It's Really Not Worth the Effort Anymore...

its my parents. they're so out of sync with the real world that they wouldn't even recognise a happy family if it showed up in their bedroom singing xmas carols. they pit my sister and i against each other constantly. beware, don't be fooled when they say "play nice with your sister". they deliberately set out to make us hate each other, thro things like punishing both when one "breaks a rule" or is "disrespectful", and BLATANTLY playing favourites. what kind of parenting is that?

but mostly, its my dad that breaks my heart. he used to be my hero. i was always "daddy's little girl". even now, i still do everything to pls him. i spend as little money as possible to make up for my sister's lack of restraint. i've always gotten the top marks to make him smile for a minute. studied instead of going to parties. agreed to his refusal of boyfriends. i used to just let things go, just let him have the last say on the matter. if he said no, i was just quietly go off and cry later in the shower. my sister never does that. she screams and refuses to eat much at all or talk to anyone until she gets her way. i defended him when my parents were fighting, and consequently made my mum hate me for weeks afterwards. i did everything to make him happy, to make him proud of me.

these days, "happy" periods are getting scarce. only a few weeks ago, i felt really close to him for the first time in months. he was acting very caring, telling me to get more sleep, making snacks for me and encouraging me to really go treat myself. incidentally, that week i had been staying up to 2-4am to get all my work done.

i used to think that he really cared and loved me for "me". maybe that was true, once upon a time. but these days, he's just forgetten "me". ever since he got the job and then got all those promotions in a few months, he's changed so much. he's actually declared, several times, that bc he now makes all the money in the house, he can do whatever **** he wants. because HE'S THE MAN. all he cares about these days is his ego and his need to stoke it. a few days ago, i was hysterically hollering that i would fail my classes if they refused to stop crucifying and screaming at me. my dad just looked at me and said that "it doesn't matter". the voice he used broke my heart again. it was so cold and callous, like he could not care less about what was important and vital to me. whenever "i'm wrong" as always, he only wants to prove it using his "irrefutable logic", and show that he is ******* ******* RIGHT.

i say that my dad is worst only bc my mum has always been psychotic. not medically, tho i wouldnt be surprised. she's got a foul mouth, and says anything that will serve her purpose, that is to hurt us (sis and i) as much as possible and reduce us to tears. we've gotten used to her mad accusations of being a "slutface ***** with only a future in whoring." despite having no boyfriend and literally the ability to count all male friends on one hand. my mum=vicious in a bad mood (or even just bored). maybe bc she feels so bad about herself. she was always pressured and supressed as a kid.

maybe in a few days, weeks or months, someone will read this, and think, gee, that sucks a little. and maybe my family will be in a honeymoon period, where its all peaceful and "happy". and then i might feel guilty that i've written this, that i could've said such horrible, bitchy things about these ppl i love to death. maybe i'll be tempted to delete this story, remove my membership from this group, and then write loving praises of my parents for all to see. maybe.

but i think suicidal thoughts when it gets really bad, and almost unbearable to the point of relief=death. those times, i cry in the shower, and i cry myself to sleep. i dread coming home after one of their explosions and dally around after school and around the shops. that can't be good.

so i want this story to be a reminder for me. i need to remember all these bad times, bc they've made up such a big part of my life. i need something that will help me to let go of them when the time comes to get away from them. i'm not so sure forgiving and forgeting will help me much here, bc there's just so much. i'm thinking, the only way to move on with my mind intact is to remember. just to remember, maybe not understand, but believe in a better day, even with my memories.

BowsAndBones BowsAndBones
18-21, F
10 Responses Jun 17, 2007

That's because these parents don't view their kids as separate people. It's just an extension of their own ego. If they hate themselves already, it's likely they're going to be lousy parents. Most of them are. This is the whole reason some people should just not have kids. I don't want to have any for this reason. No one can promise me I'll be a good parent or that my kids will turn out okay and live life with no major traumas. And I'm not going to force a life to exist in this world like your parents, who have hurt you over and over starting with the day that they forced you to be here. You didn't ask them to give birth to you, they had you because they were selfish enough to want you and now they're selfish enough to act like they're so much holier than thou. Screw 'em.

Yeah, my dad thinks I have to be so ******* smart just like him. He also openly declares how important he is in the house

it reminds me of my family exspecialy about your dad ive always thought of him as my hero i always did anything i could to make him love me and me mom is crazy she just drives me insane but she is the only one that ever even seemed to care the slightest bit i catch myself think about my dad i cryed myself to sleep for years i still do but i gave up on him and me i just dont fill like living anymore

You have my sympathy but as the other person says you will be out of it soon so don't do anything about suicide; you have your whole life ahead of you. A tip though, don't look for their approval/praise or affection once you are away from them......... live for yourself. Do the best you can and don't put yourself down just because they did. You are young, you have talent (don't let anyone tell you otherwise). Find it, groom it and make the best of it. You are a wonderful person and keep believing it and have a wonderful life. Good luck x

Wow I sorry to hear that <br />
Even My Dad Loves Someone Else But When My Mom Find Out She Say She Want To Broke Up With Him ,But Now My Dad Stops Making That Thing So She Loves Him Back But I Still Know He Is Just Lying To Her I Scared To Tell

I think writing your feelings down in a journal form is good. It will help you sort out what the real issues are when you aren't feeling so upset. Things will change. Even if they only change for you. Keep working hard because you will eventually be out of their house and you will find freedom from all of the crap. Sometimes you can't help but to think about suicide, but don't. Their bulls**** isn't worth ending your life. Your worth more than that.

dont worry I hate my family too >__><br />
woahh your dad T___T meany

Well, I guess I'm not the only person who has ups and downs with my family. Good idea trying to keep track of how you feel, hopefully that works out for you. I haven't had any luck yet holding onto my experiences-even when I write them down, later I read my vents i feel overly dramatic or guilty.

heh. This reminds me so much of my family, minus some things. I unlike you, gave up on my so called family or maybe I just gave up on me. I've come to the conclusion that I will never be able to please them, so I might as well just try to make myself happy. You should do the same.

heh. This reminds me so much of my family, minus some things. I unlike you, gave up on my so called family or maybe I just gave up on me. I've come to the conclusion that I will never be able to please them, so I might as well just try to make myself happy. You should do the same.