At the beginning of this year my daughter met a young man on Facebook. At first she was travelling to a nearby town and staying with him, but he suddenly became homeless and so I said he could stay with us. Mistake. All started well, he was full of promises about how he was going to get a job and pay the rent. But the job never materialised and I ended up supporting the three of us. My daughter is 18, he is 21. He also had a habit of ranting at my daughter and of running her down to me in her absence and running me down to her in mine. I got increasingly impatient with his lack of employment and challenged h on it. His response was to scream and rant at me. I caught him out lying about going to jobs when he did not go. He would fly into a rage when challenged and I fear I would shout back, as I refuse to let some man intimidate me as he was trying to do . My daughter has made excuse after excuse for him. His temper is no worse than mine. I did not listen to her about my loser boyfriend so she is not going to listen to me about hers.

Even when this guy has worked (for a couple of weeks at the same place as my daughter) it has not lasted. Yet despite his ongoing lack of employment he manages to buy things like a new TV, and last Friday they set off for a weekend away. I have yet to hear from my daughter since last Friday. Her phone number answers as unavailable. I am feeling quite worried. Then there is the question of where the man who claims he is too anxious to work gets his money. My daughter inherited some money from her late grandmother and I have my suspicions that he is spending their way through it.

Things came to a head for me mid November when he and I had the second blazing row. He had actually contributed £500 towards the rent. When I said watch the cost of heating (they were leaving it on 24/7) I was subjected to a screaming rant "I paid half and I'll do as I like in my ******* home".

Worse yet, he seems to play on my guilt over neglecting my daughter a couple of years back when I was the one dating the sociopath. "All she ever wanted was her mum but oh no, you were too busy ******* it up with your drunken ******* boyfriend".
And I do feel that I set an atrocious example at that time, because look at the choice my daughter has now made.
After the second row I was sufficiently shaken to make a report to the police. I did not feel safe in my own home, he had come close to hitting me, and my daughter thinks I am fair game because of my previous behaviour. With this impossible situation I moved out of our social housing flat and into private rented accommodation. I served notice on the property but paid two months' rent to give them a chance to find somewhere else.

During December the search was not going well - apparently under 25s need a guarantor for their rent and I am not currently earning enough money to provide this. Then my daughter found out by chance that I could pass the flat into her name, making her responsible for running it. This I did mid December.

I should add that my daughter's cannabis consumption has dramatically increased under this man's influence. In addition to being a bum who has served time for assault he is also a pot-head.

And now this strange silence. Before they left for the "weekend away" she sent me a couple of cheery messages. Has he got to her again so she doesn't want to talk to me, or has he buried her somewhere?
Alisveris Alisveris
56-60, F
Dec 29, 2014