Ex Husband, The Bully, The Abuser

I almost don't know where to start other than the biggest mistake of my life was marrying a man who grew up bullied by other children, bullied and abused by both his mother and father and filled with so much pain and hatred.  That pain and hatred was manifested to me and my now 7 year old daughter.  Each day I can't believe a father would set out to destroy the family he made and do so with joy in his heart.  I divorced him 4 years ago, a divorce he wanted.  After the divorce he told me he would destroy me.  He has spent 4 years since making me and my children's life a living hell.  He started with prefacing lies about me in emails and then had his attorney do this to build a false case.  When we divorced he had only 10% custody, but he promised I would lose full custody and support him.  How sad the father of my daughter would even think this way.  In 2007 he ran me over with his vehicle and broke my leg.  In 2008 he lied to the courts, not serving me paperwork that he filed and when I showed up for child support the judge asked me questions about stalking and making false allegations to CPS.  I wasn't defensive or emotional, just answered the questions and told her neither were true.  A week later she pulled my baby from my primary custody and the child I raised alone for 5 1/2 years no longer lived with me.  I cried for hours.  I was devastated.  I hired my 5th attorney.  He went back to court to fix the problem and the judge said I needed a wake up call.  She was going to punish me for my ex's lies, but more so punish my daughter.  My daughter is now 7 years old and has never been the same since.  There was hope then.  My ex and I went through psych testing and the Dr. recommended my daughter back in my primary care.  The judge would not have it.  She referred us to a Special Master who also was going to have our daughter back in my primary care.  My ex bullied her and she got scared and would not submit the recommendations.  She was terminated in May 2010.  A month later my ex husband threatened me if I followed the court orders for Father's Day he would assume I wanted to fight and start a new trial.  He then lied about our daughter and her school, saying she had no friends in her school and blamed me, when in fact he was the problem.  He then enrolled her against my joint custodial legal rights in another school and didn't even tell me.  He did this to isolate our daughter from her best friends in an effort to further control and abuse.  He has dragged me back to court over and over and now I am bankrupt.  He has lied and won over and over and he still has 50% custody and my daughter has now been pulled from her friends and school due to his chaos.  He tried to use the orders based on his lies when they were no longer valid to have me arrested on my custodial days.  The worst part is he won't stop and nobody gets it.  He has written letters stalking me legally.  He is a bully and I am paying the price for his hatred of women due to his mother's vicious abuse when he was growing up.  The craziest part is he can fool so many people through his lies, yet his psych tests show he has antisocial personality and I still have to wonder if the judge even knows the ramifications with that.
karen92 karen92
41-45, F
32 Responses Jan 24, 2011

I came to this site after reading your experience. Thank you for being strong enough to write what you did. You gave me the strenth to get here and see I'm not the only one. I felt so lost and broken, I don't know what to do or what I can do anymore. He's evil. I don't know how to protect my kids from the devil that is their father. I'm so ashamed at who he is. I'm embarassed. I'm scared. I'm broken. I didn't want this kind of childhood for our kids. I don't want any child to be in such a toxic mess. It's sickening. So gut wrenching....I am sorry to know I'm not alone. My heart hurts for all of you, and our kids.

You described my situation. Its sick! My ex failed the child abuse potential inventory from a forensic psychologist. he's good.. he's a sociopath.. he's manipulative... everybody believes him. he bullies me and threatens me because he doesn't want to pay child support. he doesn't care about his kid he just wants to hurt me.

Mine too. The judge called him a sociopath. His evaluation showed he was one yet the courts have not stopped him. They know and they don't stop him. He has destroyed my relationship with one of boys. He's after the other two now. How can a parent hurt their children and not bat an eye? How? How????

I know what it's like to n bullied as I have been for 20 years just divorced him
He's manipulated my kids who won't talk to me now , my 13 year old wants to stay with him & maybe me when she feels the need, as its joint custody.
He tells lies makes things up
Upsets me til I'm suicidal enough he won't stop

It doesn't end at divorce. I thought It would. I think most would think that. I filed 8 years ago. He's only gotten worse. Alienation is a crime. Why are the courts not willing to say this? If something a parent does hurts a child, it is a crime.

That's terrible I know someone going through nearly the sane situation do u have any advice

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Psychopaths/narcissists/bullies call them what label you like, are dangerous they can,t give up on their hatred campaigns. it is insanity, but not recognised as such. They sadly enjoy it and thrive on the chaos and pain they cause

You're right. Everything you said.... I want to believe he will eventually stop but I know he won't. He doesn't see or care what it does to the kids. What kind of parent refuses to do what is in their power to stop their kids from hurting? A psychopath. A narcissist. A bully.

The courts are so unfair...I think they are trying to equalize things for men, now, and in the process they are tearing down the women and children involved.
My husband was decent, for the most part, until he got a girlfriend. She obviously wears the pants and dictates what when and how. When we communicate by email, he always forwards the email to his girlfriend first. It shows his inability to respond without her permission and without her input...she tells him what to say. It is sickening. And the justice system doesn't care about the break down that occurs. They indicate "the best interest of the children", and then do the opposite, when ruling on things. We are the generation of women who are the guinea pigs of change. Unfortunately. Do not accommodate your ex more than you have to. If he emails...don't respond to the nasty ones. Keep your emotions in check...at least as far as hitting the send button, when replying. It sounds like your situation is convoluted. You ex is keeping you on pins and needles and trying to wear you down. DON'T LET HIM WIN!!
Take back your power. Make a list of all the issues that you want changed. Then prioritize your list. Work on one thing at a time, and don't share with anyone, not even friends. You know what is best for you and your children, and outside influence and advice (however well intended) can throw you off track and make you second guess yourself as well as your decisions. Baby steps. If you don't have a lawyer, as many of us women don't, get a free consultation for this issues on your list. Go in as if you are actually going to hire this lawyer..."how would you handle this...what can you do for me...with your experience, what doe you foresee as the outcome". As well as taking notes, record the session without the lawyer knowing. This way, not only can you cover more ground...as you are not having to write so much, but you can go back and review the recording whenever you want. Most Iphones and Ipods have recording features. Any consultations are YOUR consultations and so you will not be violating privacy...because it is all about you. You sound sad, worn out, worn down and ready to throw in the towel. DON'T!! If you want what you want, if you need what you need, if you want/need what you deserve....you have to fight for it. Slowly, little by little, dealing with one thing at a time...cut your ex off at the knees...even if it isn't in your nature to do so. Otherwise...you will lose every time. This is what I have had to do. I haven't gotten everything I want...but I'm learning...and I am going to keep fighting. My ex is not going to win...especially now that his girlfriend is his mommy and dictator. I'm clipping her wings in the process too. She just doesn't know it. And everything I do will be legal and within my rights. If we could all afford good divorce lawyers...the massacre of all our lives would not have to happen. I have not respect for the judicial system as they have no respect for us. I'm good at faking it though when I'm in court. Stop letting that man get to you. When he does things...feel your feelings...but then when it is time to make a decision...take your feelings out of it and make the decision intellectually...this will give you the best outcome. Do it for YOU and your daughter. And when you have trouble making decisions...pretend your daughter is going through a divorce like yours...what would you want her to do, what advice would you give her, where would you help her. Apply all of that to you.

As I read all the posts with the common denominator of men & women who are manipulating the system, one thing pops into my mind.
This is a day and age where if you fart, or have a sandwich, people post it on a mass website, or have it on video. Why can't we do the same for a divorce? I'm sure, my opinion will be met with refusal, or even digust, but why can't the courts ease their load and assign a mass web page for divorced couples to communicate soley and exclusively on?
Perhaps call it, Divorcenet, or Divorcebook. Make it a law that any communication not recorded via this site is NOT admissible in court in any state. I tend to view social networks as the end of our face to face communication. However, here I am posting and why not turn lemons into lemonade and make it for all to see, including the law? Have paid lawyers weigh in on casses and disputes.
All the lawyers I know are glorified prostitutes anyway and are driven soley by money. No offense to any parents on here, including myself. If I can tell you which one of my children is walking down my stairs in the morning without seeing them, I can surely solve how to handle their abusive father. I don't communicate with him outside of e-mail and video and voice recordings. Don't care what the laws are if I feel my child, or my life is threatened. This is the Unites States! Freedom is what we were built on! We have a right to feel safe.
I don't care if you are a mother, or a father who is honestly trying to make it better for your children and yourself, this issue has no bias. There are laws against bullying in our schools and the same focus should be addressed out of that arena. Where do you think the anger and stress came from for the school shootings? Let's start with the root of the problem. I suggest action rather than giving up. When all of you are alone and want to give up, that's when you need to hold on the hardest. I don't know any coward that likes their actions brought to serious light.
As for the individual whose legs were ran over by their ex, that's attempted murder in my book. Although, I'm not a lawyer, I have more morals and character than that. Chin up all of you. You are far tougher than you think you are.

They have programs for high conflict communication. I wish I had a positive experience to share but I don't.
We were ordered to use a court communication site called Family Wizard and it was and continues to be useless. It's expensive and my ex refuses to give attorneys and law guardians access. I can print off the messages but my God, there are so many, up to 8 a day. it's not being used as it was intended to be and I'm tired of trying to comply with the court order for it. Ive paid over $ 100 yearly for SEVEN years and he is still refusing to sign consent for anyone else to view the messages. I'm not renewing it when it's due. Until he signs consent it's nothing other than an expensive tool for him to harass me. I call it 'Family Harasser'. It has done nothing to stop him from abusing me. If anything, it only increased.

I am going through a similar experience, but here's where the plot get really interesting. My ex-husband is a cop. I regret ever having met this man. He is manipulative beyond words and he knows every loophole in the law... and uses them to stalk me and our son constantly. It is so stressful, disheartening for our son, and scary all at the same time. We are living such a vivid nightmare that we cannot awake from and no one gets it; at least anyone with any authority does. It has eaten up my finances, like you've experienced, but I wouldn't have it any other way as long as it's gets our son into a healthy balance. I really, truly feel bad for your situation.

THE MINUTE I READ IS A COP I KNEW. I have one of those type of exs to. He even got a job as a court processor and his first attorney was first his police chief. I deal with him mentally abusing my kids and telling them things but I refuse to fight back at this point because i do not have the money to fight at all. They have so much money and people say I understand he is controlling but do not let him control you. the court papers go ignored and everyone says they live with him so we have to tell him your hear asking questions. The horrid story goes on and on. ALL I WANT IS PEACE. My kids say he punishes them when I do not follow his wishes or his mothers wishes.

My ex husband is a well respected psychiatrist. He's got many fooled so I can sympathize with you. I don't know which is worse, equally as bad, I'm sure. I hope you and your son are free. I hope you both are safe.

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My ex wife is the same when I had full custody, her boyfriend also was and is involved with her drama too, I believe the reason why this goes on is because the state wants to reclaim a new breed of state owned children, if the parents wont get along with each other regarding the welfare of their kids then the state will deal with the kids when they become adults, it's their way of saying we have laws and a social safety net to protect the best interests of the child, but we all know how that works, when their hooked on drugs, join the army, or hang out with gangs, have unhealthy relationships towards the opposite sex, no moral compass that was passed down from parent to child, how sad,,,,, :(

My Name Ashley i am from USA, i am 26 years old, i was directed to call dr.marnish on this number +15036626930 and i did and i told him my relationship problem and at the end everything worked out perfect, i want to gladly give My testimony of how a spell caster dr.marnish@yahoo com brought back my lover,

Hi-Me too. All this happened to me too. The children were given to him ( I actually went to counselling to help with the abuse) because I'm 'crazy' despite working as an RN at the time...Kids are 21 and 20 now and see nothing at all wrong...my oldest who isn't his bio child completly swept up in his dangling of inheritence game the ex plays with all. I am the problem. My own family has set up this black sheep scapegoating and it continues and frankly, I want to die.
There is something very very wrong with our patriarchial society where nothing much at all has changed for women't reality. Family court is a money maker.

Hi, I am in the same situation and I think my ex is trying to get me to kill myself, that's what bullys do. And the courts don't help, I am a weak person that's why my ex picked me, I fell apart and played into his hand, He stole my son by buying his love. I want to die but killing myself I cant do. I had to move away from my kids because I cant afford to live there, he legaly hurrassed me. I feel so weak how could I let him win, all I wanted was a loving family, How does a person start over after years of abuse,

Horrific story, it sounds worse than a movie would dream up and for you its real and everyday.

My partners ex wife has done this, she even stop him from seeing the child. she is going all length to hurt him and run him mad. It wasn't worth the pain and fighting to prove our innocence and somehow she convinced everyone. she is such a good lier.

Nearly 5,000 have read this post. Sadly, there could be many of us in this position. I have been subjected to my ex's bullying as well and don't know what to do. My ex has admitted to "making her pay...at the expense of our children". We have tried "uncoupling therapy", with no positive outcome. (A narcissist cannot be cured). Our parenting consultant (PC) even acknowledged his anger, which PC believes stems from finances. I am going bankrupt with the ongoing PC retainers ($3,000), which is court-ordered. I have quickly learned in my post-3yr divorce as a pro se litigant, that family law and the professionals involved represent a lengthy & failed system.

I feel your pain......very similar case. I'm at my wits end and not sure what else to do.

I am in the same situation. I have proof (emails) that support the bullying evidence and my lawyer knows about all of it. Im praying the same thing that I have read in all of your posts and more is stopped. The children and I have endured this for 7 years (since we have been divorced) He told me 5 yrs ago in 2008 he was going to make my life a living hell and 4- 5 yrs I will be even.. Its been 5 yrs now and my lawyer is a ex assistant DA and 6'4' . I hope and pray that he reveals the lies, abuse, manipulation, twist mindset, bullying.

My partners ex wife has done this so we gave up and he never sees them. It wasn't worth the pain and fighting to prove our innocence and somehow she convinced everyone. Courts and judges suck

I'm so sorry to read this, my ex is also a bully and takes it upon himself to do the same lying and manipulate our 8 yr old daughter as well. Since our divorce its gotten worse (5yrs) she sobs when she has to stay there I do not know what to do, and it renders me helpless when I'm only trying to save my daughter from this vicious man...... :'( why can't they add bullying to court orders.

I'm living this right now. I'm following the rules, same psych test results, he makes the same threats and we keep going round & round. 4 years of this and I have finally decided to stop talking to him 100%. Maybe if I'm completely quiet (not following rules) he can't continue to make up lies that hurt our children and cost a fortune. I don't have a solution other than 100% silence toward him.

It's been a while since you posted but I wonder how you and your child are doing? By reading this, I felt you are in a similar situation as I have been. My ex, who had abandoned my daughter had told me before he did that he'd make me and my daughters lives miserable because we were breaking up. And years later, he came back and kept his promise - just like your case, he lay and manipulated the court as if he's a victim and made such a crazy accusation against me. My daughter was raised by me by then whole time and our peaceful life turned into hell then. I am tired of being punished for him being an *******, and feel I no longer trust the court or anyone. Because he's amazingly manipulative and such an actor, it's easy for the others to believe him.
Only my daughter knows what's going on but she's way to young to testify anything and moreover, if I speak up for her, he'll accuse me that I'm making her to feel afraid of him, which is crazy that I can't even speak up for my own daughter but can be blamed for it!
I can't state every detail about what he's done but the reason why I'm writing to you is that as I mentioned above, I am very curious to find you since I found that the case is a lot like mine. I wonder if you ever got proper help? And wonder what we can do regards to the court issue when screwed up by crazy lairs? Truly, I wonder my child and I have to live in hell and slave to his lies??

Hi karen92;
First of all, I wish you strength. While I was reading your story I felt that you were telling the story of my current (and from what I have read seems to be a never ending) situation. We, unfortunately share a very similar experience. Who would have ever guessed. Like yours my ex was abused by his mother. He does not have any emotion or compasion and is always in the attack mode. The lies, denial's and accusations continue on a regular basis. He plays the victim and your right they seem to have a very manipulative and convincing behaviour, which is mind bogoling. We or our children are not protected by our judicial system, in fact the complete opposite occurs. We or our children are not portected by the police because they seem to know how to ride just below the radar and stay within the boundaries or just get away with a verbal warning.

It was recommended to me to read a book entitled "The men who hate women and the women who love them" very interesting read!

I would love to talk to you in greater detail.....I pray that there is someone out there that can help us. This is not a way to live either for us or our children.

Stay strong.......

Hello all, I am so sorry we've all been so unlucky to found these narcisstical men. That's what every one of you are describing. Bully is just one of there behaviors. There incapable of love and use there own children as tools. I suggest all of you google narcissist it helps to know your not crazy. Because they put all the blame on us for everything. I just had my divorce hearing 2 days ago. It was the worst day of my life. My husband sat under oath and lied twisted everything. He had an attorney I did not all alone. He went on and on but in the end I got him back. He got to keep our home which is a sinking ship. After 18 yrs of marriage I got full custody spousal and child support and half of his retirement. I hate him so much but feel a little better. All he cares about is stuff and money. But that's part of his narcisstical nature he is a big show off. Save everything text messages emails voicemail and keep a journal. It's admissible in court and can make a huge difference. Take care all of you I pray and hope the best for you all. Be happy we deserve it and never go back NEVER

Thanks for your post, yes, we gotta stay strong. As far as keeping emails and txts, I was getting sick of it actually. I Just wish I can just delete all these bullying and nasty emails and forget about all this. Well, it's like I carry a chronic disease that I'll have to defend myself from him until my daughter turns 18.. the worst thing I regret is that I feel I'm helpless mother that things i can do to protect my own daughter since he has his right as father and the court has such power..

I feel exactly the same way. I have over 700 emails and texts in my aresenal. I feel I am helpless to help my younger son who is also bullied by my ex. He is currently taking me to court but thinks he should be invited to a party I am having for our little girl. How do you answer these people. No never means no to them!!!

I know that the court and everybody not involved tries to say in the best interest of the kids you have to communicate with your ex. That's crap not true YOU CAN'T. This is not a normal situation and even though your kids might be small, find a way around it. Ask your mom or dad or sister or best friend to be the go between. With strict guidelines that first of all there on your side, cut him off if he even so much as hints to speaking of anything besides the children. And that they NEVER tell you details of anything he says about you. The only way to end this for all of you to END it. Don't read or answer anything from them. I stopped accepting that ******** calls deleted every text and email never even read them. He continues to manipulate my kids but that's on him. I don't talk to them about him or anything. I've moved on and thank god for everyday he keeps him silent. I haven't heard from him in 2 months. Kids are easily persuaded but you keep loving them and letting them know you love them. No matter what!! Because when you stop talking to your kids no matter how old they are, he WINS (your ex). You have to take the higher ground pretend you don't care. Don't speak of him or comment on anything your kids tell you. Change the subject. This is meant for many of the postings on here. It's just so sad that some of you have lost contact with your children. That's all that matters! Forget the past be thankful your free and love your family. I hope for karma for all of us. And back to user ( nameste14) Don't let that manipulative jerk tell you what to do anymore. Have your party without him period. He's not welcome and keep all those emails and texts. Start writing a journal, good luck to you in court!

Exactly what is happening with me. I'm so sorry for you. Not sure where to turn from this, or how to enlighten others as to the incredible hate driving these people. I know I will not be able to handle this for long. Hope you find others to create a family which gives you peace and much deserved love. Don't quit looking for like-minded loving souls.

I am so sorry. I hope things are better. I can relate. What is so sad is the using of the children. K feel deeply for your daughter. Sweet girl. I can only imagine. But don't worry-whether you believe in it or not, Bad Karmas just. Waiting to get him. He will get what's coming to him. You keep your chin up and remember that , as a woman, as a human being, you deservee happiness and peace. And peace of mind. God Bless you, hun.

My gosh... I am going through his too. The bullying is driving me crazy I have done everything but he wont leave me alone... he left his family in the first place... and It was a mentally abusive realationship, he handed me custody full custody... never saw the kids, never pays child support. now is telling anyone who will listen I am crazy, he and his family are writing lies about me on fb, he calls me threating me..... I wish he would leave me alone

I unfortunately am in the same boat, and feel its sinking. There is only so much you can take and after 12 years of it I am really beginning to crack. I am so worried about what its doing to my son, especially if its having this kind of effect on me and I have always been a very strong person. But of course that is exactly what the bully wants - its his only leverage, using my son against me. I have moved on and got a far better life than the one I sadly had with him so he feels I need to be punished. He was the one who cheated and caused the break up - I should have run so much sooner - but thats hindsight! I just dont know what to do or how to cope with it all feeling like its closing in on me. I have 4 years left to deal with this but even that seems like an eternity. I soo relate to the above comments abouthow one mistake can cause so much heartache and pain. I just dont know how I am going to get through this...

Hi Ladies! Thanks for sharing your stories. My heart goes out to you. I too have a bully ex, slthough not as bad as yours. my male friend said they do it out of guilt because they know they did wrong snd need someone else to blame. My ex started to bully me after i rejected his sexual advances after our divorce. He then wennt to live with the woman he left me for and has been nasty ever since. It doesnt help that his attorney is a pot stirrer that keeps him coming back to court so cha ching she gets more money.I just have to believe that **** rolls down hill and he'll be knee deep someday.

I have been divoreced for 10 years and my ex husband doesn't let up. He sends me the meanest, demeaning emails, which are actually also sent to our special master, but it doesn' make him stop. The special master,(mediator) has told him to quit but he doesn't and she does nothing about it. He criticizes me, telling me that my children think I am a manipulative liar, that I cry in order to get what I want, that my children have followed my bad influience. ...but that "at least they still love me, he says".<br />
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My ex cheated on me twice and married the second one. She treats me like crap and has become very close to my boys. I know her plan was to take my place since her own children do not like her. .<br />
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I don't know what to do any more, so I decided to let go of my 3 older boys. ages 31, 29, and 26. I no longer call them or invite them over for any occasioins. I have one son, age 24, who I talk with frequently and who comes over to visit on a regular basis. My ex husband and other boys say he is in "la la" land because they don't yet know how I really am. I can't think of anythjing I have done to deserve this kind of treatment. I have always been a good mother, but after the divorce in 2001, my ex convince the kids that I was a horrible mother an that he never did have the affairs that he did have. One by one, he convinced the kids to live with him since he claimed he had a more structured home and that he had more money to provide them what they needed. He bribed them with a weight room, a basketball court, a motorcycle, a pass to Gold's Gym, a car, etc. After they moved to live with him he, wouldn't even let the them come to see me, though he promised them he would let them visit me as much as they wanted to. He would check the mileage on the car to make sure they did not visit me and if he ever found out they did, he would take the car away. <br />
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Both my ex and his wife, make my children call them "the parents", and the step siblings, "brother" and sister". <br />
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My ex and his wife have even quoted me "sc<x>ripture", trying to teach me that I need to build up my daughters self esteem by fixing her hair nicer and dressing her better. My daughter is 13 and she lives with me. I am sure he that he is working on her now. She has no desire to live with him right now, but the trend has started. My daughter and I are very close, but I like most children she can probably be bought. <br />
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It hurts so bad that I cry every day. I was the mom who took care of my children while they were young, not my ex. He always told me I was a great mom, just a bad wife. I was a great mom! I was the one who was always there for my children. I taught them to golf, bowl, play catch, I helped with homework and did all the cooking and cleaning, helped them when they were sick and they always knew they could talk to me about everything. We were close and had a lot of fun together. How then, have my children changed on me like this. I feel horrible and I just want to move away somewhere far where nobody will know me, and start over again, but I know I can't. <br />
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I haven't really spoken with my 3 boys for about a year, but they still find negative things to say about me. All I ever did to upset them, was ask for them to come to visit me. They do not approve of me for disagreeing with my ex, that my daughter needed to go to a private school near his home, approximately 40 minutes from where I live. Also, that I do not feel my daughter needs to play on a competitive soccer team, which is also ba<x>sed out of the city he lives in. I know that this is part of his plan to have her live with him instead of me. The wording they all use is, "It is in her best interest". <br />
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If I email my ex and ask him one simple question, he answers with a whole page of criticizing remarks. I never answer his rude emails, though my friends and family think I should answer them and defend myself. I feel that if I do answer them, he will just write again and it would never stop. <br />
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I don't know what I would do if I didn't have the love of my youngest son and his wife. We have a close, strong bond. This son tells me he feels sorry for the other boys, because they are missing out of having me in their lives. <br />
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I just wrote this because I have to vent. Nobody seems to really understand what I am going through. It is amazing how one dicision in your life, (marriage) can cause years of heartache and pain.

This is absolutely scarey. I have just gone through the worst year of my life. Finished or I thought with my Divorce. And I was hoping it would be getting better. However it seems to be getting worse. My ex-husband is a bully. Just like all the men written about in these comments from the other women. The line about "being a good mother but a bad wife" was exactly what my husband said to me. Do they have a cheat sheet, that they all share. The fact that men cheat and yet find time to continually blame and bully everyone around them seems to be a common thing. And the ripple affect around the whole family is completely devastating . My husband abandoned his own family only to bring his lover that he meet on the internet and move her two daughters all the way from Australia to Washington.. Bad enough dealing with the loss of a 25 year marriage, the loss of a good family, but the complete destruction of a life built over all the years. The humiliation all most killed me. But the fact that my ex will have nothing to do with his own daughter because she has more morals in her little finger than her father has in his whole 6'6" body. What can we do to stop all the harassment and bullying? My ex-husband use to say he believed in public stoning.....Today I think he may have the right idea.

Please trust yourself that children are manipulated now but in long run, they'll know you are the one who did everything for them.

Your story was the first I have really connected with in 3 years after going through a similar divorce 6 years ago. I am remarried and we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. It is so very challenging. I have 2 other daughters, 15 and 20 who are estranged. The 15 year old does not stay with us anymore and it has been 6 months now. The hardest part is that the oldest contacts my Dad for money every month and he sends it to her and he talks about her as if she is the sweetest girl... I had to ask if he could please respect that hearing about her was like reliving the past all over again and he agreed not to mention her again. My father can most certainly decide whom he will have a relationship from but it is hard when the x used to tell the oldest daughter that granpa was her meal ticket. Unimportant issue but thank you for your story. You have helped me today. This week has been challenging. Each year I have felt that I am at a new stage of grieving for my oldest and now the 15 year old is gone and it is a bit different but grieving is still grieving.

No one seems to understand but I find this site may help a great deal.

In my divorce, I lost everything over a broken and stepped on cell phone. My husband had long planned out the actions of the last night I would ever set home in my own home again... Looking back, I am lucky I got out alive but it was traumatic and changed me and it changed everyone. Divorce is so painful but my x has put the children in the middle. He is a Narcissist among other things but I keep thinking I am lucky I got out alive. Yes I would do a few things differently but I was so naive in my marriage. Anyhow, I lost custody because of that night and the lie after lie that he told of me and the way he set me up really screwed me. I cannot get a job and I do not have the money to seal my arest record. I have lost faith in the system and after all of the horror stories I have read, I need to save my sanity and move on, and let go.

I could go on and on but don't have time, need to get the little one to bed. Blessings to all of the women who are hurting. Take care of yourselves and work on healing your past and learn how to love yourself and forgive yourself. Look forward and make plans, accept the things you cannot change but work on the things you can control. Try to learn to have zero expectations for others. It is difficult. Some days unvearable but I have to work harder on those days to get through what it is I need to work on on those days.

Sorry this is so scrambled, very distracted, need to go, God Bless you.

"Women are like tea bags; you never know how strong they are until they're in hot water". What you have gone though is terrible, I know first hand what your talking about. The system is dysfunctional. There was a move made in the 1980's to appoint female judges to counteract known sex-discrimination within the court system. The study that prompted that action only considered women that worked there. Not a fix was it. Keep being yourself and if you and you child are in good health, enjoy the simple things together. You deserve to enjoy your life, don't let the nimrod take you away from your daily bread. It is not easy to find a good support system like a women's loss group or a therapist or whatever works for you so that you can remain strong...in my thoughts and prayers, -Mom 1969

I feel greatly for the lose of your time and care for your daughter. And for your frustration with no one in the legal field having a hint of what to do to help you. I am divorced from someone who was diagnosed with "lacks the ability to have empathy". No lawyer seemed to understand that. One lawyer told me that most lawyers would not understand the psychological stuff I was trying to explain. None of the lawyers I had were able to stand against his lies in court and I do not have the money to fight it more, presently. What I have is prayers and I know God by His grace will have justice win... but what I don't know is when and if it will only be when He comes again. This is a tough world.

I agree, keep the truth to you always. God knows it.