Alcoholic Father

I'm 13, but I don't act anywhere near me age. Ive been through a lot for my younger age but I wanted to share my story that will never end.
So lets start here, my father has always ben an alcoholic but my mothersays he wasn't as bad before I was born. No big deal right, drinking beers it does nothing alcoholics say, becase they can't see whet there doing and the effects they have on other people. His affet on my life-... well you will see. Iused to remember when I was a ittle girls, he was a smoker and an alcoholic, I'd always walk with him nad hold his hand, he always would say 'We stick together like super glue.' Even when he was drunk, and didn't mean it. Now I know. Even once, I was in the car when Iwasabout 8 or 9 with my mother, 'father', and sister. He started soking in the car ad I will always remembr what I said tohim, "Ew, you can keep drinking but quit smoking!" And my mother said I didn'tunderstand now. But now I due, as I grew it became worse and I stated to relaize the true person he was. Evrytim I tried ttell him to stop drinking (This was around age 10 or 11) Ibursted into tears ndcould hardly speak. Everything has gotten worse, hs acctuly coked me before when he was drunk and was younger plaing around, I just cried and ran intothe bathroom hiddin from him as he triedbust th door down. Stufft hat has happened reccently is hes threatend to kill my mother multiple times, hes kicked me because I rfused to gt of the ground becase I was tired, took a hamer and tried to bust into my moms ******, and let my horses outso they wuld go run off or get hit by a car a 9 o' clock at night. (This was just tonight.) Thankfully now I'm not scared to face him, I will speak whats on my mind but that makes it worse,and my mom holds me back thakfully. Though I am not scared of im, my sser is and as I am writtin thi she is downstairs with my mom in her bed, while Im up here writting this to share my story, Idon't know what I'm looking for but I feel liek I should.

Whats even worse is want him dead, an he should be dead. Hes bee in MANY car accidents, even befoe Iwas born, one 1-2 yeas ago that h should of died in, whts worse was twas righ near y friends house. Hes also had seizures and the police amublane cae to my house and took hi tothe hostiptal. Why isn't he dead I often think, and wish it would happen. Horrible rght fr a 13 ear old girl to want her father dead? Now Im sre people have it worse off tha me, but I'mphysicaly strong not mentaly so things affect me worse than others. Its 11 at nigth now and Idn't feel liekgoing into detail about what hes done. But there i som god news at least, when my 'fathr' let myhorses outof the pasture, my mom threatend to get adivorce again, and she was dead serious. I hope she will, but itwill take a year before thy are divrced once tey file the paper because 'kids' are involved.

Tha kyou for lettgn me share my story ,sorry I didn't get nto detailabout whathes done, and I may ave many errrs in thi, but I'm tired and ts really late, thank you foryour time. Nikki~
RememberTheNameNikki RememberTheNameNikki
13-15, F
May 21, 2012