To Be Hurt
At the age of 12 is when i realized the world isnt perfect. I noticed patterns in the way people lied and how they were able not to be caught.After seeing my sister sneak away from the mall to go sleep with a crack head and return to the mall just when our parents were picking us up,made me see that not everyone WANTS to do right. At age 15 i met my first boyfriend. He was four years older, a mexican, in the military, and came from a very poor family. First off my family is white, rich, and very liberal. They refused to belive that i wanted to see him. After 6 months they finally gave in and "accepted him" in the family....that is because they found out how much money he makes every year. For 2 years ive tried sticking up for my parents. Oh they just dont understand your culture is what i would say to him when they ripped on his parents for not having good jobs. I wanted to fit in with my family so much that i pretended that my boyfriend was going to stay in the military for life just so they would let me keep seeing him. This whole time my boyfriend (who had become my fiance) hated my parents. He said they didnt know the meaning of family. I tried sooo hard to prove him wrong. Throughout this whole mess i realized that all i wanted was for everyone to get along. And now...ive realized how much my family insults, and makes you feel horrible by just doing things to make you happy. All growing up we were literally forced to go to church, you HAD to go to every family gathering (even if all my mom did was talk smack about what everyone said on the drive home) and made fun of for not having good "combacks" when each sibling openly tried to humiliate you (my mom addmitted it that she wants us to know how to do this therefor it was a "lesson")
Looking at ALL this...
I feel like i was being trapped. Forced into a lifestyle that wasnt me. Im NOT a beliver in god, nor do i care to hear about it by ANYONE, Everyones business is there own, and they only thing you should give people is advice, not orders. If you dont like someones relationship tell them once, and be done with it, theres no point in saying it to every relative and anyone you meet on the street. Be happy! And what really sucks is that now...i have to detach from my family. I look back at the times when i thought everything was perfect and i feel like crying, but i know that it was only perfect becasue i didnt know what was really going on. It hurts SO bad. BUt so does having your future husband tel you that your own family hurt him.
In 5 months i'll be moving to another state, and changing phone numbers. Maybe in 5 years i'll let them visit. The first five years of my marriage shouldnt be infuenced my the brainwashing thoughts of those who hurt you.