I Realize I Hate My ExSo I was blogging the other day and I start to ramble on about my ex again. But the things I was saying about him and comparing my husband to him made me realize how much I hate him.
He felt like he was with a child than with an adult so he acted like I was retarded.
He took lot of things the wrong way and would get upset and I had to bottle everything up that was bothering me. I could not even talk about my feelings either or else it make him mad.
He was a huge hypocrite, while I was child like, he was more like a teen he says so he acted immature too but yet he thought it was okay for him but not okay for me because he said I was like a 5-8 year old.
He was a homophobic and wouldn't stop calling homosexuals faggots. He hated bisexuals too and made it all be his business and said they were shoving it in his face.
He hated adult babies and said they were all pedophiles. He judged them all so he refused to have anything to do with me if I was acting too immature or else he be one he thought. All projection because he thought people would think he was one. But no it was just his bigoted narrow mindness.
He was so ignorant and narrow minded and he couldn't be educated.
He hated my childlike mannerisms and how I functioned and I was an embarrassment to him.
He always cried whenever I said things and he was so god damn hyper sensitive.
He was so negative so he was always negative about me and said I had poor self help skills and just because I didn't travel on my own at 18, my self help skills were poor. I had no money you idiot.
If I were to go through a break down or burn out or shut down and regress, he would hate it and not be there for me and be disgusted and embarrassed by me and act like I am retarded and want nothing to do with me because he saw that as me being an adult baby. He used "adult baby" as an insult if I wasn't acting mature enough for him.
He was so needy and anything I did was never good enough for him and he had a problem with me having head phones on in his car while he had his music on while he and his son were chatting. I did not like their music and what they were talking about was boring so I entertained myself and I didn't want to listen to their music. So he called me antisocial. He meant asocial of course.
He didn't like what shows I watched or the fact I had childish things so he said I was an adult baby for it.
He had to tell his son everything we were talking about or what goes on between us as if it was his own damn business.
He would hate the fact if he had to be my caretaker because I couldn't cope with life anymore so he would just abandon me at home, I don't mean leave me, just not have nothing to do with me, no helping me out nor support if I stayed with him because he would feel like he is with a baby.
I could not even be myself around him so it was as if I had to hold in my feelings and show show them or else they be too childish for him.
He had a problem with my quirks because they were too childish for him and he did not like how I functioned.
I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells and have social anxiety in a relationship worrying about if I am going to offend him or say the wrong thing so I refused and he always cried.
He would have gotten mad at me for my anxiety and if I got too stressed out and he would get mad at me for having anxiety. He even said to me once that he sometimes thinks I let myself have it so I can get my way.
He may have pushed me beyond my limits if we stayed together and get mad at me for when I call my parents when I need to talk because he can't do it or else he get mad at me
He just needs a normal woman, not an autistic woman or someone with anxiety or mild mental retardation. No I am not retarded but he needs a normal woman. Not someone with a disability or mental health issue or perhaps a slow learner. But yet he does not hate people with disabilities, he just isn't right to be in a relationship with one or else he be embarrassed by them and act cold towards them. He expected me to be NT.
But yet if you met him, you would think he was a nice person and a great guy but you need to be normal to be right for him. Ironically he had some disabilities himself and anxiety and a medical problem. But I was not embarrassed by him nor felt I was with a teen.
My husband feels he has a child (me) but that is different because he still sees me as an adult and isn't embarrassed by me and doesn't act like I am retarded. Maybe because he is a "daddy" and I just needed a guy who was a "daddy" than a regular person who isn't into that stuff or else they will hate their partner's faults and their quirks and how they function and what they wear and if they are childish or child like. Plus he doesn't mind being my caregiver.
Also one last thing about my ex I would never forgive him about and that made me finally want to dump him and not want to be with him in a relationship ever again, he had this thing Dish Network wanted and it was under my name because it was my service, not his. I cancel it but they want this one thing from the dish or else they charge me huge bucks for a fine. So I called my ex and told him and he said he took the dish down and stored it away in his parents garage and he knew what the piece was. But he would not give it to me. He procrastinated and it was giving me anxiety because I didn't want to be charged a fine. I kept calling him about it and he could never be arsed to take it with him to work so I could come and pick it up or be arsed to bring it over to my aunt and uncle's house where I was staying. (we were separated due to having to move out of his apartment and I didn't want to stay with him at his parents apartment so I went and lived with my aunt and uncle while he went and lived with his parents) and no matter how many times I told him how important it was to me, he get stressed out or upset. Then one day I told him about it again and he was rude to me on the phone and hung up. I had a huge meltdown and went online and put my dating profile back up and went into a forum and did my meltdown there ranting about him for months and months because I was mad at him about everything, how he thought and act and treated me and this incident. All his ignorance. Then two days later, he finally calls me and asks me if I still want it back and I say yes and he drives by and gives it to me. How simple was that? It was as if he had to wait for me to have a meltdown and explode online about him just to finally give it to me or was it a coincidence? Yeah I do not want to be with a guy who will give me stress and anxiety and not give a **** about it just because it's not important to him that is important to me and then have to wait until I have a meltdown for him to decide "okay, I will do it." At least my husband doesn't do this to me.
girlwithanxiety 26-30, F 2 Responses 0 Jun 27, 2012