I Am Mad, Sad, Scared - Everything At The Same Time Lately!!

My father left us a couple years ago, and his new life in a different country is so nice. He has a beautiful new house, new cars, very good job etc. He barely ever calls or cares about us at all and if he does manage to finally call every three months, his dialogs are always shallow. If I tell him what has been going on with my mom, my brother and myself he doesnt react. Oh, and he always cant talk long, because he's always on the go. I am not mad he left the country, he is grown up and he should do what he thinks is best for him, but I feel he has completely left us in any way possible.

My younger brother (22)lost his 2nd job, by just not showing up to work. He is addicted to his computer and can't manage his life at all. The worst thing is, he never asks for help (he says its his pride). He constantly lies about everything. I am trying to help him, lending him money and I pursuade him to finally see a doctor. His appartment is a total mess, one room is totally full of trash bags (up to my hips!), there is mold and I guess everybody can imagine the rest. I dont know really how to help him, and I constantly have the feeling I am not doing enough. In my situation right now, I am just not able to help as I usually could and it makes me feel so horrible. I don't wan't him to ruin his life.

My mom is chronicly depressed (I think). Her childhood was horrible, she was molested and beaten by her own father for years. Ever since she has told me the story (about 4 years ago) our relationship has became even more intense. In the few years after my parents divorce, everything seemed ok. But the past years, her condition started getting worse and worse. She has problems with relationships and her jobs. Lately she keeps on telling me she wants to kill herself. On the one hand, I am glad she feels open enough to tell me these thoughts, on the other hand I can't understand why she tells me these things. I keep on telling her to see a doctor and get good medication, but she just won't listen. I talk to her a lot, tell her I want her to stay alive and I want her to be here when I give birth to my first child and I tell her I just need her.

Everything has been going crazy lately, my job frustrates me, my relationship is suffering.. I really just want to live my life, I want to have my own little family and so on, but everything has been eating me up so much lately. I am in therapy / take medication, and it helps most of the time. But there are so many moment, I just wish it would all end. I feel really horrible right now writing this, but its not that I want to die, but I wish my family would.

I do wish to know if these thoughts are normal...

Whateverusay Whateverusay
1 Response Feb 20, 2010

You, your mother, and your brother are all going through so much at the same time! Hang in there - I had a difficult time recently too. So many things in my life seemed to fall apart all in a row - like a chain of dominoes. <br />
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I don't know if those thoughts are "normal," but I can tell you that your father's lack of contact isn't normal... I've had a similar chain of misfortunes recently. So many terrible things seemed to be happening to me and the people close to me at the same time... Nothing made sense! I can tell you that after a while, things made sense to me.<br />
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Someone (like your mother) who's beaten by her father NEVER grows up to be completely healthy psychologically. Your father's behavior doesn't seem normal either... I wonder why.