I Hate My Ex-husband So Much & Will Not Forgive Him

I hate my ex-husband so much, that at times I feel like confronting him and stab him to death.  Is it normal to feel this way?

He is the one asking for this divorce and I am giving him what he wants.  Since the day, he mentioned divorce, I hate him with all my guts.
Yes I cried begging him not to leave me, but he showed no mercy to me at all!  He hurled abuses at me and expect me to stay at home, tolerating his behaviour.  The whole 2 months of a nightmare for me.  I have endless nights, waiting for him to come home in the early hours just to seek his forgiveness.  I didn't even do anything wrong!  That bastard held grudges against me for 4 yrs of marriage and he released all this anger, disagreements and discontentment to me all at once!  How am I to bear all this when all this while I thought he loves me and is happy with me?  He betrayed my trust, my honour and also my respect for him.  Why did I love this guy for so long?  I felt stupid, always putting him first before my own self priorities.  And now he is doing this to me. Do I really deserve all this for being a good wife.  Yes we have hurt each other in the past, but we repaired our mistakes and vowed to start a new life. I did not expect him to do this to me.  He left me with nothing at all.

12-08-10 is the day I will fight for my rights and get what I deserved being 4 yrs with him.  Without me, he will be nothing at all.  I am always the one in the household to make ends meet, with his pay, I don't think we could survived.  That day will marked my official divorce with him.

I promised myself not to fall in love again and I despise seeing all men now.  I hate them so much.

As I am writing this, I am crying again. Not because Im sad, but I regret knowing a person like him.  Everything that I achieved now is falling down into pieces.  I have to build them again.  :(
RBybee RBybee
26-30, F
3 Responses Aug 8, 2010

my friend and i made a silly funny pact once<br />
"<br />
you kill mine and ill see yours ets the same"<br />
<br />
lol might be a silly joke of sorts but helps with venting and frustrations!

Im wondering<br />
How did things go over the holidays?<br />
Did you get things settled up before?<br />
Concerned

I understand how you feel. I am so tired of getting hurt over and over. I am not even motivated to start another relationship. I wasted all my years with my ex-husband who threw our marriage away like it was nothing. He never loved or cared about me. I was always the one who tried to salvage our marriage. He cheated on me, verbally and mentally abused me and physically attacked me.<br />
Remember this saying "It's better to be healthy and alone than to be sick in a relationship."