What Was I Thinking?! Oh Well...Life - Here I Come!!! =P

Thank you!

Thank you...you summarized it best for me. Sometimes I have wondered if there was truly something wrong with me or if there is a neon sign on my forehead that says 'Idiots, Losers, Liars and Abusers Welcome Here!'. That said, I have since concluded that the best way to keep them out of my life is to avoid them altogether. I think that my best bet is to invest my time and energy into life itself at this point. I am glad that you call it for what it is...this gives me some sense that I was for sure not out of my mind for letting him go. Just the same it feels great to know what it is to have an open road in front of me. ;)

I'm glad to help. I know a lot about just barely getting out alive ....and when I was looking for nothing but myself, my s / o of 28 years now popped into my life.

There is hope !

I am glad to hear there is hope...sometimes it seems like it is never going to happen. But then I have heard that it happens when you least expect it. Hmmm, I am sure that you are right...in the mean while we are in the midst of returning to regular programming...Life!

Thank you, I believe you are absolutely right!

THAT is EXACTLY how I felt! I felt like that in my marriage too...that is where I learned how to recognize the 'silent but possibly deadly' red flag signs such as when they are pointing out your (or in my case - my flaws). My counselor said the same thing. Only I am responsible for my happiness. It is truly an amazing feeling when you are able to look back and smile knowing you made the right choice. My wings are still a little bruised, not broken and I know in a little while I will be ready to fly completely on my own. Just the same it feels great to be on my feet...I cannot wait to feel the exhilarating feeling of flying on my own again! Best wishes for yourself and others who have shared similar journeys in life. Thank you for the well wishes! =)

On Love

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Thank you! I had to learn to fly again because it has been a while since I have truly been on my own/by myself/single. I could only wish that he would get that point! Looking around, I realize how bad that I have been lied to. When I asked him if he ever closed certain accounts because of the nature of the comments made; he told me yes. And he became irritated about it when I brought up the subject of how great it felt not to have a Facebook account. Low and behold, SURPRISE! The kicker is that he STILL thinks that we are getting married, even though everyone has been notified of the wedding cancellation! I can only think to myself 'OMG!!! Does he ever know when to quit?!'

Relocating is now something that I am seriously and actively doing. All I know is I need to get away from this man child.

On Marriage

Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

On Joy & Sorrow

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Those two excerpts are so beautiful, yet so true! Thank you =)