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Over Him

I met him when i was 16 at work. it was one of those stupid crushes where id write his name all over my notebook and daydream about him consistantly. we texted a lot and it seemed like we were starting to have a connection. it was 2 months into us flirting and talking about how we feel for each other and at his point i can honestly say i was in love with him. it was so soon to feel this way but i couldnt help it. he was already holding the biggest spot in my heart and i was ready to give up everything for this guy.. he asked me to be his girlfriend june 15 2008 and of course i said yes.. he made me the happiest person ever and made my heart skip beat everytime i even thought about him. i was already so connected to him and couldnt imagine my life without this happiness that i had. he had already graduated and i was going back to school, we hadnt talked in about a week and i was scared he was over me. i jumped to conclusion and dumped him before he had he chance.. 4 days later i called him i couldnt take nnot hearing his voice and couldnt stop thinking about him. i regreted dumping him even though it was only four days i felt lost without him. we got back together and everything was fine i felt like everything was back to normal.and een though i hated myself for hurting him i wanted to move past it and go on. we saw eachother every weekend and talked everyday. he was so perfect to me in every way. until my mom found ou i gave him my virginiy and said i wasnt aloud o speak to him anymore. i saw everything around me crumble into a million pieces and wanted to die. i knew i was young bu i knew how i felt. and even thinking about the possibilty of not having im in my life made me hate everything about life. i didnt wnt to move eat or sleep i was emotionally sick and damaged. but even though we went months without seeing eachother we stayed faithful and true to eachother. i trusted him and he trusted me. and we stayed together. but school was cutting into my life with him and back then he was all i cared about so i dropped out and signed up for a ged class that was right dwn the street from his house and got to see him for just 30 min every tuesday wendsday and thursday even though it was a short time i still was happy that i got to see him and he was happy to see me. eventually my mom found out and i told her i dont care what she says theres nothing keeping me from him anymore. so right there i realized i gave up my friends, my high school expeirences, my educaion, and my family for this person. i moved in with im and falling asleep in his arms every night was more then i imagined i woke up everyday happier then the day before and everything was beyond perfect with us we had each other and thats all i could ever want or need in my life.. until we had a huge fight and i asked if he wanted me to go and he said yes, i flew to wisconsin and lived with my aunt bu as fas as i got there we were both ready to be back with each other. although wisonsin was 2 months of not seeing him being scared and a lot of trust issues. i finally got to see him again december 12 2009 i felt my world in my hands again and never wanted to let go. living with him in a new state and with his dads new girlfriend was the hardest thing on our reltionship this new place changed him and he wasnt the same person anymore i knew i hurt him and he hurt me but we moved on. something was still unsettling soon enough it seemed like his dads girlfriend was trying to rip us apart and always insisted that the other person was doing something wrong, at this point we were fighting everyday saying we hated eachother and we both wanted out but everytime i thought of losing him i couldnt breathe id lose focus and couldnt even think strait it was months of his until one day everything seemed normal again we were just us cuddling and talking and laughing like we used to for the first time in months i felt like i was falling asleep with someone who loved me. but as fast as it happened it was soon over.there were rumors going around that i had cheated on him. Me cheating on him?? i couldnt make myself think of it much less do it it still kills me to this day to know he thinks i was with someone else. things were bad with us but never bad enough to make myself cheat on him ever. after a few weeks and months of the akward tention between us things were slowly calming down. i couldnt stand his family nymore and began staying with friends and he would stay with me. we would have fun ad drink and party and the next day was always a blur bu itd be and him 100%. i started getting sick everyday and thought it was from partying every night so i asked him to bring me to the hospital to just get medication or something to make this migrane go away. we got the biggest news of our lives that day. i wasnt sick from partying and late nights, i was pregnant i saw everything going wrong from there i wasnt ready to be a mom and he wasnt ready to be a dad, i didnt have a ged or a job or a house or anything to support a baby. but something clicked in my head that i had something more important now and that was my baby i stopped staying up late i stopped everythin that i knew was wrong i promised myself i would get my life together for our baby, but it was harder then it seemed. i had only one form of support and that was my friend kristen. he didnt want u anymore he went behind my back he talked to girls and became more emotinaly and physically disruptive then before. i had to leave so i went to my moms in texas 2,000 miles away and everything was falling into place. but my mom didnt want me there after a month and now im back living wih a friend im still getting my life together as we speak but to know this person i love doesnt want anything to do with me or his son kils me he gave up on us but i know i cando it alone. but after everthing we went through he gave u on our family and thats why im over him.
branaelj branaelj 18-21 Mar 3, 2011

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