I'm Joining The Ranks

I hate my family too. I can't stand my mom. I haven't even talked to her in about 12 years. I am the oldest out of 3 girls. My mom was both physically and emotionally abusive. She was married to this one guy in Oregon who used to make fun of me and beat me too. Probably some other things but I can't remember them and I don't want to discuss them. I hate her so much. She should have protected us. Once, I accidentally tripped my little sister, that apparently made my flip her lid, she started dragging my by the hair, pulling me all the way to the front door, and threw me down the front porch steps. I was so scared, I peed my pants. I used to cry all the time as a kid. I was always so scared, I would just be silent. Like I was trapped. I hated my life. I hated her. Her many boyfriends that she used to have on the side and make us hang out with while one of her husbands was on a business trip.

I hate my dad. I'm in my 30's and just last year, he came out to visit me, pulled a selfish stunt (too long of a story) and just left. Like that. When he got back home (across the U.S.) he made sure to tell me that I was going to Hell. That he had visions from God. That he had a vision that I was in a hospital gown and my youngest daughter was saying goodbye to me. And that I should have never been married to my husband now b/c it's a sin since I was married once before. I asked him why he hated me so much but would talk to one of my cousins who just got arrested for drug trafficking. He told me that it was because his family can all forgive each other but they can't forgive me and that I'm the rotten egg in the family. He told me that my Granny told him to disown me. My dad and my mom divorced when I was about 2. He also left this state and when across the U.S. to his mommy and daddy. He also said that I hurt him b/c I wouldn't live with him (as if I had a say in the matter). I told him how badly I was abused by my mom and her boyfriends/ husbands and he said I was a liar and that "God called me a snob, wrote 666 on a piece of paper and put it in my head and sealed it.". I was truly freaked out, I think he's crazier than a March Hare and I hate him.

My two younger sisters....they love my mom and support her with money or anything else the sociapath wants. Hey, at least I don't have to support the witch, right? I finally deleted both sisters from my facebook friends and just considered it their loss. Too bad it still hurts me and I'm very affected. I feel like I can't trust anyone and I walk around feeling lost and lonely and yes, even abandoned.
miseliza miseliza
31-35, F
1 Response Jul 26, 2010

wow... i totally know how you feel except it wasnt my moms bf that was abusive it was my dad, we grew up watching my parents fight and since I dont see my dad much its my mom that hates and argues with me... I told her once that maybe in the future we would get along she said yea right... whatever I try to tough it with rock music and cry only when I am alone... I hope your family- husband and daughter make you feel better and see that their can be loving families...