19 Years Of Marriage

So for the longest time I have wanted to just put the whole story down on paper so to speak. Yes I still hate my now EX HUSBAND and to this day I still just don't really understand it. Every marriage has it's problems good and bad better worse ect... well 19 years and two awesome kids life is good not perfect but ok. It happened in Feb 2012 one week before our daughter's 18th birthday, it was presidents day weekend and *** hole which is what I now refer to him as told me he was going out to play pool with some friends which I was completly fine with. This was Saturday he didn't come home did n't answer his phone nothing by Monday which was President's day the kids were home I had to work, as I work in Dialysis and do not get holidays off. *** hole of course knew this came home talked to the kids and then left me a voice mail, "sorry I got your voice mail well by now you should know I am not coming back, I have moved out sorry it didn't work out between us but that is the way it goes, bye" You can imagine how I felt listening to this at work, disbelief comes to mind, I was shocked, hurt and so much more. My heart breaks for the kids and it's no suprise he since then almost a year has been mostly absent from them for that I truely dispise him and his selfishness. It turned out he was cheating of course with two or three and finally he settled in with one. I filed for divorce immediately mostly because to get the upper hand you got to move quick, attorneys are crazy expensive, I had to sell all my gold including his just to afford the retainer. I even had a moving sale sold every bit of his tools, yes he was mad but oh well I personally think it's small price to pay for the way he treated the kids and me. Our divorce was final on Nov 6th 2012. I don't know how long it will take before I can move on, funny even my kids keep telling me too move on, I still feel stuck, I still have to deal with accepting my part I know it takes two but I think he was a coward not coming to me and ending it, voice mail?? still ****** me off probably will for years to come..thanks for reading the one thing I have learned is when your in the middle of something like this you start hearing about others and their stories and there are so many...
starnorthwest starnorthwest
9 Responses Nov 26, 2012

Thanks for so much support, it's true that time does heal since this last posted I have gone back to school to work on my BA doing something for yourself is key to getting over that hump. I think less and less about his unworthy *** as he dosent deserve my time or thoughts. It takes time but for everyone out there with similar issues, Hang in there there is always light at the end of the tunnel....God Bless

Please check out this website - melanietoniaevans.com. You will find so much love and healing there. I cannot believe how much better I feel even though nothing has changed with my ex's disgusting behaviour.

Wow he SCUM!!! and you are way better then that...or him.... You kept your job.. kept your life... kept your kids.... held it all together.... you deserve an award and he deserves ....the ELECTRIC chair!!!... voicemail my AAS!!

that is awful! when these ***** do awful things.. its so hard to stop thinking about it.. and them. I get that.. i hate that I allow myself to waste even more time on him than I did- 25 years! but its hard to disconnect after so long.. and to see that this person is vastly different from what you imagined and thought he was like.. Hang in there!

I am sorry, that story hits home for so many of us. It's true what they say what comes around goes around, I know it's not going to happen soon enough but take comfort in knowing his children will resent him and will not want him in their life( unless there is some financial gain). Which usually sways kids. I also am having a hard time putting 19 years behind me, I don't want to share my kids with this other woman problem is my daughter is 18 and is choosing to forge a relationship....****** me off even after all the bull ****. It very hard to live with it. Stay strong you sound like your trying really hard..

I divorced my husband in June this year. He refused to work and left our family home in February when I caught him lying about going for job interviews. He walked out of two jobs and turned down 3 in the last year.
He organised a free lawyer and I had to redraft the settlement agreement 13x. This cost me a fortune. He moved in with his parents and I was left with the kids and having to set up a home.
In November he got engaged (he let his children know with a cell phone message) and I have since found out that she signed our settlement agreement so they have been together since before the divorce.
But all of this aside she does not want to be a step-mother as she says she has had enough of raising children. So what does the pathetic loser do, he cuts off our children. He has found a really lowly paid job and now will not pay the agreed maintenance as "you cannot get blood from a stone". I am so angry as I feel he has everything - no responsibilities, a fiance and I have debt and all the responsibilities. Everyone says that I should let it go and he is the loser but I just feel that life really is very unfair.
You are right there are so many stories of men acting like wretches.

HOLY COW.... your scumbag must know my scumbag and they are probibly taking "scumbag classes " together! OK... We grew up together... knew him since i was 11 years old... over the years fell inlove...got married at 19...,,had four kids... 9 years of marriage HELL! Never kept a job..no money.... made me handle the welfare... sent me to local religious places (church/mosque) to beg for additional assistance. made me ask HIS brother for money ...Ended up selling everything I own...jewelry....clothes.... kids clothes... furniture... the works. Our daughter ( very sick/heart patient/feeding tube) was again in the hospital ( one of the MANY times we nearly lost her) and he wanted to watch the FIFA world cup game!!!! Once they he of COURSE hadnt worked in 6 weeks and we were living on what was left from our federal tax return...down to $2900 left and he wires $2000 overseas ( daddy asked for it) and spent $589 on a CELL PHONE!!!!! Two of our four children were sick... years of therapy...doctors... surgeries...hospitals... and he was never there. The doctors never met him......ok... flash forward... I muster up the courage to LEAVE HIM... i warned him.....told him....gave him heads up... and when that didnt work i took our four kids and moved out. i left him everything... i took my van and the kids and walked away. I felt so free... no longer tied to him.....But with four kids living in the real world isnt as easy as i thought... my babies were 2/3/5/7...One cold day in december while at work i get a text message " i took your van...sold it for $100 enjoy getting home" So busses and walking it was for me... then my childcare funding (NCI) got canceled..... then i lost my job.... my apartment.... I kept BEGGING him PLEASE PLEASE take the kids a few days a week so i can work... so i can keep my shifts ... he didnt and i got fired... got a new job... same crap... got fired...my stepdad gave me his van..... and i loaded up my babies... and checked into a shelter.CPS got involved of course... the meanwhile hes with his NEW girl who has FOUR kids and doesnt want her kids with my kids... tells me he cant upset her. I told hiim WE ARE IN A SHELTER...his reply is " enjoy your shelter but me and my new family are enjoying our four bedroom house .....our easy life... you wanted to leave me ENJOY!why the heck did start working and renting a nice house... nice furniture for HER and HER kids .......?? Was our kids and me not worth it? hes a loser... we have since moved in with mom... CPS case still open... and I work odd hours to make ends meet.Kids are still sleeping on the floor... been two years and me and my four babies still share two twin mattresses.....I hope he rotts in HELL!HE also claimed one of our four kids on HIS income tax return ...so now he gets a nice chunk of cash..... i am going to have him AUDITED ... he didnt support her... he only pays $352 a MONTh for all four kids... scum bag loser....

Thanks for the reminder sometimes I am to hard on myself, I know he is to blame for cheating and lying he knows it. He tried to tell me he wanted to get back together and go to counseling after the fact he left. I said no way should of thought of that before you did what you did. I blame the other woman I have no respect for women who sleep with married men and then shack up with them, Yes she knew she is not innocent at all. Just my opinion once a cheater probably will again. Karma....

As they say, a Tiger doesn't change its stripes. Though I am hoping aginst all odds that is not true. I am going through somethign similar myself right now. My wife (married 15 years) has been cheating on me. I am trying to work it out with her...but she says she is not ashamed of her adulterous ways...I just cannot wrap my head around that. It says to me that she will do it again. So ...unless that attitude changes...why would I stay?

Don't buy into that 'It takes two' business when it comes to cheating. You are not at fault in any way for your ex husbands lax moral character. Sure there are problems in marriages....but we grown ups talk to our spouses about them...we do not cheat on them. A decision to cheat is the decision of ONE person only...in that case it only takes one to tango...so to speak.

Wow! He is without a doubt a real *******... I'm so sorry that you had to be subjected to his cowardly and despicable behavior. One day he will realize how badly he has hurt you and how good he had it. By then of course it will be too little and too late.