Crazier Things Have Happened But I Don't Know What

I married him at 18. He didn't want to wait for sex. So, like good Christian kids, we solved the dilemma with a ceremony in the backyard of my parent's house. I left him 13 years later. After 2 kids born naturally and 1 child adopted during an overseas missionary trip. 13 years of wondering why he treated me so bad. Why I was not allowed to have friends, a career. Why I was an object. Why I always did something wrong. Why he drank so much. Why he cheated on me 6 plus times. Why everything was my fault. 

I left despite the Christian counselors telling me to stay through the abuse. "God is bigger than that." I left despite my parents offering no support. "Divorce is of the Devil." I left for a better life for myself and my children. 

And in leaving, what was accomplished? Now, 15 years later, I have a great career. I have friends. I have a life. But I also have 2 special needs kids. I also have no time to myself. I also have no child support. My ex took off and created a new life for himself. First, claiming voluntary poverty and moving into a halfway house up East to help the poor. The poor? His own kids had holes in their clothing and no school supplies. Then, he took off to start a simple living community on a farm. 

How did I spend my Mother's Day? Picking up the pieces. I pick up the pieces of years of his abuse, every single day. When my oldest child looks at me with rage and says, "I hate you, mom. Thanks for ruining my life." When I don't have enough money to pay the rent. 

And like a slap in the face, on Mother's Day, my ex calls me and says, "Just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother's Day." 
Yes, I hate my ex-husband. 

beautifuldarknezz beautifuldarknezz
May 13, 2012