To Hold And To Hate

I have been married for almost 15 years.  My husband barely "met" a long lost daughter from his previous marriage.  She's 16, my kids are younger than that.  Ever since letting his daughter into his life, he is not the same.  He communicates on almost a daily basis with his ex-wife, even though he says that he just calls to talk to their daughter.  We have been having financial troubles because of his bad handling of our money.  We work together in our little mom and pop shop, he delivers, I take the orders.  Recently I just found out that he was flirting with his ex-wife, because she knew of someone that can help us with our financial situation.  We have been working non-stop on our business, and recently he told me that as soon as he had the chance we would go on short "vacation".  The time came and he left with our son instead, because he wanted to see his mother and daughter.  His ex-wife picked him up at the airport and threw him a party in his "honor".  Knowing my husband everytime he is with his mother, he puts his ex-wife in my place, they go to the mall, he takes her eat with his family, etc.   Now I am texting him because of work related questions and he acts like he doesn't know what I am talking about.  My guess is that she is there (last time he couldn't even remember my name or say my name in front of her).  I love the man, he is a hard worker, he provides for us, but I cannot take any more of his verbal abuse (he is a stupid alpha male dog), I can not take his head games any more.  I am writing up the divorce papers, I only hope I have the courage to submit them.
maisy74 maisy74
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 2, 2010

Sorry that you are going through this. I find it absolutely appaling in the manner in which he is treating you. 15 years is a long time together and you have to be comfortable with the decision that you make. what's really disturbing is that his family seems to be ok with him parading the ex wife around as if he didn't have a wife at home. If that were my son, I would have given him a stern talking to. Informing both pair that this was highly inappropriate and that I don't want to be caught up in the middle of whatever it is that they are upto. Yes ex wives and ex husbands need to communicate when there are children involved, but it seems that their communication is less about their daughter and more about them hanging out together. His ex wife must know that this type of behavior is going to cause tension between the both of you and who knows, maybe it's part plan of whatever game she is playing. You say your husband is a good provider. Maybe she wants in on the providing. Ok, I am probably way off saying that, but I wouldn't trust an ex wife that is actively hanging around knowing that her ex has a family of his own. I would think she has an hidden agenda<br />
If you love your husband I would suggest sitting down and venting all that you written here, and other things that are troubling you. That, whatever the deal between him and his ex wife needs to stop or else you will have no choice to file for divorce and take the kids to live with you, as you and your kids deserve better than being played as second fiddle . It's just crazy how his ex wife barges into his life through his lost long daughter and he is willing to unknowingly gamble everything that you and him as a family have built together. I feel that his long lost daughter is just the catalyst for him to justify his actions. Which NO, it is not.... He is being a fool. <br />
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I wish you the best and hope that soon you get your answers...