I Never Learn My Lesson.

I have this ex-boyfriend, his name is John. We dated for almost two years. He was previously married to a girl from his high school, and since then all of his girlfriends since their divorce have only lasted for a month at the max. I was the longest relationship he has had since his ex-wife. This boy has done more things with me than he has ever done with any other girl emotionally. With a heart of stone, John rarely ever showed it feelings unless it was anger. However, in our relationship he knew how to make me feel special at those rare times. He has brought me to see his dad at his grave, taken me on adventures doing things I have never done before in my life, and opened up my eyes to the truth in people. Somehow, he gave me a backbone and taught me that you can't trust everyone.

Now, John and his ex-wife were divorced because he walked in on her and his best friend having sex. From that moment, he swore to himself that he would never let anyone feel that pain. He reassured me that he would never do that to me. I believed him, I really did. Nevertheless, one day while getting ready to go out, I got a text message from him saying, "I can't take the guilt. I cheated on you." Let me just say, I instantly went crazy at that moment of reading that text message. I grabbed my things, left the house, and went for the road. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do, but I needed to get out. A week after dealing with that situation, I was somehow willing to forgive him. However, that wasn't what he was wanting. He ended up breaking up with me. I was in shock.

Anyways, aside from the nasty details and the girls John ended up seeing after me, those girls only lasted a month at the max, and after he was done with them, he always ended up coming back to me. He would see me for a weeks time and head off to the next girl. So far, it's been three girls and he is still calling me to come over. Other than the fact that he would randomly want to see me, he was a complete jerk to me otherwise. He also tries his best to keep me away from the opposite sex. It is as if I am not allowed to be with anyone else but him. I have tried to date, but every single one I go on, I wish I was with John. And everytime I am out with John and a guy I went on a date with or someone who tries to talk to me comes up to us, John just scares them away. I can't move on.

Now, this is the part where I look like a complete idiot. John calling me has currently come down to not hearing from him for a week until he wants sex. He only comes around when he wants sex. I will admit, it is my fault for giving into him everytime, but I love the boy so much, he knows I would do anything for him at the drop of a hat. Even if that means lowering myself, making myself look less of a human being, and spend the night at his house because he has some needs that he wants fulfilled. I cherish every minute I get to spend with him. His time with me means more than anything. I could be depressed one day, and complete smiles the next after seeing him. Like yesterday, I was sad that I haven't heard from him, but he texted me lastnight because he saw me at a bar. He ended up asking me to spend the night. And after seeing him lastnight, I was all smiles and happy.

This is where the story gets juicy. So, I found out this morning from his mom that he has a girlfriend. This is the second time since we broke up that he involved me in a cheating spree. The first time he lied to me and told me that him and the girl were broken up. Come to find out, she hates me now because they were still together and he needed to cheat on her with me to get her to break up with him. This new girl he is with, he has no problem with the fact that he cheated on her with me. I have a problem with this because he cheated on me, and it hurts. It really, really hurts. The last thing I want is to be apart of something so horrible and hurtful like that. I hate myself for being apart of that because these girls, with as much as I envy them because they get to spend time with him and go on dates rather than just having sex with him, they don't deserve to be cheated on.

So my problem is I can't resist temptation whenever he decides to get in touch with me. I know I am making myself look so horribly low and pathetic, but when it comes to spending time with John, I take what I can get. And sadly, sex is all I am getting. Sex is all I'm giving. I want to change, I want to be strong, but when you are in love with someone so much, it is so hard to say no. All I want to do is say no, but I would hate to lose him completely. I need to be strong, I just don't know where to start.

CarolElizabeth CarolElizabeth
22-25
3 Responses Feb 24, 2009

I have a simillar situation. If U want end - stop everything. Turn off Ur life for him. And as soon as possible try to find a transfer guy...someone over internet to chat with...there are so many services for that...go out and try to have sex with some of handsome and great guys just to erase him from head and learn something new in bed. My guy is jealous on every man I look and making scenes but no enough courage to be with me. I go crazy every time I am hurt. Not letting me go, and not wanting me enough. :( If U want to continue - just continue...till some desease make U go for good. :((

This is a Very unhealthy situation, you probably need to dump his guy and YOU will find someone better who will give you their whole heart instead of just cheap sex....that leads nowhere for you except heartache, you are just being used and abused.<br />
You need to set firm guidelines, if you even want to make it an option, confront him and talk to him about his cheating ways, specifically why he would cheat on other people when he knows the pain of it himself and tell him that either he wants a relationship with you and only you or not at all. After all, YOU are not just another booty call unless you choose to be.

Dump this loser for good. He is a loser and you would be better off with a battery operated toy than dealing with him and his selfishness.