Why I Hate My Ex........now Heres A Story

I was married to this guy, we will call him butthead, for 13 years. He was in the military and was away for a change of MOS. He left in May of '08 and I thought everything was going well with our relationship. I mean it was not perfect, my oldest son and butthead fought all the time and it would become physical. I did not realize it was destroying my sons health at the time. Well back to the story. Butthead was down there in Tx for a few weeks and would emty our bank account leaving us in the negative 350 - 1100 a pat check. I tried to get a hold of him to find out what was going on but he would not answer or have a lame excuse that he had bills to pay. I found out he was entertaining "friends" with dinner, bar hopping and paying for medication for some woman's kids. Ding ding ding that sent my warning bells off. I finally got a Dear John email.. yes that's right an email. Telling me he did not love me anymore and that all we do is fight over money. Well yeah we did fight over money... I have three kids to take care of while he was down there living like a single guy, He told me over and over again that their was no other woman. Did I believe him??? not on your life. Butthead would call on this over woman's phone and tell me not to answer the phone if it was a Tx call. I found out he was lying to the military about his where a bouts. He told them he was driving the 800+ miles to see me and trying to work things out. I told him I would not lie for him and when they called I told them I did not know where he was but I had a good idea. So they had me call him at this woman's number. She answered and told me he was mowing the lawn. She asked me who was call ing and I told her that I was his wife. When butthead answered the phone he tore me a new one and said never to call him at that number again. I told him the military was looking for him and that sent him off again. he hung up on me. no more then 10 minutes the woman called and asked me if we were still married and I told her yes. He told he that I cheated on him while he was in Iraq (I had just had our 3rd son when he left and I had a hard recovery) and that we were divorced and having custody issues over our kids. I told her it was all news to me and she told me she was sorry for her part. I asked her when they started seeing each other and she told me the 1st week in June. We ended the call and I got a call about 15 minutes later from butthead. He was so angry that I upset his little fun and games, by the way I could hear her screaming at him over the phone. He told me to pack my stuff up and get out. So I moved with the kids back home to my family. I did leave the house a total mess. I had a Carrie Underwood moment.

Any ways he is still a thorn in my side. Our divorce was final in Aug. '09 but he tried to cow tow me to get me to do a 50/50 custody. I dug my feet in and it is a 80/20 now. My ex is a narcissist with aggression and PTSD. He was verbally abusive and very physical with myself and my son from a previous marriage. We now have PTSD over the pain he inflicted on us. I am glad I am away from him. I know what you all are thinking. Why did you stay if he was mistreating you and your son? All I have to say is that in the military you are told to keep quite because you could hurt his career. We (My on and I) walked on egg shells and I finally got the courage to leave his butt... all be it he was over 800 miles away at the time.

Every time he has the kids for visitation it is a fight to get them back. he has no respect for the parenting plan and will hid the kids from me. We live in two different states and it makes it hard. For an example I sent our youngest down for his Oct wedding and did not get him back till Feb and that was only because a judge ordered him to.

Well that was my story and I gave you the cliff notes version.
emg1968 emg1968
41-45, F
4 Responses Aug 9, 2010

I know I'm a couple of years late on this, but I have a similar story. My ex is active duty Air Force and PCS'ed to Korea for a year, had an affair with this girl, (10 1/2 yrs younger than he is and she's also only 9 1/2 years older than our oldest child), and to top that off, he was her BOSS at the time. And as soon as our divorce was final, he married her without introducing or even mentioning her to our four kids at all. I'm tired of having to walk on those egg shells and living in fear of him because he has the military on his side, and they don't care if he's right or not, its the whole "protect our own" thing and that's total crap too! I find it crappy that the military is supposedly about family and family values and cracking down on those military members who have affairs, but in reality all they do is turn their heads to it all. During my 16 yr marriage to this man, I saw so many divorces caused by cheating, and I never once saw any kind of disciplinary action taken like they claim they do.

Hahahahahaha...love the name Butt Head!!! I call mine Mr Nappy...hehehehe...that's because the loser left when I asked him too and lives with his mummy and daddy after close to 2 years later...He is a 39 yr old man....hence the name Mr Nappy!...<br />
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I am glad you left the loser...these people are nothing but emotional vampires and would suck the life out of you if you let them!

I too had a 'Butthead with Nacrisstic Agression" that has left me with PTSD. I can symapthise with this story is so many many ways. The lying, the chearing and the abuse is very hard to get over. I applaud you for divorcing him and hope that he gets everything that he deserves!!

Exact same story to my father!