It Was All My Fault And I Wish I Could Change It.

So my ex and I were so happy. We knew each other since elemntary school, but we lost touch in high school. We were both kinda shy too. But in college, we got back in touch and decided to give a relationship a chance. We were not really in love, but just really happy. We were dating for about 4 months and we were both college freshmen. He knew what he wanted to do, but I didn't. When I was younger, I always thought that I would choose love over my career. Now that i'm older and don't know what to do, it really bugs me and I wanted to focus on that without any distractions. I broke up with him. The thing is I really didn't want to, but I understand it was my fault so I have no one to blame but myself. I think the worst part was that less than a month later he got a new girlfriend. I had a flashback of all the things he said to me that made me trust him and love him. It made me want to just curl up in a corner and die. It was surprising that he got over me as quick as he did. It makes me feels like he just faked everything he ever "felt" with me. Now we don't talk at all and my stubborness says "Fine. Wo cares right? Sucks to be him, you have amazing friends by your side and if he doesnt want to be in your life than it doesnt matter. life goes on." Unfortunatly my heart is shattered in a million pieces and I wish somehow I could build a time machine and just would've kept my mouth shut. I feel like i'm never going to get over it. I can't tell him how I feel or talk to him. I hate him!...and myself for letting him go and realizing i'm never going to get him back.

lilliesarepretty lilliesarepretty
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 21, 2010

gosh u suffer my problem! i also loved my EX so much, he was my first boyfriend but my second love, this is because i never got to tell my first love how i felt, so it died away and later i met my ex in colege. i loved him to bits and pieces. i dont know what made him wanna leave me but i blame it on myself. i knew he always wanted to spend time with me but i never gave him a chance, i was afraid we might end up having sex which i wasnt ready for. unfortunately i never told him, i was too chicken to say since i thought he would get hurt and walk away. when i cleared school i still went to see him but i never accepted a single date for fear of sex. i knew he loved me dearly but there were signs that we migt no go too far together. i remember the day we broke up, i had gone to see him in colege, i called him on his cell phone telling him i was waiting for him, he said he was coming to pick me up but he ddnt, i waited for him for hours but he never showed up. i called him a million times but he never picked the phone. so i walked to school to find him, i remeber he saw me but turned away pretending he didnt see me. i felt so hurt, he just waned to be with his friends and not me, whenever i got near him he would walk away form me, i was so embarrased, its now 3years and am still embarrased. from that moment i knew he was not inlove with me anymore. he must have got over me. so i was left alone,hurt and desperate. it has taken me forever to get over him since i blame my self for our break up, i loved him, i would have given up everythin just to be with him, like u said, i would have chosen love over career. today he is madly inlove with someone else, he post her pictures on facebook, i stalk him everyday to check if they break up but its like they get closer everyday. here i am, all alone, all my friends have boyfriends but me. i dont think i will ever love anyone the much i loved him. its 3 yrs and i have never got over him. am sure he even forgot my name coz the last time he saw me was the day he walked away from me. infact am so embarrased to be seen by him coz it made me feel so small n disgusting. only God trully understand how i feel about him and everything that went on. the worst thing is that i have never got over him and that makes me feel like i will never love anyone else.