I Hate My Husband

I was an independent woman when I met my husband. I was 30, supporting myself and developing a career. I met this man who travelled a lot, but we seemed to share some interest and I wanted to get to know him better. After 6 months, he was being transferred to the mid-west. I wouldn't follow without a ring on my finger. So he put a very small token on my finger so I would follow him cross country, away from my family and friends and near his. 2 years later we married. 9 months later, I had cancer and could continue to work like I had. I agreed to merge our lives financially. My husband is a workaholic who yells at me "don't I have enough on my plate without you bringing this up" every time I have a concern. He takes phone calls in the middle of dinner or our conversations, no matter how serious the topic. I am dropped. I want more than anything to have children. He just ignores my requests to talk about it. He just ignores me. His daughter wants to come visit, he tells me on Tuesday that he'll be flying her up on Sat. I"m like, we won't be able to get any time with her, it's too late for me to get time off from work. His response is, I can get time. (I feel like, he doesn't care if I'm a part of his life). He controls all the money. If I want something, like to have children, I need him to pay for it and to approve it. I can't afford anything on my salary, he makes 4 times what I make. Since getting help to have children isn't covered by our insurance, I try to ask, what is he willing to put into this endeavor, time and money wise to make it happen. He looks indignant and asks back "ME?, Why should I put anything towards this" and then when I'm so frustrated and angry....then the response is "why are you always looking to fight?" I hate this man.
sktpam sktpam
41-45
3 Responses Jul 28, 2010

This is so sad...you are still young enough to find a new life and total happiness. I highly recommend doing so. Your husband is selfish and arrogant. If you are willing to stay then endure his behavior and suck it up. The question is "do you love him?" I truly don't think he loves you. When and IF you do leave then you will find the inner strength to move on.

Why do you want a baby with him? You'll hate him more after the baby, and your problems will double. You have to ask his approval on your expenses? Well, with baby you'll be asking for both! <br />
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I went thru this. We lived 3 years before I got pregnant. I was 28 by then. And he was 50.<br />
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He didn't want to have kids. He was making about 6 figures, yet I ran out of all my savings living with him. He never gave my any money, only when I really really cried... for a couple of days he might have given me like $60. I wanted a baby, and my Mom really insisted on me staying with him so she has a grandkid... Now, I had major financial difficulties during pregnancy. He could forget to buy groceries, he didn't give me pocket money - I could starve on the street. My phone wasn't paid. My maternity center was so cheap, that I had to walk home 5hours after delivering a baby. Our baby didn't have a crib - I was asking him to buy, but he didn't. He refused to shop with me for baby's clothes when I found out it's a boy. And now he likes the baby. He takes him away from me when baby is crying at night. He is controlling. He tells baby: "you can have many brothers, mothers, but you have only one father!" that's crazy. I have education. But I never had a father. And my Mom has been bitting me up as a child. I think this is my true problem. Many people think that I married him for money or green card. I am young and very good looking, but my Mom always told me I'm ugly. That's why I have low self esteem. Before I married him I was making money, sending some to Mom, shopping. After marriage - he didn't allow me to work, and didn't five any money. I feel so trapped. My baby heard screaming in our apt since the day he was born. Oh, and we're renting the apt out, and don't have a car. The guy is coaching financial advisers, he earn 6 figures a year.

i would hate him to!