Another Holiday With No Gift

I hate my husband!! Well maybe not him but the way he treats and speaks to me. My husband never has anything nice to say to me. Whenever he speaks to me it is in a rude and judgemental way. He condems and puts me down whenever he feels the need, this might be different if he was in a wonderful position but he is not he has a piece of a job and acts as though he is making millions of dollars. We just moved after 2 yrs of living with his parents (hell for me) but of course by feeling this way I was being ungrateful. I am tired of being a verbal punching bag. I am not an ugly woman and have had many opportunities to cheat but because I said I do I refrain from doing it... I don't know how much longer thats gonna last as a wife I need to be validated by my husband... and if not by him  I will have to begin looking elsewhere to have my emotional needs met.  Today is Christmas and after another argument that I didnt start I chose to stay here rather than go to my in-laws house.. where I feel like and outsider anyway. But today everyone had a gift under the tree except for me.... that hurts I was not looking for anything extravagant or expensive just something to know I was thought about. He gave me money friday which was  spent on getting the kids last minute things and that is what he considered my gift.. I am so tired of hurting and crying I dont know what to do any more the saying "Its a thin line between love and hate is so true"

Litia Litia
31-35, F
9 Responses Dec 25, 2007

my ex pulled the same crap.. all the good stuff for him.. all the gifts for him.. all the clothes for him.. I remember having to ask him for a few $$s so I could buy a pair of pantyhose to wear to church.... but he bought himself a $200 suit

he already had a whole closet full of clothes and suits and shoes, I only had 5 dresses and just tshirts and sweat pants.. and 1 pair of dress shoes...

for my birthday we went to ihop ... for his bday he spent $300 on a party *smh*

I got punched in the head on Christmas Eve then got a watch and earrings for Christmas. I think you should consider getting marriage counseling before you call it quits that way you can say you tried it all..

my husband has never given me gifts- ever. he is a selfish a**hole. When you described christmas it sounds just like my place.... I say cheat or leave- get what you need elsewhere.

move on. you are still young. I marrried a highly grumpy, critical man. He never remembers to give gifts (maybe once in 10 years). Now, we are about to celebrate our 15 year anniversary. I have wasted my youth, looks, on him. I have become depressed and now eat to much. I should have moved on years ago, but i guess I was scared. Now I have 2 sweet kids, and no job, so I feel stuck.<br />
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I use to work in Human Resorces, and the one thing I learned, is PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE. Guess what 15 years later, my guy is still selfish, critical, grumpy, and I have upped my antidepressants. Ugh.I'd advise you to polish up your resume and move on. I feel stuck- don't do what I have done.

:-( so sorry to hear about this situation. I hope it has gotten better since July 2011.

It seems like my situation but the only difference is we are not facing financial crises,we havebeen married since 3.5 years and we never celebrate our anniversory,he never gave me any gift ,he just bought me a ring during early days of our marriage,we spend christmas at home alone because our families lives in another country,we have a 2 year old daughter he takes care of her but he has nothing to do with me..i just dont understand men,they think a mother sits at home and sleep all day and they are the only one who wake up early and do work and we are just a piece of crap.

my late husband did ...he loved unconditionally ....but being alone in this world is so hard ,,,,<br />
but i dont think i will ever find another man like him ...i think thier are all married or dead what hope is there for the rest of us ....and i think what your husband is doing is mean ....i think he needs to grow up

Reading these posts just make me feel like there are no good men around. I can either completely relate to what you all are going through or I can see myself in the same situation soon because of the way things are currently going in my relationship. Is anyone out there really happily married? Is there a guy out there that can really love his woman unconditionally? Discouraged.

It sounds like a lot of your problems revolve around financial stress. That's so hard to get through, and it puts the husband in a really embarassing position which might be why he is so negative with you. It sounds like you both have a lot of "staying power" though, commitment, and the guts to work through your problems together. Did you try to talk to him about his negativity? A lot of people just don't realize how negative they are because they aren't happy themselves, their mood is not condusive to "Oh Hi honey, how wonderful you look today!" because they're in the dumps in their head, from all the problems in their own life. Maybe if he worked at it, he could become more self-aware and more positive with you. Maybe you could start the trend. Sounds like his "making a million dollars" attitude is also a kind of ego cover-up thing, trying to act big because he feels like a failure and hopes you don't figure it out and leave him. I think you'll pull through. Good luck!

What an *******