30 Years Wasted With An Idiot
Posted January 9th, 2011 at 3:02PM
If it was only his mid-life crisis, I'd be okay. But this did not just start. He screams at me at the drop of a hat. He bought another sports car that we cannot afford. He's not as smart as the dog. He's horrible in bed.
One night recently, he locked himself out of the house, while I was upstairs taking a bath. I heard all this racket coming from the front porch, jumped out of the tub and ran downstairs, ready to face some emergency. When I opened the door, this lunatic I'm married to began screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs and accused me of deliberately locking him out. Being a logical person, I explained that I didn't know he had left the house and would not have locked him out in any case. For the next several hours, he rampaged through the house, slamming doors, throwing things, and running in and out. He finally wound down around midnight, but stayed mad at me for the next week.
Last year, our son borrowed one of our several pick-up trucks after his car broke down and drove the truck to his job and back for 2 months. One evening, I returned home from work and walked into what I recognize as "the mood". My son was standing in the driveway looking perplexed, but would not tell me what happened. I know better than to ask numb-nuts if anything is wrong, but true to form, he began to rant about the fact that our son had left an empty pizza box in the pickup truck. The rant quickly went from zero to ninety, when he ran outside and began screaming that he was going to kill our son - over a pizza box.
I stayed because I believed he was handicapped. I stayed because I am a nurturing person. But now, I refuse to feel like a trauma survivor after his weekly hysterics, rants, tantrums, and dramas. I have started fantasizing about his early demise.
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Does this mean you are leaving?
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I am not moving out of my house, because I have worked to pay for it. I am not a hostile or vindictive person, but I refuse to continue living in madness. I told him that I want him to leave. Maybe he'll believe me (he frequently accuses me of lying to him!) after he gets the divorce papers.
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I hear ya sista. File and start the New Year with a light at the end of your tunnel. Be prepared, you will see a complete 180 degree change in your husband.He will go from pure jackass to a blubbering fool. They all do. But, sometimes it's just too late. When you are done you are done. I am telling you that this is the best decision you could ever make for yourself. You have already wasted so much of your life in this misery. It's your time now. You have forgotten what it is like to be truly happy but it won't take long for you to be filled with happiness again. Best of luck.
PS:
You are so right to stop worrying about what people think. I always say, stop living your life for what the neighbors might think. They certainly don't live their life basing their decisions on what you think. -
My husband is exactly the same. Freaks out over crazy things. When is winds down, how do you deal with him? I ignore my husband and this lasts sometimes weeks. I LOVE it when we are ignoring each other because he LEAVES ME ALONE. I dont have to hear his bitching, his whining, his comoplaining, and he doesnt give me a million things to do for him(dry cleaning, banking, fixing his computer, etc...) I realy hate him. I am glad you dont care what people think anymore. Good for you! What does your son think when he acts like this?
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Yup. Sounds so...so familiar. Mine road rages all the time, walks into another room and shouts things out like the house is on fire, only to find out he just remembered he forgot to roll up his car window and he wasn't talking to me, he was "mumbling" to himself. I"ve gotten to the point where I act like I don't hear any of it, which makes him mad, even though he says he's "mumbling" to himself. He also over reacts every time he has a pain of any kind, now mind you, we married very young, we were 19, and the over reacting to illness, pain, hang nails, farting, burping, headache, etc... just about anything he feels might get him ultimate attention, he's been over reacting to since that time, now over 30 years. Unfortunately, I did not realize he was this way until after I married him. I have been driven to the same point as you, I don't care anymore, I am completely emotionally tapped.
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Your husband sounds a lot like mine. Does he also think in black and white, not take responsibility for his actions, and deny he has said certain things? I truly believe my husband has narcissistic/borderline personality disorder. I am planning to leave because everyday I'm with him I die a little more inside and I know there must be more to life! It's time for you to live for you. Good luck!
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I cannot believe this. It is just as if I wrote this myself only it is over 30 years and I actually pray for him to die. That would be so much easier than a divorce. My husband acts exactly 100% as you describbed, right down to going into the other room and 'mumbling' to himself. He cannot hold a job, and spends his days off laying on the couch. I am also staying because??? I have no place else to go. How do youleave? We too were kids and dated for 10 years at which point i married him cuz i didn't know how to date anyone else. But now his swearing and yelling at our adult children who still live with us is beyond comprehension. He thinks I don't have a say whether or not he tells our kids to leave or to pay him for living there. (all over 18YO) Help...What do I do now? My whold life has been trying to please him, praying for guidance, and being angry
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I have gone from feeling numb, to sadness over losing what could have been, and finally, to a solid conviction that I will be happier alone than miserably existing with him. If you are like me, you may have to reach out to friends or family, whom he has shunned in the past ("your sister means more to me than I do!), and focused on surviving in that hell with no outside support. I had to force myself to join a group of women, just to spend time with people who talk and listen like human beings. We can stop being angry, definitely stop trying to please him, but continue praying for guidance.
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