He Broke My Heart and Left Me With Nothing But Questions

I never ever dreamed I'd feel such hatred towards him. Because just a few months ago we were so in love. The worst part about my story is that there was no dramatic event that lead to our breakup. I wish there was, it would've made it so much easier to focus on something bad when we broke up. But we were so happy, and had just moved in together a few months earlier. We shared our lives, went to sleep with each other every night and woke up with each other every morning. We would write little cards to tell each other we loved one another. We did normal stuff and cared, and enjoyed one another's company. We kissed and cooked and cuddled up and were there for each other through bad times. We laughed and knew the best and the worst of each other. And we argued sometimes. That was it really. But I would say we were happy 95% of the time and the 5% we argued was admittedly rubbish. But it was nothing that we couldn't have worked on, had he been inclined to bother.

I'm the kind of person who just gets it all off her chest and is done with it, and all is forgotten. But he was weird, really weird about arguing. He had only been in one serious relationship in 35 years before me, and in that they had never, ever argued. Don't get me wrong, I don't particularly love arguing, but I accept that it is part and parcel of being in a serious relationship. And by definition arguments do not bring out the best in people. But he couldn't handle it. He hated it, and completely (he admitted it) blamed me absolutely for any argument we had. And this just rubbed me up the wrong way, because, while I can admit my faults, I do believe it takes 2 to tango. But nothing was ever his fault. Ever.

One night after a small spat he snarled out at me 'I blame you for this I can't take your mood swings anymore'. It really hurt that he would put everything down to me, like I am some unreasonable crazy person. I am not. It was so frustrating that he couldn't see that he had contributed at all to our disagreement. But the more I protested the more it would seem that I was arguing and he was right. And I was tired of him always blaming me for our arguments. Always my fault. Always a flaw in my character. Never him. So I told him so, and told him that I couldn't be with someone who chose to think the worst of me like that, instead of trying to work things out with me. I was mad and it was the first time I'd challenged our relationship in 2 years. And after 2 years of us being together, and loving each other, and living together and sharing our lives, he decided to take that and run with it. So I started packing some things up.

But then my head cleared and I thought - hang on, we love each other and have so many happy times, and so much good in us, I surely owe it to us to at least try to work this thing out. Every couple has problems but surely if you love somebody and they love you and you both respect each other then you have something solid to work with? But he didn't want to know. He absolutely refused to listen - I pleaded, cried, reasoned. I talked of all the happy memories we had and all the moments we shared. The night before this argument he had been kissing and cuddling me and telling me how much he loved me and how special I was! The very next day he couldn't see one reason to even try to save our relationship. And, true to form as the most stubborn person I have ever met, had made his mind up.

All I could think was 'why doesn't he even want to try?'. He dismantled our life together that had taken so long to build quicker than I could believe. I was out of the house the next day and had nowhere to live. He threw away all our memories. He literally removed every single trace of my existance from his life within a few weeks. I had loved this man for 2 years. And I'm not a fool - he had loved me too. He became so cold I could barely believe it was the same person. I couldn't believe that someone I had given my heart to, trusted everything to, could be so cowardly and not even try to fight for his relationship or someone he loved. What does love even mean to him? For me it means putting that person first, not giving up on someone that you love, and trying your best for the relationship. If it doesn't work and you have tried everything then at least you can walk away knowing that it wasn't meant to be. But he didn't want to try. Despite professing to love me... he was happy to have that, and give it up because he was too scared.

I have been shocked at how quickly someone that you know inside out, that you live with, that you share everything with, can become a stranger. Within a month we could no longer talk. Me, because I was too hurt, I'm not sure what his reasons were. The person I have spent the last 2 years with is now a stranger to me. I have to walk past him occasionally and act as if he is an anonymous bloke. That kills me. I think he started seeing someone a month or so after we broke up. Just another kick in the teeth.

I hate that he has hurt me so much, and I now have to doubt everything that I've thought for the last 2 years - and he does not. He has never had to doubt my feelings or commitment to us. He still has somewhere to live. His world has not been turned upside down. And I hate that he has made me so down on myself - I have so little confidence now, and I used to be so bubbly and happy. I cry a lot, and then I feel like a loser for crying, when it's so easy for him to just walk away. I just want to erase everything, I just want to never have to see him again. I want to stop hurting and believe that there is someone who will love me and accept me for who I am. But I'm not sure anymore. And I hate that he has made me that way.

joloholo joloholo
61 Responses Jul 19, 2009

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I have a similar situation. I was living with my fiance of 10 years and 2 weeks ago he walked out on me screaming and hollering that he is not my slave. He left the dog behind that I did not want to get because I work a lot. He tried to hit my son and yelled that this is all his fault because he is a slob. He told me I was worse than his ex wife and I am a mentally cruel *****.. my crime was confrontation on his constant disappearences. He would leave me here all the time and run to his cousin Danny's house. He is a crippled man who overdosed twice. Our dog has a bad skin allergy and needed a bath. Three days and I finally had it. I simply sent a text saying "I guess the dog doesn't matter. I am sick of the exuses. He called yelling my cousin is dying. I said fu. He came in and left. Creepy part is he took my nephew who is mentally challenged to take care of him. He moved into his mom's house who he hates. She hated him too. His only chore was washing the tub while I worked 12 hours a day. He threw that at me too. I am so bewildered. I shake and cry all the time. I can't think. I am told he is abusing pills. He has sold tools in our garage. He lies all the time. He even had me co sign for a 2016 snow mobile for susposedly us. I refuse to let him take it. I hate him and miss him at the same time . I am heartbroken. Everyone was more important than me. Is this really the results of overuse of pills?

I am truly sorry for your loss and can empathize. A man I was with for a year and a half suddenly told me he was leaving. We had just had dinner and were laughing and joking. At bed time he must have had an epiphany. He told me he wanted to end things. I will never hear from him again. He is a stranger, which makes me feel so odd about life right now. Anyway, I spent the past month trying to figure out why and what I had done. Then, I realized...he was always going to leave. You see, he was a commitment phobe with plenty of issues. It didn't matter what I did, good or bad, he was always going to leave when he was done with being my boyfriend. So, now I am trying not to get down on myself and just realize he was out the door the minute he walked in. I will try to remember the good times rather than dwelling on the fact that now he feels like a complete stranger. I hope my short journey of introspection helps yours on its way to healing. I know we've got a long way to go!

I know how you feel. I was with my ex boyfriend for almost 2 years. We hardly ever fought and when I said something offensive to hurt him, he dumped me over that. I begged him to forgive me but he wouldn't have a bar of it. We've had so many good times together and the bad times were minimal, but guys always seem to point out the bad times and forget about the good times. I sacrificed so much for him. I made his lunch for work each week, and also cooked him dinner every night because I loved him so much. But the one time I said something to offend him, he cut me off completely! I really do hate him now and I never wanna see him again! He hurt me so much by dumping me! But almost 2 months on, I'm still hurting. But I'm slowly getting back on track. I'm seeing different guys and making new friends. Hopefully as time passes, I will forget about him completely.

Thank you for posting this. Now I know that I'm not alone. It's been 1 week since our breakup but it feels like forever and I'm not alive anymore. I can't feel my heartbeat, hardly feel my body and I find meself shaking sometimes. I have never been through anything this painful. He was my first everything and I really thought he was the one. We never had any issues, were so happy together. I felt so content when I was with him and completely trusted in him. He kept saying he wanted me to be his wife and to spend the rest of his life with me. But as long as I got back to Vietnam (he lives in the US) he got more and more distant and finally broke up with me. He even became so rude and blunt and even played with my pain. He became totally different like I never knew him. I gave him everything. I dont know why he can be so cruel and evil to me. If left me the feeling that I was just a fool and he was just a high leveled player. Im totally lost and scared of everything!

im really suffering a terrible heartbreak. ive been crying for days now... and i need help else i may commit suicide. But i did nothing to him, i asked him why and he just told me its not working for him. im soo heart broken now. i dont know what to do. the harder i try not to think about it, the more it hurts. i need help please. i live in Norway.

Faustiana....I hope you are doing better now. I know this is late, but if you can read my reply to the above post, please do. You did nothing wrong! Nobody is worth ending your life and missing out on all the beautiful times you have ahead of you. Get through this and recognize your triumph over this is worn like a badge of honor and will make you all the wiser!

I'm going through this right now and I feel like I'm drowning in pain.... I have been with my bf for the last 3 years and I know that we have had our ups and downs, God knows our relationship wasn't perfect but I never thought there was something we couldn't get through, he made me feel like we were going to be together forever no matter What! So last week after an arguement, I'll admit it was pretty bad and I said some horrible thing but so did he, I always take the blame for our arguments because I know I need to let it all out in the heat of the moment, and he takes things so hard so I'm blaming myself - anyway last week he packed his stuff so fast and left, no contact , nothing, I plaugued him with messages and phone calls and eventually he answered and Tom me he was had found a job and somewhere to live (wouldn't tell me where) and that he was happy and didn't know if he wanted to come back at all, I asked him a few days later if this was his way of breaking up and he just couldn't tell, he said he just wanted time to himself. I found out I was pregnant after he left and when I told him, he doesn't believe me, I have been in hospital With pain and bleeding, threatened misscarraige and still he won't take my calls, nothing, I actually think he thinks I'm still lying, I feel so helpless, hopeless, pathetic etc to the pointwhere I don't know if I can cope anymore....

The same thing has happened to me he was my first everything and he did the same thing and just walked away I seen him a few times and now its just a cold glance like were strangers I wish I had someone to talk to but my family don't understand and my friends would just wanna kill him this story made me feel like I'm not alone so thank you for that

Was his name Derrick Devon Porter? If not it was his clone..i hear to you loud and clear. Just remember it is their issues inside themselves. .NOT us..we will never make them change, as they are the one that matter , THE ONLY ONES THAT MATTER, They actually have a clinical name:: malignant narcissist. And we suffer the aftermath of their devaluation and disguard of us. We deserve so much better, dont let the head games he plays, destroy what a warm loving woman im sure you are Dont settle, get what to you put into a relationship back. Thats a real man you will have found then..Good luck, its a hard road, but the reward and return of self is worth the journey.

I'm going through a similar stage, I'm only 17 and he is only 19 but we had been going out for four years we were soul mates nothing was wrong with our relationship apart from his parents never liked me for no reason that was the only thing we would have fights about. About two weeks ago he said he had enough and picked his stuff up I was shocked because he didn't gove me an explanation he just wanted to get rid of me, I have tried everything because an hour before all this he was saying how much he missed me and loved me, there was no clue that he wanted it to end. He is not talking to me he has blocked me and my family from his life, I don't know how to feel about this. We went to always talking and being with each other everyday to him erasing me!

I am going through a similar situation it seems like my ex fiancee abandoned me to. We were about to get married October 10th 2014 then all of a sudden on October 5th he calls me and tells me he can't do this anymore and he wants to break up with me. Not only did he cancel our engagement he cancelled our relationship too. I am currently pregnant with his child and I have never been more devastated than anything. I wanted to start a life with him he was the love of my life and he left me hanging. A pregnancy should be something celebrated between two partners not something to be ashamed of or to be stressed out about. I haven't gotten a good nights sleep since I found out he wanted to just be friends then I find out on his second life Facebook profile that he is dating someone on their and they were in white wedding attire. He was so committed to give his time to someone in a game but not ready to give his love to me. I was nothing but good to him. I supported him through all his struggles and he left me when I needed him most. Then all of a sudden today he writes a status about him trying to find his way down the right path. I talk with his mom sometime and she claims he isn't seeing anyone but a child will only tell their parents about something that is serious or what not so she told me to stop texting him how I felt because it would only push him away and she was like he knows how you feel no need to keep saying but he crushed my heart that is all I am saying. He made me feel so comfortable with him that I felt like he could never do me wrong. Now he is living the good life with slight regret. Will he come back to me. I don't know but I know I loved him with all my heart and he stabbed me in the back and in the heart.

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

ime a man of not so many words and ime going through exactly the same as your poor self...your story is exactly the same as mine so i know how you are feeling keep your chin up and keep smiling...iain x

How did u cope. It's been 6 months since he broke up with me. I'm not sleeping properly I'm still crying everyday. We were together for 5 years lived together for 4, had a house together and I thought he was the one. I'm 26 and completely shattered. He wanted to be single yet I find out he's going out with a girl from his work. His parents keep in contact with me and we are still trying to sort out the house. Everytime I see him I burst into tears and he gets angry at me saying I need to move on. I still love him even though he's with someone else. I'm pathetic :(

I hope you're doing better now. A few more months have passed since you have written this comment. I pray that you have found light and smile on your face again. I am currently in the same situation, I just don't know what do I do next. Or how do I keep going. I hope we find strength from every breathe we take.

My ex boyfriend of 13 months just threw me out. We had been living together for 6 months. He told me about a month and a half ago he wanted me to be his wife and mother of his children. He left for a week on a business trip and did not call me once. When he got back, three days later, we were having breakfast when he told me it really hurt his feelings for not asking to see photos etc. I told him my feelings were hurt for not calling. We got into an argument about how his hobby and business is his life and I had no place in it. I took a shower to cool down because I was so upset. When I got out he had some of my belongings together and told me to get out. I thought he was the love of my life. My family thought he was the one and could see how much he loved me. He turned cold. I no longer knew this man. Now he's gone forever and I'm so heartbroken.

I'm so sorry hummingbird33 I'd love to know why he had the sudden change as the same as my guy. Nothing makes sense :(

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JOLOHLO i can relate to your story completly i will make this short because if i get into detail,it will be a lifetime movie. i too lived with my exbyfreind for a year it was all good until 8 months intoo our relatioonship, he didnt want me anymore so he plotted how t get rid oof me. to this day i remind him that he could have had a good woman to take care of him,he lost a gud thing,instead chose to be single and meet sleezy bar hoes. and he still ges home alone( so i think?) and is lonley. it kills me to pass his apt everyday and not be there for him. i still have feelings for him but i not going to chase himi hope one day he will seehat he has a gud woman waiting for him.

I have been moved by your statement so much I had to write. I too have been blindsided. After one year, not as together as you and yours, but when you give your heart, your soul, your mind and believe they are totally in sync with another being and then come to find out none of that was true...not the way we think it should be true. Honestly, I think it was true for my guy for about 2.5 months. By 3 months I could feel the chill. Of course made excuse after excuse because all he had to do for me was offer me crumbs. As long as i had the crumbs, I thought I had a trail to his heart. Nope. Never did. Never going to happen. For short periods of time, he was not able to see me (made excuses for him) not able to get a phone call in (made excuse for him) not able to text back for 8 ******* hours...yes, I made an excuse for him. I loved him so desperately that I was will in take him nothingness, take his crumbs, take his excuses, even when y gut was telling me NOOOOO!!!!! Something is not right. I didn't want to address the Something is not Right because I was afraid of his answer. but still, I took the something is not right and allowed him to continue to contact me and I answered promptly...but later in the day after all of his bullshit sweet text messages I would give him a call....maybe 1 in 15 times he would answer. Can't ignore that. Yes, people are busy, no one more than me...but I could not ignore him. i never wanted him to think I wasn't interested and from what he said in his text he was very interested. Problem is ...he never followed thru. I was always the one offering to meet him ( YEA, I thought that was ****** up, but I did want to see this guy so........) i did not listen to my intuition which told me....there must be someone else. I don't have proof of that now, but for a guy who is willing to chase youEVERYWHERE and then times goes on and he won't ask to see you ANYWHERE one has the enough information in front of her to make a decision. I was miserable. Constantly. My self esteem took one hit after another. He never could meet. ;Yes, he said he loved me...missed me...pics, etc. But would never take ANY time to see me. YA, totally ****** up, I know. BUT I love him....and I know that is ****** up. I have a ****** up bipolar father. the inconsistencies in the man of my dreams and what he does or what my father says and what my father does are identical. Ok, backlog theory done. What did not allow me to let go...what has lot allowed me to let go...even after I have stood in there mirror and looked my self in the eye to make a solemn vow " I will never talk wit this person again." In the moment I feel so right, vindicated, free. But later, I am weeping. Did I mention he is HOT!! Beyone HOT, he is so ******* gorgeous I can't even get to a real moment when I do see him. And I know looks are meaningless, but what I felt for this guy, with this guy was like nothing I felt before. I'm not even talking about the sex...actually the few times we were together I didn't even climax. I just loved being close to him. didn't matter what came out of it. If I was near him I was in heaven. Now i come to the long question...how do we go on? I want to move on. I want to forget him. I want to exist as he is a part of a ****** up past. But his beautiful face is in my head for years now...(since 2009??) Does any one have any idea what the hell this means. Iknow by putting this out there I am allowing a lot of junk in my life to be examined. I'm not afraid of that. Im afraid of never know the truth about myself and making the SAME,
same. same mistakes over.dazed and confused

I understand what you're going through, I went through something similar. Me and my ex Dan we together for 2 years, we meet on a dating site. He said he has epilespy and he can't drive. I said that none of that bothered me. So we met and sparks flew, he said I was beautiful and he treated me like no man has ever treated me! We fel in love. We liked all the same things. We could be our selves around each other. He would always forget to take his pills so I got him a med case for his pills and set his alarm so he wouldn't forget and it worked, he started having less seizures! We had the best relationship both sexually and emotionally. We never argued, I know it may sound strange but we didn't. If I got upset Dan would make this face and I would just laugh every time. Finally I met his parents and they seemed to like me. His mom was really nice to me. I confided in her about having cancer and not being able to have kids. She was always nice to me. Well Dan started acting distant and I knew something was wrong. He finally told me "it's my mom!" She doesn't like you at all. I have to break up with you! I was so upset I didn't know what to think. So three weeks went by and he called me and said to come over so I did. He said he was sorry and that he wanted me back. He said he had to ask himself one question? Could he live without me? His answer was NO! So I said okay but you can't just break up with me because of your mom! See he's the middle child and the only one with epilespy and so his mother baby's him and does everything for him. So she told him to break up with me cause I was a fat pig and she called me scum. He said he would stand up for me. We got back together and he recorded the conversation he had with his mom. He told her we were back together and she was mad as hell saying she hates me and that she doesn't like what I represent and Dan was like what does she represent? She didn't say anything! Well he came home and I got a text from her saying" God forbid that my son wants to be with you and he may hate me for saying this but I hate you more then I've hated anyone in my life!" I've only met her three times and I'm shocked at what she said. I just ignored it. We were so happy and everything was great for two months. Then she started saying things again everytime Dan would go see his parents, they live down the street from us. Due to my cancer I was on a lot of pain Meds and my doctor put me on the methadone program after cancer treatment and his mom hates that. Plus I can't have kids but Dan can't either. She would just lash into him and he felt like he had to choose so he broke up with me again. I gave my place and moved in with him. I had nowhere to live. So I packed up and left. He said he loves me and he sorry. We didn't talk for like a month. Then I saw his prolfe in POF a dating site. It said he was looking for love. It hit me so hard in my gut that I almost puked. So I texted him say I see your looking for love. He texted back saying no it should say looming for loving!!! So we talk and he said for me to come over and against my better judgement I did. We had a great night. The connection we have is so strong and we both cried and he doesn't cry. He said he was sorry and for me to live my life. He said he just needs to see if there is anyone that can measure up to me. So since then we've been seeing each other once every couple weeks. I asked how his search was going he said not good. He said that once he says he can't drive, he has epilespy and that he's on disability they want nothing to with him. I told him that's how a lot of woman are these days. You had a woman who loved you for who you are. I still do love you. I said why are we doing this we still love each other. He says he thinks of me when he's on a date. I'm like why are we apart when we have this connection and love for each other. He said its my mother she hates you and u can't deal with her bitching about you. I said you need to grow up and be a man. I said what your just gonna settle for whoever just because your mom like her? He said no! I said but that's what you're doing by breaking up with me because she doesn't like me. I could see if you broke up with me because we argued to much or you just didn't live me anymore. But that's not the issue you love me. Your just listening to what your mom says. He said that I need to to see other people and if we are meant to be we will be. That if can't find anyone that makes him feel like I do then hell come back to me. That's messed up. He said no one has ever loved him the way I did. He said it was the best relationship he's ever had. So we said goodbye. It's been two weeks since then. I can't stop thinking about him. I love him so much. I've never loved a man like this. He makes me feel so good and when I'm having a bad day he makes it better. I have tried to date but evey time I meet a man there nothing no spark. There good looking and they have their **** together but I feel nothing. I just want Dan back. I can't get him out of my head or my heart. I'm in love with Dan. I feel empty without him, he's my other half. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to let him go. I even dream about him when I sleep. I've never done that with anyone before. I just don't understand this. I don't know what to do. I can't move on.

Thanks ,

I completely understand where you are coming from...My ex acted the same way. He has a disabilty also. I think they act like this because they have been hurt and rejected so much that when a Good woman comes along they don't actually realize that they have one...We broke up a few months ago and I think it was all his sister. It has been extremely hard for me, I talked to him everyday when we were together and to have to cut him off cold has been hard. I still love him and i'm still in love with him. I cant tell you what to do, I just want you to know that you aren't by yourself. I would give anything to get him to realize that Family doesn't always know best.

I'm sorry to hear that but almost the samething happened to me! I was with my ex boyfriend for almost 4 yrs I had left him because he kept cheating and treating me as if I ment nothing to him. So I left him and I met someone else 4 months later that loved and cared for me for me but when he found out he came back around and I was the dummy that gave in and left the guy that adored everything about me.. I left because even though I cared for him alot and loved how he made me feel my heart was still not over my ex boyfriend so I left him and tried things with my ex but as I thought it didn't last long he started doing his norm so I left him this time I said for good and got back with the guy awhile later that was still waiting on me to come back to him.. But unfortunately I was so torn bitter hurt and exhausted from everything I had been threw.. so I took matters into my own hands told myself and my new guy that in order for me to move forward I need to move out this house so he can't stop by or nothing and I did just that he even went to the lengths of buying me a house just to do it but again it didn't last long because my heart was still hurt by my ex I hadn't dealt with what he had done to me nor put me though.. so I left my current boyfriend again not for my ex but just to get away I felt I needed to find myself.. and once again my ex found me got my number from one of my family members and called me. We cuddled did dinner watched movies he told me he loved me ect the whole month we were back dealing with each other even wanted to get a house together but close to the end of that month he called me to tell me he didn't want to talk to me never again not to call him nor come by his house he told me that he could never date me again that he didn't love me at all anymore he just wanted me to never call or talk to him again.. I cried I asked him why what had I done and why did you go thru all the trouble of finding me to get back with me to do this?! He told me we wasn't back together we would never be together again and that he never told me recently he loved me and to leave him alone! I was more than hurt I didn't even understand why still don't I asked him again why he said it is him not me it's just him! I didn't believe it not for one min. So after about a week of not calling texting or talking to him I said well I guess crying isn't going to make my life better so I tried to clear my mind.. I go to the dr. To make sure everything is ok with me because I had missed my period and was having very bad stomach pains and a few days later my dr. Called me to notify me that I had been given chlamydia I dropped to the floor I couldn't believe that he would do something like that to me so I text him and call him he never calls or texts back but a few days later he picked up the phone I asked him why would he do me the way he has and then on top of it give me a std and all he said to me is all I can say is sorry then after that told me how much he doesn't love me doesn't want me or to be with me told me to get over it and hung up... I say the same things to myself how will I get back to my happy caring self even though I'm in a relationship I find myself sometimes when I see him getting angry all over again! That Is one person I hate and will never be able to forgive him for what he has put me thru or done to me.. In time it will get better but it takes time to heal for yourself.. Once you do you will regain ur pride about urself and realize he is the one that lost out not u!

I'm in same situation over 2 years living together we had an argument over phone and I told him "I'm done" clicked text him besides everything between us I wish him the best and that he finds someone to make him happy he replied I wish you the same and that was it it's been 10 months already we haven't spoken or text nothing he didn't even come home for his belongings after 4 months broken up I seen him while visiting a cousin where we use to live I tried speaking to him but he didn't say anything it was like two strangers just staring from a distance later on thru the day he's friend ex neighbor of ours told me he was having a baby she was 6 months along we were 4 months broken up it killed me that day I felt something inside change I didn't haven't tried to speak with him about it it also explains why he doesnt look at me that whole week i was visiting he would lower his head wouldn't look at me directly I only said to his friend that if he ever need anything he knows I'm here for him and that I'm no one to judge or forgive him for what he did and that I know how excited he must be that I love him so much that I rather see him happy with someone else than to be unhappy with me it's been 6 months since than and it hurts me so much but I love him and I do miss him I cry every night there isn't a day that he doesn't cross my mind I've have lost everything our home what I had with him now I'm In my mom's house I have my room/closet which is under the stairs it's been really hard for me dealing with this especially Now that i found out that he's been asking how my family is doing and he's been seen by where i live i don't understand why he's doing this i just don't know what to do I'm at my breaking point why is he coming around now I know that he loves me too and he made a mistake but why didn't he talk to me he was my first boyfriend first kiss I was 18 when we got together now I'm 21 he's 25

I'm very sorry for what happened to you and I see that you are really deeply hurt but the main reason of everything you are going through is him and you have to get back on track and show that good for nothing piece of crap you are better than this. You should be happy he left after two years! What if this happened after being in a relationship for even long time?! It would hurt you more. It's not your fault so don't blame yourself for anything except for loving him because obviously he don't deserve love. I know you cry a lot but in a way crying is good it lets out all your pai and you feel good after some time. Move on with your life and wait for the day when karma slaps him in the face for what he did and remember one thing - don't be sad that people hurt you, they will all die :) love you

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Daniella Terry

This is the story of mine its killing me softly. I wish i forget him right away. Its really hurt. But i believed everything has end.

I'm 14 and I know we might not know about love so much but honestly we had a very special bond and he broke up with me a month or so ago over text and it said he still loved me but was to busy, he told my friend he just didnt want to be with me anymore , he started dating someone right after and I'm like ugh why is it so easy for you but he always stares at me and i don't know what's going to happen next I don't know what I feel for him I just miss the idea of him , you learn a lot from a person in two years and we are starngers now he did blush when I hugged him because of a school thing and everyone says they feel like we'll get back but we don't even talk I really don't know what's going to happen next.. I understand how you feel

I'm a guy and I feel you on heart break I feel like what's the point of being different and faithful if everyone leaves me I been in 3 relationships and I loved truly loved one idk if one true love is even real but I don't yell when we argued I talk things out I never put myself first I'm respectful and nice and other things but my recent ex just left me like I was nothing no reason for leaving me I was nothing but go to her idk

Hey there, your story hits home for me. My partner and I spent 4 years together, we never had major arguments and did everything together... Low and behold after asking him if he was breaking up with me, he packed everything up within an hour, crying, a mess and walked out of my life. Afterwards, as I continued to reach out, he continued to treat me like ****, as if I was "bothering" him, that he just needed to figure himself out and move forward with his life. He hasn't once asked me "hey, how are YOU doing?" Or apologized sincerely for how things ended... It leaves us that are abandoned feeling as if we didn't do enough... When in reality, they react out of guilt, shame & have already found something else to "look forward to". I truely don't believe they ever stop loving you in an instant, but the more we feed them, the more we ask then to reconsider, it stokes their ego, makes them feel as if they're moving forward, while we stay behind heartbroken, yearning for them. It's a sick way of looking at things, especially when you said you "loved" unconditionally. It's hard, you try everything you can think of to make things work, and keep getting kicked in the teeth, portrayed as some insecure, needy person when in reality... YOU are worthy and they are not, they don't have compassion deep in their hearts for others, a person with compassion would be there for you through thick and thin, regardless if the relationship worked or not, they wouldn't leave you hanging... It in the end feeds their ego.

Thanks that has helped i been going through hell want to tallk
still too raw

How did u cope. It's been 6 months since he broke up with me. I'm not sleeping properly I'm still crying everyday. We were together for 5 years lived together for 4, had a house together and I thought he was the one. I'm 26 and completely shattered. He wanted to be single yet I find out he's going out with a girl from his work. His parents keep in contact with me and we are still trying to sort out the house. Everytime I see him I burst into tears and he gets angry at me saying I need to move on. I still love him even though he's with someone else. I'm pathetic :(

I am going thru exactly the same thing. and i wondering.. what happened next.. please email me, i am heart broken, not because it ended but because he is a stranger too, he doesnt care... so im curious to know what happened

It seems like he was trying to find any excuse to leave you which is why you thought it was petty of him to accuse you over minor things. People usually do this out of guilt - I hope that helps :) everything happens for a reason and him leaving you has just made a path open up to a new adventure for you!

I feel for you and understand what you are going through . My boyfriend of 12 years just decided to end things and is dating someone else already , I feel lifeless most of the time and feel like I will never get over him it's been 2 months and I still cry a lot and feel weak every time I do , I don't think anyone understands what I'm feeling so I usually just keep everything bottle up and the worst part is that we have a child together so I can't just not talk to him , things would be much easier :(

How did u cope. It's been 6 months since he broke up with me. I'm not sleeping properly I'm still crying everyday. We were together for 5 years lived together for 4, had a house together and I thought he was the one. I'm 26 and completely shattered. He wanted to be single yet I find out he's going out with a girl from his work. His parents keep in contact with me and we are still trying to sort out the house. Everytime I see him I burst into tears and he gets angry at me saying I need to move on. I still love him even though he's with someone else. I'm pathetic :(

This story totally feels like mine. I was shocked and amazed how quickly someone can remove you from their life after years. In my case, I become starter to her in the second she dumped me. After those words, we never talked to each other again. It felt like two strangers talking. I relocated myself to a new country for her. When I told her this you wouldn't believe her response: "now you can go home or you can decide what you want to do - doesn't matter". It has been 8 years since this happened but I still remember these words clearly. It took me just over 4 years to leave this thing behind me but I finally did. The fun part is that I have no hard feelings towards her. I said very hurtful things at the end when the new boyfriend "knocked on my door" (after ONE week our split) - I regret those words but I have no hard feelings towards her. I don't resent her for turning my life upside down. I practically lost the best years of my life after this breakup and I feel I should hate her for this but I don't.

I feel for you, I really do. I hope now, you feel better as well. I truly believe that if something doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Omg I would so love to talk to you. I just lost my fiancé and it was like reading my own story when I read yours.

:-( Please get over him! I know it sounds redundant and apathetic but really...who is the one on here SUFFERING and wondering endlessly! What is the point? These people below me are correct and I did not need to read the whole thing because basically, their advices makes sense for both me and you my friend! Good luck!

I can relate to your story. It was so like mine. I think the primarily problem lie with the bf. He seemed to be suffering from stuffs in his deepest internal that no one can understand. I GUESS WE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE ON STEP BY STEP EACH DAY TO RECOVER.

Some men just aren't normal I just went through this, we loved each other and we were our first loves and a first for a lot of things but though he let his friends and his thoughts get into his head. **** him. Sometimes loving someone with all your heart just simply isn't enough. When the man decides its time to end it there's no point in trying to reason with the beast, I am sorry.

I totally agree Poison. This also just happened to me last week, and literally, one minute we were blissfully happy, just back from a weekend away and, would you believe, planning a baby!!! Picking out names, making decisions, completely united. One night changed everything. We went out, his friends told him maybe I wasn't the "right" person for him long term (I know this because I overheard the conversation). The next day, over the phone, he told me he no longer wanted to be in a relationship or be "attached", and wanted to be single. He was crying on the phone while he said these words that have been the source of intense pain, insomnia, copious amounts of red wine and bitter, bitter tears.

Joloholo, don't worry. You deserve so much better. I know you loved him and it doesn't feel like it right now, but remember you are strong. You were strong before he came into your life and you will not let a cowardly, weak, selfish little man child take away that strength. Hearing yours, and everyone else's stories uplifts my broken heart to know I'm not alone in this battle to find normality again.

Walk with your head held high, a smile on your face and the knowledge in your heart that although it hurts now, you still have the ability to love and be loved. And he did not. He ran scared, from possibly the best thing he'll never have again. xxx

Your response gives me strength; I too am battling. It is so hard with all the waves of sadness. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how do they 'decide' it. But I hope I find some stability. I wish the same for you. And I hope you're doing great.

Maybe he was tired of you always picking arguments. You say you we're tired of him always blaming you but be honest with yourself, was it you? Did he ever start arguments for no reason? And with a man, don't ever threaten the relationship, they will call your bluff. That might work with boys but not with a man.

you not the only one~~i feel you...3

The reality is that your ex has no idea how to have a proper relationship. Arguments are normal, without them you will never grow and be strong as a couple. Arguments should not be about who is right or wrong, it should be about understanding each other's point of view and coming to some middle groud and comprise. No two people are the same so obviously you'll have disagreements and opposing views on things. If he truly loved you, he would try to work things out. He was fake! Just remember you deserve someone who loves you for who you are not someone who tries to change you and gets scared or insecure about a petty arguement and uses it jump out of the relationship. Be happy and confident with yourself because you were before he came into your life. Someone will come along and will treat you with more respect :)!

Found out my ex has Passive-Agressive personality disorder. What you said is exactly what I went through...to the dot.<br />
<br />
He had many relationship which never lasted more than few months, longest being a year. I was his longest relationship, 4 yrs. <br />
He gave me no reason for the breakup, atleast not one that made sense. He loves me, cares about me, but doesn't think it will work... what? <br />
I am a person who can't live without finding the truth. I don't lie and I hate lies, simple. And so I went in search for the truth, it's not easy to know and sometimes harder to handle. <br />
Truth is, he had been having sex with prostitutes and random chicks for many months. He knew I am a lover of truth, loyalty, etc and the deeper into darkness he fell the more tensed he got. He realised he was addicted to that lifestyle and knew I'll find out if he stayed with me. Stupid of him to think, just because he brokeup I won't search for the truth. 4 yrs of loving him, there's no way I'd just accept a fake reason. So much disrespect. I gave him unconditional love and affection. I feel as if I had been spat in the face. <br />
<br />
One thing I know for a fact I am the one person who he fears in life. Somewhere I believe he tried his best to change but kept falling back. His friends we're bad company... and most of the time it does matter. What you are can be told by the company you keep.<br />
More than anger I feel pity for him. He pretends to be happy, while everything he's doing is eating away at his humanity slowly. I hope he learns from his mistakes someday. <br />
I still love him, just not the person he chose to become. He chose his actions. Now I'm making mine.

Thank you for sharing your story. I was going to post on the OP's thread that her guy probably had something going on on the side. My story sounds exactly the same. The guy I loved unconditionally, the one I was there for no matter what turned out to be a terrible liar. I believe he wanted to be better but instead, he chose to sleep with random women (you're right about judging people by the company they keep... I should've thought of that sooner).

Now he seems to hate me for busting him on his lies, though I have proof he's lying and he won't even talk to me. He's like a stranger.... And he still has all his stuff at our place.... But he swears he's only coming back to move out and I'll never hear from him again.

Thankfully it was only one year of my life, but I feel so used and sad and confused. It's like he lacks a conscience.... Now to focus on getting myself stronger, happier and believing that there is a wonderful guy out there for me... When I'm ready to date again.

Something similar happened to me. My ex dumped me few days before a trip we planned several months and he had new gf two weeks after moved in with him in the home wee built together. Now 6 months has passed and he is engaged and will be married in February of 2013 everything happened so fast that I feel like I've been stabbed multiple times in the heart because that was the future we planned together but I feel like I planned a future with him but I was never meant to be in it. It's hard I still cry here and there but I find the tears slowly lessening but the pain of a numb heart is there like you more good memories than bad makes it hard

I was with my ex for 4 years

Wow, there's people out there that are just like me. Who are going through the same thing as me or have gone through it. I have never felt such pain my life. I don't even try to cry, but tears just keep falling down my face. I can't even control that.

He and I were in a long distance relationship. And when I say long I mean different countries. He lived in Dubai and I lived in the states. We talked for an entire year, nothing but joy and happiness. and just eager to see each other. We spent two beautiful months together, sleeping, waking up, coffee, movies, malls it didn't matter we did everything together. I miss his kisses he would give to me all over my face, the silly things he would do when I was putting on my makeup and doing my hair. I miss it all. I tried to find a job out there and it was a bit difficult because I didn't have an education. He and i decided that I would go back home and finish my studies and come back in 2 years because thats how much i have left in school.

We talked about visiting each other sooner rather than waiting til the summer again to see each other, and me studying somewhere abroad. I mean we tried to think of everything. This man took me to meet his family, his closest friends. Not to mention he was a arab man.. i mean i didn't expect him to marry me. I've been back home for 3 weeks and 2 days ago everything was fine, we talked about how we missed each other, and laughing still and etc. and then just out of no where he tells me that he can't handle this long distance relationship. It really hurts. I have never felt such pain in my entire life. I want it to just go away.

I always told myself i don't need him with or without him I want to move to his country because i just completely fell in love with it. And now my plans don't change. but i never imagined that he would leave me.

for some reason i know there is so much more to the reason why he ended things with me and i do want to find out. I just want peace and to move on with my life and understand what the real reason was. Maybe its fixable, maybe he had a bad day and took it out on me, maybe something happened, maybe his family didn't allow this any more. I just want to know the real reason and move on even if its without him.

Sorry if there are so many errors in here and my grammar is horrible. but i am so hurt that i don't care i just wanted to get something off my chest.

Hey girl... Just be strong and move on... As Twisted Wixen said... He will regret or maybe not... In both cases you are standing with a clear and loving heart... Have that on your mind... You are the one with the pain now... But he is the one to live life in missery... In both cases... If he realise, he will regret... If he does not realise... Even worse... So... Take care and just know that pain will pass... Long nights will pass... You will be stronger without him... And he will understand that...

All my energy to you...

Take care and be BRAVE!


Hi girl,<br />
First of all I am so sorry you had to go through this.. I don't think anyone should go through that. I hope that by now you feel better and that life has brought you new things to look forward to and that you have great things to look forward to ..<br />
I went through the same exact thing that you did. I have never loved anyone like I did him, he was my shining star, my rock when I was weak, my motivation in life... Please let me know if you want to privately contact me! <br />
Love <br />

Huh... I cannot believe what I just saw here... I was in a great love with my ex-girlfriend. 2,5 years of harmonious relationship and 6 months of our own life in our apartment. I loved her like heaven... More than myself... I was trying to show my love every day... Two months before she knocked me down we started to buy furniture... I let her to choose everything in order to fell max confortable in my flat. She was excited and happy to choose color for walls, sofa, TV shelf, carpets... Everything... I was enjoying our life... Then suddenly on one Thursday she changed her mood... We walked for one hour without a word... After we come back home she started to cry and said that she cannot stand this anymore... I was totally confused... In that moment we had new things all around our flat, plan to go to the other country to IKEA to buy some more things, tickets for concert and theatre next week. I could not make her stop crying... Then I looked at her and said... I will go now out to cool down a bit... Please relax and calm down... Whatever you decide... I will not be in the flat next 3 days, so do whatever you want. I cannot stop you... I went out for a couple of drinks... I come back to apartment one hour later... And there were nothing inside... In 45 minutes she packed ALL her things and left... No Good bye, No take care, No I'm sorry... Nothing... I was on the edge... I could not feel my legs... I sent her a text message... No answer... Later tomorrow she answered and gave me some extremely unacceptable reasons plus she said that she could not feel my love and respect. That was the heaviest disappointment in my life. I have my life principles and I cannot live without them. I have to love and I have to respect the one I love. After that day she answered my messages and calls a few more times and then CUT... Nothing... She just stopped to answer... She knows how deeply I love her... And she told me that I do not love her... More than 3 months passed and I'm still on my knees... Knocked down... I read some books and tried to reach some explanations for this... Psychology can explain this... Now I'm destroyed, but maybe this is a Gods hand that saved me... She did not want marriage, kids, only to travel, buy clothes, act as a important business woman... I gave everything... I showed how Simple man I am (as Lynard Skynard says)... I just wanted to spend my life with her, to make her felling nice and loved... In the end I end up with a broken heart, with a flat full of things that she chose... I met her a few times and she never takes off her sunglass and she could not look into my eyes... She told me that if I was not sending messages and called her, she would never do that... So... She will just disappear from my life after 3 years... What to say... Now I'm in the psychotherapy to overcome this, since I cannot sleep well, I cannot eat well, I have problems in my company, since I do not have concentration to work... And she is now traveling, enjoying life, living again with her parents, having warm meal, ironed clothes, warring about nothing... What to say... 4 months ago, I was sure that my girlfriend is the greatest girl in the universe... Full of love and understanding... There are a lot of details and words that hurt me heavily... I literally cannot recognize her now... What happened... Only God knows... I read that some people are great actors and can act for years and then BOOOOOOM... Just leave... I do not know what happened even now after 3 months...

I'm sorry to hear tht happened to you. You seem like a very nice guy. On July 18, 2012 my bf who I thought the world of. He dumped me via through our mutual friend. The pain and agony washes over me at times. Everything was so perfect or so I thought. We had only been together for two months but in those two months he really stole my heart. Previously before that I was with my finace for over 7 years and he unfortunately passed away three years ago. On July 18th,2009. Joe dumps me on that same very day. It just shows how shallow of a man he really was. He was in the middle of a divorce we met. That should have been more then enough of a warning sign to just stay away. All i wish is that he feels guilty for what he did. Always remember that you're worth the time of day to be loved and cherished.

Thanks Crystyles... I'm living my life in a simple way based on some principles, important to me. Love, honesty, respect, humanity and some more... My pain is therefore stronger, since the most important person in my life spited on them. I wanted to live for her and to love her all my life... To make her happy... It is painfyl through the day and night when somebody that you adore just turn her back and leave... And moreover, later to show lack of empathy... It is better now... But this will stay in my hearth forever... Take care and wish you all the best...

Has any of these men every regret their actions or called to apologize? Im going through the same situation and I cant even catch a breath. Im just wondering would he pay for this or ever regret he left me? He asked for this relationship, 4yrs later after moving in together and all, he cant even stand being around me. The nicer I am to him, the colder he got. Would he regret this?

I was with him for5years and 9months. I gave him everything I had in me. I gave him my whole heart, mind, body, spirit, soul. We created a "Bear World" together. We had our own language. Our own way of being. We adopted Bears from all over. We had a "Bear love". He even called it that. We had ourselves as well. We went on roadtrips. We made breakfast for each other in bed. We played Board games together. Sometimes we would stay in for days on end just being together. He even told me he didn't even have to go outside for anything. And that all he needed was me. I was his Bear. And that I was his everything. And that even wild horses couldn't even tear us apart. And three days ago he broke up with me over email. "I can't do it anymore it won't work.

Hi, <br />
I also went through an extremely similar experience with my ex-boyfriend, and it has honestly made me feel so much better knowing others have also experienced it. I feel like it's so crazy how sometimes men find it just so easy to disconnect and completely eradicate you from their minds after they break up with you, it just doesn't seem fair. I really believe that if I were to have dumped him, I would have really taken the time to make sure he was happy and settled in his life, before I moved on and 'forgot' about him. I also believe that if you truly love someone, they will always remain in your heart...and this was the case for me, but not for my ex. It's been over 6 months since my ex dumped me, and I STILL think about him, and how much he hurt me. I often feel like I need to impress him, and make him see that I'm totally over him, happy and carefree in my life with my new boyfriend now...but I know I just feel that way because I'm so insecure, as I see how much he just doesn't care about me, and I always seem to be dwelling on how happy he must be...without me. <br />
But then I've slowly started to come to the realisation, that he IS just another human being, and we once truly loved one another...and then one day, he decided to make the foolish desicion to take a different path in life to the one I was leading. And you know what...that's his problem. I really think that if he truly, honestly doesn't care about me AT ALL...I REFUSE to put myself through the one-sided process of caring about him at all. And at first, you think of this not caring as a huge shame, because of all of the wonderful memories you have of you together.....but eventually, you see the not caring, as a therapeutic step to getting on with your life. I refuse to care at all about what he thinks of me, or if he even thinks of me at all. Because at the end of the day, we all have so much to offer, we have endless amounts of love to give...and there is someone out there who is more than willing to recieve and appreciate that love, and give you just the same back. Even though at one point in my life, I thought my ex was the most amazing person I had ever met, the one person I'd truly love forever....I have realised that he has changed, and he is NOT by any means..that person anymore. The way he ended everything with me was childish and immature, and from an outsiders perspective looking at his life now...I am actually glad I have moved on, and I am at least trying to be happy, as I am.<br />
I believe that in order to move, grow and mature in life...in order to truly appreciate the most important things you have, you must endure horrible pain and heart ache. You have to experience these set backs, you have to experience massive change, change that will pull you down, but build you right back up again as a happier and more fulfilled person.<br />
<br />

I am so familiar with this story it scares me. As I was reading, it felt like I had written it. I lived with my ex for almost three years, moved halfway across the province with him, the day before we broke up he was telling me how much he loves me and he doesn't want to throw away three years, then BOOM. "I don't think this is going to work" he says to me...literally out of nowhere. I totally feel your pain and frustration. I don't know how or why they do it, but at least I got to walk away knowing that I had given it MY all, so there are no regrets on my side. Let him deal with his regrets later when and if he chooses to face them, and if not...then he has my pity for being a very sad, selfish person.

I am so familiar with this story it scares me. As I was reading, it felt like I had written it. I lived with my ex for almost three years, moved halfway across the province with him, the day before we broke up he was telling me how much he loves me and he doesn't want to throw away three years, then BOOM. "I don't think this is going to work" he says to me...literally out of nowhere. I totally feel your pain and frustration. I don't know how or why they do it, but at least I got to walk away knowing that I had given it MY all, so there are no regrets on my side. Let him deal with his regrets later when and if he chooses to face them, and if not...then he has my pity for being a very sad, selfish person.

Just went through a similar situation a month ago - well being blindsided by someone I loved. After almost 2 years, He actively started trying to force me to change my career decisions and move somewhere I didn't feel absolutely comfortable with to support his dreams (Small town of 15000). Accused me of choosing my family over him. -- I was actually feeling guilty about things & considering it, AND I did allow myself to be forced into a specialty I wasn't completely sure about because of him.... I kick myself everyday for that.<br />
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Came back from out of town for the weekend, got a phone call from him essentially saying he hasn't loved me for the last few months but decided to continue playing "the game" ie calling me every day multiple times a day telling me he loves me so much (even the day before the break up call) & we pretty much lived together at my place. <br />
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And he broke up with me ... over the phone when he lives 10 minutes away. Did not even have the guts to face me. When i asked him why he didn't tell me he fell out of love with me when it happened b/c I would have spared him the trouble and let him go, he told me that he wanted to make sure that he was not losing out on HIS HAPPINESS if he made a premature decision about ending things, so he made me think everything was all happy and good so just in case he wanted to stay our relationship, it would still be "good" instead of going downhill if he actually told me the truth- I got to give him credit - he can really act .... <br />
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I started to cry and the last thing I heard come out of his mouth was - call me back when you are calmer ... I have not contacted him since, he has messaged me here and there to go out because he misses his "friend" but I really don't have time for this.

Hi Dancingagain,<br />
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It's nice to hear from you - your situation sounds very similar to mine. What you said about finding ways to blame yourself when there is no definite reason for the breakup is true. I spent months feeling down on myself, because my ex couldn't offer a clear reason for the breakup, except to pick at flaws in my character. So I started to think he was right. It can hold you back so much, and be so destructive. But you are right - it's just your mind trying to justify what has happened and what they have done. If you are used to thinking so highly of someone, it's quite a transition to realise that they aren't that great after all. They're flawed, like anybody else. And maybe...actually THEY are the problem!! <br />
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I'm so glad that you're moving on with your life and doing well. I'm getting there too! Just like yourself, my ex was also on Match.com within a month... what is with them?! It's a bit of a sting when you realise how quickly they can move on huh. Well, either way...I hope you meet someone who is a lot more worthy of your commitment!

Hello Dancingagain<br />
I agree with you. I am always blaming myself why did i not say this or why i did not do that and why did i trust this guy. well the thing is we are human beings with feelings not dolls or toys. we put our soul and energy in a relationship and to be left alone in return is nothing but unbelievable. In your case at least you ex gave it a try for a few weeks. In my case my ex did not even bother to talk about it.

Hello Hateglyn. I am sorry to hear about your story.<br />
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Its very easy to place blame on yourself when you aren't given any REAL reasons for the breakup. The cliches we were given are flaky and carry no substance. From what most people have told me, it usually has nothing to do with you, though I go back and forth believing this. I think in our cases, the men just aren't capable of the hard work that relationships require. I think the way in which we were broken up with is cowardly.

Hello Dancingagain<br />
My ex said the same line to me "i love you but i am not in love with you". is it a standard line when guys do not want to commit or is it something else. i keep on thinking the same things may be i did not do something right or say something right.

I went through an eerily similar situation back in September. We had been together for 3.5 years. We moved in together (lucky for me, I own the condo and his name was not on it), we raised a dog together. We made plans for the future. Like you, we never really fought. I always had to drag things out of him. He too was anti "confrontation" and hated to fight. I am not the argumentative type, but at least I always told him how I felt. I thought this was the man I was spending my life with and that I was so lucky. I thought he was everything I could have wanted and needed in a man.<br />
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Towards the end of the summer, he constructed a wall between us and his distance was becoming more and more apparent. I had a lot of anxiety about it and it showed. But he let me believe that nothing was wrong as I had asked time and time again. Finally, one day, I couldn't take it anymore and had to drag it out of him. All of a sudden I get hit with "I am afraid of commitment. And I have always been afraid of commitment". I was in utter shock. You don't stay with someone for 3.5 years, build a life together, live together, care for a dog together, plan a future together, if you have always been afraid of commitment. Needless to say, I kicked him out. But he kept me in limbo for 3 weeks. We would meet up once a week and he would tell me that he loved me but wasn't in love with me. And then he would say he wanted to fall back in love with me. Then he said there was no more spark, but he still wanted to be with me like we had planned. So finally, after 3 weeks of this torture, he said "I can't make this work". He gave no reasons. He just left. I too thought that he would try everything in his power to make it work considering the time and love it took to build us up to where we were. But he was perfectly content to let some dips derail everything we had. <br />
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A month later, he was already on Match.com with a ridiculous username and a life he pretended to have.<br />
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It took a while, but I now realize that he is a spineless coward. There is much more to the story, but I would be typing forever. The sad part is that I let myself believe for a long time that it must have been my fault that he left. "I wasn't this, I was too that, I should have said this, I shouldn't have said that"... these thoughts plagued my brain and I was a prisoner to them. I truly believed that he was a great guy and there is no easy way to breakup, somehow justifying his actions. And it took a while to finally see that no, this was not a good man. This was a boy. At 31. <br />
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I think he has some deep rooted issues and he will one day have to confront them. Running won't work forever. Either way, I don't like him very much. <br />
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My life is just now beginning. After the deep depression I felt, I have worked very hard to build myself up. After experiencing this type of pain, its hard to be afraid of anything... so, I am breaking free of some of the self imposed limitations and enjoying my life as I never experienced before. I hope the same can come from those who have suffered a similar heart break.

Hello Joloholo<br />
Thank you for your comments. You described my ex boyfriend exactly the way he is, an insensitive coward. I was not expecting this break up. For weeks my brain was not willing to accept what happened to me because he used to tell me everyday that he loved me and the way we used to be. when he used to be sick after have booze with his friends, i used to be there for him cooking food, taking care of him. We used to work in the same hospital and i used to sit in his office helping in his work, taking food for him when he used to be late. He was my first boyfriend and i have not been in a relationship before him. All the happy memories have become nightmares for me because i feel like a fool. After break up now i have to struggle on a daily basis to stay sane because when i go to sleep i keep on having these nightmares in which i see him like he does not know me and leaves me over and over again. i wake up in tears and i feel upset for the whole day. he has messed me up mentally and emotionally. i am in my mid thirties and am too scared now. i have read your story and it is very touching. i went through the same emotions. i reasoned with him, cried, asked him at least to give one more try but he did not listen. After break up one of my friend told him that i am crying my eyes out, he did not care and went on a month holiday.

Hey there,<br />
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I'm sorry your ex boyfriend has proved to be such an insensitive coward - I guess all of us on this thing have learned the hard way how bad a loving relationship can go. I understand what you are going through and I know how painful it is to deal with those feelings of hurt, rejection and frustration that they can't see what they have done or the good that you had between you. As you say, I had a slightly smilar breakup, and even now I'm a lot more over it now I still sometimes can't believe how quickly he went from being completely in love with me to not having any respect for my existence or caring how badly he treated me.<br />
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But I promise you it WILL get easier. It will be ok, it might take you a little longer that it apparently takes him, but that just means you have more heart and capacity for true feelings than he does. So let him get on with the drinking and the women - he is not your problem anymore. Let him get on with his small, uncaring life - you are better off out of it. You've got your own life, and happiness, to worry about, and it's a lot more important than his!<br />
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And another thing I think is that karma will find a way to straighten things out. I'm not a big believer in fate or anything like that, but I do know that what goes around, comes around. <br />
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One example is with my own experience. The guy I was with worked for the same company I did, only with a much better, much more highly paid job than me. When we split up... after 2 years of loving each other and living together... I had to walk past him at work and he would ignore me. Like I was a stranger. Like I had never mattered. As if we had not spent every day together, and slept next to each other at night. He started seeing other women pretty much straight away, as I was feeling numb, heartbroken, devastated and alone. And right after our breakup he brought the women back to his house, to the bedroom that I painstakingly decorated just for us, and they slept together. While I was still sleeping on my friend's couch because he had just broken up with me out of the blue and I had nowhere to live because it was his house, not mine. I was mourning our loss and he couldn't have cared less. He had his house, his job, new women to sleep with - he hardly had to change anything to get rid of me. <br />
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So I finally got on with things and started to change my life. I quit the job, which I hated anyway, and am now training to do something I really love. I found a new place to live - It's not as nice as his place but at least now nobody can just kick me out overnight. I have started to move on and have had a bunch of dates with other guys. It's hard to trust again, but I'm getting there. I have even started to realise that I'm a catch! I felt so low about myself because of my ex that I never thought I was good for anyone after he finished things. But that's not true. <br />
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And just as things were getting on track for me... a couple of things went not so good for him! Mainly, he lost his perfect job, and money, and had to sell his flashy sports car and "make do" with a normal car. <br />
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So what i'm saying is, it takes time, but things will turn around. However it works out for you, I'm sure it will be ok. You can still be happy - he doesn't hold the key to all happiness in the world! You don't need him and you can make it just fine without him.

Hello There<br />
I have been through very similar break up. i was with this guy for more than 2 years and he broke up with me 4 months ago. we were in love, together all the time, cooking together, eating together, watching tv and playing videogames. i loved to cuddle up to him. he used to tell me every day that he loved me. we were suppose to get engaged. i was waiting for him at my parents home so we can get engaged there. after 6 months of wait, he phoned one day and broke up with me saying for the last 4 week he was feeling that he is not in love with me. That was unbelievable. i cried, begged him to give another try but he refused everything. After break up, he turned into a cold person and he behaves like i never existed in his life. he does not have any morals. i am still not able to believe that he broke up with me. i cry most of the time, feel badly hurt while he is happy with his life.

Hey Adelh,<br />
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I think you are right... you just have to focus on how badly they have treated you. And, do you really want to be with someone who would do that... someone who doesn't want to be with you? <br />
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It's a sad thing, focusing on all the bad parts of a relationship in order to get over it. It takes over a lot of good memories. It ruins a lot of special moments, now you know the sentiment behind them eventually turned out to be meaningless. A bad breakup puts a cloud over the whole relationship, not just the 'breakup' bit. A good breakup is a more natural process... when you both naturally come to the end of the line at the same time. You can develop friendship instead - you can move on easily to the next phase. But a bad breakup leaves you devastated, and affects you for some time. It changes the way you see people, the way you see love. It leaves wounds and scars. A breakup says a lot about a person I think. The suddeness, the one sided choice, the hurtful and unforgiving actions from the person you love most in the world. It's hard to deal with. But people are strong and resilient, more than they realise sometimes.<br />
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When you first break up with someone you are in love with you feel like... if you just make them see the good things... if you can just explain to them how it could work... or say some magic sentence that will help everything work out... make them change their mind... make them confront their feelings for you. But it doesn't work like that. And would we really want to be with someone that we had to convince in that way? It is incredibly hurtful. I can only say I sympathise with you having also gone through this. <br />
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But you will get through it! And so will I. I have made some positive changes in my life. It still makes me so sad to think how my boyfriend could hurt me so much. I sometimes get a bit down that he, of all people, did that to me. It felt like he stamped on me. That person who knew me so well, who I loved so much. But then I just think, actually, I don't need someone who would do that! His coldness and nastiness have hurt me. But feeling that hurt will make me strong. And he will always be stuck being a coward. And at least we know we can love someone properly and fully, even if it is a risk.

I completely understand how you feel. I find it so difficult to understand how one minute a guy can be planning the rest of his life with you and telling you how much he loves you, and the next minute you are nothing to him. I find it even more difficult to understand how they could care less about your feelings or just you in general after the break up, and then don't understand why it is hurting you. Sadly I speak from experience, and it is not fun. All I can say is that if he treated you like that then he really wasn't worth it, and thats something that I'm having to come to terms with now. It's really hard to do, but every time you think of him just remember that, and how badly he treated you when you broke up. I guess the rest just takes time. I hope this helps in some way, and you can soon look back and just laugh at what an idiot he was to you and ask what you ever saw in him.

Thanks bnaturale.<br />
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It's nice to think that I am not the only person who has gone through this (although I'm really sorry to hear what happened with your ex, he sounds like a coward). I guess you're right, it is kind of a death because the person that I was in love with, the person that I thought he was, would not behave like that. So I have to accept that he is not that person. He's a weaker, colder version.<br />
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And maybe these men who we devote so much feeling to - even after we have split up - just aren't worth it. What's so good about them that they are worth so many tears and sadness? They are just people, and flawed ones at that. And they are not for us. They made that decision, we should make them live with it. I have done the emailing thing too, I found it weirdly therapeutic to get my feelings in writing and give them back to him. But I don't think it did anything except make him wallow in self pity even more, which is his favourite pastime. <br />
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Do you still speak to your ex? Or can you cut him out entirely? Did you find the emails helped you even if they didn't change how cold he was? How have you found being single again? I have found it weird. It's a bit of a rollercaster - one minute I feel really strong and I like that I can do whatever I want. But the next I feel so lonely and alone and directionless. Because of course all your plans are tied up in the boyfriend, and then you dont have them suddenly. How long ago did you split up?<br />
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My ex lied to me about not seeing someone else even though I know that he is. He tells me that he really wants us to be friends. How could he dream that we could be friends after how he treated our relationship and love? I can't trust him, and I feel sad and hurt to think about him. He just wants to be friends because that way he doesn't have to confront how badly our relationship has ended. Everybody is happy ever after. But I am not happy and I didn't ever want him for a friend, I wanted him for a boyfriend, and I am not going to indulge him just to alleviate his guilt.<br />
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Well anyway thank you for writing and I hope you are getting along better without him. And also hope that the doctors appointment thing worked out for the best for you.

Gal,<br />
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If you never want to see him again, I have a few ideas ;)<br />
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You could confront him on the street, or stare at him when he walks by, or something else that makes him so uncomfortable that he will take another route instead of bumping into you. He should have to avoid you! Not the other way around! pimpnut! <br />
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You could tell him he's a soulless bastard when you see him on the street? could that help you feel better? would he meet with you somewhere if you wanted to talk to him? you could ask him about his behavior & feelings. you could write him a letter or e-mail. i've been e-mailing my ex for 6 months and it hasn't gotten any better. i have his complete story on everything so i have the rational side. but what i still don't understand is how he can go from loving me to not giving a **** in 0 to 60 seconds. This is something that he does not have the ability to explain.<br />
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There must be some way to make it easier for you.... <br />
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Perhaps we should stage funerals for our guys and bury them. i wonder if that would help us realize they are dead and gone forever... and grieve over the loss of the person we knew and loved.

Poor Gal,<br />
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I'm so sorry. What a cold, heartless guy. My ex-boyfriend did something similar. I don't understand it either. How can someone who loved you deeply and knew you deeply and spent so many memories with just drop you??? It makes me so mad that they do not have to face what they have done. That they do not have to feel the pain they have inflicted. I have tried to do something to throw this pain in his face... I e-mail him telling him my feelings. I mailed some of his belongings to his house. Him seeing my pain just made him shut me out even more. Why can they not be mature like we are and do the right thing? No, they just do what they want to, without any regard for another's feelings. They just toss us away. They must not have a soul. <br />
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What little comfort I have is that my (and your) relationship only lasted 2 years. Think if it had lasted 10? In your case it took an argument; in my case it took an important doctor's appointment, to challenge our guys' abilities to cope with the tough parts of being in a relationship. They both failed. <br />
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In the future, i want my future boyfriend to be challenged in the beginning of the relationship, not after 2 years. Wouldn't it be nice if they could pass or fail the tests early on, when we are not so invested? <br />
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I was and still am very depressed about my split. But what helps? Thinking about all the other parts of life... Feeling self-empowered in other ways.... I like to think that the old guy i was in love with has died. Because the cold monster living in his body is not the same person he used to be. It really is a death... a person has gone and will never come back. The only way to not feel this pain is to lose our own souls & not care... This pain reminds us that we still have our souls, unlike those cold empty shells. My heart reaches out to you...