovers,weak women and that I ain't!Neither am I a liar,and it relly gets me that I am being accused of being a liar by the king of liars-that's going some.however both your daughter and my daughter in law are both grown women and as such must learn from their mistakes and one day the scales will fall from their eyes and they will both realise how right we were.I too have prayed over this situation and firmly believe it is happening for a reason and we must be strong and we must remain true to the truth and ourselves-right and justice will prevail,I know it. God bless and try to be kind to yourself and keep the faith-all will be well.

omg...I am going through this same thing. My very smart, recently graduated daughter has given up her family to be with a total disrespectful loser. She had a wonderful boyfriend for years who was responsible, living on his own, paying his own way and loved our family. She went away to college and become upset because he didn't visit her every week. He was busy working and going to school. So to make a long story short, her boyfriend's best friend started visiting her on campus and before long won her over. The loser guy is depressed all the time and mooches off everyone. He was mooching off his best friend, living in his apartement for free when he moved in on his girl. We tried to accept him because she insisted she loved him...we tried but very soon we could see the defects in his personality (and appearance). She left a tall, handsome, hard working guy to be with a short, fat, file clerk that didn't finish college. He goes around acting like we owe him something, won't look at us in the eye, and at dinners sits off to himself texting on his phone. He has caused my daughter to lose all her friends. He has no friends himself (wonder why??). He moved into my daughter's bedroom at my home and now plans to live off her since she just landed a high paying job. When we asked if he was going to pay half the rent when she moves out, he could not look at us in the eyes. I am so upset that she is making the biggest mistake of her life. She has told us she wants to marry him and have his children!!!

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I so feel for all of you,and am experiencing this situation myself.It seems I am the only one to see this low life for what he is that my husband's daughter is dating.Only a few months ago he physically threatened my husband and myself because I stood up to him,he is cruel to their animals,they live in their own dirt(the animals,not the people,but you never know do you)He hasn't worked for years,says where they go and when,have no friends and no prospects.He is sooooooooooooo lazy and can't even wash himself,he stinks........yet,my husbands daughter thinks the sun shines out of his backside.They have a daughter and he says where she goes and when but she is not allowed friends.Total a--e!GRRRRRH if I was adog I'd bite his *** off

Hopefully both of our daughters will in the words of my Mom, get a belly full.

Well, you frustrated moms are certainly entitled to your opinions, but some meds or yoga or something might do you more good... I posted on this thread 2 years ago. I'm 22 now, been with the hated boyfriend over 4 years. I'm a summa graduate from a good university, looking at good job prospects and law school in the near future. My parents apologized for the crap they put me through the first couple of years that we were dating, and now we come to my family events as well as his. Trust your girl's instincts a little more and be supportive.

well your story isn't over yet. To imply that your parent's are hysterical fools, makes me wonder really whether they are just going along because they have come to realize that you are bound to make a mistake no matter how they try to shield you from it. The fact you are still hanging around this site also tells me you may be questioning yourself. Healthy parents don't make stuff up to hurt their children. Give them some credit that possibly, just possibly, they know something you may not...at least consciously.

Wow, alot of these stories sound like I wrote them myself. My just turned 20 year old daughter started dating her boyfriend when she was 15 and he was 16. He has been her one and only boyfriend. At the time that she met him, she was actually talking with another boy that she really liked, but who was not really being very nice to her so when this one came along and they started talking on myspace, he started telling her all negative things about the boy she liked and won her offer with all the nice things you could think of to say to her girl. At first, he made a great impression on us and we accepted him as her boyfriend and made him feel welcome to come over to our home for dinner, or invited him to go to family get togethers, outing, etc. Since my daughter was happy, I was happy. She got to see him in school, and they really didn't go out much on their own because he didn't have a car. Alot of times, his mom would drop him off and sometimes pick him up or I would drop him off at his house. I also did alot of picking up and dropping off which I totally regret now because I feel I am an idiot to have let this relationship grow into what it has become. I did it because it made my daughter happy. Whose the unhappy one now, guess. At first he was very polite and wanted to be a part of our family. Eventually though, when he would come over, he started just wanting to stay in her bedroom away from us and not very socialble. This started happening about a couple a years after they were dating. (Honestly, I really don't know why she hadn't dumped it yet by this time. At times it seemed so close, but he was like that piece of gum that gets stuck to the bottom of shoe and you just can't seem to get it off). <br />
Well, anyhow, early on I started seeing the some of the controlling aspects of his personality that I saw as a warning sign like him commenting that her friends were annoying, texting her all the time and getting mad if she didn't text back right away or not answer the phone right away if he called. At his family get together in a restuarant, he actually made a scene in front of his family and us and yelled at her because she didn't answer her phone. He's also made comments on what she has worn. All the bad signs. He has also taken her phone away from her to look through it. WARNING SIGNS. When he actually did get his licence at 19, his attitutude to me especially changed. Even though I had done a lot of favors of driving them around - (STUPID, STUPID - if you just could go back in time and do things over). When I'd try to make conversation, he would whisper in my daughter's here and say, "Is she talking to me" and laugh and not really answer. After a awhile of this, I started not to like him. I felt he was a loser and hoped that she would dump him. She continued on the college and had such high goals for herself. She wanted to have a career that would involve at least 6 years of college and provide a good paying job. I was really glad that she wasn't going to do what I did. I had the same goals when I was younger and changed things because I met my first real boyfriend who became my husband, and decided I didn't want to be in school for all those years. She still has good goals, but things have changed. Since her boyfriend wasn't going anywhere, she told him he needed to do something with himself or she couldn't be with him. Well, he ended up joining the military and after boot camp, he asked my husband for his permission to marry our daughter. Didn't include me and I was the last one to know. We recently brought our daughter up to see him and we were he is stationed and basically we felt like we were just the chauffer service for him to see her. We rented a place for a couple of days and saw during that short amount of time, that he really hadn't changed. They got into an argument over something really dumb and guess what, he got a hold of her phone and was looking through it and also made some comments about how she needed to grow up because she asked me a question on how to make something that she was preparing. I feel that he had isolated her at one time from being around any friends, and guess what, he has now succeeded in the process of isolating her against her family because they are getting married in 6 months and she will be living with him on ba<x>se. Mind you, we have a really good relationship with our daughter, we love her dearly and have tried to provide words of wisdom that the scenerio she is expecting probably is not what she is going to get, but she just gets really defensive with us now. She's been away from him for almost a year now since he enlisted so hasn't really had a lot of time to spend with him, and the couple of days she did spend with him recently, they got into an argument. She also wanted to finish up her Bachelors degree online for the next 2 to 2 and half years after she is married. When he joined, we saw it as a good thing because then she could have concentrated on finishing up school and they both could have time to mature. That totally back fired. Well, I am venting into cyberspace. I can relate to so many of you, and if you'd like to comment please feel free.

Yep, this all too familiar. Same basic story here. Can't really stand my daughter's boyfriend at all. My husband is OK with him to a degree, but that's because he isn't so hot himself in the cheating/honesty department. I am sick of the pot, the disrespect and being used. <br />
He cheats on her, doesn't have a real job--works part time for a friend, refuses to pay traffic tickets and ends up in jail. Who in their right mind would willingly go to jail instead of paying a stupid traffic ticket? Any money he does come by he spends on toys: 500.00 roller blades, expensive rock climbing gear, expensive crap. He's dirty, doesn't wear deodorant, and meh, blah-blah, gag...vomit.<br />
Yesterday she calls because the car broke down. Again. She doesn't check the oil or coolant. She's far away taking this user to visit his friend. He has no transportation of his own. We have an old clunker or piece of sh*t as she calls it, for her to use, but we will not buy a new car and have it driven (and abused) all over Houston carting this loser around.<br />
*This is the main issue* He's a user, (and so is she, more than ever before!) and the using takes up my time, my money and my good will, and I'm not willing to walk down that road any longer. I am too tired and way too stressed with too many chronic health issues. I'm also sick of her sense of entitlement and lack of reciprocity. She is very narcissistic, has been from day one. She is very me-first all the way, except when it comes to this user. Well, maybe she is just using him and she'll dump him after nursing school. That is a possibility...<br />
So, she calls us to come and rescue her. We drive for an hour in traffic and when we get there, the boyfriend has left. Of course he couldn't be inconvenienced by staying to wait for a tow truck and hoofed it the rest of the way to his friend's house. Dad called for the tow, and I asked where her fabo boyfriend is. We wait in the car. It's sooo hot and very tense. Hubby asks if I would like to go home and of course I do. Daughter grabs up her purse and box of wheat thins and follows me to the car we drove over in. I tell her she's not coming with me--she can wait for the tow with her dad. Of course she's enraged at this and yells out that she hopes I die in an accident on the way home. This from a nursing student who is almost 23 years old. I am certain if she were in the car with me for that hour ride home we most definitely would have had an accident.<br />
I am sad and I know some of this is because I changed the rules of the relationship. No longer is everything she does fabulous. Well, it pretty much was until this guy--then the pot started, the complete change in her personality, the disregard of the rules of my house, and of me personally and the attacks on every aspect of my being. I have never gone there with her. Just this:<br />
*I refused to acknowledge smoking pot is OK and the argument of pot vs alcohol is irrelevant. Pot is illegal and getting caught will totally screw up her career as a nurse and jeopardize my property. (Car and home). <br />
*I simply agreed with her that her boyfriend is a cheat, and with him that he is a con artist. He admits it with a smile.<br />
*I pointed out that she is living in my home, not the other way around. She can dislike me, but she can keep that to herself. I expect peace and quiet and the rules of my house to be followed. No slamming of doors, no cooking at midnight, no hysteria, and common courtesy to all. <br />
*If she doesn't like the food I cook, she can cook her own. She's welcome to eat what is here, but I will not spend ridiculous amounts of money trying satisfy everyone's preferences. Buy your own d*mn 6.00 tiny cup of gelato. Too bad ice cream from Costco isn't good enough for you.<br />
She says she's moving to Colorado when she graduates. I suppose she might. I am sad at the crack in our relationship and I hope it's not permanent. We were very close, maybe too close. I am OK with some distance, I want to enjoy life for a while too after raising 4 kids. I just didn't want it to be such a traumatic process. <br />
So, she will likely be without a car and will have to figure out how to get one before school starts. Maybe her student loan should go for something useful rather than the frivolous cr*p she spent it on.

I feel for all of you. My beautiful, talented, gifted daughter is going out with a Norse God. No, I am not exaggerating or being facetious. He has her convinced that he is adopted, and his real father is a god, and he is, too. This girl is brilliant and is only finishing college because I am pretty much forcing her to. Whether she will do anything with her two degrees is debatable, because he will "provide" everything within about a year, (although right now he lives in his parents' ba<x>sement,, quit school, quit his job, and complains about his parents daily). I feel like I have lost something so precious due to this manipulative liar (unless you believe he's really a Norse God.) Maybe he will end up really being one, and I'll have to eat my words someday, but for now, just feel hopeless and lost. Meanwhile, I pray every day for her to come to her senses.

My 18 yr old daughter is in a "relationship" with a 39 yr old man. He has a daughter of his own that is older than my child. He has 3 children from age 9-20. They wan't nothing to do with him. He told my daughter it's because of his ex-wife that they don;t want to see him. This has torn my family apart. I have always been really close with my daughter. She no longer want to see, talk, or really do anything with family or friends. If she is with family, he is calling and texting her the whole time. I have tried telling her what a mistake this is. He is now telling her he wants to have a child with her. I found his ex-wife on a social network. I want to send her a message, but I don't know for sure what to say. Any advise is welcome~

Has anyone had to completely disown their child/grandchildren due to choosing the loser and trashy lifestyle?<br />
I have a daughter who appears to only bring home losers. After reading about so much heartbreak, I and my husband have considered giving our kids the choice: either choose a respectable decent person or we are not going to be part of their lives.<br />
Its more like torture being a part of this craziness.<br />
And by not getting attached to the grandchildren, that does not become leverage.<br />
Harsh, but I am worried.

I've actually been wondering the same thing. Should I let her go and stay away? I almost feel I have to distance myself because I become sick to my stomach every time I see this guys face.

Tonight I watched my 19 year old daughter walk out of our lives forever, choosing some loser gang banger wanna-be who dropped out of high school in the 9th grade. To make matter worse is that he has a VERY controlling mother who has a very un-natural obsession with my daughter. She actually called her at work and fed her some BS that Mr "Wonderful" was in the hospital because his heart was so broken because he couldn't be with my daughter all the time. She came home and told us she had to move out to go 'save him'. I called the mother up and she accused me of holding my daughter prisoner, of "riding with a biker gang" and in general being a horrible mother. I've gone without a winter coat so my kids could have what they wanted and needed! And I did so without complaint, willingly because I wanted them to know how much they're loved and wanted! This past year my daughter flunked her first semester of college, I asked her point blank if she even wanted to return...she swore up and down that she did. Oh she filled us up with so much BS this semester, in great detail, telling us how she loved a certain professor...how she found a subject she really liked...blah, blah, blah. We had her pay a good portion for her books, her Grandma pitched in and her grant is under OUR name. She had to maintain at least a C average on her probation to maintain her grade and remain a student in the college. A week after her finals I get a letter in the mail saying she has a 0.043 GPA and she has lost her grant! I confronted her on it, and (I forgot to mention she had also been telling us she and the dipsh*t were broken up and just talking as friends) she finally confessed that she hardly ever went! And she had been going off with the Jerk! Yes, it was mostly her fault for doing it, but he's so damn controlling that I know his motive was to get her to drop out. He knew that a cute girl would eventually meet a guy, or make some good friends and a girl with a college education is not going to be that impressed with a punk with a record who can't even make it out of the 9th grade! He has had numerous run-ins with the law...his mother and he BRAG about his anger issues as if they're cute or something. I asked him one time what he was going to do if Caitlin ever made him mad and he told me, as if this was some wonderful solution that he had it all under control, he instructed her that she was "just to leave the room if he was losing his temper". RED FLAG! She has also shown multiple signs of a young woman who has been either physically or mentally abused, ■Depression, hopelessness, anxiety, lack of confidence, unusually quiet, feelings of worthlessness<br />
■Your child is not the person you know, the spark seems to be gone<br />
■Withdrawal from family, friends and support system<br />
■Marked change in behavior such as dressing a certain way, becoming quieter, change in appearance (a girl who wore make up now does not wear any)■Marked decrease in self esteem, develop a poor body image, becomes very self critical...just to name a few. And again, what makes it worse is we have his mom calling and controlling all the shots. This is a family that milks every system they can. They have not stayed at the same home for any longer than a few months. And now they have my daughter...who I am sure they will use as some sort of meal ticket, most likely will try to get her pregnant as soon as possible and with all the BS they make up about our family even if she wanted to get away...if there was a baby involved it would be a battle for my daughter to get custody. Our only saving hope is his arrest record. We have a few friends who are police officers who have warned us how dangerous this guy really is. My heart is broken. We even offered to send her a few weeks to an aunts house where she would be having fun and clearing her head...she couldn't even give us a couple weeks. We mean nothing to her, she was smirking when she left and I was dying. Her father and little brother's hearts are broken...and her Grandpa is just recovering from a heart attack. Her walking out on us is going to destroy this family and all she cares about is this ******* who has lied, controlled and used her.

How is this for a response...<br />
When I asked my daughter's boyfriend what his intentions are with my daughter, his response was, "I thought I would wait around long enough to get into her pants and then kick her to the curb." My daughter LAUGHED and thought it was "cute", while her sisters and I were absolutely appalled...yes, he said this in front of my 15, 13 and 9 year old daughters, as well as my (then) 17 year old daughter, who is dating him.

Totally disrespectful! Your daughter is very immature, as is my own, for being with such a person.

I am a mother of four daughters. My oldest turned 18 a week ago and has been in a relationship with this guy who is four years older than her, for almost a year. I began to see changes in my daughter within the first couple of months of dating this guy. She stopped hanging out with friends who she had been friends with her entire life, she dyed her hair black, started dressing poorly, and became more and more withdrawn from her sisters and me. She stopped participating in things her sisters and I would do...going to the fair, going to her sisters' gymnastics competitions, cheer competitions, weekends at the lake, etc. She used to be so driven and planned on going off to college upon graduation, but now she says she is going to the technical school where this "boyfriend" attends classes. I, as well as her sisters, have not hidden the fact that we don't care for this boyfriend at all. My daughter, of course, has said over and over again that it is just because we "don't know him". It IS true that we don't know him, due to the fact that any attempts we have made to include him in things we do, he declines. He also never leaves my daughter's room on the rare occasion that he comes inside the house with her. He speaks to no one when he does come inside. One time, while I was having a heated conversation with my daughter, her boyfriend just laid across her bed, snuggling up to her, while we were having an argument, rather than excusing himself. I explained to my daughter that it was extremely disrespectful for him to have acted in such a way. When I told my daughter she was not allowed to go off with her boyfriend yesterday, she simply packed her bags, grabbed her new laptop, left her house key on the bed and walked out of the door without telling a soul. She ignored my phone calls, my text messages, etc. When her younger sister sent her text messages stating how messed up it was for her to have just walked out, my daughter said she wasn't coming back and that she would just live with her boyfriend's parents. I am guessing I won't hear from her again as long as she is with this guy...and there is NOTHING I can do about it now that she is finally 18.

I have enjoyed everyone's post. What I have learned from all of you is that one needs to be quiet and do not say anything negative about the guy your daughter is dating, especially when you do not like him. I learned my lesson a few years ago, when my daughter was in college and dating this no good piece of trash. He didn't even have a driver's license and she was doing all the driving for him or taking the metro link to visit him at his house in LA. My husband was furious with this and told him once he gets his license and can pick up my daughter like a gentleman, do not see her anymore, only talking on the phone will be ok. Our daughter hated us for this, big mistake we made here, she saw him even more and more. My friends told me to shut up and let things ride out, so we did, When she graduated from college, she came home with no job in sight (2009) and worked at a minimum wage job while still seeing him on weekends, traveling to his parents house where he lived. For the next 6 months or so, she wasn't seeing him very much, we kept quiet and didn't say anything. Finally on Mother's Day (a great present she gave me) she broke up with him, told me that he was boring, all he wanted to do was smoke,drink and play video games. I asked her why did she continue to see him if he was this way? She answered me because we kept on telling her to drop him, we didn't like him and we gave her a hard time with him, so she wanted to fix us and keep on seeing him because of us. How sad I told her that you only kept on seeing him to fix us as parents!!! She picked up with another loser maybe a month after dropping this last guy, and of course we didn't like this guy, I think deep down she knew we didn't like him, but we kept quiet, had him over a few times and kept a low profile. She dropped him in less than a year. She went away that year to live in Ireland to get her Master's degree and grew up and matured. Now being home from Ireland for the last 10 months, and no boyfriend yet, she has now presently has a boyfriend, which is still not the one we would of picked out for her. I did express my feelings about him and now we are back to square one I think. It seems our children do not like to listen to our suggestions/advice and want to do their own thing. So with this new boyfriend, I am shutting up and going to take care of myself and hopefully she will find that she has nothing common with this new boyfriend. We had a very good relationship when she came back from Ireland, told me I was right about certain boys but now has regressed back to her old ways I think. I am tired of being taken for granted by her and doesn't appreciate the things I do for her, I am now only thinking of myself and no one else. I have a son who is younger than her, and he agrees with me, well time will tell what happens to him when he gets involve with a girl. (His is 18 and she is 25)) Good luck to all of you, you will need it but keep quiet and hopefully our daughters will drop all of these LOSERS,they deserve better!!

I have spoke my mind against him and she ended up moving in with him and his mother, and now im the bad one I still stand my ground but im on the loosing end.

I feel for you, my daughter at this moment, will probably move in with him if I keep bagging on her boyfriend presently, so I am going to shutup for now, and hope for the best.

I'm at the same place. I couldn't keep it in any longer and I'm pretty sure she will be moving in with his parents or she will get a place and pay the rent herself while the freeloader lives rent free. I may lose her, but I know I can't pretend to accept this guy. Everywhere you read about this it's said that the more you disapprove, the more they run. That may happen...but personally, I think it would happen anyway. At least if he no longer comes around here, I will have my house back.

I am experiencing a lot of grief from my 23 year old daughter. I have to say she was the sweetest girl to raise, but for the last year our relationship has gone downhill. She has been seeing a 29 year old man for a little over a year. He is controlling and very obnoxious. He thinks he knows all and is extremely stubborn. He is relentless in arguments and has to have the last word. In addition to this, he has no money to his name. He has job hopped all his life and is in debt. My daughter, a math teacher, who we have taught to save and is free of debt, loves him. I tried to accept him, as well as my husband, and two sons. However, about a month ago he caused a fight (not the first time) that put my daughter at risk. I can no longer condone this relationship. I tried to put up with him for fear of losing her, but now that I see his explosive side, I can no longer tolorate him. I would never forgive myself if she got physically hurt because of him. After this fight, they broke up and I, as well as the rest of my family, were so relieved. Just yesterday, I found out she has been lieing to us and went away with him for the weekend. I confronted her and she stormed out of the house. This morning, before leaving for work, she left me a note that we needs to be away for a few days. I know that when she comes back, she will pack up the rest of her belongings and move in with him. By the way, he is losing his roommate soon, and cannot afford to live by himself. I have come to conclusion that I must let her go. My love for her will never die, but I can no longer live like this. I never want to see him again even if it means I may lose her. I cannot tell you how much I love her, but I cannot and will not deal with him. I feel he has won and his family will be hers now. The only thing I can tell her is that my door will always be open to her in case things don't work out with him. It breaks my heart to even write this. We were always such a close family, but he has changed her. I just feel he has crossed the line with the latest fight he got himself into. (He provoked this fight). We actually had to pick her up from outside on the street at 4 AM. I could go on, but it is useless. I just hope that one day she will open her eyes and realize that she deserves so much more.

I feel for you!! How heartbreaking to see your smart daughter with a loser, my door will always be open for my daughter if she needs, but her father is so fed up with how she treats me and tells me to kick her out, he can stand how she treats me and takes me for granted.Good luck, we will need it.

I really feel for you. I too am in the same situation. My daughter has just gone o/s with her boufriend and will be back in a month. I hope to calm down in this time and see how he behaves when they get back. I'm really scared when he comes home everything will start up again. I just don't want him around even if she is with him. How r thing s with ur daughter? Is getting better?

These posts have the same thing in common. Parents who want the best for their daughters. I too have a wayward daughter. A year ago i could tell people that my daughter was studying to be a missionary. Now i can say she is living with her 35 year old bartender boyfriend has quit school and doesnt want to work because then when will she ever see him. I am loving them where they are. I dont believe my heart has ever been so damaged except when i had a stillborn child many years ago. So i choose to limit contact. Keep my mouth shut. Remove all financial support and trust that God will in time take all this pain, heartbreak and wayward living and turn it sideways and on its head and ddo more than i can ever hope or dream. He loves her more than i do. He is a kbetter parent and his correction always brings about change. As for the man, God loves him too. There is a plan. There is a hope. My prayers will be for them to come back to God. I will no longer harbor ill in my heart. It only hurts me. I agree that this is like loosing a limb. But it is their life. I will no longer allow this to shade the blessed one i have to live. I am now more compassionate towards others with similar stories. I see how in the past i have judged others. Good caring parents do have kids who make terrible life choices. How sad and how heartbreaking. To all the daughters who read this remember some day you too will be a parent to a child who you will give your all too. Would you want to see her in this same situation. If the answer is yes, proceed. If the answer is i have lost my way and this relationship that is damaging my self esteem and my future, remember that you are precious, special and deserve so much more out of life

Well here ya go, daughter (21) met this guy (38) at bar she worked, 2-3 weeks later moved in with him and his 3 teenage kids,he was never married to the other woman. After moving in he tells her, lets move to apt that the bar owner offered her to live, not him and his crew. She agrees, 2 adults 3 teenagers, & a couple snakes he feeds mice, now living in a tiny converted garage apt, in a rundown neighborhood; small living room, 1 bedroom, bath, kit, you get the picture. Then she gets pregnant and figures they all will live happily ever after, ya right. He had told her he was a great dad, raised his kids himself because the ex was an addict, he was a clean freak, had a great job, truck was in the shop getting repaired, what a guy he was. My daughter was brought up in a nice clean home, me and mom married 24 years, with 3 brothers, an older stepsister, went to priviate school, played sports, got decent grades, we wern't perfect by any means & went through some hard times money wise, but we always worked hard and delt with whatever came our way. This man come to find out, has never paid taxes, barly has had a job, no vehical, kids had just moved back in with him after living out of state with grandparent for who really knows how long. The utilties had to be put all in her name because he owed them all money from the past places he has lived. He's very immature and dresses like a teenager, has a limited vocabulary but yet knows it all about everything. Not one person at the bar she worked had anything good to say about him, nothing but yet she tells me she loves him. Oh I forgot, he smokes $20.00 of pot everyday which she pays for. She NEVER drank to much, and I know ever smoked pot or at least until she met this dirtbag. Now we have a beautiful 3 month old grand daughter, we convinced her to move back in with us to have the baby and to stay so we could help her get setteled afterwards. We hoped she would see the light after she was away from him for a bit but now is saying she's thinking of going back with him. Oh yeah, he concvinced her to sign a landcontract for a $3500.00 dump + $12,000.00 in back taxes owed. I told her not to do it that it was a mistake and he was just using her for everything he could get because she really dosen't have any credit but she has a job, and can get the smaller things, she refuses to see this. They where behind on every bill they had, they had no food, no phones, no car,(her insurance had expired on her car), no tags, NO NOTHING. We gave them food so she was eating while being pregnant, but he got his POT everyday. He told all of them that came first before anything else. She moved in with us 2 weeks before she had the baby. We made a beautiful room for the both of them, we have a large home so there's lots of space, we have her back on our health insurance,and take care of just about anything she or the baby needs. There is in no way she would have been able to care for this child on her own, there is something missing in the relationship. She's very short with the baby and speaks to it like it's a pet not a baby, this is during the stressful times other times you know she loves her baby, but there are many stressful times raising a child as we all know. Her mother has dedicated every minute of the day to this baby and to her daughter, she's like a servant otherwise I'm not sure what could happen. Now we tell her she can leave but she will not take the baby unless Child Services are called and they inspect the house they plan to live in, and all the finances to be sure both are up to snuff to be able to safely raise the baby and 3 other kids( who I believe the youngest 14 has been allowed to quit school,) (and the oldest 18 who is now 5 months pregnant ) , along with the two of them. Confused????, So am I. If anyone can halfway understand any of this and thinks they could help with suggestions, I'm all ears. Thanks for reading & I'm sorry if this was to long, but I'm desprate to save my daughter & Granddaughter.

How sad that you raise your children, take care of them, protect them all of their youth and for what? They will turn on you quickly. You began to wonder, did I plant this seed? Am I reaping what I sowed? Sometimes, maybe, but when did I plant the seed of betrayel and torment? My daughter met a "Christian" punk about two years ago. The first time I met him I could see that he was not Kosher. He needed to grow up and He NEEDED to be saved. Two weeks after they started talking he began to tell her that he loved her. Then we told her that it would be a good idea if he backed off some. She ran away with him in the middle of the night. He took her to his parents home. we went to try to talk some sense into her, but it was a waist of time. It turned into an almost "killing". He inherited his brain from his dad; if there is even one there. She ended up pregnant-they threw a wedding together. His dad walked her down the ilse. A heretic preacher performed the "institution" and that was it. seven days later she called begging to come home. She told us what an idoit he was and his family and if we tried to make her go back she would run away and no one would ever find her. So, of course, she could come home. Everything fell in our lap. We didn't hear from the parasite for four months then one day he texted her and wanted to talk. So we arranged a meeting at a lawyers office. And blake was a no show. She had the baby and when the baby was seven months old Blake decided he wanted to see him. We met him at cracker barrel and was taking precautions for our daughter and grandson's sake. Blake was offended that we went with our daughter to meet him. He kept calling our daughter upsetting her and finally he convinced her that they needed to be together to raise their son. We would love nothing more than to see our daughter happy and have a good husband and father for her son. She left on not so good terms. We have invited them to come and stay with us, we have offered to help them in many ways, but blake is a controlling parasite and he wants her to cut ties with us. He has not said that, but he implies it. They live with his parents and he works out of town for four days a week. He drives three hours a way to work, he works an hour and a half from our house. I have some very bad thoughts about him and his parents. We have been invited to my grandson's first birthday, but I don't know if I can handle seeing his parents hugging all over my grandson. His mother had posted on facebook that he should never look back at his mistakes. This is before he called. She was VERY clear about the mistakes. now she is eating my daughter up and provoking me to some very ungodly thoughts. We were willing to "get over it" and move on, but blake won't allow our daughter to visit us. He says that he's just not ready. Our daughter told one of our other daughters that he had been emotional and upset, (poor thing) I guess it's all about him. And it seems that now we are being blamed for everything. It is unreal how all of this fell on us. We ended up with the expense, paying the cell phone bills, we kept our daughter up for the year that she was here, bought everything for her and our grandson, was glad to. And blake claimed them on his taxes. never offered her a dime when she was here and when I confronted him on why he never offered her any child support he said, he didn't know what she would do with the money. Gee! Are you kidding me? Well, she left with him dec 7th and we have seen them once at a funeral for a few hours and that has been it. I have two other daughters that have been a blessing to me. and two other grandchildren. I just pray that God intervenes and something good will come out of this. Yes, our grandson is a blessing but we cannot even see him and we are thankful to have him and he is healthy and everyone else is healthy. But we are still grieving for our daughter and grandson. and would love nothing more for blake's heart to change. He is a selfish, self-centered<br />
controlling vicious human. I feel sorry for him and for anyone that has been through this. My heart and prayers go out for you.

As a mother to a teenage daughter and a daughter with a family who hates my boyfriend I will tell you all about how it makes me feel.<br />
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My family do not approve of my other half. They do not like him for his past, but he loves me so much and treats me and my children so well, he is supportive in every way, but still they ***** and gossip and fall out with me. They make assumptions about how happy I am, they do not know anything as they no longer come to my house. However, I am in my 30s and I had been a single parent until I met my partner. I have adopted my baby nephew and my partner supported me through the hard times!<br />
I now feel that if they cannot accept and embrace my partner then I wish for them to stay away from me. They have pushed me a little too far and I have got to the point of not wanting anything to do with them. It makes me so upset that I cannot seem to have both, I should be able to have my partner and my family, Christmas and family gatherings are a nightmare. It is their loss and if they continue to behave the way they do I am considering getting married abroad as I do not want the conflict.<br />
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I can also tell you from a mothers perspective, I have a teenage daughter who has a boyfriend 2 years older than her, he tries to be controlling and possessive but she adores him, she talks to me about problems they have and I listen.I give her advice, scenarios and ask her what she thinks she should do. I believe I have taught her to make good decisions and she will not allow herself to be controlled I do not treat him any different and I have welcomed into my home with open arms as I knew that if I didn't I would hardly see my daughter. Yes he has behaved in unacceptable ways in the past but I see past that and see that my daughter loves him. I am the parent and I want what is best for my daughter, the best for my daughter is her happiness! It is my duty at the parent to make sure she has been given the tools to survive in life and to become an independent young lady. <br />
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I will never isolate my daughter and her boyfriend or threaten her with being cut off from the family, as this will only push her away. <br />
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I know it can be hard but because I have remained neutral when they have problems I have a great relationship with my daughter. Boyfriends come and go but family should be there through thick and thin!

Well, I guess this is a problem that a lot of daughters have. My 19 year old daughter just moved out to live with her "boyfriend" of only 3 weeks, into his mother's house. She has been told that she is giving up her car, her college tuition, and any financial support from us. He works barely part-time, is a high school drop-out, drives a crappy SUV, and dresses like some gang-banger with his pants hanging down and tattoos all over. When I went to pick my daughter up to talk to her I asked him if I could talk to him too, and he just walked away. When I called him out, asking him if he was too much of a coward to talk to me like a man, he started cursing at me and threatening me and told me to get the f off of his property, and my daughter just sat there with her head in her hands. I left. He called me later to apologize, only I believe because my daughter had told him she would leave him. He was crying like a baby. My daughter thinks his apology should be enough, but I told her his behavior only shows his true character. He monitors her phone calls, having her put my calls on speaker phone, and her texts, and has made her remove her Facebook page. I am absolutely stunned at her stupidity. My husband and I are college educated, live in a nice neighborhood, and have sacrificed to give her a good life, the opportunity for a college education, bought her a used car, and still she will sacrifice everything for this punk because she looooooooves him!! Now I am torn between wanting to banish her and this punk, or having to accept him in order to keep my daughter in my life. I don't think I can stomach it. I am hoping the lack of funds will bring my daughter to her senses, she only makes about $150.00 a week. And can you believe the gall of his mother allowing this all to happen under her roof? I can't wait to meet her. I am sure she is thrilled that her son finally found someone stupid enough to support him, and hopes he will be able to move out now that he has her income to spend. God please help me, and that is my sincere and heartfelt prayer. I told my friend I feel like I am standing in front of a trash can tearing up all the pictures I had in my mind of the kind of life my daughter would make for herself. All in the trash.

HI from newton.<br />
I have too young daughters for dating but my sisters-in-law are all of dating age.<br />
I guess my advice for your is two fold. <br />
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Make sure your daughter is on some kind of reliable birth control so that this situation does not have to bre permanent. As long as she is "safe" as in no violence I would just let it lie and bite your tongue..they will come talk to you if you have a good relationship. If you press and have a bad relationship you will hear nothing.

My daughter is in College for the second year as a freshman. She continuously chooses the wrong guys. She is currently in a relationship with a 23 year old drug addict who lives at home with his mother, has a criminal record, does not have a car or a license and babysits his cousin for work. She is failing three out of five classes and has a D and a C in the other two. <br />
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She does not see the bigger picture of the huge mistake she is making in her life. She is 20 years old and in 6 weeks will be back home without the chance to go back to college. She is sucking the life out of her father and I and our other two children. When she is home, she sleeps all day, gets up at 4PM and goes on the computer where she spends all her time into the wee hours of the morning, only to repeat it all again the next day.<br />
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She was on the softball team and had a job when she first went to college and quit both shortly thereafter.<br />
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I'm at my wits end. All I can do is pray for her and tell her I love her.

The only choice you have really is to just accept that your daughter is going to do what she is going to do. I am in a similar situation but I am doing my absolute best to win her boyfriend over with kindness. I am supportive of my daughter and listen when she phones me upset because he is being a jerk. I always ask what she is going to do to make her life better. I know that I have done my best to instill values in her and I also know that if and when she is ready she will tire of his unfair treatment and put a stop to it. If I do not let her figure this all out for herself, she will just swing from this character on to the next expecting me to save her from such poor choices. Doing for herself and taking more time to really know herself (separate and apart from anyone else) and to know someone before getting so serious is a hard life lesson to learn but one she will need in order to find lasting happiness. I am lucky in the fact that she is in therapy working towards figuring this all out.

WOW....ok this advice has worked if you are committed to the outcome for you and your daughter....hard as it is you got to change your tune with her BF shitfor brains.<br />
be as nice and loving as you can , ask ur daughter to bring johnny(iwannabusturbrainsout) over for dinner, ask her whats his fav meal and make it it does help if while ur cooking there is some meat being pounded or pototoes being mashed so you can fantasize it's johnny(iwannabusturbrainsout) and its his head ur mashing...<br />
stress relief is such a good thing ,, BEAT the guy at his own game, he's obviously filling your impressionable daughter full of ideas about how you treat him and not fair they don't really love u suzy if they treat me this way. welcome the SOB with open arms engage him in conversation, if he does the whispering say hey Johnny(shitforbrains) i didn't hear ya, would you like some more pie ? how are your folks , job , etc. if he is the true jerk and only wants to woman to control and manipulate into submission HE WILL BOLT to the door, make ur daughter see him for what he is, he will break it off with her,,,she will never leave this man if you continue your current relationship , your reaching out to him will give your daughter confidence and see it's not you with the problem it's him it may take more than one family dinner and the more of your family that comes and welcomes old (shitforbrains) into the fold the better, always ask about him when u talk to ur daughter, say nice things, it will kill you so go get a nice punching bag and put his face in the center so you can focus.. ok that was funny but u do have to beat this man at his game of trying to control u and your daughter get mad as hell and don't take his crap u are the nicest family in the world if he leaves her its because he's looking for a victim. let him go ur daughter will see your only wanted to welcome him in not push him away , ull have a stronger relationship with her,, and if he's a shy azz socially inept individual and steps up to the plate and becomes mr wonderful boyfriend umm ok so she got a nice BF,,,watch him like a hawk ...good luck to you post results if you try it .....i'm so heartbroken to hear your story. the pain you feel when your child is in trouble is awful...take back your family you can do it...don't let her marry the bum and keep your from ur grandkids and she never admitting how miserable she is with him peace n love mama jenna have 31 year old daughter and one coming in 4 months... um mm

i love the way you think - I am not sure i can be as big as you are and welcome piece of crap into my house and life as you suggest. But I will consider it ! I will pray for all of you - I thought i was the only one with a situation like this - so sad there are so many others with daughters and boyfriends in the same place as I am.

i didn't say it was easy it's fighting for your daughter...as long as he thinks ur against him he will use that to manipulate your daughter, you are taking his power away isn't that what you want? beat him at his own game..like i said invest in a punching bag cause ur gonna need one but it seems like dumphisbutt has worked a little on their situation the BF now father to their grandchild has stepped up to the plate al little he's just a douche as they say...one of two things will happen he willl leave because he's all about the control or you get the squirrel to man up the best he can...like dumphisbutt's SIL good luck all , the pain is so unbearable that you feel for your child god give you the courage and stenght to carry on peace n love jenna

it's not easy at all,,,hardest thing i ever did i wanted to cry and scream at the same time..he just was a guy who wanted control i don't still know how we try to raise strong girls they fall victim to this BS, my daughter is not with him , hes moved to another state and has a new girl he's running her life, he is also the father of my grand daughter so we still have to deal with him..he ended up abducting the baby but he's the Dad so we could do nothing, my daughter went to live with him and after a time of abuse from him packed her car while he was at work and drove across county to home..we had our heartache. eventually he had visitation and payed support but the woman he's with now he controls her every move. i consider us lucky to survived this experience...

Update: I am so sorry to hear about so many other mothers going thru the same thing I did with my daughter. 2008 was one of the worst periods in my life with the constant fighting and I felt like my heart was breaking. My daughter now has a beautiful baby girl with this guy and ended up marrying him this past summer. She seems to be very happy and he has ended up being a very involved and good father. I still don't see what she sees in him and he is definitely not the son-in-law I envisioned, but things are ok and he does make more of an effort to talk with us. Everyone pretty much puts my granddaughter first and gets along for her sake. I adore my grandbaby and acknowledge that he seems to treat both her and my daughter good. I have a great relationship with my daughter now and she seems to understand things more now that she is a parent. I hope that things get better for all of you!

thanks for the update sweetie love to you and your sweet granddaughter, my gd is the best

Wow, what horror stories. My daughter is 24, thank goodness she doesn't have a kid and did graduate from college this past year. Had been dating her boyfriend whom she met via my son who was in the Navy. He saw her pic one day and then began to stalk her, telling my son and his shipmates that he was going to F*** his sister. Of course I didn't know any of this when the boy asked if he could come for a visit. I said yes and he stayed at a hotel, but we did all of the touristy things with him for the 3 days he was here. <br />
Fast forward they continue to talk, text, fb and he invites her for his families summer camping trip, she accepts. Three years of dating which with her in college and him in the Navy actually is only about 150 days total spent together, so last summer thinking she needed to see if they could actually get along for any length of time I insisted she spend last summer with him. He was mean, beat up his truck, and she found evidence of him cheating. She returned home and didn't confide in me at all. She just kept saying her life sucked. I thought it was all about the last semester of school. <br />
We go to a party for a family friend and in walks another friend with her son, sparks flew and before I knew it she was dumping one loser for another. During this time she states that she and new bf who doesn't have a job and has a baby on the way with a one night stand are in love. She then opened up to me about how she loved the ex but he was mean to her and violent and that she was thinking of breaking up with him. She also stated that she didn't love him like the first jerk of a boyfriend whom she dated all through high school. She then starts reading the nasty things he says about her, and me on FB. Not nice he wanted to take me out assuming that I was the reason for the breakup.<br />
Now 3 plus months later she has broken up with Mr No job and has resumed talking, texting, and FB with Navy guy. UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! We had it out the other night because I told her that she can go visit him, but that he nor his family are ever welcomed in my home again. I would have to sleep with one eye open. I have apologized for losing my cool, but we definately don't talk about him and according to phone records,which I pay...she texts him all day while at work and talks for hours at night. She explained to him what he did wrong so now of course he's saying and doing what she wants to hear.<br />
I have decided for my own sanity to ignore it. It is after all a long distance relationship and she has returned to college for her Masters so that gives the relationship at least a year and a half to fall apart again. She also can not stand his mother, sister, bro-in-law, brother and sis-in-law. That makes for happy family times. All I can do is sit back and pray that she again sees him for what he is and that he is lying to her. It will take a lot of patience and keeping my big mouth shut. One day at a time that's all any of us can do. Good Luck to all the Moms out there going through this.

Boy, talk about reading my own life within these comments. Just to share, daughter was introduced to him her senior year by a friend of hers which I do not like because the mother of the friend smokes marijuana thinking it helps her lupus. Didn't have any problems at first, then he disrespected me in my own house. Told him to leave and he acted like "yeah, right, make me lady!" Boy, that really ticked me off then, and because I had asked him to leave I looked like the bad mama to daughter so she starts chewing me out in front of him and threatened to leave with him never to come back. However, she was under probation at 17, so yeah, that wasn't going to happen unless she wanted to have the police called to his house to pick her up. This boy has caused problems for her since high school. Now, she is a freshman in college, and he still causes problems. He is VERY controlling of her. Has to know her every move, not to mention had to go to the same school together, and oh yeah, he makes sure they atleast have classes together. He proposed to her while she was in high school and she wears his tarnished ugly ring on her finger (the ring shows his cheapness, oh and it got lost and she couldn't find it and supposedly he got her another one). Funny, he gives her jewelry, but he pawned off his mother's own jewelery for drug money. Oh, and mommy dearest sticks up for him. His dad called the police to report that his wife's jewelery had been stolen, the police found it at a near by pawn shop, and she was like "well anyone could have stolen it." Ummmmm, even if your son's name was on the PAWN TICKET?!?! Daft cow!!! I had forbidden him from the home, I had forbidden him from stepping on the lawn or parking in my drive way. So, he starts doing prank calls, so I start writing down the idiots number and how many times he called because dumb butt forgets to block his number, so I report the harrassing phone calls to the police. My husband finds him crawling out of her bedroom window at 5 a.m. in the morning on his way to work, personally I wanted to kick his ***, but hubby wouldn't let me. He basiclly told him to just leave before he did something he might regret. Should have called the police on his ***. Instead, my husband calls mommy dearest and tells her if we catch her son in our house again uninvited by us the parents that he will be shot on site! The woman was like "whaaattttttttttt" in her ever shreaking voice that I just want to rip through the phone and slap her around and say "get a clue wench!" He was pulled over by the police and given a D.U.I, not for alcohol, but for drugs! I found a phone of his that he gave my daughter to replace the one I am sure he lost on purpose for our daughter and come to find out not only is he a drug addict, but he also sales the crap (RX drugs). He goes into drug re-hab for two weeks and takes the ASVAB to make it look good in front of the judge so he could get off easy. My daughter has gotten into trouble with drugs ever since she started dating this loser. At 17 I had her put on probation and she tested positive for marijuana, gee, wonder where she got that from, probably the FRIEND'S MOTHER WHO IS A LOSER! We have found pills in her room which do not belong to her, but oh heak no, she ain't telling us where she got them from, but I'll give you all one guess. He keeps her away from her family all the time and is over his house with daddy and mommy dearest who supports him cause her baby boy can do no wrong, as if!!! And welcomes my daughter because she don't have one and wants to take mine away with her druggy kid to whom she gives money all the time and doesn't have a clue because she believes her baby when he tells her "mommy, I won't do dwugs no mowr!" MOM, GET A ******* CLUE, WILL YA????? I refuse to have illegal drugs in my house, so you betcha I do periodic searches in her room because THIS IS MY HOUSE, and LOVER BOY AIN'T GONNA RULE ME HONEY! I do not talk to my daughter about their relationship. She is 18 now, and I keep out hoping she will see the loser that he is. His car broke down one day, was lover boy pushing while she was steering? Oh, heak no. My baby girl was pushing his piece of crap car while he steared it out of a busy street! CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT????? We pointed out to her that she should have been the one guiding the car and his *** should have been pushing. What a prize this one is. I can already see it. She'll be working her *** off while Mr. Mom stays home and eats bon bons all day long. But, we just left it at that by telling her if he was any kind of gentleman worthy of having she shouldn't have been pushing that car! I loath him beyond comparison. I have had to step back and let my husband handle most of the situations with them now because I am soooooooooo over raged with this guy that if anything happens to my daughter while in his care and she ends up physically hurt in anyway he won't have a pot to **** in when I am through with him and he might as well go ahead and fork over for an urn cause I know several sharp shooters after being an Army wife for 30 years! We have tried everything in the book, even to the point to where we were going to evict our own daughter because she would destroy the house over him. His folks get involved in our personal life to where sometimes I feel we are their tenants or something. They would e-mail me and my husband stuff inviting us to dinner because did we really want our grandchildren not to see us? etc. Saying things like that (thank the Lord in Heaven she is not pregnant from this @sshole). I'm thinking who are these people???? They even went and talked with our preacher about us evicting our daughter, and how could we evict such a sweet girl, and THEY DON'T EVEN GO TO OUR CHURCH!!! These people, and this is a professional opinion because my husband and I have talked to a counselor about our daughter to make sure we are handling the situation correctly, said the boyfriend's parents have over stepped the line by doing this and they must be CRAZY! The mother called me at 8 p.m. waking me up out of bed to let me know they have a spare room in their home, and if my daughter could move in?????!!!!!!!! Before I cursed her out I hung up on her and called my husband so he could call her husband and warn him that if she ever called again like that they would be sued for harassment!!! I NOT ONLY HATE THE SON, BUT I LOATH HIS PARENTS AS WELL!!!!!!!!! THESE PEOPLE ARE A THORN IN MY @SS!!! I hate them sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad! Anyways, thank you for letting me vent. I am praying everyday that she leaves this idiot.

I would let her leave and make her own mistakes. It seems there are two many people in the relaionship that your daughter is not seeing the ******** that she allowed to share her life with, You and your husband should love her and let her see without any of your opinions that she is surrounded ny toxic people. If you give up fighting with her and the losers she's associating with she will have no choice but to see it for herself. She knows what's right and wrong but it's hard to see when she's focusing on everything else but him an her. I believe she will see it sooner if you and your husband back off and go on with your lives as before he entered the picture this will shock them because they feed off of you and your husband. People failing in life due to poor and bad decisions always look for those closest to them to blame and we all get pulled in just as she did with him. if you pull away then their excuses vanish. Just love her and let her see what life is with the LOSERS she'll be back before you know it. Love and prayers.

Holy COW ... WOW.... how can you so be living my story? The only thing of any difference here is I have raised my children as a single MOM, and I really thought that is where I screwed up.... but I am seeing so much of my life with my daughter in the words of all these other people... so I am assuming that it's just LIFE. Out of all the stories that I can and do relate to, YOURS is the one that hit home the most, I feel your pain. You aren't ashamed to show your hurt or anger... and believe me, I have a lot of anger and hatred. I go to a councelor next week and to be honest I am very excited about it. I have to move on from this because it is killing me mentally and physically. Thank you for sharing!! :)

My daughter was showing a bright future. 3.5 at college and studying nursing. We bought her near college and I was proud of her. Well, I went down to visit her with my wife and found out she was talking to the same piece of trash she liked in high school, even though she knew I hated him. I told her I didn't want her talking to him anymore and my wife said she didn't want to see his phone number on our cell phone bill ever again. Well, she snuck around my back and got a "GO" phone so she could keep talking to him without me knowing. She also sweet talked me into getting her a cat because she was lonely. Three months later she came home and it was time to renew and upgrade our phones. I got her a $100 phone with text, internet, etc. Then my wife told me AFTER the fact she was still talking to him and footing a seperate $60 phone bill. So she wanted me to give in and let her talk to this creep on my dime. I refused and my daughter dropped the new phone on the table and said she didn't want it anymore and that she would keep her "GO" phone and would not give me the number. Eventually I gave in because I don't want to destroy my relationship with her. My wife and I fight constantly and I will not allow this boy into either home. He barely passed high school, can't spell, and has no real ambitions except to take a menial job and do nothing. He has tattoos all over his body, and looks like white trash and comes from a white trash family. He is dragging my daughter down and my wife doesn't care. She doesn't want to clash with her daughter over the issue, and even said she thinks this boy is ok. Since they have been dating my daughter is barely holding on to a 3.0 and now can't get into the nursing program. She is on the phone with him or texting him from 8am to 2am everyday so I know there is no way she is getting her studying done. Since all she does is talk to him she also has no friends and sits in her house all day except for work and school. I told this boy to move on and let her go but of course that didn't work. I refused to let her see him and she told me she "Loved" him. I don't sleep anymore and my wife and I are close to splitting up over this issue. I am clueless on how to get rid of this chump. Signed .. Helpless ...

My heart aches for you Newlife but as painful as I know this is, don't let this ruin your relationship with your wife. If you can, let it bring your closer. As much as I hate to say this you have to let go. I know it isn't easy, I would rather amputate a limb I think, but you have to let go. It is a complete leap of faith and an amazing process but when you let go, you allow your daughter to become the master of her own fate. Trust in your daughter that in time she will make the right decision and just keep loving her...but in the meantime go on a vacation if you can. Get away with your wife. I mean that. Show your daughter what it means to have a healthy adult relationship. She will come around.

My 17 year old daughter started dating a `18 year old boy only 3 months ago. He is very polite, respectful, has a job etc. So the problem...he text med last week that they are going to get engaged and they will wait to get married when she is done with school! She is a junior and he is a senior. I went nuts and sat my daughter down and explained how crazy this is and how she has her whole life in front of her etc. She seemed to understand. <br />
He lives about 1 hr away and he thinks she either needs to be there or he needs to be here all the time. I am trying to tell her they need to slow down. I have heard him comment several times that he doesn't want her hanging out with her friends anymore because it takes time away from them spending time together. My daughter has always been quiet and shy and lacks self esteem and I think she just thinks he is the best because he adores her and tells her everything she wants to hear. She thinks he can do no wrong. She has had boyfriends before but they only lasted a couple weeks because she would get sick of them, this is why I cant understand that she puts up with someone who wants to dominate every minute of her life. Please any advice would be appreciated.....

I found this page, have read comments that I think might be helpful in my decision. I am stepping now on the same shoe. It really hurts to feel that daughter have changed attitudes 'coz of getting into a relationship. How ever she is now 22 and I will try prior comment in the messages... LET GO. ohhh its painful for a mom, all these years but its happening. She now consider herself adult (she think).

I hate my daughter's fiance. He moved into her apartment within months and is a little runt who makes money illegally and smokes pot all day. He keeps her with his extravagant purchases. She had the nerve to ask me to pay over 10K for her dream wedding and I said no she now she's not speaking to me. She sent our family an invitation to her engagement party and I don't want to go; basically it is just for her to collect gifts. She is 28 and has a good job and he is a loser. I am afraid he will take her down a bad path.

How comforting it is to realize that I am not alone in the loser boyfriend scenario.My 23 y.o.daughter has been dating her 23y.o.boyfriend for 6 years.He is her first and only boyfriend.After 5 months they broke up [YES!!!] with daughter in trauma and wanting to leave school.Just as she was overcoming this trauma she gets a phone call at midnight -he has been thrown out of home after a violent argument [where he threw a plate at a window smashing it.]His mother called the police and he was arrested and questioned at the police station.He then came to our house....what could we do other than make the biggest mistake of our lives and say he could stay with us until suitable accommodation could be arranged.No agency would have him-too old.12months later I told him I`d had enough and he had to go.My daughter hardly spoke to me for a month.During the year he was with us he showed no signs of being grateful for our taking him in.It really was against my better judgement and I regret it all very deeply,however I was pushed into a corner by my daughter and the welfare system;one seeing me as evil if I put him out on the street and the other not being bothered with someone who was17..If he was 14 or 15 it would have been different.In the time I have known him J has never voluntarily said thankyou for any meals he has had or any gifts he has been given.He slinks into the house and ignores me.He may acknowledge my husband.Conversation at the dinner table or if he comes to a family event is dominated by his loud and inane comments which have to be about his car,computers or him.Intelligent conversation doesn`t exist in his vocabulary.He didn`t complete high school and has never had a job.He is on a disability pension for depression and spends his allowance on his car,his computers and cigarettes.He spends most evenings when he isn`t with my daughter or staying over[when he sneaks in after my husband and I have gone to bed]on his computer illegally downloading movies etc and then watching them until the early morning.He then doesn`t get up until after midday.My daughter on the other hand is in her final year of her early childhood degree and has been working in childcare and nannying during her studies.<br />
Now I come to the crunch...I have been controlling my feelings regarding the loser but every so often it bubbles up and I explode.This week it happened.I was feeling a bit fragile after our cat had to be put down after a traumatic 2 weeks of intensive caring [12y.o] J came over and as is often the case stayed on for dinner.my eldest daughter was over after the burial of our puss J hardly spoke to her,made no mention of sympathy re the cat.The conversation degenerated into J carrying on about wanting a pet duck or a rottweiler [deliberately stirring my daughter re the duck -she has said before and he knows it they make mess and yuck etc] and stirring me re that sort of dog he knows I dislike.He then in front of me grabbed my daughters nose and tweaked very firmly so she grimaced .[.it hurt.] and made fun of her comments.This type of behaviour has often happened where he critcizes her or makes fun of her.My husband and I have on a number of occasions told him off for such behaviour but she only sees our reaction as being critical of him.<br />
Anyhow after all this ,the following night my husband and I came home to my daughter and him upstairs in her room.The door was open to her room so we called up' hi anyone home?'No reply we made lots of noise,the dog came down stairs from her room....1 and a half hours later down they came J with his hoodie up[I can`t stand that inside and he knows it] Well I exploded and said 'nice of you to acknowledge our existence'.J looked very sheepish and muttered that My daughter had said Hi and my daughter said J had also said Hi but you could tell they were just backing each other up.When he left my daughter was angry but so was I and I just had to add that I was sick of J ignoring me and said' It would be nice if J would notice that I existed.'Oops wrong thing to say and now two days later my daughter is icy cold towards me and hardly says a word to any of us.I know this is the worst thing I could have done but I am so sick of his attitude towards me .Last year on my birthday he came to dinner and he didn`t` say happy birthday that`s how invisible I am to him.So now I have started treating him the way he treats me.I barely talk to him.I just wish that my daughter would find someone who is more her equal who could converse in an intelligent manner and who would be courteous and polite and who would really care for and respect my daughter ....Is that really too much to hope for .

That is my hope for my daughter too. So often she will call me crying that she doesn't think her boyfriend loves her because of x, y and z. I give her advice and try to give her options and then become the most "hateful" mother in the world. Now I say very little. I listen and just say "love you huni" and hope that one day she will wake up.

I am 23 years old i did the same things to my mom when i was 15-19. I had a low life boyfriend and started skipping school doing drugs and just being crazy... my mom always told me she loved me .... we had her fights but she was always the adult and told me she was sorry i would then appoligize as well and i ment it... she let me to my thing to some extent. and eventually years later i see how she was right for the most part.... just dont push your daughters away no matter how bad you want to cuz i know my mom could have pushed me away but she didn't she always told me how smart i was and that she loved me...becasue they may not see it now... but they will tell you you were right later... what you have to say to your daughter will always play in the back of her head for the rest of her life she will always carry that advice and shell eventually know what to do with it<br />
<br />
courtney

Thanks Courtney. My daughter just had a baby with this guy about 1 month ago and finally married him last week. This relationship has been going on 5 years. He still makes no effort to talk to our family which frustrates me. But I smiled during the ceremony and didn't say anything more negative about him. At this point it looks like a situation where I need to sit back and wait. I love the baby and will still continue to show my support and love to my daughter. One day I hope she wakes up before she ends up wasting too many years. Luckily I still have a pretty good relationship with my daughter. Maybe she will be better able to relate to me and how I feel now that she has a daughter.

Is your daughter still with this guy or has she finally seen through him? I'm writing a feature for a British magazine about mums who disapprove of their daughter's partners and am looking for a mum/daughter where the daughter finally saw her mum was right and her boyfriend was a creep - and another mum who gave the boyfriend a second chance and realised he's actually a nice guy.<br />
<br />
If you want to talk, please drop me a line.<br />
<br />
Thanks<br />
<br />
Karen <br />
karencrossfreelance at me dot com

Is your daughter still with this guy or has she finally seen through him? I'm writing a feature for a British magazine about mums who disapprove of their daughter's partners and am looking for a mum/daughter where the daughter finally saw her mum was right and her boyfriend was a creep - and another mum who gave the boyfriend a second chance and realised he's actually a nice guy.<br />
<br />
If you want to talk, please drop me a line.<br />
<br />
Thanks<br />
<br />
Karen <br />
karencrossfreelance at me dot com

My daughter is "dating" a loser. She says they are "more" than dating, but he is bankrupt and has two kids to support and can barely afford the child support. So, guess who supports my daughter while she lives with this dufus. I call him GOOBER. At least he has a job, though a lousy one. She had a college scholarship, but as soon as she fell in "love" with this jerk, she stopped going to class and has done nothing toward her future. Finally she got a job in January. She is a brilliant girl, really, but this job at the call center is all she will ever have now. He says his mother didint go to college, so she doesnt need to, either. Even though his job cant pay for her health care, let alone classes at the local community college. I have cried, begged, almost bankrupt myself sending her to New York, hoping to get her away from him. All he did was talk to her on the phone three to four hours every night and text her incessently. she doesnt see his TOTAL control of her and her life. He is such a stupid moron I cant believe it. She is 22 and beautiful and talented. He is 29, divorced (smart ex wife) has two kids, is bankrupt, and can hardly pay the rent on a three room apartment which she helps pay the bills at. I am beside myself. I have lost my daughter, my best friend. I am nothing, nobody. I am sick at heart and cry all the time.

Please don't say that you are nothing or nobdoy. That isn't true. It is almost year later form when you posted your story. I hope that things have changed for the better and that you realize that you are a wonderful, strong woman, and if not, please invest in yourself. You are important.

Being a mom is hard. Being a teen was hard, I remember what it was like. But being a mom is harder. We spend our lives sculpting our babygirls into the little women that they've become. I cannot speak for everyone but I asked my daughter, all throughout her life, what type of things she wanted to learn, experience, view, hear, taste, love and share. She made choices, I made them possible. Now I am just supposed to hand this 17 year project over to a 16 year old boy? He believes he knows how to rule the world, but he's been sheltered and had life handed to him. He's going to learn a hard lesson that his mom isn't always going to be able to "take care of things" for him. My daughter is in love. I respect that. I remember what it was like to be in love as a teen. I even encourage them to stick it out. This day and age, we need the young ones to get together and stay together. I just wish that he had more respect for me. I make rules to allow my daughter to have time to breathe, not to punish her. When I see that she is exhausted, I tell her she needs to stay home and rest. He wants to surround her 24/7 and she hasn't learned to say no. I cannot believe that I failed to teach my daughter to just say, no. She is an all honors student with straight A's right now. She wants to be a pediatric heart surgeon. (I was happy when she was a child and used to tell me that she wanted to go to culinary school!) I'll be happy to know that she is happy. When I see her struggling because she wants to be with him all the time, and misses her little brothers, and WANTS more sleep, how am I supposed to help her balance all of this. She reaches out for help, I offer a solution and am now the most hated "girlfriend's mother" in existance. If I didn't try to help her, she would fall so hard, she might not make it back to where she ...SHE wanted to be. I fear that he will ruin her ability to complete her goals. I fear she will do the same thing that I did and set them aside for a man. I fear that she will regret this one day, especially when I am gone, and will think to herself...damn it....I shoulda listened to mom.

gosh can I ever relate! My daughter reaches out for help so I give her my advice and then become the "most hated girlfriend's mother" in the world. One moment she complains and the next she is screaming at me for not being more "understanding" I used to cry all the time, now I say very little and just hope for the best.

This is all a nightmare, I have gone the route of being nice to my 19 year old daughter's boyfriend thinking she will see him for what he really is but that didn't work, he did something so unforgivable a few weeks ago and broke my daughter's heart, I am done with him, he lied to her and came up with some cockamamie sob stories...she felt sorry for him, what the heck..he lied about you!!! to lot's of people about something so personal I cannot even say it, she has always said if someone lies I'm done but oh no not with this fool he tells her he was going to commit suicide before he met her....I thought I'll hand him the rope myself....my daughter spends the whole day worrying about him and what trouble "someone else got him in to.." he is on probation for violence, my daughter is convinced he just can't get a break! He won't work, lies and steals from anyone he can then sells the stuff at pawn shops, he's always beating someone up on the street, has had broken hands from hitting so hard..not his fault according to my daughter..<br />
She just came in to pick something up and he sat in the car, I cannot let him in this house, I'm so afraid with doing that they will ride off in to the sun (or hell) together but...I just cannot do it, my daughter pays for everything, gives him money, I could go on and on...I cry all the time, especially when I go to bed, my husband doesn't know what to do and hopes she will get rid of him soon.<br />
I cannot go on like this, I feel ill from it all, I'm thinking I've got to pull myself together and go on with my life and be there to pick up the pieces, so difficult and what if she never sees him for what he really is, her life will be ruined, I have driven myself 1/2 mad.

I can definately relate to all of this. My daughter is 18 (will be 19 in Nov) se has been dating this guy for two years now, First boyfriend ever in her whole life-she gave everything to him, I mean everything! He has been a jerk since the first day we met him-I hated him I tried my best to make her realize what he really was-but she was blinded. Then I played the "like the boyfriend act" and she would dump him-nope! That didn't work either she just got excited cause we were finally at ease. NOT!! I got tired of playing the role of liking this jerk. He was always disrespectful not just to me and my household but to our church members and friends. My daughter had the opportunity to be a model and he ruined that for her cause he didn't want her to go away. She can't have friends because he wants her to be consumed with him (but only when he wants her). He is 23 and been on his own since he was 16 so he knows "everything" and he don't like being told no. We don't allow our children no matter what the age to do as they please-we have house rules that everyone must follow or they are grounded-well he tells us she is 18 she can do whatever, that was one fight that ended with her moving out a week ago. She is a senior she will graduate in May, and they have been engaged since december. Well we just found out she is 5 weeks pregnant-my daughter came home so i could take her to the doctor because he wouldn't-she was glowing and so excited-so i was excited for her too-we shared a mother/daughter moment i have been longing for, for a long time. Well when he came to get her he told her he didn't want the baby that their lives are ruined. I knew then he had to go! My daughter wants this baby. I don't agree with abortion so thats not gonna happen. I can't sleep for worrying about her and her child while she is at his house everyday. I just don't know what to do

I thought that I was alone, but from reading the above comments, clearly not. My daughter (22yrs) had her first child last Sept with her boyfriend, whom she has been with for the last 6 years. We have never liked him but we have always been welcoming and always asked him to family outings and celebrations. He never came to anything and in the end we stopped asking if he was as it became embarrassing for our daughter. They moved in together and got engaged in Nov '09. What our family didnt know was that he has been seeing someone else for the last 2 years of their relationship. <br />
During the pregnancy, which was not an easy one, he was never around always giving the excuse that he was at work. He was never at work but living with the current 'other woman'. After her bub was born, by c-section, he dropped my daughter and bub off at home and left. No food in the house and no telephone for her to ring us. After finding out that he was cheating on her the whole situation exploded and she came back home to us in January. <br />
Both he and his family are pathological liars. His parents knew of the situation and not only let my daughter think everything was ok, allowed him to take bub over to his new girlfriends house, knowing full well that this was against the conditions of being able to see her. He constantly calls my daughter wanting to know where she is and who she is with. The one time she did go out with friends he found out and become violent towards her and threatened to come and shoot the whole family. Police have become involved and the whole thing is tearing our family apart. <br />
To say that I hate him would be the understatement of the year!! What should be the best years are actually turning into a living nightmare. Needless to say I could write a whole book on the last 12 months of my life, but I think you get the picture.<br />
To the daughters who have written saying that their parents are not respecting their views or the boyfriends that they are with, try to see things from their point of view. Respect is also a two way street and sometimes parents feel they are on a one way street going against the traffic. Your parents only want what is best for you. Sometimes we can see things that you are unable to. Experience is a great teacher, and as parents we have plenty of it.

my daughter's boyfriend neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr comes over either. maybe 3 times in 4 years. the best is that i "was" friends with his mother for the past 30 years . but since the kids grew up and started dating it has changes our friendship. his mother is very enabling to him having no manners. actually told my husband and i that her son does not have to respect us, and who are we to parent her son. its his choice if he doesnt want to visit with us. My daughter is now to the point where she thinks everything he and his mother incorrectly interject is the right way. I was raised that my boyfriend absolutly said hello to my dad when he came over. This one feels he is abover all that. HE never works only on the days that we invite him to dinner on sunday or for a holiday. My daughter believes all his lies' and MANIPULATIONS. He even has his mother 'TEXT' me to confirm that she has him cleaning things for her and that he will not be coming for dinner. The mother enables him and allows him to be rude and il mannered. My daugther goes along with all.

To offer something from the daughter's perspective, I'm currently dealing with parents who hate my boyfriend and our relationship suffers from it. He's 29 and I'm 20, we've been dating for two years and living with each other almost as long. I'm on a great scholarship at university, make straight A's, and have a steady nanny job; he's never "distracted" me from my personal goals. They hate that he didn't finish college, the age gap, and the fact that I'm so serious about someone so young. All concerns I can respect, sure, but to refuse to even see him or mention him out loud, except to criticize him or pick apart every decision he makes, is hurting my mom and I's relationship instead of changing my boyfriend and I's.<br />
<br />
Thing is, knowing my parents hate him does nothing to help me, it just seriously cripples our relationship and makes me stressed out and unhappy every time I have family obligations or they want to see me. I do share a few of the same concerns with my mom, as I'm sure is the case with your daughters as well, I've just made different decisions about him. Give your daughters a little bit of credit. Just because they're not living their lives the way you saw it, that doesn't mean that they're stupid or being manipulated. <br />
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I don't understand what it's like to be a mother, but I know the daughter role pretty well. If the relationship doesn't improve, I'm moving on with my life. I talk to and confide in my boyfriends mother often, and even though she has similar concerns as my parents (i.e.. age gap), she respects our decisions and gets to know me as a person rather than an idea. I'm really tired of feeling like a failure, like I'm constantly not living up to my parents expectations, even when I'm working hard and doing what makes me happy. <br />
<br />
You're driving your daughters away, not proving how much you love/care about them. You should fight for your real daughters, not the version of them you that had in your head. When you fight against them, of course they're going to push away.

While I appreciate your thoughts and comments and agree with many of the things that you have stated; the problem is exactly that you only know the daughter perspective of things. As a mother you know what it is like to be both daughter and mother and the two are completely different. As a mother of a wayward daughter I have to constantly remind myself not to speak out of fear. I don't think any of us (parents) want to convey the message that we don't love our children or that we think of them as failures but we are learning as we go and we don't always get it right.

I agree Tammm. To Calistudent, if he is so great, then keep him. Hide him from your parents. Don't ever bring his name up. This way you have the best of both worlds. Why should your parents put up with your "picks"? 29 vs 20.... not good. Do as you please, but leave kicking your parents around out for awhile. Shelter them as they sheltered you all your life.

I think we should all take a page from the movie ''Two Strangers on a Train'', we could all solve each others ''Problems''......... a sort of ... ''16 Strangers on Computers''.....any takers? Just kidding!<br />
It actually hurts to see that my wife and I are not alone in our situation with our daughter and her boyfriend. We gave her everything she could ever need to start her life after leaving home, helped with the down payment on a beautiful house, a car , helped furnish her house, you name it. 6 months later she meets a belligerent, jobless, car-less, homeless, father of one, loser...and promptly moves them in with her. Needless to say we went ballistic. Since meeting him she has lost her job (her boss said it was because she didn't seem happy there anymore, and that she was late to many times...no doubt that both reasons are because of her ''boy''friend),She has stopped attending church, her home has become a pig sty (due to the ''boy''friend and his child) and has fallen into disrepair because the ''boy''friend doesn't know how to fix anything. Our daughter is 27 years old and, up to this point, as many of you have said about your own daughters, a seemingly intelligent human being, how she could be duped by such a clinical moron into believing he is anything more than that is what has us mystified. We have given up! And hope that with time she will see, what we see,........it's just that it's extremely hard. I am glad I found this page, and the stories you all have shared. We wish you all the best of luck, and ask for your prayers as we will pray for you. Peace.

hum, I think RonEandSharon about covered it. The longer view of what is to come. ugh. Well, it seems people do what they WANT to do.... is that about what I am seeing? Well then, I say we parents, save ourselves. We gave until it hurt, put them first every time, spent all our money, gave up our good looks for what? The boyfriend? Game isn't over yet. Hey, I wouldn't let some dirtbag into my home, so why should I let her boyfriend here? I shouldn't. I won't. Thank you ALL! I'm standing my ground. IF my daughter wants to lose her parents that is HER choice not ours. We're here, we just won't support bad decisions or those stupid boys. Maybe one day those girls will wake up. Hey, those girls can hide them if they want them so much. I don't want to hear "his" name over here.

I NEED HELP PLEASE!!!<br />
My daughter is 24 and has been on & off with her boyfriend for 4 years . They have a two year old son. They moved in with each other when she was pregnant.He can not hold a job more than a few days, just enough to get a little spending money.She had a good job as a pharmacy tech and had good credit when they moved in together.. Apt. was in her name. she bought a truck in her name.Well he wanted to just spend her money and she just wanted to be with him every second Oh, and she had just gotten financing for nursing school. I tried to stay out of it and let her make her own decisions and own mistakes. Well, first she lost her job from calling in all the time, she quit school and I found out she owes a $3000.00 school loan because they spent the money. The truck got repo-ed it was a lease, so now she owes $12,000 for it. They were evicted from the Apt. for non-payment. On her credit report now. All this happened in one year. She has lost everything. Finally he left for awhile, I guess when she had no more to give to him. I gave her a car to drive, ( The car is in my name and I pay the insurance on it) she got a job making only half of what she was making, and started working out. I was so proud of her. Well I'll be darned, he's back again, saying he has a job out of state. He says he loves her and her son and wants them to move there with him.She says she loves him. They will have to live in a spare bedroom with his relatives till they get money saved to get their own place. (Right) I need help. Do I let her go to make her own mistakes again, Do I let her take the car. His old car is on its last legs. Or do I tell her heck no, you can not take the car,go make it on your own if thats what you really want.. The rest of my kids say they will disown her if she goes with him, as they hate him. I do not know what to do. Please any advice would be very much appreciated before its too late. Shes giving a 2 week notice at work.

Don't let her take the car.

I wanted to add my personal story to give all of you hope. First of all, my boyfriend (now husband) was never physically abusive - its important to note that if he is hurting your daughter then do everything in your power to get her out of that situation.<br />
<br />
My parents HATED my boyfriend. They did not even allow him to come to my house. <br />
I was 17 and he was 23 when we met. He drove an expensive car and wore very expensive clothes. Mommy and Daddy paid all his bills because he had not worked for a year. He went to clubs every night and played sports during the day. He dropped out of college and was just wasting his life away.<br />
<br />
I was a senior with 3 full scholarships to out of state schools but went to a local community college instead because he did not want me to go away. I got pregnant my first year in college.<br />
<br />
Now here's the good news: we have been married 20 years and he has made me very happy. He started working the minute I got pregnant and we got married about a month later. My parents cut me off completely so i went to live with his parents. It was very difficult for me. But here's the thing - my mom cut me off and it has taken many years to repair our relationship; my older sister embraced me, she helped us with whatever she could and welcomed him into her home. My sister and I are best friends and have been for the last 20 years.<br />
<br />
I know I am probably the exception, but I wanted to give you a glimpse into a possible future for your daughter. It would be better to gain a son-in-law that is not what you wanted for your daughter than to loose the daughter you've always loved.<br />
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p.s. we also have a 15 year old daughter now and I HATE her boyfriend - ironic. but I've decided to embrace him and not push her away. I might have to spend the rest of my life celebrating holidays with this jerk but i'll be celebrating with her too.

long story short..my daughters boyfriend is a loser, and pretty much a combination of the same from all the other post, shes 18 in college, hes 17 with two more years of high school, he asked her to marry her, so thier engaged with a fake diamond ring that she insist is real, on her 18th birthday, she decides she going to spend the night with him,(something we did not allow before this day), then she began to tell me that she was 18 and we couldnt tell her what to do, so I gave her, right then, the bill for her car insurance and said well , welcome to adulthood!!!!...so now shes quit college got a full time 8 dollar an hour job and been staying at his mommas house with him, but now momma wants them out, so shes getting an apartment with loser boy, he has no job and is gonna live with her at 17, on her dime....the day she said she was moving out, my wife and I that same day, bought plane tickets and reservations to Key West for 8 days, for a much needed vacation.... alone!!!, which weve never had (we found each other again) and told our daughter, not to bother us, we have a life to live now....when we got back we moved an hour away, now she actually comes and sees us and calls constantly telling us she loves and misses us...shes still with loser but, hey she has to learn from her mistakes....shes a smart girl... just being dumb right now!!!,,hes still a F'n idiot..

what can i say , I'm feeling the same thing , my daughter's fella is not someone i would want her to end up with , he is having problems with the law and acts like it's no big deal, does not seem to have a social conscience. She seems to believe everything he says . He seems lazy he doesn't work and has a sense of entitlement about him like he is owed something from everyone just because he has graced us with his presents ,my daughter on the other hand works 2 jobs . At christmas this year was the 1st time he was meeting the rest of the family and while sitting next to him infront of everyone says , that it was going to be 6 years he has had to put up with her , I just said pardon me and he repeated it and i said pardon me , my daughter says oh mommy he's just joking . but to me 1st impressions are everything and for him to speak about her that way seems they have no respect for her , these are people he doesn't know, what parent could sit there and say nothing . Men that think nothing of making this so called jokes in front of people have no self respect and need to make their mate feel like they are the problem , it's the beginning of setting blame and controlling her making her feel less then worthy of someones love this is where it starts and if gets away with it it will only get worse. I just wish she saw what her father and i see , I have no idea how to show her his true colours , so she sees what i see , my husband would never talk like that to me in our home let alone in front of people

yeah Indiigo.... what is it with these boys? My son (18) doesn't act like these boys. But, he has told me this is what girls want! AS IF! Sounds like some kind of social issue here...... those mean, know it all, rude boys with our little sweet hearts. Something doesn't add up here. Hu, maybe our girls only told us what they wanted us to hear...... oh dear. Time for everyone to have a wake up call I think.

I can relate to what the parents are saying. <br />
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What I'm hearing over and over again is that it's absolutely futile -- and in fact counter productive -- to even try to talk to them.<br />
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What gets me is that at first I liked the guy. But then he became a 24/7 obsession (he and his friend Chimney Chick). And when I expressed concern that my 4-year-old granddaughter was so depressed that her father is setting her up for counseling, and she's regressing behaviorally, my daughter just doesn't see the connection between her Luv Muffin Is Number One in My Life behavior and her daughter's emotional distress.<br />
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I hate him and I'm starting to hate her too.

Me too ! I hate him but I am starting to hate my daughter attitude too and I am about to walk away for good! I fantasize about living one day after she spent time with him and not coming home or not answering my calls. That she will come whatever day she decides too, and i won't be there I will be gone to a nice paradise place, with coconut water and an umbrella covering the sun off my face. And a nice card in my hand that writes: Dear daughter.... So long ! A kiss Mama

No, you have to leave the door open for her. Just tell the girls the way it is and let it go. Let that bird fly. She'll either grow up &amp; fly right, or she'll be eaten by crows. I'm thinking we will not be able to save them. They have to do it themselves. Our job as parents is to tell them the truth, then let go. Lord knows I've told my 22 year old 1,001 times. I'm done now, I think she heard me the first time. Now, it will be up to her.

Hey I'm with you. But it is the hardest thing I have to do. I think my daughter will have a light bulb moment one day but in the
Mean time I have to protect myself and my three younger daughters. It's hard cos she is still living at home and brings him over. I can handle it as long it's not in my face. I just don't want him in my house. She doesn't want to live with his family but I think she needs to move in with him to see the real him and his family. And to grow up.

But you are right we need to let go and hope for the best. My daughter is nearly 21 and like your daughter need to make their owned mistakes.

I'm crossing my fingers that she will eventually see for herself.

Good luck . Xx

Let me give you a little something from the daughter's perspective. I'm a college grad (early-ish 20's) who, after spending every dime on tuition, was forced to live at home for grad school. My parents and my boyfriend all genuinely don't like one another. All thought my parents are the worst about it and my boyfriend who I vent to is basically reacting to what they have said about him. I'm caught in the middle! I can't stand my parents for not accepting my decision or at least giving him another chance. I no longer trust them or tell them anything due to the way they treat me and extremely hurtful way they speak to me about my relationship. After nearly 2 years of dating, I broke it off with him to make them happy, thinking maybe they were right about him and they could see something I was too blinded by love to notice. After about 3 months apart, I missed my best friend. In fact, he could teach my parents a thing or two about me because he actually listens to what I say and respects my thoughts and feelings. In essence, the first person to post got it exactly right... they are doing nothing but driving me away. If you want your daughter to get as far away from you as possible and confide in the boy you hate... then treating her this way is exactly what you should do. <br />
From a girl who knows: Respect her decision, give your opinion two or three times (then back off), let her make a mistake (it's ok, really!).... and finally if he really tries to take care of your daughter, maybe he's really not so bad... get to know him. He may change your mind (and he will respect you for giving respect to him). <br />
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thats just it.. how do you get to know the boyfriend when he cannot face you because he feels intimitated, threatnend and has no manners to even come and say hello to the parents, refuses to come and eat a sunday dinner with the family. does not pick her up when they go , she has to go get him. he hardly works. and he is with the daughter every weekend back and froth to colleges, but yet cannot even stop by to say hello. I feel its disrespectul to her that he cannot accept her parents wanting him to be part of family .

Be patient... maybe her friends are telling her the same thing. You never know when a man who respects her will walk right into her life and give her a wake-up call... without you having to be the bad guy. It took a while; I wasted 3 yrs of my life. About 9mons after I wrote the post above (which I actually completely forgot about until I got this reply), I met my final wake-up call. All the negative comments from my family &amp; friends constantly reverberated in my head. I may have resented every single one; but that doesn't mean I was not aware of every word.
I was still in the old relationship; but, my "wake-up call" would not give up. He was respectful, supportive and instead of telling me what I deserved, like everyone else, he showed me. He was the definition of persistent and he waited while I figured it all out. Now I couldn't be happier.
I still know my parents went about it the wrong way. At first, they were rude to "Mr. Wake-up call" as well. Now he is a member of the family and they treat him like a son.
Basically, this guy probably will not change; but, your daughter might. Support her now regardless of what decision she makes. Give her a little freedom to make mistakes (as long as this guy doesn't lead her off the deep end), so she can truly appreciate a good guy when he comes along. GOOD LUCK.. you may have a long road ahead.. June '07 to May '10 is how long it took me to completely ditch the guy I knew all along was Mr. Wrong.

"My fiancee regret to marry me and run away. I was devastated. All our plans destroyed. Another spellcaster recommended priestoflovespell@yahoo.com, he was supposed to be a love spells expert. He casted on late March. On early April, my BF came back to me with a diamond ring, a dozen of roses and a box of chocolates. I am satisfied and happy to follow my instincts on this. i am happy again." (Ana, Finland)

I don't think so, I have seen the way he treats my daughter and more importantly I have seen the changes in her personality. She became more insecure, and like you and because he said so, she doesn't tell me anything that goes wrong with him and their relationship. She hides from me or tries to hide when he makes her cry, or when he hurts her. But I see her reactions her losing weight even though she is very thin and beautiful, because he says she is getting fat she exercises with him a lot and almost doesn't eat to not get fat like he says. She forgot her dream to be a model for him, she is not going in vacation to see her grandma to Mexico because he didn't want to and has no passport, and she has no friends anymore because he is with her all the freaking time wich reminds me... how much i hate my daughter's boyfriend carlos craig. There I said it !

Exactly! He was Mr. Wrong all along and you knew it. And you let you Mom and Dad suffer too anyway is not right you know?

Pearl, I read your note. I get what you are saying, but what you fail to see is you are picking some boy over your parents. So, you want to make it work? Hide him. That's right, don't tell your parents about him. Since they don't like him and you love your parents right? Go about your grown up life with him all you want (please don't get pg like the others). By hiding him you make your parents happy. THEN after a year or so ask yourself "why do I have to hide him?". hey, if he's a good one, you won't mind hiding him.

Control freaks every one of 'em-it's so sad.That's all part of their plan-isolate then turn the family against them.Just say your piece and then get some piece of mind yourself because there's only one person can change all this and that's your daughter.

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