I Wish I Had The Guts To Have An Affair...

....because, to my husband it wouldn't matter!!!!!!!!!!!!

After reading all 25 pages of the "I hate my husband forum", and despite the fact that my eyes are burning like two exploding supernovas, I really want to share this, and hope I can get some advice.

I'm sitting here in my dark living room, while my husband and 15 month old sleep - - - I love my back-lit keyboard.

Tonight has been similar to so many other nights. It's been a sad reminder, yet again, of how I married an apathetic, emotionally vacant, and devoid of passion man.

This is where it gets weird. He isn't addicted to anything. He hasn't abused me in any way. He works, and has supported me in getting my Masters, which I'm in the process of doing. If it wasn't for him, I would still be working part-time, paying for my undergraduate studies. We had a baby 15 months ago and things have been awful since. He has never been a good self-started. He never initiates things, when we argue, he is completely robot-like. We are both educated, but I become emotion driven and an argument with him only becomes a battle of staying power. A verbal fight with him turns into some freakish type dissertation. It is like talking to a brick wall. Heck, I would get more passion from the wall. Anyways, he has never been one to fill my needs emotionally. Meeting his parents explains why, but he doesn't make any attempt, even after all our fights. He conveniently forgets it the following day and it is like it didn't even happen. I'm talking about love....YES...good old S.E.X!!!! Or hell, even just talking. We had so much in common, but even that doesn't help now.

I've always been fit and have been (not to toot my own horn) but easy on the eyes. I lost over 75 pounds immediately (by eating and exercising properly) after having my baby so that I would stay healthy and positive with my self image and also with hopes that our love life wouldn't be dampened. It was never great to begin with and it has always been a point of contempt in our relationship. I have wondered if he has a naturally low sex drive, despite the fact that we were very happy at the beginning. The point is, he hasn't even tried at all. He doesn't make any effort to make himself appealing. We have talked about it, but he keeps saying how tired he is. He is almost 200 pounds and doesn't have height for it, trust me, and I have a six pack. I'm not saying I want him to maintain a chiseled body, I just want him to make some type of effort. I know this sounds selfish, but he isn't making any effort. I feel as though, after we had our baby, he feels that is it and that there isn't any point in trying to look attractive. When he takes off his clothes, I can't stand the sight of him. It's like looking at a very white pig with a lot of course ugly hair. I know this sounds awful, but I've tried talking to him so many times and he is always coming up with excuses to just sit on his ASH after he comes home from work and expect me to make dinner for him, while trying to finish a degree, and feed a toddler who has decided he only likes hot dogs and french fries, and while fixing our house renovations, by myself, because I'm sick of hearing him complain about how tired he is and how...the house is our biggest mistake...yada, yada, yada.

When I try and talk with him, what I hate the most is the fact that it sounds like I'm talking to a robot. Something that doesn't express any emotion. He has no sort of inflection what so ever in his voice. I feel like talking to him now, yet again, is just a rude slap in my face. He won't change, he doesn't care that I feel like I'm just getting old and drying up inside. Hell, I've even told him I was fantasizing about other men. He just doesn't care. He just cares, that there is now a male offspring in his family to carry his name down and he is done with it.

To him, I'm suppose to sit here and just deal with it. He doesn't care I have urges and needs. He makes me feel so unwanted, that I can't stand to be with him anymore. I'm sick of the apathy in his voice when he talks to me. The cold measured syllables of his monotone lifeless voice. I feel like a walking vessel After all our arguments, he still has the gonads to ask me what is wrong after we have been verbally at it for at least an hour. Part of me feels like he just doesn't get it, or maybe he gets it, but doesn't care to do anything about it because he knows that I wouldn't leave since I'm in school and couldn't support myself or our baby at the moment. I know for a fact that if I was financially independent, I wouldn't be here. I know that sounds shallow, but it is the reality of it. I feel like I'm living a fake life and I hate him for it. I hate him for the fact that I dream about having an affair, and for the fact that I don't. I've never cheated and I don't want to start. I'd rather get a divorce.

He is a sad piece of shisam, that has a wonderful nack of just wearing me out during our arguments. It's no wonder he had a 4.0 GPA...friggin nerd!

I hate him for sleeping soundly upstairs while I type away on this computer whose warmth on my lap is the closest thing to sex I've had since getting pregnant.

I - H.A.T.E - M.Y - H.U.S.B.A.N.D. ........................... PERIOD.

RealManWanted RealManWanted
31-35, F
2 Responses Jul 29, 2010

Hi Lady,<br />
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I read your story in EP regarding your husband. I am a 35 yr old guy, married for 8 yrs with 2 kids. I am not great in my writing skill, so excuse me for that. Something that you mentioned, made me very emotional and I wanted to write to you that instant itself. That is what I am doing.. and hence I am a bit incoherent. But trust me, I am not perv/creep .. it is just that I find it hard to express my emotion and when I do, it is all over the place like a child.<br />
<br />
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You said - your husband is like 200 lbs and when he takes off his shirt, you hate the sight. You even mentioned the word "pig" when describing him. Oh my god!!!! I have similar feelings abt my wife. I used to feel sooo guilty and ashamed to thikn of her like this. I thought I was so cruel. In real, I not a cruel person.. everyone knows me as caring and gentle.. and I am shocked to have this feeling for her. OK, here is the thing ok? I take care of my body .. I used to work out a lot. Because it made me feel GREAT afterwards. My wife on the other hand is overwiehgt. I have tried a lot.. LOT to convince herr to lose weight. Like suggesting health reason to alter her eating habit (she eats a looot of meat), or what it would do to her self esteem.. she has been an overweight person all her life and she tells me stories of how ppl made fun of her. She somehoe got me convined that there is a genetic reason she is overweiht.. it is her body type and all. The problem is she is 5'2".. so if she puts on weight, it shows very bad. TO back her up, her sister (who looks very similar to her, but 8 yrs younger) was also fat. But last year, something happened.. her sister joined a Gym and 2 months.. 2 months later she was a hot hot lady. I could not help but fantasizing abt her. When I saw her, I was reminded how my wife will look only if she lost weight.. but for somereason she won't .. instead giving me excuses. She said she has knee problem.. so I got her an elliptocal and got rid of the treadmill. She used the elliptical for 1 months. Then she stopped it.. said it is boring. So got TV, DVD cable connection in our basement sothat she can wathc tv. Did not improve.. she said she needs to work out in te company of others.. like a Gym. So I got her a Gym membership.. she discontinued after 1 months.. said it takes too much effort to go to the Gym.. she said .. get me Wii Fit. which I did. She has not used it even once. Now she says she does not have time.. yet she sits on her fat *** updating her facebook profile for hours.<br />
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Meanwhile our sex life has pretty much halted. She says she still wants it.. prblem is.. I am unable to perform. I am not aroused by her. When she takes off her clothes, it is a bit.. repulsive. Lot of folds of fats, her stomach protrudes more than her breast.. Often I imagine someone else to perform.. but sometimes the picture in my head disintegrates and my arousal disapperas with tat. She got me convinced that I have ED. I was so depressed. I was 33.. when tihs happened. I just thought to myself.. 33 and ED.. wow I must be pathetic. Went to Doc.. and got viagra. Next few times I tried it with Viagara.. did not help. My thing was erect.. but somehow I was not enjoying it. I have mentioned all this in a sotry in my section.<br />
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My question to you is - you are a woman. If you were overweight, how could someone make you lose weight. She already has high BP and doc has advised her to lose weight. Her mom and grandmother have diabeets and I have told her that she will get it too, unless she takes charge of her health. <br />
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I have tried to plan weekend filled with activities. .but shhe likes family get togethers where there is plenty of opportunity to eat and overeat. Once I planned an outing to the beach.. her family pakced a lot of food and pretty much ate the whole time they were in the beach. I have even told my mother in law.. "please do not spoil your daughter's health".. because whenever we visit them, as a courtesy she puts more food that we can eat in our plate. and my wife feels "obliged" to eat it all. What can I say.. it is a family habit.

Wow @ raiseherlibido. And people wonder why exactly it is that we strongly disllke our husbands and/or hate them. You just validate all the many reasons why and to see you hit on Realmanwanted, well that validates you as lame. So sorry for your wife. No wonder she cut you off. Say bye bye now!