My Ex Husband Is A Sociopath/narcisist

I have read a few stories here and I can truly relate. I  was married for 18 years to a sociopath and didn't know it until after the divorce and my search for healing brought me to the understanding of who he truly is. We had three kids together and I raised his daughters from his previous marriage. The first four years were great as long as I did everything he wanted me to do, and I worshiped him as the center of the universe. But then one day my world changed for ever and so did our children's. He was physically, verbally and sexually abusive. He has no conscience at all and still doesn't. He believes everything he did and said was justified by his belief in God, He changed over night. The big change was he found religion, just one more club to beat me with.The teachings of christianity gave him all the right to abuse us as he saw fit because after all he is Jesus to the wife and wives are here only to complete the happieness of the husband not matter what that takes and if he has to beat me into submission he will because he has the authority through god and the church to do so. It was through his new found "Faith" he was able to control me through his verbal abuse. Using scripture to demean and abuse me. I was never good enough, I didn't have big enough boobs, wasn't skinny enough, didn't obey him, was too independent, didn't teach the children how to obey him, I didn't think like him which made me wrong on all accounts, I was always cheating on him, I was always lying to him. Yet he was the one who thought it would be a great Idea to have a girlfriend and a wife and family, then have them be best of friends. I met five of his girlfriends because of this thinking. He is addicted to **** and was getting a prostitute every week for the full 18 years. He spent his money on ***** and drugs. And yet it was all my fault he had to do these things because I was not his idea of a wife. After he chipped five of my teeth and knocked me unconscious I knew I was going to die so I had my will drawn up and started writing everything down along with secretly taping our conversations so there would be proof of his abuse when I did get killed. I filed five restraining orders against him and still I took Him back because of my need to be loved and be a good mother and wife.He always knew the right thing to say to get me to take him back and try again.  I believed the religious dogma of other christians and stayed despite the truth of what he was doing. I was told I needed to stay because we were meant to suffer all the days of our lives and turn to God for help. I watched and stepped in many times as he abused my children especially my oldest son, he would pick him up by his throat and throw him, kick him when he didn't perform fast enough and tell him how  stupid he was among other things. He is pure evil! Sociopaths have no conscience, they believe they are gods and that the world revolves around them and those who don't see them the same way are abused. I finally got the courage to leave after my youngest son then 12 asked me what was harder a wood bat or an aluminum one, after I asked him why, he said that he and his brother we going to beat their father to death in his sleep. I had to get out! I did escape and was able to get a five year order for protection against him, which also included my children, I am also in a great program the state of Minnesota has for abuse survivors that forwards all my mail. My physical address is only known by one entity. I now live 200 miles away from him and feel somewhat safe. I suffer from severe PTSD and so do my two boys. I have gone through five years of therapy to help escape the nightmares and flashbacks. None of his children talk to him but I am still mom to his older daughters. He has stalked me and harassed me. I have lived in such fear I didn't think anyone could possibly Understand. He is a professional liar, thief, and con artist. Everyone was so surprised that all this was happening to us because sociopaths are really good, expert actually, at conning someone into anything they want. Sociopaths only use people for their own purposes and are incapable of feeling anything but selfish ambition and greed. They do not and I repeat DO NOT know how to love or even what love looks like. Love to them is worship and only they are worthy of that! In their minds they are the only one worthy of any kind of acknowledgment. To all you women out there who have been or are still in an abusive relationship seek out knowledge of sociopaths and educate yourself so you can escape. It will take us all years to recover from his abuse, above all else save your children! I am free now yet still in hiding and I hate that SOB with every fiber of my being for what he stole from me and my children, peace and love. I may never be able to love again because of the fear I carry. And unfortunately there is no justice in this world. He got away with everything and will until he dies, unless he screws the wrong person.  Maybe he will end up dead in an alley somewhere because he abused the wrong fathers daughter or stole someones money.  I can say, however, I stayed very close with my children for He could not con them into believing I was the crazy one. They see him for what and who he is and I give thanks to the Lord for that. My oldest is now a Marine stationed in Japan, my second boy is a senior and will be enlisting as a Marine in June and my youngest daughter is in the 10th grade. No matter what these abusers say remember this, religion is not God and God does not tell us to stay in an abusive relationship, we are not made to be someones slave, dog , *****, we are created for greatness! I have started over again from scratch, I am desperately poor, living in a camp ground on my disability, I lost everything in the divorce, but I don't care, because I am free from him and I have plans and goals and I will succeed because I am a beautiful, strong, intelligent women and I will do all I have set my heart to do! The best punishment to these abusers is to succeed at your dreams whatever they may be, succeed without them!
royalribbit royalribbit
41-45
May 25, 2012