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My Ex and His Wife Are Driving Me Insane

 I am so thankful I found this forum to vent.  I've spent the entire day communicating with my ex husband and his wife about expenses for my 14 year-old son that has autism and  10 year-old daughter.  He left when they were 7 and 3!  They trotted off and bought a huge $550,000 home!  They do absolutely nothing with the kids when they have them on their every other weekend stint.  I am left in financial ruins and do 99.9% of the parenting. When I try to talk to them about the situation, they talk to me like Data from Star Trek. Actually, I think the telephone pole outside displays more caring than they do.  I honestly don't know how they can live they way they do and sleep at night.  I have got to find a way to cope with this or I am going to climb in a hole and die.  I want to tell everyone out there reading this going through the same situation that I really feel for you.  The injustice is tremendous!  

helpmegetagrip helpmegetagrip 46-50 10 Responses Aug 6, 2009

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Im sure she hates you too

wow, lets do not get upset with one another, lets just support the best we can. we are all in the same place, it is tuff on the women and children.
this is a crazy question, do you think the x will last with this new wife????? she seems to be running the show in this relationship.

all the stories sound about the same. the men walk out, we supported their careers, had their kids, stayed home, moved, on and on, then after 17 years of emotional, verbal, phyiscal abuse, 3 seperate attys. I am totally screwed. the first atty. did not seperate the alimoney and child support so he claimed everything on his taxes (21/2 years worth) left me with a huge tax bill. he has a masters in tax, i have h.s.we have a 16 and 8 boys, the 16yr old was into drugs etc. got worse after x was arrested in 09 and we didnt see or hear from him for a year and 5 mths, now turned up with a new girlfriend from hell.our divorce was final aug. and 16 yr old lives with him due to his constant drug use, stealing and beating me and my 8 yr old. x just married girlfriend. my 16 yr old recently asked to visit shortly after x told me of his continued drug use and said if he visited he would be getting in to drugs. 2 days later I walked outside around 9 at night, and was beaten up. I didnt see the person, but was left with two black eyes and face. called the police but since i didn't see the person nothing done. I feel sure it had somthing to do with my son's drug use. the response I got when I tried to communicate with x (the dad) was from his "wife" accusing me of trying to get them in trouble? My 16 yr old needs help, therapy, drug therapy, and to be in an "professional" in house treatment center. I have joint custody, but can't make x (dad) help because the new wife seems to feel it is her job now. any advice from anywhere, if I have to speak to new wife in regards my kids? does she have that right? another question....the 3rd atty. new of the abuse i suffered for 17 years, however, she did not make everything VERY CLEAR in the order so we don't have to have communication. and he moved 2 hours away, why do I have to drive an hour to meet him for visits with my 8 year old? oh and I was never given the opportunity to read the final order before it was final.... is that not my right? I filed divorce for abuse, abandonment, and adultry, yet when i got the order it was filed for one year of seperation without my permission. my heart goes out to all of you who are suffering, any questions I can help with ask away God bless us all and most of all our children.

I cannot express how much this reminds me of my life. It hurts alot everyday. I am so sorry for you and for me. there is so much injustice in the courts over this matter.. I also dont know what to do.... feeling helpless :(

Your situation is very unjust, but it is what it is. I know that doesn't help much, but sometimes acceptance keeps us from climbing in a hole and dying! I will tell you my story. My ex is a horrible person! When he got remarried, he was no longer interested in his children, and he moved to kick them out of his life (he is a lawyer--a terribly unethical one), and he got the job done, and then he got child support stopped. Three years later, we realize that he really had NO ability to love anyone other than himself! I am sure he and his wife are pretty miserable with each other, and that is his just desserts.

He is ordered to pay part of their college tuition, and I have the kids talk directly to him about this. I know that he will only be spiteful if I do, and with them he at least wants to look like he cares...even though they know quite well from experience that he does not. Kids understand that the parent who is there through thin and sometimes thinner; the one who sacrifices time and treasure; the one who wouldn't think of involving herself with a person who does not accept her children--that person is the one the children love and respect.

I live in a small to middle sized community, and I have not been secretive about how the ex has been with the children. Many people know us because of him, and many have lost all respect for him because of how he threw his children out of his life. I, on the other hand, am given all of the credit for the way the kids are turning out (there are 4 of them--2 in college and 2 in high school).

One day, he will want to be in their lives, and it will be too late. So that takes care of the 99.9% of parenting! You will get through it, I promise!

My question for you is this--what does your divorce say about medical expenses? It seems that he should be shouldering this burden with you! You may have to hire an attorney and take him to court to get this taken care of. It will be expensive, but in the long run, it should help!

well.. maybe you should give them an out, that they do NOT have to have your kids those weekends.. and therefore your kids will be more emotionally stable being with a person who loves them from now on..<br />
it sucks being the mom and dad and the enforcer of rules...<br />
one trick I do, is every sunday.. that is the day I do not play enforcer.. I let one of the kids play mommy and tell everyone what they are supposed to do "all day".. it works like a charm... I am not the bad guy.. and I swear my little darlings (lol) are more stringent on telling their siblings for chores to be done.. its hilarious.. can't do it everyday, just once in awhile.. you also will see YOU in how they copy you, and see if you need to change some of your behavior.. a real eye opener...

You're right. The injustice is not only tremendous but also distressing and ridiculous on so many levels.

KFMDYH - How can you be so insensitive? Goldiesmoon is not asking for "something to be done" - she is looking for support - if you can't offer it - don't bother commenting.<br />
<br />
Feeling disconnected from the father of your children - or worse, that he is impeding the care of your children is absolutely the most frustrating feeling in the world - I am sharing custody of my kids with their dad, but it is his mission to use them against me. He puts them in the middle of everything and taunts me with stupid e-mails about every minutia of their experience - it's human torture - procreating with bad people is the worst mistake you can make. . . . . Deep breaths Goldie, that's all I can offer . . .

so seven years later you vent and want something done?????

After Reading About Your Situation My first thought is Can You Qualify for a Mediator to help you or some other person can Help with these people that are "co parenting " your children? Do You have a counselor or do your Children have a Counselor or a Mental Health Provider? You need to get some kind of Help. You must be so worried, are you getting any sleep at night? I think the way that you will be able to Cope is to Reach Out and find A Mental Health Profider/ Counselor that Can Help You and Your Children With this Situation. Your Right This Injustice is Tremendous. Get Some Help.<br />
Goldiesmoon