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My Husband Is Testing My Last Nerve

HI...

I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 5 YEARS.  I KNOW THAT I AM NOT PERFECT, BUT BECAUSE OF MY UPBRINGING, I HAVE BEEN VERY SHY AND SOMEWHAT SECRETIVE.  ITS NOT THAT I DON'T DISCUSS THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND, ITS JUST I DON'T TELL HIM EVERYTHING.  I WORK FULL TIME, GO TO SCHOOL PART TIME, AND DO ALL THE COOKING, CLEANING IN MY APARTMENT.  PLUS, I PAY MOST OF THE BILLS (OTHER THAN THE ONES THAT COME TO MY HUSBAND THROUGH HIS EMAIL).  HE DOESN'T FEEL THAT HE HAS TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH ME, BUT I HAVE TO TELL HIM EVERYTHING OTHERWISE HE THINKS THAT I AM TRYING TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF HIM.  I AM NOT STRONG LIKE MY MOTHER AND I HAVE TROUBLE STANDING UP TO HIM.  EVERY TIME HE FINDS OUT SOMETHING ABOUT MY SCHOOL OR FINANCES THAT I HAD NOT TOLD HIM BEFORE, HE GETS VERY ANGRY AND STORMS OUT.  HE ALSO YELLS AT ME AND ONE WOULD THINK THAT HE'S READY TO LEAVE ME.  HE HAS TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WHATS GOING ON WITH ME (ESPECIALLY THE FINANCES).  I KNOW THAT HONESTY AND COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP, BUT ITS SOMETHING THAT IS HARD FOR ME; ESPECIALLY WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT COMPLETELY HONEST AND UNDERSTANDING WITH ME.  I AM INDIAN BY HERITAGE AND IN OUR SOCIETY, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO OBEY AND RESPECT OUR HUSBANDS BUT THEY DON'T HAVE TO DO THE SAME NECESSARILY.  I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD STAY WITH HIM OR LEAVE.  I DON'T HATE HIM BUT HE MAKES IT HARD TO LOVE HIM.  I FEEL LIKE A GLORIED MAID SOMETIMES.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  ANY ADVISE IS WELCOME!

julia07 julia07 26-30 5 Responses Aug 2, 2009

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This sort of behavior is not only restricted to the Native American heritage. In a similar situation here as well. It just seems there are so many men who do not believe in their women. You seem like a fairly put together person. Under EVERY circumstance, juggling work, school and home is stressful. Take pride in yourself. Your doing the best you can, and your stronger than you believe! If he is with-holding his finances, his approval and his assistance, it just seems that you would be better without him.

Don't listen to Jdwoman and her ridiculous comment. Because you are a woman, in what sounds like an emotionally/mentally abusive relationship, you have every right not to have to disclose all your financial info to your husband. To me it sounds like your husband is controlling when it comes to finances and that can be one sign of abuse - don't stay in a relationship where someone is abusing you. keep some money safe - don't tell your husband, and be strong, i know its hard, i was in an abusive relationship. good luck

I'm also indian by heritage. I can relate, but the only thing is I'm strong and am pushing right back at my husband. The only advice I have for you is that you have to communicate and explain to him how you're feeling. I am a career woman with a huge career that takes a lot of time. My husband doesn't like the idea of having to do the work, but does it all because I explain my situation. You MUST tell your husband how you feel, let him yell and scream, and stay very calm when he yells and screams. Tell him it's 2009 and you feel that you're entitled to some privacy as a woman. You're also entitled to some emergency money because you work for it. Tell him he shouldn't ask you what that money's for because one day, it might help you guys together if a personal or family emergency doesn't come up. It also sounds like he's insecure. Promise him that you'll never cheat on him, or betray him...you're not that type of person. This may allow him to build some trust in you.<br />
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Good Luck!<br />
(obviously, my marriage isn't in the best place either)

You can not seriously admit to hiding things from your husband (financial, whatever) and then be insulted when he does the same!!!! The rules in a relationship are the same for BOTH people!!

Typical. He needs to know everything to have the control. You are an adult and need your own space. Be strong.