I Just Don't Know What To Do Anymore

I really think I'm losing it. Tonight, my husband and I had the absolute worst fight we have ever had, and that is saying a lot. We've both been extremely stressed. Money has been very tight, we're in the middle of renovations with our house, and I can't find work. I've been in school full-time, with my husband's blessing, for 3 years and now I have to find something to bring some money in. So tonight we were talking finances, calmly, but I am just so frustrated. So I go upstairs. I find all the clean laundry baskets dumped on my side of the bed, so I would have to deal with them before I could go to bed. No reason why they couldn't have been put somewhere else, but he does it just to screw with me I think. So I start putting clothes away, kind of muttering to myself, and slamming a couple of drawers. Then I find a bunch of his dirty laundry PILED on top of his hamper, his EMPTY hamper and I got mad. So I got pretty bitchy. I didn't yell, but I stated that the hamper WAS empty and why couldn't you just put that stuff in the hamper. This is where the story gets ugly. He lost it. He started screaming at me, saying "I absolutely ******* hate you right now", and "you're such a **** and a *****", "I can't stand you", "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE I DON"T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN" etc. I tried to stay calm but then he started throwing things, he broke his closet door as he slammed it open and shut, he threw a clothes hamper, two full laundry baskets at me and threw clean and dirty clothes at me and all over the room while he shouted obscenities at me. He said he wanted a divorce, and reiterated he wanted me to "GET OUT OF HIS HOUSE". I refused. So he dressed, grabbed his keys, and a pistol from the gunsafe, and took off.

I was terrified. I thought he was going to really hurt me, but then he left. I thought he was going to do something to someone, or to himself, he has been stressed and depressed, and he isn't the nicest person in the world so I really have no idea what he is capable of anymore. I tried calling his cell for about 10 minutes and then he finally answered. I begged him to come home, not to do anything bad to anyone or himself. I said I'd call the police and have them look for him if he didn't come home. We argued on the phone some more, mostly about how HIS wants are not being met, about how mean and nasty I am to him all the time, and that he wanted us to get divorced. He stated once again, that being married to me was hell, and marrying me was the worst mistake he ever made. He wanted the 10 years we spent together back. I just took it. All I could think about was him getting home and being safe. I agreed to discuss our eventual separation at a later time, and that I would not bother him when he got home so he could go to bed. So here I am. He is home now, and in bed. And I am an absolute wreck. I have no one to call, I am so ashamed, so embarrassed. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be with him anymore either, but I don't know how I am going to survive. I have no money, and no job. I have no place to live. I feel so alone and there is nothing I can do but write this anonymous story on this site, and maybe someone will read it, and help me out.
coolgirl34 coolgirl34
31-35, F
3 Responses Jul 25, 2010

Wow, And I thought I had it bad. Is there anyway you can go back to your parents house until you get on your feet. And what is this HIS house business? Did he have this house before you got married? If someone doesnot want to be with you its best that you leave. Don't be in the business of keeping people that don't want to be kept.

I am sorry that you are going through this. What else is going on? Is he out of work or is he always so explosive?Do you have any children? I myself, don't know what to do at this point in my life. My husband is 60 and has been out of work since last January and I highly doubt if he will ever work again. I resent him so much for this. A part of me knows he looks for a job and is not lazy. But I know because of no jobs and his age, it is likely that I will be supporting him for the rest of my life. How do I get through this resentment? We also have a child who has deep emotional problems. He inherited a disability that came from my husband and I resent him for this as well. I wish I could leave him for a short period of time to cool off, but I have no where to go and with money being so tight, it will be very difficult. Is there anyone out there that can relate?

I feel sorry for you. Except for the gun part, I have lost it with my wife once. This was whem I was about to lose my job and she went on planning an extragavant party so that she could outdo her sister. She is very bad with personal finance. I hardly buy anything for myself, but she goes to mall an blows stackload of money on clothes. Then she complained to me that her sister got a diamond necklace from her husband and in the 8 yrs of our marriage I have never got her anything nice like that. That is when I lost it. I banged the closet door, threw something at the TV (fortunatlely it did not break), smashed cpl of chairs. I was freaking abt to lose my job. We had no saving.. which means we would have lost our house in 2-3 months, or have to move it o my in-laws place. and she was complaining abt diamond necklace !!! I took my car keys, went for a drive to cool myself. She called me on my cell.. so I switched it off and went to watch a movie.