I Am A Fool For My Ex-boyfriend!

So, I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 15 years old, I had just entered my first senior year in high school. This was my first boyfriend, and my first true love and I was basically completely swept off my feet. We had an amazing relationship for two years, and every moment was beautiful, I even lost my virginity to him. Our relationship was practically perfect, despite the odd fight here and there. He was, and I guess still is, an extremely guarded and slightly distant person to be around - this is the complete opposite to me, I'm open and honest about everything...and I assume this is where most of the arguments came from. I was always urging him to tell me how he felt, because I was just so in love with him and wanted so desperately for him to give me equal to what I was prepared to give him.
We finally reached our final high school exams, and it was an extremely stressful time. He had NEVER been good with stress, or exams...and so I knew the right thing to do would be to give him space, and let him come to me when he wanted to talk, or hang out. So I did...and he basically forgot about me. When I finally got in contact with him towards the end of all of our exams, he was more distant than ever...something had definitely changed. He was arrogant, and selfish and just didn't seem to care to even talk to me. During exams I became really close with this girl that went to school with him, she was quiet and shy, but really sweet and was sort of an introvert that my boyfriends friends were familiar with from school. She organised for us all to go to the movies on Halloween, and this was where my boyfriend dumped me. I was crying because I didn't know what was going on, and why he was ignoring me so directly...then he just told me the classic line 'It's not you...it's me' and I just thought...are you being serious?! He dumped me right there at the cinema...I was so devastated. I felt so angry, because during our relationship all I ever did was try to love him when he was being distant and disconnected, and I was always the matyr in the situation...which is maybe what he hated so much.
The weeks that followed...were horrible to say the least. I never realised how much it would hurt, to be (out of the blue) completely rejected by someone you were trying soo hard to please. Before he dumped me I even ran to his house with flowers to try and salvage our relationship, and he just sat there and told me he 'didn't know' even after I tried to be intimate with him and please him...it was soo devastating. I became really close with this girl, especially after he dumped me and she agreed that it was so out of the blue, and she told me she though he was really rude and selfish for dumping me the way he did, a few weeks before my last two exams...Then she started to hang out with him and his friends, more and more...and I was told that at their end of school formal, they were holding hands...and I was so shocked. I confronted her about it and she told me that it never happened, and that she wasn't interested in him at all...that they were JUST friends, and that she would NEVER ever date him, and hurt me. I told her that if she did date him, I don't think I could handle it. And you can guess what happened next?! They started dating!!! So she lied to me completely. I never felt so worthless and empty ever before...like I just didn't make the cut i guess, I wasn't good enough for him...and she was. It took me so incredibly long to get over that.
I saw him around a few times, and even tried to talk to him...but he ignored me once again..it was like I was purposely being punished, it was truly awful. Then I met my boyfriend now...such a sweet, friendly and charming guy. He knew all about me and my ex and really helped me get over everything, by just keeping me positive and putting everything into perspective. We have been together for 6 months now, and although it's a different kind of love...I do feel that I love him greatly, not only just as a lover, but mostly as a best friend.
I haven't spoken to my ex really at all for the last 6 months, minus a few drunken phone calls here and there as he works at my work (on different days to me) and we share many of the same friends. But nothing has really been fixed between us..and I've always felt a severe lack of closure. I recently turned 18 and I felt more confident than ever within myself, as I was finally just being happy and moving on with my life. But then a few nights ago, I logged into my facebook and someone had hacked into it, using facebook chat to speak to one of my ex-boyfriends friends. The hacker had said some really nasty sexual stuff to my exes friend about me wanting to be with my ex, and it wasn't me! I couldn't figure out who the hell it could be because I've never given my password to anyone....except my ex-boyfriend. And it turns out that he was there with my exes friend and they were chatting together on facebook. I asked him whether he hacked into my account and he denied it...and I really didn't think he'd do that, but he seemed patronising and sarcastic when I spoke to him..so I really don't know. I feel like I can't trust ANYONE anymore, and that makes me feel really insecure and angry about all my relationships with men.

kateaghs kateaghs
2 Responses Jun 2, 2010

Amoot, life has definitely changed since I posted my story. And it was so sad to hear that you were also dealing with a similar experience. <br />
Since I posted this story I just tried to get on with life, focusing on my new boyfriend, my friends, family and college. Then recently, a few months ago my ex-boyfriend called me to ask about work. The conversation took a turn and we ended up having a heart-to-heart about everything that had happened. I felt like we had reached a common ground and I finally had closure, and soon after this my ex continued to contact me. Recently we met up because I was leaving work and had to give him the keys to the office and we had another intense conversation. He basically admitted to me that he felt he had made the biggest mistake of his life, that he did truly love me and that that girl he had ended up with was just a 'rebound' and that he felt their relationship just wasn't the same and would come to an end soon. I was so shocked! I had convinced myself that he didn't care about me AT ALL, and suddenly he was begging to see me and speak to me as much as possible. <br />
I know it sounds awful, but I took such joy in hearing him being so weak-minded and misguided in his life and desicion making. And I felt that when we met up, I just wasn't attracted to him, or his persona anymore! It felt like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. We have agreed to be friends, but deep down I just know that the feelings will always be there....even a little. So I'm trying to keep my distance as much as possible and just focus on my new romance. <br />
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I really hope things get better for you, everyone deserves to be loved by someone. <br />
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Kate<br />
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P.s. I never found out WHO hacked into my account!

How awful. I know what you mean about not being able to really trust anyone after this. I had my accounts hacked too. All this started happening when I met someone. <br />
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Can't trust anyone anymore. Life is awful. I need to listen to positivitiy files every night and now I can't sleep coz my pla<x>yer ran out of batteries. <br />
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Tell me how your life works out and how it picks up after this. Because me, I'm just trundling along trying not to get drunk on a daily basis.