He Changed My Beautiful Life I Had Into Hell!

i' m gonna tell my story it's pretty a bad story but it's all my fault.me and my ex bf had a relationship for 2years then he hit me and i stopped everything,then we started back last september till february and he broke up with me and told me that he doesnt love me ,doesnt miss me and doesnt see a future with me. by the time we where seeing each other just for sex and i got pregnant last  march and i'm feeeling terrible for what i did! when i did the test i was so shocked but from that momenth i started to love my little one , then i told him that i'm pregnant i told him that i'm scared and i dont know what my parentss will say and he suggested abortion,he said it's the best thing to do.i  was scared of everything that i will lose my job ,my parents wil lkick me out  of the house and he told me that he will leave me to raise the baby alone. i wasso scared that i accepted to make the abortion i was so blind. i'm feeling sad all the time,feel like i want to die.it's my fault what happened cause i wasn't strong to defend myself .last week i wentto kill my baby i didnt want to do it but i had to,i was confused i was scared of evrything. i have seen a photo of my babyi went in the hospital crying,during the procedure i cried i was feeling guilty how come i did something like this,i killed  my baby because he didnt want to stay with me and now my ex bf he's very happy with his life ,his life didnt changed it's still the same,to tell u the whole thing he is a doctor,he's still studying to be a surgeon. i know doctors and believe me all they care about is their future that's all. now one week later my mum and dad know evrything what i did ,they know everything that i went there alone,i did it and this wasnt part of the plan. me and my mum yest cried so much together she hates my ex bf for letting me do something like this. his parents dont know nothing about the whole thing , they just think that their son is so brave and so proud of him , but i feel like i want tpo go there myslef and tell his mum but i dont have any guts to do it. i never had close realtionship with my mum but now that she told me if i told them evrything was going to be alright i'm feeling more guilty.she is suffering of what i did too.. all of this happened beacuse i was blind,selfish person i want to kill myself cause thats the only choice i have left i go where my baby is.i wanted my child but i was blind that things will be difficult with my family,now everytime i wake up all i do ios cry all the time crying and the regret is really a bad feeling.i'm telling you you might have a person with u that you think he's in your life and he is evrything and they turn to be totally different . i hate my brain how stupid i am . if i kept my baby by now he /she is 10 weeks,i'm soo stupid i was blind till last sat but when a mistake is done u can't do nothing else, now me and my  family is suffering for what i did.
simple120610 simple120610
18-21, F
Jun 20, 2010