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I Wish He Was Dead

He's totally ruined my life in many ways I dont have enough space to write them all down. Im not the same person I was he abused me physically. mentally, emotionally and now hes doing it to our kids (not physical tho - I think) He told me he didn't like the way I looked while we were on our honeymoon. I was a size 8. Never held my hand on our honeymoon because he said he didnt really fancy me much sometimes hed tell me he loved me then the next day he told me he didnt there are no words to describe him- hes not even an animal - hes far far worse. We lasted 9 years but only because we had 2 kids which made him love me a little bit although he never found me attractive - he was telling me all my faults about my face and figure for 9 years. He made me feel ugly. And yet soon after we split I went out with one fairly good looking guy who said I was too attractive for him and dumped me!!!!!!! he said I could have anyone I wanted!!!!! I wanted him. Its been like this - Im either not good looking enough or too good looking. I dont bother with men anymore I find them weird and complicated.
blondiesindy blondiesindy 36-40, F 6 Responses May 13, 2011

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I agree. Life would be easoer if he just dropped dead .

my ex is a police officer, if he took a bullet tomorrow i'd jump for joy! right after we split up he had some intestinal problems and had to go to the hospital for rectal bleeding, i was really dissappointed it wasn't colon cancer. He hurt me so badly for so long and he is still trying to manipulate me. My life would be so much easier right now if he were dead.

Hey, what you wrote above about your ex husband is so similar to my husband !!! My husband, although himself isnt very good looking, used to repeatedly tell me how ugly I look !! And let me tell you, that before my marriage, I had many boys telling me that I look quite cute. Not just that, my husband used to criticize me about everything - from my cooking, to my dressing sense...and the list is endless !! I had since consulted a psychiatrist who told me that my husband is a psycho and no amount of therapy will ever make him normal...I left him because I coudnt take the physical abuse anymore.

Dont give up. There will be someone that finds you neither too attractive, nor too little attractive, but rather, an amazing counterpart which needs no changing. Of course we always have room to improve...but to be loved for who and what you are from the beginning? Thats a pretty good deal.

You need to stand up straight and tall and pull up your boot straps. No man that treats you like that is worth even an ounce of your time or consideration. I know, we all endure some sort of crap in our lives - some more than others. I call it a giant brain fart. But, now that you are beyond the stinky cloud..be yourself. Be the woman that you know resides deep down inside. Don't let one more day go by without rejoicing that you are away from that kind of abuse - and that you survived it. Don't let him win.

I understand how you feel. Take comfort in karma. What goes around comes around.