I Am Married To An Idiot

I married my husband almost two weeks ago.  We haven't even recieved our marriage certificate yet and i am already talking to divorce lawyers.  From the moment I said I DO he has been a jerk.  He is controlling, argumentative constantly accusing me of cheating, disrespectful, and just plain rude to me.  He has belittled me in front of our son and stayed out without calling until 3 am.  He has turned into a complete jerk.  He started accusing me of wanting to be with his cousin at our wedding.  On our honey moon he got mad at me because I ordered two desserts and he said I embarrassed him because everyone knows his wife is a fat slob.  We found out I was pregnant two days after we came off of our honeymoon, and he had the nerve to accuse me of sleeping with someone else, and then continued to ask me if the baby was his.  I can't afford to have another baby if i'm by myself, and just the fact that I am considering abortion because of him makes me hate him with a passion.  Because it's only been two weeks I am embarrassed to let my family know what is going on, however I can't take his foolishness for another second.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
2wksmarriedlookingtodivorce 2wksmarriedlookingtodivorce
5 Responses Oct 15, 2010

Please leave NOW. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT.<br />
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To the person that asked why you married him, why you didn't figure this out before, well, I think there are plenty of stories out about how once the ring goes on the finger things change. It did for me. I married my best friend. He never showed a jealous bone in his body while we were dating and even when we were engaged. I want to go out with my friends? FINE! I want to take a vacation by myself to meet up with old college friends? FINE! I want to go shopping my myself on a weekend afternoon instead of being with him/ FINE!<br />
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...NOT "fine" once we married. Within 2 months he turned into a monster that verbally abused me, accused me of cheating without proof and spied on me when I was at work and even when he couldn't find proof of any infidelity, he still accused me of hiding my actions too well.<br />
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My husband is a paranoid. I never realized that there is NO WAY I could rationally convince him that he was wrong.<br />
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I gave up years ago when he started psychologically abusing me. I thought if I just endured then he would leave me alone. But just these past months he has started to physically abuse me. I always thought I was safe from "true" abuse but now I find 20 some years later I am not. I don't know how this will end.<br />
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So RUN RUN RUN. I cannot say it enough. RUN RUN RUN.

Divorce him!! with time everything will get worst...believe me! you are in the right time .

You must have known this guy before you married him since you already have one child together, so why did you marry him? Men don't change, woman think they can change them. What did you think was going to change about this guy after you married him? Had he never been a jerk before? or were you thinking he would change if you just got married? I'm not buying it. You can't have a child with someone and not know what they are really like. And MEN DON"T CHANGE, women just think they can change them....

Oh and one more thing, your husband sounds like a control freak. The way you take the upper hand in that matter is to act more mature then he. Don't allow him to see that he is getting to you. Just ignore him or advise him that he sounds like a 7 year old and you might just leave him if he keeps it up. He seriously needs to grow up. And also let him know how more mature you are then he is by reminding him that you have other another baby to worry about. And if he can't grow up and join in the celebration, then you'll find others who will. Don't allow him to belittle you. When someone passes a mean comment your way, they are engaging you in a tennis match(is how i look at it). Hit the ball back and stop playing the game. Example: he calls you the B word. You respond I am sorry you feel I am a B, but I don't believe I am a B. But if you need help to work through this problem just know I am here. <br />
It's like your giving him the bad comment back and making it his problem that he finds you a B. Don't own his comments. Give them back to him in a way that makes it look like he has the problem.<br />
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Another example <br />
he says, " Your stupid"<br />
You say" Oh really?" and sound shocked that he thinks this<br />
You continue " I am sorry you think I am stupid. But I am in no way uneducated. But i understand you believe this and it is so unfortunite.If you need help working it all out just let me know."<br />
Then walk away. <br />
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This will also give you back your dignity and be an example to your son on how to handle a bully the right way.

Please don't abort. Don't hate the baby because of him. Give the baby a chance. And if you really can't afford a child, give it to someone who can. My sister wants children but can't have any. There are so many people who can provide a loving home for your child. I had an abortion when I was 19 and it was the worse thing I ever did. The counselor said I would regret it and i thought whatever dude. Oh man was i the fool. But don't abort the baby because of the idiot husband. By you wasting energy hating that man, he is winning. Buyt don't allow him to defeat the innocent child. Is there a relative who wishes to have children? That way you can still see your child? My mother was adopted by her mothers sister. Who we called Aunt Petch. I was very grateful to know her.