Never Felt I Belonged At All

i sometimes really wish i ad no family. i just hate thinking about why i hate my family so much. always since i was little i was treated like crap from the family and they thought of me as a lesser person. i was always compared to my cousin throughout my family life and all this family pressure left me more cynical than ever, even to this day they still go on about my cousin and how successful he is, making my life in response feeling unfulfilled and such a bore. today while i was at the table for dinner because we had to celebrate my sister's wedding and stuff. thats right, lets celebrate a love that i cannot have because i am not as lucky as my sister because we f****** care so much. i was upset because i was talking about something and then my sister cut me off by showing off the facebook photos on her laptop and while i was cut off the family's entire attention was focused on her, i was ignored with what i had to say and i felt i didnt belong, i just left my dinner and just went into my room to vent out my frustration, its like i never get to have a say when it comes to my family, even more annoying is when they complain about how i dont talk much. well, i dont talk much because i know you as a family wont listen to me and give a f***. also because i am different i cannot seem to get along with my family, because i am not a science student and i am not your normal kind of guy, i like doing different things to them, they rather see me get married then have a good time snowboarding, but thats the way i am, i f***ing hate my family.
jonnyronny jonnyronny
18-21, M
8 Responses Aug 12, 2010

hey listen guys the only problem is that our families need to understand, that those who criticize our generation forgot who raised it, i am 27 and to be honest i hate how my father is basically trying to turn me to become him, he doesn't understand that its like finger prints, we are all different we pick up whatever we pick up from our parents and the rest is who we are, i just hope we wont be hated by our kids as much as we hate our parents. its not only you guys who hate their parents, its an entire generation, so don't hope for death neither stop what you started, GO ON NO ONE IS WORTH IT.

I hate my family as well. I'm always being compared with one of my cousins or my little sister. My mom is always saying how my sister does her homework or your cousin, Britney, doesn't go out and hang with friends at the mall. Or whatever. It's going to be a SUPER SUPER SUPER long time before I get to move out. My mom is always stressed out from work and everything and she always takes her anger out on my dad or me. When my dad gets pissed, they both start screaming at each other and fighting. That's really sad to see and it makes me run upstairs and cry. When she gets pissed at me, she yells at me for stupid things. Like taking up my school bag to my room or not doing my homework when I still have like an entire day to finish it. Today, my mom got really mad at me. So I said about 6 years till I can move out. She says "Why not move out now? That would be great! I wouldn't have any more heart ache! I wouldn't have to support you anymore!" At that point, I was really hurt. I turned up the music really really really loud. She turned it off so I ran upstairs. When I was 7, I tried to run away from home, but then my neighbor saw me and told me I shouldn't be so far from home. When I got back home, my family didn't even notice I was gone. When I was 9 and 10, my mom was working and she hated her job. She always yelled at me. It got really bad that I almost committed suicide. Right when I was about to stab myself with a knife, my mom came downstairs so I put the knife away and pretended like nothing happened. Today was horrible. I prayed to God a million times telling him to kill me.

Yeah I understand about waiting to leave. Today I felt like killing myself leaving a note next to me saying something like, "maybe you should have listened." I won't kill myself though. I love my boyfriend too much. And I'll get to see him again soon. Luckily, I usually get to see him once a week.

@1807A S thats exactly what i plan to do. and dont feel alone about hating your family, i know lots of people who just want to move out and start again, i being one of them. at least for you its gonna take a few months to move out, to me its just a couple of years and hopefully i'll find somewhere to go once i have graduated, although it seems as if everything is taking forever, but i hope that you'll find life to improve heaps once you move out, out of all things i strive to be independent and self sufficient.

@meltedchocolates i am so sorry to hear about that, i can't beleive that they would do such a thing like that to you. for one, you are the older sibling and should be treated in a more mature way from them, and 2, being 24 means that they shouldnt treat you like a 6 year old. sometimes i feel that my family does the same thing and i hate it with a passion. out it this way, you wont be with them forever because we all move out of our family eventually, thats why i am working hard to move out of australia and start my life again in a new place. i hope that one day you will get to do something samiliar and maybe things in general will improve.

this happens to be y first blog....sorry but i feel comparitively better when i see that am not alone....i used to say the same thing...i completely hated my family to the core....and yet still do however what we need to do is move as away from them as possible....these people are crazy { iknow am being polite} but what can keep u happy with ur lyf is to simply detach urself from them....thats wat i am learning to do nd in a few months i will be completely away from them....

tell me about it, my sister who is 14 gets all the love in our family. I never get my say and whenever i bring it up and have my say i get called arrogant and everyone goes against me and makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I just want to leave them and never come back. I'm stuck on a family holiday with them at my stepdads families house. I'm 24 and they wont give me any freedom. I feel so trapped in a loveless family. I hate my family so much right now.

@ seedycara hahahaha nice, i might even say that one on my next family gathering.