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Makes Me Sick

My daughter has been dating her boyfriend for two years and I'm now to the point of every time I hear or see him it makes me sick.  I thought that she would get tired of all his crap, but she continues to put with it.  I always thought she was an intelligient girl, but lately I'm beginning to believe she is just stupid.  She does not listen to me or her father.  Her friends do not like him.  I believe he is a manipulator and tries to control every thing.  He will not talk to us except to say hi and bye.  He speaks so low that only she can hear when they are in a room with us.  He puts on this big front of what a great guy he is, but we see him for the turd that he is and I'm ready for her to dump him.  We were fighting so much over him during the summer that is was absolutely horrible.  He ended up giving her an engagement ring.  I pray constantly that she will wise up and see the light soon.  She will be miserable if she marries him.  She is never at home and yet complains that we don't love her.  I think the jerk is trying to alienate her from us.    I have cried and cried over this more times than you can imagine.  I feel like I have lost my daughter.  She is distant with us and does not seem like my daughter anymore.  At times, the weight of all of this crap is almost more than I can bear.  I try not to say anything negative about him to her anymore cause all it does is cause fights, but it sure is hard to be nice and pleasant to someone when you want to pinch their head off.

dumphisbutt dumphisbutt 41-45 88 Responses Dec 18, 2008

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It must be real hard. I remember I made the same mistake and ended up getting married, and after 1 year got divorced. Thank God I had no children with my ex. All I can tell you is that be supportive and just give her your opinions only when she ask you for them, BUT be careful how you respond, make it sound general and give her examples and then ask her "what do you think?" This can help you by letting her use her own judgment and lets her think twice.
I wish you the very best!

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wow sounds like he has a twin brother, my daughters boyfriend. we need to pray and ask god 4 help to open their eyes before its too late. please we ask that all the positive prayers be sent their way to prevent them from living hell. please PRAY FOR ALL OF THESE MISGUIDED CHILDREN WHO CANNOT BELIEVE THEY CAN DO BETTER.

wow it sounds like you are mental!!
god have put love in our hearts for a reason and we should go against it because peoples like you don`t like the guy!!
This is pretty egoistical and it isn`t your life or your dreams. The daugthers have own dreams, the own taste and it`s thems heart who beat for someone and not yours!!
She have to be happy at the end not you. God make her heart beat for someone and not the parants!!

I´m so glad I have such awesome family!!
So long you knee down and pray I´ll act and use my brain to take your daugther away - lol

I got an answer why it happend. I am not from america and so I didn`t know. She said: If its one thing that America has, it's an unhealthy amount of religious fanaticism in certain places. There we have the answer!!

My daughter is 31 and has just married a guy who has a child he never sees. Just after they married his ex girlfriend somehow tracked me down and provided proof he had been sleeping with her from the very start of his one year relationship with my daughter, he was constantly running my daughter down and he must have spoken about me as well otherwise how would she know how to cintact me. Long story short told my daughter and provided proof (text between him and the other girlfriend) Out come is never invited to my daughter's wedding and she has cut me dead as I will not accept him now. Sad part is she is currently pregnant so I have lost my daughter and grandchild. He is very happy with the situation as he has total control over her now. Although the loss of my daughter is causing me unberable pain and I cry alot I will not accept my daughters terms which are I have to accept him. I can not do this as I know he will constantly cause trouble and I can not and will not accept. My dayghter and I had a very strong bond and spent a lot of time together, but this has not stopped this heart breaking situation. My advice to you is, you sit back and shut up or accept it, this is a battle you will not win. 💔😢 broken hearted mum 😭💔

I really feel bad for my daughter this is the first love and she is just like my sis she had only one guy in her life and she stayed wit him until she passed away I jus don't want my daughter to think that he is the only one for her he talk crazy to her because she has bipolar but his issues are worser than her a least she gets a ckeck for her disably and he just sit around and live on her and the kids income this is not a good way to show his two boys the way to be a good man

of course ur worry cus shes ur daughter but its her life if she doesnt listen to u and ends up with a bad life she'll come back crying to u ive seen it happen many times u have to let her experience it herself to know... i know a girl who keeps up with this one guy although he is a wacko head who doesnt care about her but she loves him so nothing can be done u wouldnt know unless u walk in their shoe :)

I feel your pain. I've actually become an expert at dealing with numerous losers my daughter has dated. She is 20 years old n continues to date drug addicts. Criminals. Liars. Lazy ***** that don't want to work. Etc etc etc. I've cried so ling n so hard n no. It isn't me never being satisfied. I've bent over backwards to help her in a few of her past relationships. She's still in love with her high school sweetheart n he us with her but he's always messing up n pushes her into the arms if an even bigger loser then he is. I'm drained from crying my heart out for like 5 or years. She has plenty of good guys with jobs n cars that would love to date her but somehow they "suck" just because they show compassion n love...I don't get drained. She makes me feel like I'm 85 years old

ill be honest I cannot imagine what position you are in and how you feel but maybe the guy is just shy ill be honest I'm 17 and very much the same I am very meek and don't really elevate my voice too much because I'm shy I do not exaggerate anything with me i am who I am and to be honest there's no point in causing arguments it will push her away simply avoid everything with him in the context-dont say anything about him im sure she wont either then but be there for her make sure your there with her and do some activities together to bond a little more i know you love her but she is most likely at that age that she cant see that and a little time spent together will show her that you really do even if its an afternoon out shopping or something you both love, ill be honest there's only a couple ways that his 'front' could be, it could be true or it could be a pile of garbage made up to try to impress you, more importantly of that is that he wanted to impress you so you weren't offended if anything he probably was trying to make a good impression and his confidence may boost and be less inaudible around you and trust me if he's not the one she'll know and you'll be there to kinda say i told you so but care for her and help her get over it and feel better which will again bring you both closer together.

I have a 19 yr old daughter who is my world well she just graduated this past June. She was dating a wonderful kid whom we absolutely love and have been friends with his family for years and just recently spent new years with them.
About 3 months ago my daughter ended her 3 1/2 year relationship and now she's dating this creep that she met at work. This guy is 22 has a child that he doesn't take care of nor that he can support any longer beings he got fired for money missing from the safe. No surprise I was told he can't hold a job. My daughter's ex the kid we love so much wants my daughter back and try to work on their relationship. I am at my wits end I wish she would see that this new boyfriend will get her no place. He doesn't even have his license because he failed the test like 5 times! God I just don't want my daughter pregnant with this clown

They more you fight it the more you push her away from you. I hate to say it but it sounds like her distance from you is more your doing than her boyfriend

Im not seeing a lot of suggestions for these crazy young ladies in our life....my little 24 year old butterfly is living with her bf of 4ish years (don't know how long because she didn't tell me when she met him-he was a Christmas dinner surprise)...at the time he had a scooter and a part-time job at a sandwhich shop (and a college degree). 6 months ago he was working part time as a janitor with no car...every time I would ask what their plans were - what his goals were - what is he doing her response would be "I don't know it's his life"...after huge fight (her yelling at me and running off in tears 4 months ago finally spoke to her yesterday and she was hysterical crying and yelling about how I never listen to her and I nag at her and I am mean. But suddenly bf works 35 hours week and does some other part time jobs and his car is running (thank you Lord)! At least she is telling me that he is beginning to get his act together - though he has the personality of a rat - we shall see if she shows up over the holidays and what her attitude may be. But I did tell her that if she didn't show me respect that she didn't need to bother. Question I have is how do I communicate with her? If I ask her a question about her life (what are you doing, what is bf doing.....typical conversation starters to show an interest in someone's life and get to know them - in a normal world) I am accused of nagging her and being critical of bf and her and their choices in life. Yet if I ask no questions and show no interest in their lives "that just proves you don't love me"....I feel like I am dealing with an hormonal 13 year old!!!!

I have a daughter now 23 (she goes to college full time and works full time) who started dating this guy about 3 years ago, he's now 26 never graduated from high school. She found out that he was addicted to heroin 3 months into their relationship. I told her that it is a lifelong battle and that the statistics say they will fall off the wagon again and again throughout life.

She told me "you guys always said you don't kick a dog when he's down" He's trying to get clean and I'm not going to kick him when he's down. We supported her decision to give him another chance. Not long after he fell off the wagon and began doing heroin and now xanax. He cried and begged her to forgive him in our driveway.... she did. He fell off the wagon again not long after and went to jail for a month (he got caught with enough to make him a dealer...yes he only got a month because he was accepted into a first time offender program).

Every time he fell off the wagon I saw him messed up and I would say to her "he's messed up on something" and she would say "No he's not" then the next day it would come out because he would get fired from his job... that happened more than once, one time I bought a drug test kit and she tested him, and the last time he got arrested.

I don't know if she knew and was just lying for him or if she really just didn't know, couldn't tell. I almost believe she can't tell because why would she accept the drug test kit from me and test him then have me look at the results because he was trying to manipulate her into believing that it was negative. I am so confused.

He got out of jail and manipulated her into believing that he has never felt better and he is never going to do it again because he likes feeling normal. She takes him back.

My husband kept telling me, she's an adult, there is nothing we can do. We tried to talk to her but to no avail.

About a month and a half after he got out of jail she came to me and told me she was pregnant. I try not to talk negatively about him because I didn't want to lose my daughter but this time it slipped and I said "Please tell me it's not his, Please Please"

I only thought maybe because while he was in jail during new years eve she got really depressed and hung out with her old boyfriend (they are still friends) ... about 2 weeks before he got out of jail... She and her ex got really drunk after my husband and I went to bed and she doesn't remember everything and neither did he. (I calculated it out and it appears to be the drug addict ... by the due date).

Her boyfriend fell off the wagon again when she was about 6 months pregnant and she forgave him again.... same old I'm sorry, crying, begging, I want to get clean for my child. He got kicked out of his parents house and didn't have a place to live and she begged us to let him move in so we thought okay she keeps saying we are not giving him a chance and are not being supportive. As much as we did not want to we let him move in... I know but look at it from my point, I was trying to manipulate her into getting rid of him, I knew it would be a matter of time and was hopeful that this time would be the last time.... and she wouldn't have anymore excuses and I thought once the baby is born she would put the baby first and get rid of him. Boy was I wrong.

He help set up for the baby shower then left to pick up a friend and came back to the baby shower completed messed up on heroin and xanax. Everyone at the baby shower was talking about how messed up he was.... he went into the house and I followed him in because i didn't want to confront him in front of everyone, I told him he was a drug addict and always will be and kicked him out of the house and told him to never ever come back to my house again... my daughter walked in and said what's going on.. I told her he was on drugs and she said no he's not...the next day he lost his job and she found out it was because he was trying to buy drugs from a co-worker.

She took him back AGAIN, she said that she had to try to help him because he is the father of her baby. (Keep in mind that through all of this my daughter is still in college full time and working full time during her pregnancy and worked until a week before she had her baby, never taking a quarter off of college)

We told her we would be there for her and her baby but that we can not be there for her boyfriend any longer. She understood. She had the baby in October and he fell off the wagon again in January, he got kicked out of where he was living and had no place to live, he promised her he would go to rehab but he couldn't find one... it's funny but when he really had no where left to stay except a homeless shelter he found a place that would take him. He was there and seemed to be doing well, I don't know first hand because I never saw him... i'm going off of what she told me. He left the program with only 2 weeks left until completion because from what she said his friend died and they told him he couldn't go to the funeral... I don't believe it... but I'm used to his lies and if it's not a lie .... well it's his fault I don't believe him.

I have not seen or spoken to him since the baby shower and it's been almost a year. I love my grandson with all of my heart and I feel so sorry for him. I don't believe my daughter when she says he's been clean.... there have been times where I can tell somethings wrong.... but she doesn't tell me what it is... It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out... I feel so sorry for my grandson because my daughter is not putting him first, she is still putting that drug addict before her own child.

I can't wrap my head around it. He has no car, just got fired from another job, living off of other people, crashing on other peoples couch again and has nothing to offer this child or her. I raised her to be a strong person, and she is except for with him, with him she is this undeserving of a good guy, feels guilty i think because he has been manipulating her for so long... but why in God's name is she risking her child's life and happiness by being with this guy?????? She is like an abused little girl, afraid to walk away, thinking he is this great guy with a problem, thinking she can help him, help him be the person he keeps telling her he wants to be.... my GOD when will she wake up???

I know this is long but I had to finally get this all off of my chest.

Now, I can't say if he's been clean or not because I haven't seen him in over a year. My gut tells me he's fallen off the wagon more often than I even think but she continues to lie and tell me he's doing good. She's not telling me because she thinks one day I will like him again. How do I tell her he will NEVER be anything but a drug addicted looser to me. I will NEVER forgive him or like him again... He has ruined it... it's too late!

I'm at my wits end.. I keep saying she needs to live with him to really see how he is, but I think that is about to happen here in the next month or so and I am so sad. I am worried something will happen to her or my grandson and I can't do anything about it. I think I'm falling into a depression and as long as she is with him I will never be okay again.

Please help me!

I couldn't read all the stories because I am so sad, but it is a little comforting to see that my husband and I aren't the only ones in a situation like this. I'm going to come back later in the week to read some more.

My situation is so similar, and I am so broken hearted. I feel like a failure as a mother. We have four children, and they all say that we were wonderful parents (even the daughter who just moved into her underemployed boyfriend's bedroom in his mommy and daddy's apartment). But, I just don't know what to say or what to do - nothing has prepared us for this. I'm lost in another culture - and I want to just go back in time a few decades so that she can't hurt us this way.

I don't think that she realizes that her actions are like a stone thrown in a pond, and the ripples are tearing this whole family apart.

My other daughter works with someone who told her that she can't move in with her fiance because her parents are so conservative that it would break their hearts. I am SO JEALOUS of those parents. What did they do that made their daughter love them enough to just wait until she was married.

My husband and I said that this boy could have our daughter if he got a job to earn enough almost enough money to support her in their own apartment (in case it became necessary for them to move out of his Mommy's place). We thought we were being REALLY kind when we said that he only had to have a job where he needed to earn 3/4 of the amount of money that would take. We said that he had to have his driver's license. (He doesn't have it yet because his father couldn't teach him to drive because other cars on the road make him jumpy - literally jumpy where he visibly jerks in fear.) And my husband said he had to attend RCIA (we are Catholic). He is an atheist and we said that we didn't care if he lied in the vows - just we want possible grandchildren to be raised in our faith. This is also very important to our daughter - she wants (at least she did then) to raise her children in the faith also.

So three things:
Job earning 3/4 of the amount of money needed to live.
Driver's license.
Convert (and he could just "fake" convert if he didn't feel anything).

They both agreed to this two months ago. But, she's living in his bedroom now even though none of those three things happened.

My husband calls this boy "Wormtongue" because ever since he entered our daughter's life she has been turning against us.

I thought that we were REALLY nice to figure out a way to say yes so that this loser could have our wonderful daughter. (She graduated with degrees in German and Latin with a minor in art and maintained an almost 4.0 GPA. She did this in only three years. She has a driver's license. She is amazing. And now I can't even talk to her on the phone because I can't think of things to say - just tongue tied with my own daughter.) :-( I am so sad. I don't know if I've ever been this sad in my life before.

My husband is frustrated because I cry all the time, and my other children are saying things like stop calling yourself a failure as a mother - look at us - you must have done something right. They are joking, but they are getting a little sick of my inability to look away from her and focus on them.

I've talked to my mother-in-law, my sisters, our priest, our parish counselor, and my godmother. (My own mother has Alzheimer's) Nobody can give me any good advice about what to do so that we can make a relationship with our daughter actually work somehow. Everybody tells me that she is doing something crazy stupid and/or sinful and wrong, but what am I supposed to do. I can't talk to her anymore.

My husband says he understands parents saying "she is dead to us" - he doesn't want to say that and he still has the ability to talk to her, but he understands.

This is killing us.

First of all, you cannot force someone to convert to a religion they don't want to be a part of, even if it is fake. That's against his civil rights as a U.S. citizen. Second of all, you guys are not his parents, therefore you DO NOT need to be telling him what to get and what not to get. They are both adults from what I am reading, therefore you cannot pick and choose who your daughter dates. Let them be

Obviously you are not a parent. A parent that has invested everything they have into the life of this child from the moment of conception. A parent knows what is best for their child.

Hi just read this and believe me I can understand your pain. It is an awful situation and I have first hand experience. I don't have any great answers but I do know this- the best thing you can do is search your own heart and pray. You need to give your daughter to the Lord- I say this because you say you have faith. You also need to calm down and stop torturing yourself. Examine your motives and forgive your daughter. Keep in touch with her, ask her how she is often and try to keep things light. You have told her how you feel, now don't hassle her about it- just pray hard. I personally think it was a big mistake to ask him to convert, you'd be better to show him through your lives your faith means something real to you and is worthwhile than asking him to be a hypocrite. Hope things are much better for you since you wrote this post. God bless

What did they do that made their daughter love them enough to just wait until she was married. That's you're disconnect right there. Understanding that it's not about you. She isn't doing any of this cause she doesn't love you she's doing this cause she thinks she loves him. You need to step back out of the situation for a minute if you can and retread this whole post that you posted. Maybe it will give you a better understanding of what's happening and how best to deal with it.

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The issues I am having with my daughter, She is 17 and her new bf is 21. They have only been seeing each other for 2 months. I have noticed he is very jealous of her. Constantly accusing her of wanting to cheat on him. She acts like she totally hates me, speaks very smart to me. Every time I say anything about the bf, she gets mad and threatens to go live with her dad's parents (they let the bf spend the night). I have rules in my home. If he comes over on a school night, he has to leave no later than 9:00 pm and on weekends he needs to leave around 11:30 pm. She doesn't want to stay with me on weekends because I wont let her bf stay the night. I'm irritated, scared, and just generally worried.

You all seems to be great parents and want the best for your kids. What you all have to understand this is a new generation, freedom of choice and association is always preached to them since their were children. Most of them will make these mistakes then found it later when I was almost too late. You'll have to keep praying and approach the matter sensibly, never use force because it won't work.
I wish they will all listen before 2 late.

i have a simular problem with my daughter,the more we push them away from each other the more they wanna be together .

Here's my opinion.
Is it really him. Is he really that bad? Have you seen him do anything wrong to her? Has he hurt her? Is he controlling? Is it just you being over thinking parent who can't get to grips that their daughter is dating someone.. Maybe he isn't your mister right but he's probably hers.

Do you dislike the person your child is dating? Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best? VPEtalent is seeking concerned and dynamic parents who think their teen or 20something is dating the wrong person for a new docu-reality show for MTV's international channels. Contact amy [dot] frank [at] vpetalent [dot] com with your story to apply.

Hello.
I am in exactly the same boat you are in except my daughter now has babies by her boyfriend. He has turned her against us. We paid for the the prenatal care, and birth of both babies because he got fired and she did not have insurance. We've seen the babies maybe 2 times. My daughter does not speak to us. I found out he has been cheating on her but she prefers to drink the koolaide and put up a front for everyone. He broadcast the other girl on his Facebook account.. I have no idea what to tell you except pray and pray very hard. he did a few dirty things to me directly and when I called him out on it, my daughter jumped down my throat. Pray that she will use birth control and if they mention marriage, be polite and say "You do not have my blessings" - and leave it at that. My daughter was going to marry this creep after she had the babies. When they told me ( During an argument) I said those words exactly: 'You do not have my blessings'. He is afraid of a confrontation( Due to the cheating) and now my daughter says she will call the police if I contact her. I've never been to her home, and I rarely call her. I suggested family counseling, but she never came and he thwarted every attempt. I pray your "Problem" is not as bad as ours, but if so,,my heart goes out to you. This boy has manipulated my daughter in such a way, she is paranoid of us. Now she lies and does everything he asks.It's sickening. Stay calm, and just act like he is anyone else. People like him enjoy knowing they have the power to hurt others. It makes them feel like 'Big People'. One of the first signs of an abusive relationship is when a guy estranges a girl from her family. Once he as accomplished this, she is putty in his hands. I finally told my daughter to kiss off and that I refused to be an opponent in a game of emotional chess. People think I was bad for saying it, but enough was enough. Yes, I am sad and miss her everyday, but doing what she wanted was humiliating. Best wishes!

When I read this I thought it was one of my posts, LOL!
I know exactly what you're going through!
My daughter has been dating her boyfriend/fiancée for about 4 years now and he's a real turd as well. He came over one night, drunk, and asked for my daughters hand. After they had gotten engaged behind my back 2 weeks earlier.
During the 2 weeks I went through back surgery and noticing she was hiding her ring.
I wanted to break his neck but I knew if I ran him off and he got into an accident I'd get the blame. Besides, I'm an adult and had to bite my tongue and make him stay the night till he sobered up. What I should have done was call his parents and make them come get him and his car, hindsight...
Anyway, they do the same things. Lying, whispering in front of my wife and I, all the crap kids at that age do, they're both 19...
Don't feel alone. All kids at this age act like this. It's our job to live through it, pray 24/7 and hope we as well as our kids come out of it alive with nothing but wrecked nerves and gray hairs.
My wife and I have also spent the last 2 years getting into arguments and being depressed about what's going on. Now that she's spending most of her time shacking up with him at his apartment "the size of a bedroom". We hope he starts showing her what a dink he is and that she'll realize and start seeing what we, as well as her friends, see in him and dumps him like a bad load of Chinese food...
Please tell your husband that you guys aren't alone. Y'all will be in my prayers!

Thank you so much for this. It's almost as if you wrote this for me. I am experiencing the very same thing. The difference is that my daughter is going to marry the turd in a couple of months. My husband and I have tried to reach her but she won't listen. The little witch that introduced them continues to fuel the fire and turn our daughter against us. My daughter is desperate to get married and this is the slime she is settling for. She doesn't need to be desperate. She's 32, a doctor, always was very sweet and beautiful. He has his hooks into her and won't let go. He's 11 years older than she is and has 2 brats. I could go on and on, but you already know my story. Thank you, now I know I'm not crazy or imagining things.

You're imagining things like the rest of us. I guess that makes us all crazy, LOL! Why our daughters make such stupid decisions is beyond me. It sounds like she's really got her life off to an awesome start and now she's going to let some creep ruin it all. This happened to me and my first wife. She had 3 kids and thank God we didn't have any together because by the time she was done with me I had a foreclosed house, bankruptcy, and 15,000.00 in bills she hadn't paid before leaving me for some guy she met on the Internet. Now my daughter with my second wife is dating a guy with creep tattooed all over him and they're engaged. Thank God for now we've got her to promise us she won't marry him until she's done with collage, that 3 years, whew! Now my wife and I hope she'll see what a creep he is before the wedding, or she gets pregnant... I'll be praying that your daughter sees the light before she ruins her life with this jerk.

My daughter is the same age and pretty much the same, she has always been a kind caring girl, but she has turned into a raging bull hell bent on destroying her life by clinging to him, and like your daughter she doesn't need to be desperate he is 10 years older and a vile bully, she knows its the truth but stays with him. I am glad I am not the only one who feels crazy. There seems a lot of us in this situation.

I thought I was the only crazy one going through this. It is madness. I was a sucker for so long with my daughter's boyfriend. He tells to many unbelievable stories about whre he's been etc. It has gotten to where I literally skate when I see him or hear his name. Now they have a baby. He does love his son, but he doesn't financially support him because he quit his job. He's 21, has no job, no car, no valid driver's license. He says he's not coming back to our house because I make him Uncomfortable; I have yelled and screamed at him several times.

Wow I know this all to well. I hope your daughter is not like mine. He has my daughter speak on his behalf...

Is she still with him?? I so feel your pain and everything you just described I feel every day!! She is 22 and he is 20. She has been dating him for a while and now he is in jail. She seems to be closer to his family now, exp. his mother, that he's there and I can't deal with it any more. They really love her and i no why! i thought she was a smart girl! It truly is killing me! She lives with us still and is going to graduate from college soon to be a teacher and he is a high school dropout! She doesn't understand how she is hurting our whole family watching her be with him. I cry almost everyday!

I know how you feel. My nerves are just about gone. This past week my daughter came to town with her fiancée. She's been dating him for about 4 years and he's a real dipshit. Anyway, we haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks because she's been shacking up with him in another town. his parents live about 5 miles from us and they stayed with them for almost 4 days and she never even came to visit. My wife and I are beside ourselves with hurt. Not only is he manipulative, his mother is too. She took my daughter to look for a prom dress last year and even though she took my wife along, they alienated her all day. When she got home she cried for 2 days after. Now my daughter's hinting that she wants to go with his mother to look at wedding dresses. This is our only daughter, as well as child. and this ***** is taking away every special moment that should be shared between a mother and daughter. I didn't mean to on so long but I just wanted to let you know that there are parents out here who are hurting with you. You'll be in my prayers!

It is exactly our situation. We only saw our daughter long enough on Christmas Day to open the presents we got her. He took her, crying to his family, and also took my husbands car keys. He has one set of keys, and my car was in front, in the garage, so we were stuck. Neither of us could return to work on Boxing Day. We finally got the keys back, which obviously belong to my husband, there are truck keys on there too, they said my husband had planted them in my daughters handbag.. That didn't happen. She had been brainwashed in 30 hours. He text me and said she needed to be with family on Christmas, that's why he took her. I got angry, and told my daughter not to come back with him again, he text and said thanks for making it so easy for me. He told us to stay out of her life. Six months they have known each other, they were engaged after 2 weeks and living together after 3 weeks. I don't want to lose my daughter I love her. This guy is a nut. She has lost all her friends, and her family are alienated. Dyes her pretty blonde hair dark, calls her fat, won't let her eat till late, and decides what she has. Also put her 12000 in credit card debt. My daughter is only 19, we love her what can we do?

Sounds like my daughter also. I am sorry this happening to you.

I know what you guys are going through. If I where you I'd be worried that the turd took them and made copies of all the keys on your key ring...

WOW sounds like I'm heading in the same direction as you already have been for too long. My daughter is 21 and her boyfriend is 24, you would think he was raised by a "pack of wolves", he seems to have no "social" graces. He was over in Iraq at the age of 18, his dad was killed in an accident at 14 years old and his mom never did a good job with her son and younger daughter after that, moved them to CA to be with her boyfriend so there are things that i understand, he is an "Economics Major" so no dummy - but he does things that I can't relate too, he own guns (which scares me), owns motor cycles, seems very reckless to me (once again that scares me). They seem to curse at each other alot, my daughter has a fowl mouth herself, which everyone these days seems to use the "f" word alot, but the other day they were going back and forth and he said to her "stop being a "f"n **** - well I spun around and told them both that if you act like "trash" then people will treat you like "trash" I was so mad, I've been crying myself to sleep - my husband, older daughter and I just don't know what to do - we don't get what she sees in him. My daughter was brought up in a solid loving, great home, lots of friends - we've lived in the same town for 27 years, and I don't understand what she sees in him. He wears the same "red" flannel shirt every day - my daughter is a clothes horse - just doesn't seem to have anything in common, except they are both in college, and he is going onto grad school - I'm just so confused by him, he's smart and yet acts like "trash". Please I need some advice here.

I feel for all of you. my now 20 year old is determined to marry a 26 year old who still lives with his mother, smokes mj, and takes every dime she earns and blows it, or smokes it. She was raised in a home where no one drinks, no one smokes, and everyone works for what they get. Needless to say, we are so upset. She knows that we do not nor will we ever accept a doper, let alone one that is willing to mooch off of others. He is not allowed in my home because I also have a son and no way in hell is he bring his lazy dope smoking butt into my home to live off of me and my husband when we are up at 5 am every day going to work. No way is he going to be allowed near my son! My daughter and my husband are now at each others throats, all of the time. I am in the middle being verbally punched by both of them. She tries to force this a hole on us, and my husband says if I accept any part of the boyfriend, he will leave. So I give up my daughter, or my husband. I am so depressed that I find no joy in anything anymore. Our family was once a very happy family. Now, it is being utterly destroyed.

I know exactly what you are going through. I am in the same sad place and there is nothing I can do about it. My daughter has chosen someone who is morally bankrupt, mooches off everyone, and somehow got his hooks in her. She is an over achiever and he is a total under achiever. He has succeeded in making her lose all her friends and now is working on destroying her family ties. He comes and stays (lives) at my house even when I make it known he is not welcome here. He mooches and acts like we owe him something. My daughter graduated from a top university and landed a high paying job for which she will now be supporting him. He is a clerk, making minimum wage who never fully graduated from college. Nothing we say or do gets through to her. She has made up her mind she wants to marry this guy. All I can do is forbid him from staying here once again and I'm pretty sure they will both leave at that point and I will lose my daughter for good. I'm sad...very sad, as she is my only daughter. We were so close for so long and now I've lost her.

i am in exactly the same position my 16yr old daughter met her 20 yr old boyfriend he is rude disrespectful puts me down and very possive if my girl follows her the toilet everywhere hhardly answers when i speak to him and now she stops at his flat alot if i say anything its me in the wrong so im powerless to do anything it eventually led me to have a breakdowm im now on anti deepressants and havin counciling but she cant understand why she my baby i want to protect her and feel as im losing her i cry all the time .

my question is I have a son in law that has deceived my daughter for the entire length
of their relationship- she is in the midst of divorce proceedings, he refuses to leave
the home, but the home they live in is owned by me (I reside elsewhere) do I have the
right to ask him to leave my property - there is no written agreement for them to
reside in my property it was an offer I made when they were unable to find proper
housing- can I tell him to leave?

Depending on your town, I suspect the best thing to do is have a formal eviction notice given to him. Many towns have " Squatter's Laws" . Call the local police, tell them you situation. Make sure and mail the eviction notice certified with a return receipt. If he does not move according to the eviction notice that's on him and the police will remove him. But check with them first. Good luck.

Sorry folks, all I hear is give in for the love of your daughter! So when is it okay for our children ( just because they are adult now) to bring someone into our life ( parents ) and disrespecting us and we should just have to accept it?! Especially when we were the one who taught our children about LOVE & RESPECT at the first place! I found it rather hypocritical!

I agree with you, I am not going to sit here and just let my 21 years old daughters boyfriend disrespect my daughter and us, everytime I hear something out of his mouth I do not like I let him know it, I told him the other day that we do not speak like that in this house and if he wants to stay here he will stop. We don't have to put up with everything that is dealt us, that is what's wrong with the kids today - they are the ones in control - not the parents anymore. My parents were in control not me.

I'm feeling for you as your situations sounded pretty close to mine. My daughter who's 28, her boy friend is 30 yr old and they have lived together for 5 years. I really can't stand my daughter's boy friend to the point when hearing his name it upsets me a great deal ! He's not only manipulative and controlling, but he is also a big baby! He's over 6 feet tall , healthy,and buffed! Can't do things without my daughter's assistance. Ever since he moved in with my daughter, she only visits a family once in a great while or when he's out of town. And when they came over, a majority of time they only stayed for a short time, it was either he has stomach problem or he has some kind of appointment. When ever they came over to my house he only sits at the couch and played with his iphone and ignored my family! It breaks my heart when i see my 6 year old son tried to conversation with him, he shows no interest in my son and carried on with his iphone! The only person he talks to was my daughter. It seemed to me that when I talked to him, he would not look at me even I was sitting across in front of him. There has been a time where we were having dinner together and he got done before me and he just set there and kept yawning while I was still eating. It would've been decent of him to either say, " excuse me" or leave the table. When ever he doesn't like my food, he would simply pushed his dish a side for my daughter to finish it for him and he does not put his own dirty plates in the sink or gets his own drinks either. He treated my daughter like she is a maid than a girl friend who also made way more money than he is and paid for most of their expenses including dinning out and vacation trips! Sometimes he would pry into my daughter's phone conversation with me. During one of the conversations, I told my daughter that I was very impressed with her younger brother who's only 14 yr old and has been fixing airsoft guns ( fake gun) in exchange for admission to get in and play soft gun. At the other end, her boy friend was saying to my daughter, " why is your mom letting your brother touch the guns? " He went on and said that even he is an adult he wouldn't be comfortable with guns, fake or not. I think to myself ( what gives him the right?) to criticizes my parenting skill, for a mother who has been raising 5 kids and two had already graduated from college. Not to mention my daughter ( his girl friend ) also graduated from LUC and making over $120,000. 00 per year! Then I must be knowing/doing my job well, right?He has been telling my daughter that he is so afraid of me! For a man of his physic to be afraid of a woman of my height 4' 10'' and in a wheel chair....is beyond me!