My Critical Dad

I spoke with my dad tonight. After speaking with him I have an almost physical reaction. I can´t sleep so I am here now- trying to share to find a way to deal with so many years of hate. I just want him out of my life right now. But I can´t do it.

All the things- the good things I've done- in my life.. His only action is to fill my mind with doubts, he never really has a heartfelt good thing to say to me. Never a compliment. To some of my other brothers yes... He praises them saying how great they are- and for doing really simple things! But when i tell him of  things like setting up a drama group in Naples or cycling a thousand miles for charity or send him my writing- he just looks for holes and voices doubts of me an my abilities.  I feel woefully under appreciated by him, patronised and under rated. It´s like he just wants to keep me down and low on confident. Right now- I feel like he is winning.

 Now-I have become a dad- I've always worked hard. Hard to provide a living for myself and now for my family- and I'm 28. My dad was not mature enough to do what i do now until he was 40 and on his 3rd wife. Yet he loves to criticize and question my every move- tell me i don't have a clue after I've worked so hard on something. I just want to cry- I don't know how not to care about some grumpy old mans opinion of me!

I just want to be free of caring about what he thinks so badly. But its hard... How??

He and my mum are separated since i was very young. I would cry after he left when he came down to take me and my brother away for weekends as a boy. I loved him so much. He told wonderful stories.

The boy in me needs his dad. And yet to be a man and fulfill my dreams i know I have to somehow not care about  his deeply painful judgements of me.

Please help- I really need to build my self belief right now - i have big dreams and having a young family is not easy at times. My dad just makes me feel so small and its hard to be positive with such a major figure of my life like this.

richard28 richard28
26-30, M
1 Response Feb 9, 2010

While I don't have my own family yet, I know what you've been through. The feeling that immediately after you doing something, he will criticize you over minute details. Even worse, his behavior is the complete opposite towards your siblings.