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Still Hate Him For What He's Done.

 Hello, I'm new.  My story - "out of the blue" my husband (aged 44) tells me that our 16 year marriage is over because there isn't enough "spark".   WTF?  We have 2 daughters, aged 12 and 13.  I just turned 40.  Our world all fell apart and for the first 3 days I couldn't eat, but I went thru the motions of living.  The very next day he had me up at the Relationship office, not to work thru our marriage, but basically to bash it into little bits and then bury it.  He did not want to talk about it, talk about reconciliation, counselling, nothing.  Just NOT INTERESTED!  

Anyway, blah blah blah, about 2 months have now gone by.  He is bullying me and trying to get me to agree to his bullshit consent orders about the house.  My lawyer has said don't sign anything just yet!  

Long story cut short, I get so cross that he can upset me like he still does, that I let him get to me!  I know it's early days, and I know that there's going to be a lot worse in the future (when we finally do settle), but I just don't get it, I don't know why he hates me so much and why he is so cruel and nasty.  I don't believe I deserve it, but it all keeps playing at the back of my mind.  And he's got the girls this weekend, so I feel terribly lonely without them and I worry that he'll take it out on them.  They're only there for one night, but I wish I could hug them right now.

He is just such a self-centered bastard and I hate him for what he's done to us.

Thanks, ladies!

 

AngryMummy AngryMummy 36-40, F 5 Responses Jun 6, 2009

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Wow sounds just like my husband - he did the same to me in 2009 too- it's 2013 and he is now dating he lives just one house away and I am so mad I could punch him in the face and catch his BMW on fire. I hope it got easier for you. I don't know why some men are such unbelievable selfish bastards and no matter how horrible you might have been in his eyes you were too good for him!

Team EP, I note the date of your story was a month after I separated from a 19 year marriage. 3 and a half years later and Im in a good place with my ex, and my kids. Paperwork is done and we both have established seperate lives. My exwife has had the same boyfriend (on and off I think) for the last 3 years. It was really hard to start with but now I sleep well even knowing that they are together. I have dated a few women, several quie seriously but Im single now and I dont mind. Im happy to be on my own. My kids come and stay for the holidays (they are older...15 to 21) as I live in China now and they live in Australia. The first couple of years were tough, but mainly because my exwife made things difficult when I dated other women, even though she met a guy first. I never blamed her for meeting another guy as I moved out 7 months earlier. I never left for another woman, I just got sick of being in a marriage with someone who didnt love me. She told me for 3 years that I should leave. Sex was terrible and we never did anything together. So one day after another whinge about how I should leave...I did. And she spent the next 6 months asking me why didnt I change instead of leaving. Anyway Im only posting this as I think if you update us on where you are at now it willbe a positive story as the time has passed such that you would have established another life, no doubt better then the one you had with your exhusband. R

I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through. sounds alot like my story. I hate to say it. but there is probably another woman involved. My Ex went 3 months saying he just need to find himself and he was staying at a motel. The whole time he was living with his girlfriend. Once the divorce procedings started he turned into the biggest jerk. You have young children. Make sure you are protected. We were married 28 years. I ended up with nothing. and have to start over fresh. he has a wife snd a house. we had to sell ours and I had to pay 1/2 of the loss...take care & good luck

sorry that you are going through this. I hope you have friends to lean on and as hard as it will be, don't put the girls in the middle. I am divorced from my sons' father and I refused to bad mouth him (and trust me I wanted to) or do any bashing whinin earshot of the boys. I've had friends who divorced and they used their kids and it just made for a horrible situation for the kids. You have a hard job ahead of you, but you will get through it with the help of friends and family...

sorry that you are going through this. I hope you have friends to lean on and as hard as it will be, don't put the girls in the middle. I am divorced from my sons' father and I refused to bad mouth him (and trust me I wanted to) or do any bashing whinin earshot of the boys. I've had friends who divorced and they used their kids and it just made for a horrible situation for the kids. You have a hard job ahead of you, but you will get through it with the help of friends and family...