I Am A Fool For My Ex-boyfriend!
So, I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 15 years old, I had just entered my first senior year in high school. This was my first boyfriend, and my first true love and I was basically completely swept off my feet. We had an amazing relationship for two years, and every moment was beautiful, I even lost my virginity to him. Our relationship was practically perfect, despite the odd fight here and there. He was, and I guess still is, an extremely guarded and slightly distant person to be around - this is the complete opposite to me, I'm open and honest about everything...and I assume this is where most of the arguments came from. I was always urging him to tell me how he felt, because I was just so in love with him and wanted so desperately for him to give me equal to what I was prepared to give him.
We finally reached our final high school exams, and it was an extremely stressful time. He had NEVER been good with stress, or exams...and so I knew the right thing to do would be to give him space, and let him come to me when he wanted to talk, or hang out. So I did...and he basically forgot about me. When I finally got in contact with him towards the end of all of our exams, he was more distant than ever...something had definitely changed. He was arrogant, and selfish and just didn't seem to care to even talk to me. During exams I became really close with this girl that went to school with him, she was quiet and shy, but really sweet and was sort of an introvert that my boyfriends friends were familiar with from school. She organised for us all to go to the movies on Halloween, and this was where my boyfriend dumped me. I was crying because I didn't know what was going on, and why he was ignoring me so directly...then he just told me the classic line 'It's not you...it's me' and I just thought...are you being serious?! He dumped me right there at the cinema...I was so devastated. I felt so angry, because during our relationship all I ever did was try to love him when he was being distant and disconnected, and I was always the matyr in the situation...which is maybe what he hated so much.
The weeks that followed...were horrible to say the least. I never realised how much it would hurt, to be (out of the blue) completely rejected by someone you were trying soo hard to please. Before he dumped me I even ran to his house with flowers to try and salvage our relationship, and he just sat there and told me he 'didn't know' even after I tried to be intimate with him and please him...it was soo devastating. I became really close with this girl, especially after he dumped me and she agreed that it was so out of the blue, and she told me she though he was really rude and selfish for dumping me the way he did, a few weeks before my last two exams...Then she started to hang out with him and his friends, more and more...and I was told that at their end of school formal, they were holding hands...and I was so shocked. I confronted her about it and she told me that it never happened, and that she wasn't interested in him at all...that they were JUST friends, and that she would NEVER ever date him, and hurt me. I told her that if she did date him, I don't think I could handle it. And you can guess what happened next?! They started dating!!! So she lied to me completely. I never felt so worthless and empty ever before...like I just didn't make the cut i guess, I wasn't good enough for him...and she was. It took me so incredibly long to get over that.
I saw him around a few times, and even tried to talk to him...but he ignored me once again..it was like I was purposely being punished, it was truly awful. Then I met my boyfriend now...such a sweet, friendly and charming guy. He knew all about me and my ex and really helped me get over everything, by just keeping me positive and putting everything into perspective. We have been together for 6 months now, and although it's a different kind of love...I do feel that I love him greatly, not only just as a lover, but mostly as a best friend.
I haven't spoken to my ex really at all for the last 6 months, minus a few drunken phone calls here and there as he works at my work (on different days to me) and we share many of the same friends. But nothing has really been fixed between us..and I've always felt a severe lack of closure. I recently turned 18 and I felt more confident than ever within myself, as I was finally just being happy and moving on with my life. But then a few nights ago, I logged into my facebook and someone had hacked into it, using facebook chat to speak to one of my ex-boyfriends friends. The hacker had said some really nasty sexual stuff to my exes friend about me wanting to be with my ex, and it wasn't me! I couldn't figure out who the hell it could be because I've never given my password to anyone....except my ex-boyfriend. And it turns out that he was there with my exes friend and they were chatting together on facebook. I asked him whether he hacked into my account and he denied it...and I really didn't think he'd do that, but he seemed patronising and sarcastic when I spoke to him..so I really don't know. I feel like I can't trust ANYONE anymore, and that makes me feel really insecure and angry about all my relationships with men.