My Daughter's Bf Is a Text Book Mental Abuser

She met him through friends of friends. He was "cute" from his pictures on MySpace and Facebook. My daughter 17 at the time was drawn to his instant affection toward her. She never had the experience of having a boy dote on her like he was.

I knew from the start there was something going on with him.

- he lived on a couch in his sisters home.

-his parents kicked him out when he was 16.

The red flags were up from the get go. But, I wanted to support my daughter and not push her away.

A couple months into their relationship, my daughter called to tell me "A-Hole" (not his real name) was at the emergency room. He got into an argument with his mother over the phone, then proceeded to cut his wrists. Needless to say, this landed him in the mental hospital for two weeks. This was not his first visit there. There have been at least two occasions where he made attempts at suicide.

Missing these two weeks of school prompted him to drop out of high school in his senior year.

A few weeks later, I was awoken by my daughter crying. She was upset because her BF got in a fight with his brother in law and decided to leave his house and sleep on a bench. (this was at 2am with sub zero temperatures.) I went out in the bitter cold to pick him up and take him back to his home. He tried to sneak out again, but I was waiting for him. I told him that if he leaves his house again, the next ride he gets will be to the mental hospital...again. I learned that he was diagnosed bi-polar some time ago.

Then the verbal abuse started... name calling.. "but I'm only kidding," putting my daughter down. Manipulating her. Telling her she can't go away to college or he will break up with her. etc.

She was changing. Not wanting to spend time with any of her friends. No longer wanting to spend time with family. (unless she needed a ride) She was sneaking him into her mothers house when not home.

We had a family talk one night, and she admitted that her relationship was not healthy, that he was abusive toward her. (mentally) The next day (after talking to him) she said that she was mistaken. That all was good. We put rules down that she had to follow. Rules that she does not want to live by. She no longer talks to me. She has no friends. Only him.

I am in counseling trying to do what is right. She agreed to go on her own but after two sessions, decided it was too "weird." I have read two books dealing with abusive relationships, and although I am learning. I have lost my daughter to this jerk. I fear the next time I see him, I will smash his pathetic face in.

I am scared, I don't know what is going to happen to her.




HawiianDeadBeat HawiianDeadBeat
1 Response Aug 2, 2009

My sister got in a relationship like that once when she was 15. She got pregnant. He made her steal from my momĀ“s purse. He sneaked in our house several times and took a lot of things to sell them in the streets. He called us names he even had a guy coming to our house and threat us with killing my sister if we didnt give him a certain amount of money and one of our cars. She was so afraid of him that she couldnt see clearly. After a while and our decision to step back and let her make her own life away from us. She turned around and came back home with a little prince in her arms. We love that little one and we are all happy now. The guy is no longer part of our lifes, she took care of her life and him.