I Have Had It With My Family!

Where to even start? Every interaction with extended family (not spouse and my children) is excruciating and getting worse. I dread any get togethers; luckily they are few and far between. My husband won't go to them (and I don't blame him anymore because I've grown to loathe them).
So there I am with my 2 children (one almost 9 and the other almost 4). The 3 1/2 year old is a typical kid. She screams and has tantrums. This is what most kids this age do from time to time. I am confident she will outgrow it because my son was the same way at that age and he did. My family's response to her is to show outward disapproval at her behavior, criticize her at every turn and tell me "none of you ever acted this way (this includes all previous grandchildren)". Gee, not the first time I've heard that line of bull. My stupid sister in law (who has 3 kids of her own; each with their own "issues" (to say the least)) had NO patience with her and was nastily talking to my daughter when she refused to share with my niece. Stupid ***** is all that comes to mind when I think of her. She has a problem with the fact that she is her family's clear breadwinner (that's how she wanted it from day 1) and that I am (and have been for 9 years) a stay at home parent (thanks to my husband being an excellent provider for us). They both work, but her family is almost next door and is constantly doing things for their kids to pick up the slack. I have NO one to watch my kids. My husband travels extensively for his work and if I were to work WHO the hell would take care of my kids? I am it. We have NOTHING to talk about, except our children who (as stated above have their own "issues") she doesn't hesitate to brag about at every turn (I was raised not to brag; so that annoys me to death) about.

My brothers are both right wing nutjobs who can't keep their traps shut about politics (along with my father) even though I have expressly told many a time over the years NOT to discuss things like this with me since: 1. I don't like discussing politics with them; 2. it only leads to fights. They can't stop. We have gone through periods where we've just stopped talking all together because they have no respect for my feelings on this. This is more important to them, apparently, than having any sort of relationship with me as a sister or daughter.

I've already discussed my sister in law. The other one is similar in that she too works and doesn't hesitate to remind me of that fact often. As if I have any control of their financial situation and am supposed to feel bad that I stay home with my kids while they both work. This is the way they wanted it so why they hell should I feel guilty or need to be reminded with guilty tones in their voices that they work? Don't ***** to me about it. Complain to my brothers. THAT"S who you married, not ME! Why should I be made to feel bad? How does my life affect them exactly?

My parents are nearing their 80s now. Not an easy time of life. Lots of medical issues start to creep up. I get it. But my father has made it clear, on more than one occasion that he wants nothing (or little, most of the time) to do with his grandchildren, unless they are present but SILENT. Kids (especially boys) running around playing inside his house (like "normal" kids do; not breaking things but just running around/horsing around) are NOT tolerated and get yelled at by him repeatedly. Girls who scream (like my 3 year old) are also NOT tolerated and shamed. And parents of these children (namely me) are made to feel like "****" about my parenting skills because I am raising them to be like "animals" and none of us ever behaved that way in the old days. Ya right!

Holidays/get togethers are excruciating ordeals and I find myself (unlike any of them) needing to have a couple of drinks when I'm around them, where years ago, a glass or wine was nice but not necessary.

If money was limitless I would make sure I traveled every Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter just to avoid them all.
tgirlmomofpt tgirlmomofpt
36-40, F
2 Responses Jul 25, 2010

You are right. We recently had to chance (although it didn't pan out; yet) to move across the country. The first thing that came to mind when considering how this was be was "I wouldn't miss my family or my husband's family". It would relieve so much pressure about holidays (which I dread). Thankfully we only get together with my family for the 3 major holidays (not usually all three in one year) and with my husband's family it is the same as well as a few additional visits throughout the year. However, I dread and stress over each of these visits days in advance. The move across the country didn't happen (yet) but I dream about it if for nothing else than to be far away from the bullcrap of family (extended).

For years, I attended Holidays that were intolerable. My family was abusive as a child and continued. People make decisions for their life. Your family has made their choices, and in reality, they are adults and can do that. Likewise, you are an adult too, and can choose NOT to go to the functions, to let it be known that if your children are to be robots, you will not tolerate anyone yelling or usurping your parental rights by any punishing, and as long as the rules apply that are in place, you will not be back as what they are is not acceptable to YOU as an adult, and stick to it. I chose to stay away from my family, as they brought anxiety and chaos to me and my children. I was asked a question that I will now ask you.............If they weren't "family" would you have anything to do with them????" If the answer is "no" you have the answer. It's just stopping being their "child" and being an adult. If not for you, do it for your children.<br />
Good Luck