I Hate My Husband

I hate my husband. I really, really do. I regret that I married him every day this sham of a marriage goes on. He is stubborn, ignorant, incapable of accepting responsibility, and full of hate.

We lived together for nine years before we married. And I honestly thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I stayed so long not only because of our four-year-old daughter, but also because I had convinced myself that what he said about me was true. I truly wanted to give our family a fighting chance. I now recognize that he has exploited my insecurities and pet peeves to his advantage since the very beginning. He consistently tells me that I am useless, stupid, retarded, a bad mother, disgusting, selfish, lazy, bipolar, and pretty much any other pejorative adjective. He particularly loves the words, “****” and “c*nt.” He claims that I cannot survive by myself and that I shouldn’t be allowed to live. He has told me on numerous occasions that I should just commit suicide. I have to say, at times, I have been tempted.

He erroneously claims that I wouldn’t have been able to graduate from college (twice in my case) without him (zero in his), but the truth was he made it that much harder. He once gave me $300 for books and has never allowed me to forget it since.

I thought the first six years were pretty good, but the truth is they weren’t. To most of the world, he is charming, sweet, and kind, but there are breaks in façade. He has cussed me out in front of friends when he thought they weren’t listening. He screams at me for going out once a month, but easily goes out multiple times a week. Most of my friends and family saw past his act and tried to warn me, but I wouldn’t listen.

Throughout the course of our relationship, he has broken my nose, ripped out my hair, punched me all over of my body, pushed me, slapped me in the face, and choked me. I have participated in violence with him, but only in defense or out of frustration. Imagine being heckled over and over again about things like lost car keys, misplaced paper work, small amounts of money, or a chore that wasn’t done by someone without a filter or stop switch. Tears, pleas to stop, and even direct challenges do not help. And of course, when I try to defend myself he acts like he is a victim. He loves to play that role.

He has told our daughter that I don’t love her and that I am evil. Fortunately, our daughter sees past this.

He is incapable of rational conversation. He interrupts, insists that his opinion is correct, and then condescends. Frankly, it is easier just to nod my head and agree rather than argue with him.

I refuse to live my life like this. I had hoped that marrying him would demonstrate my commitment to him and help him to grow up. I cannot change this man, but furthermore, I don’t want to. I can’t wait to start divorce pleadings because I don’t want a damn thing except for my child, car, and freedom.
sapphorocks sapphorocks
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 12, 2010

Take my advice im 27 and i have been there and know what its like to be trapped and held down by my husband,I know its rough if i were you i would go to a shelter.I did it and got out,and i would do it all over again to never be treated like dirt anymore.If u need to talk email me,its hard going through these things alone.