Control Freak

I hate my ex husband because he was a total control freak. At first he was very kind and loving to me and my daughter. But as soon as I married the idiot he changed.

I had a miscarriage soon after we were married and when the doctors looked into my health it was discovered that I had Herpes. This was not a complaint I had ever had a problem with before my ex. I asked him if he had any symptoms and he swore that he had nothing. It actually took him a year to tell me that he had Herpes and that he had been living with it for about five years. He had caught it three years before we met and didn't tell me anything about it even when we were activley tring for a baby!!

About a year later I was eight months pregnant with our first son and he was suspended from work for sexually harrassing a customer (he is a postman). He was made to write an apology letter to the customer and change his delivery he told me to "deal with it".

It was after my eldest son was born that things became very bad. I went back to work and he demanded my wages were put into a joint account. He would give my a fiver a week to get to work. I was not allowed any other money. When I asked for extra he would ask for a written list and the change if it was deemed okay. I was not allowed to go food shopping, and he would buy separate food for me and the kids, (we would get very cheap and he would buy named brands for himself) he even had his own shelves in the cupboard and fridge.

I know it was weak of me to give it to him but I even had to give the money from my daughters father.

I was never allowed out. The last time I have been out was in May 2006 and that was with him so it doesn't count. Before that it was December 2002. He would not let me see my friends. My dad gave me a mobile phone so I would be able to contact friends but he found it when he was checking my bag and kept it for himself. The most destroying thing he ever did was to make me choose between him and my parents. He said that if I choose my parents he would kick me and my daughter out and I would never see my sons again. So I severed contact with my mum and dad from Sept 2006 until Dec 2008.

He was so controlling that I wasn't even allowed to pick my kids up from school as the other mothers were all slags according to him and they would give me ideas. In August 2007 he made me give up my job (with his fist) that was the last of my independance. The only control I had was over the cleaning of the house (hense my name).   But because I was at home I noticed that he had started to treat my daughter in the same way and that was enough of a kick up the backside to bring me back to earth.

I asked for a divorce, but he said he enjoyed making my life miserable, so I thought I would learn from him!!  I grew a backbone and I started to make his life difficult, for a while I dealt with his fists and got back in contact with my parents and started to find my friends. I felt I had to prove to my three kids this was not a normal life, I was so determined to get him out of our lives. My children have never experienced a holiday because this tight arse. I was sooooo angry and that was good because it gave me the strength and confidence to get rid of him.

It has been three months since he left. I have not been so happy. Everybody says that I am back to my old self. My kids are happier all doing better at school. He has abbandonded his kids and found some other poor cow with two kids to replace us with. But my children are fine with this even my sons who are his natural children.


Cleanfreak Cleanfreak
1 Response Mar 7, 2009

Sounds exactly like what I went through. The day my ex and father of my daughter beat me up was a blessing in disguise. It was the final nail in the coffin I needed to leave him and admit to myself that I was miserable. My ex, like many control freaks started our relationship with praising me, buying me flowers and jewellery- anything to make me think he was amazing. Then, when I fell pregnant quickly he changed and started to pick on absolutely everything I did. From how I cleaned the kitchen to how I spoke! I was blinded by what I thought was love. I now know this is awful and unacceptable. He would go days without speaking to me to punish me and always make me feel like I was wrong. My daughter and I got out and it's been the best thing I ever did.