Alcoholic, Abusive, Crappy Father, Ex-husband And I Just Hate Him!

I try not to. It took me 2 years of therapy to decide to get out of the sick marriage. Sadly, there is one child involved. She is 12. She has to visit him. He is an abusive alcoholic but not ourightly so (i.e. no police reports, DUI's etc.) so visitation is required. Our child is old enough to have a say and she did make sure that she kept her time with him to a minimum. She balks at extra time with him - flat our refuses when he asks. So he has her for 4 overnights a month. That's it.

In the beginning her visits were filled with his drunk friends and texts to me to come pick her up because she'd had enough. Now, her visits are a mixture of his drunk friends and his drunk girlfriends. Oh, let's not forget to mention the drugs...that's always good times. So he basically ignores her to get wasted. It's a catch 22. Now, she knows how to manipulate him. See, he doesn't pick on her when he's distracted with others and he gives her money. So she can do what she wants and not be bothered by his nonsense. So she kind of likes it now that she gets the manipulation piece. On the other hand, she hates it because he is ignoring her. She's not happy about that he's on girlfriend #3 in 4 months and the first two turned into complete psychos after they broke up. Nor does she enjoy his drinking buddies that pick on her.

Well, it just ****** me off. Why? Because when she comes home angry because of his bullshit guess who she takes it out on? ME! She won't talk to him. She's afraid of him. She doesn't trust him. She generally won't communicate anything with him. It's annoying. It makes me hate him. I mean come on, you can't party hard the other 26 days of the month you don't have her? You have ONE child *******. ONE. Why can't you pull off even 1/2 assing a weekend visit with her?

As a result, if I date she really gives me **** about it because she is scared that the same thing will happen. She says she doesn't want me dating because she loves me more than she loves him. I have yet to introduce to her to ANYONE I've dated because I just haven't met anyone worth introducing her to. Still...I have it hanging over my head that this poor child is being damamged and she's scared and she's mad! It makes it tough.

So, his behavior that affects our child and trickles down to me just makes me HATE the bastard. I never say a bad thing about him to her, I try to remain positive, I explain things the best I can and we both attend therapy. I still can't help but hate the bastard.
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1 Response Dec 7, 2012

Thanks for sharing. What can you do but be an extra good mom to a child under stress. Totally unfair to you both.