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Satan's Secretary

You know how someone can upset your spirit? You know how no matter how you try to distance yourself from someone they just can’t help themselves, they have to torment you? That is what I get. A man that just does not know when to quit. Even now we are apart, he still persists in making my life hell. God only knows why some why some people can be this way. They are not born evil but somewhere along the way the devil finds his way into their soul.

Imagine, I went to bed last night quite contented. My last conversation was with a woman who cheered me up somewhat as she totally understood me. I felt a connection as we were similar in many ways. This morning I wake up, the house is peaceful. I head to the kitchen to get my first cup of tea. The phone rings. I think that’s early. I answer it. It’s the EX. He launches into a barrage of abuse. Doesn’t even have the decency to say “Good Morning” or “Hello” first. Sunday morning is ruined. I’ve not even had my first cup of tea of the day yet and the day is spoilt.

It’s almost as though he has to let me know that he’s alive, every now and then showing himself because he knows I will never call him. How can a man be so spiteful, malicious, unkind.........? It’s his fault that things are the way they are. Why can’t he just move on and enjoy the life he has chosen for himself? I swear that in a previous life he had to have been Satan’s secretary.

You know sometimes as bad as it sounds and I know you should not wish bad things on people, I just wish Satan would claim his own. At least I would get the peace in my life that I deserve.

I’ve got this out of my system now. When I first sat here to type this, I was shaking so badly, so angry that I let this man upset me again, but I’m ok now.
EbonyLady EbonyLady 41-45, F 31 Responses Jul 31, 2011

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Yep BAD KARMA!! I live it!!

EbonyLady,
I've had those conversations! I usually just hold the phone out at arms length because what they say at that point does not really matter and you can jump in when they finally take a breath. It is sad people get like that. I hope you can learn to cope.

Oh that was a few years ago. I'm a different person now. Now I tear him up on the phone and he hangs up, lol... Time heals and we get stronger. As we get stronger we deal with situations differently. The previous situation was about control, he does not and cannot do that now. He knows I won't stand for it. I have had the support that I needed both here and outside of EP for which I am most grateful. So yes I have learned how to cope. Thank you for your contribution *Hugs*

That is so good to hear. I am just now learing how to assert myself in such ways as realizing I do not have to work two jobs the rest of my life just because my wife "needs" so much support money. I was killing myself trying to make her happy. I will not do it any more. If the court will not help me out I will retire and live in section 8 housing or in a shelter for a while. I no longer care about what "they" do to me and no longer feel responsible for every aspect of her life. She has options just as i do. I need to put the ball in her court. I will pay support but not pay for everything.

Its good to have a "rant" dear lady, and I can only guess why you feel the need to be apart from him. I listen good, so rent to me whenever you feel the need, you know where I am.

I know how you feel. I was never married but, I have had my own share of atrocities from the other party.
I would suggest that you be strong and tell him that you are your own boss.

He knows and understand now that I am not going to tolerate his nonsense. I am now able to control this situation much better than previously and feel so much better for being able to achieve this. Thank you for commenting :)

I let her get the better of me, until I had to pick up courage.
My pleasure to comment..
:)

When you pick up the courage, that is the turning point right there. That is when you take back control. Well done to you for doing so too :)

LOVED the title! :) But why did you let a call ruin your day? Being on a phone, the minute I heard his voice... I would have hung up. Repeat caller? That's what 'ringer off' is for. ;)

You know its really weird how people react to situations. That was then, who would believe it 2 years ago. I'm so much stronger now and that couldn't happen. If anything kicks off, he gets a warning, then after that he'd be speaking to my friend "TONE" lol... The message now is, be cool or be gone, SIMPLE! Thanks for commenting emerald :)

I read your story and I knew exactly how you felt. I live it every day. Torment. I thought, she got out. I married very young, at 20, he is 7 yrs older....and we both committed our faith as Christians, which helped a bit for awhile, but, I am sure he has personality/mental problems. He was close with our Pastor and on the outside everyone thought we were the cutest couple, young love. I would cry at church that God would help me and change his heart. but, a man has to be willing to change. and sometimes they just can't if they grew up a certain way he is like his abusive father. we had counseling with our Pastor and I told him he hits me. I wanted my Pastor, whom I respected so much, to set him straight. He did nothing. It was like it was ok. I felt I had to stay in the marriage. things got better, but then came children..... oh God. and then hard financial times due to his immaturity. I wanted to leave when I was younger, but now at 43, with two young children, I quit school to help him in his business that is struggling, I feel like I have thrown my life away. Like I have done the stereotypical thing you were always warned not to do. Here I am. I loved him I hate him. I fight for myself and my children everyday to correct him in his mean speech and OCD perfectionism. It's exhausting. Nothing is ever good enough. But, he's Perfect. I feel like I let my children down. My daughter is 12 and she has asperger's, high functioning, gifted, intelligent. It's been hard. I know it's from him... he is like that. I just didn't know it. My son is 9. They are my light and love. I failed them. I chose to stay when I knew I should have left but I was afraid. I have no mother, and am alone. We moved from the beautiful city where I lived and loved 10 years ago and our church, and it's just gotten worse. I'm glad you got out EbonyLady. by the time my children are grown, I will be old. My life has been wasted. I was beautiful when I was young. I could have had a better father for my children and a better life. Why do we women get in this trap? I will not let my daughter or son ever be in this trap or be an abuser. I must find meaning for my life. Thank you for your story. Sorry this is so long.

I had to leave but I can understand why lots of women stay where they are. Everyone has to do what they feel is right for them. I hope that somehow things change for the better for you. They say God works in mysterious ways, let's hope he performs his wonders in your life and keeps you safe. Ms wanderinginthedesert, you take care of yourself and children.

is the one whos got the problem .

After some time I worked out that I wasn't to blame for his crazy behaviour and moved on... I'm glad that I was able to :)

thats why there alllll called x's & they all *** in differen sizess & colors :) lol

That's why he is away from my household and will never be allowed to return...

I loved your post. I feel like I AM Satans secretery and he is Satan. My selfish, demanding husband treats me more like and employee and a sex doll than a wife. I wake up in great mood and I weear he imagines ways to bring me down. He gets off on hurting my spirit

I'm sorry to hear that you endure this torture. It's awful when someone hurts your spirit. I hope someday you will be able to find some peace in your life...

My ex is very much like your ex. He used emotional abuse to vent his frustrations as well. I ended up having to cut ties completely to get any peace. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with someone like this...because I know how they can turn your days completely upside down. I would suggest screening your calls at the very least...this way you can make the decision of if you wish to speak with him on any given day. Hang in there. I know it's a tough road right now...but it will eventually get better when you reduce your interactions with him. *hugs*

Kassie, I wrote this story quite some time ago and since then I have taken control of a lot of things. He certainly doesn't get away with terrorising me like that now. There are a few things that still need to get straightened out, but on the whole I am a lot happier. I have to thank a few special people in my life for their support when I was at my lowest... I will always be indebted to them :)

So you did. *blush* I didn't even look at the date or other comments...since you mentioned this story to me in a recent PM a couple of weeks ago. I simply bookmarked it for future reference...however...I'm so glad that you have moved on to a better place in your life. This is fantastic news indeed. *smile*

No problems Kassie, I'm glad that you enjoyed my story. Things are going to be just fine from now on, I know they will... I'm a fighter when I put my mind to it :)

What is the situation now?, you know you shouldn't give a man so much power that he can ruin your day with words.

I'm not in that situation now. He gives me one word, I give him two... it's that simple really... Just shows you how time can toughen up someone...

I'm glad you are not in that situation any more.

I think men like that have low self esteem and a need to be right all the time and also angry because he doesn't have you but afraid he won't get a woman as nice as you.
The opposite is a big ego and a feeling of entitlement to what ever he wants. narcissistic personality disorder.
Would need to know him better but I agree, he should move on for God's sake.

It was all about control. Someone who is a big boss and expects everyone to do as they say or face the consequences. He loves attention. By not worshipping him or doing as I was told, it brought the monster to the surface... I agree, his behaviour shows he has some sort of personality disorder, I am not qualified to say what type. This story was written a couple of years ago and a lot has changed since then. He can't terrorise me like that now. Mentally I'm a lot stronger and in when he tries to go there, he finds an extremely challenging woman ready to deal with his case...

Good for you. I am glad you are safe. I have known a few women, mostly working with them that their man was like that. It is so difficult for them. I may have been a little like that when I was young. We feel a need to be in control of everything in our lives. It is kind of a subconscious fear that life will leave one with nothing if we don't control or take it. I have found that life returns ten times more by cooperating than dominating.

It took a while to get out but when I got the opportunity I moved swiftly. It was not easy, it still isn't easy, but I have peace of mind. Relationships should not have the balance of power on one side, that's not on. 50/50 partnership. I can let a partner take the lead in many areas, but I cannot have someone trying to rule, bully or terrorise me. Both need to work together as a team to be successful....

Glad you're OK. The trick is not to let the ex know he upsets you. If he knows, he'll feed on it and continue. If you remain calm he'll eventually go away.

I think you are correct. don't feed the monster or it will get bigger. just stay calm. hard to do.

Maybe you can put the phone down, let him vent, pick it up when you here him stop and tell him to have a nice day, then hang up. If you argue with him or show you're upset, you only feed him. Refuse to engage because he's talking nonsense.

That was then... Now I tear his *** up on the phone... Got my strength up, I'm a different woman now compared to a year ago... I have to thank God, my mom and close friends for the love and support they gave me which helped to bring me through.....

i can relate to alot of women on here, i dont like to use the word hate but i almost hate my husband. He is the biggest idot ive ever met and something is wrong with his brain. He dosnt listen at all, everything goes in one ear and out the other and he dosnt know how to communicate. If i try he gets mad and yells at me. he is an alcoholic and ive been thru hell with him for the past 5 years, he doesnt treat me right and he has taken my spirit and soul away from me. he has done so much to me and put me through so must terrible things. i feel like im stuck with him right now because im in a lot of debt and have absolutely no money to leave him. I cry a lot because of it and i feel like my life isnt mine anymore! help!

I believe that I can understand what you are going through. You have to do what you feel is best and safe for you. If you are in debt then get help with a debt counsellor. Maybe your family may be able to help you out so that you can leave. If your husband stopped drinking would this help your situation? Attending A.A. classes may help, maybe the alcohol is fuelling his bad behaviour. It's not always about splitting from a partner, some things can be worked out. Sadly mine couldn't be, nor did I want that... I would say seek help from wherever you can. Don't cry too much as this weakens you. I pray that your situation will improve *big hug*

That's wonderful! Your story/comments gives hope to anyone in this situation. I read it again and saw it was posted last year. I'm happy to hear things are more manageable. Hopefully he realized that being bitter is an awful way to live.

Thank you for your comments. It's hard to start over, very hard, but with the support of friends and love ones I was able to make that change. He knows being bitter is wrong but it doesn't stop him, it's all about being the dominant one with him, being in charge and feeling that everyone must do as they are told. Unfortunately for him, I just refuse to be treated that way. It is now easier for me to control various situations that arise as I am out of harms way and I feel better for it. Yes there is hope for others, not going to say it's easy though.

It's great to vent huh. I feel for you its a bad place to b. I have to ask tho what's keeping you from changing your phone number? If you have kids that could b one thing, but u can try to find a third party. That way you don't deal with them directly. It might b wise to go to marriage counseling they can help give you tools when dealing with a nasty ex.

The story was written immediately as I got off the phone so I was really feeling the pain of a confrontation and my emotions were raw. Since this story was written my circumstances changed for the better. Things are not great, but I am more a peace which is a good thing. I have been supported by loved ones and I have thankfully come through this unfortunate situation without my nerves been totally shredded.

Oh. Good for you. Never mind. I'm glad you were able to handle your bully.

I know what its like to live hell

It sounds to me that your husband is emotional "vampire". These people are empty inside or are spiritually dead. The only way they can feel alive is when they attach themselves to somebody who is alive. They can not give anything to you but they feed of your spiritual energy. So when you distance yourself from them they get desperate either to get your back or to get whatever negative reaction from you because that would also fill the void they are experiencing. The only way to deal with them to make it better for yourself is not to have any reaction to their behavior. <br />
The absence of any reaction from you to their behavior (either good or bad) will stop the flow of energy from you to them. They will finally go away and leave you be. I know it is not easy to do if you have history of relationship and you just flow into rage when they show on your horizon but try. I tried it and it helped.

You are right that is exactly what he is. Loves the negative attention, loves to get that rise out of me. I am not a person that can be calm when upset, voices get raised. Distance has helped to put him firmly in his place thankfully.

Thank you for your valuable input and thanks for reading my story :)

Snezhanna, that is a terrific way to sum up some people, emotional vampire. You really hit the nail on the head with that phrase. I read and reread your answer and it makes a great deal of sense to me.

Restraining orders don't always work or harrasment suits but maybe looking into that could help////<br />
<br />
good luck b

Luckily, things changed so he had to back off a little.

Good may he be out of your life you appear to be a nice lady and deserve better...

You cant control what people say or do you can only control how you react to it dont ever let someone elses actions or words dictate your outlook or how you carry your self if you do that they have control and you dont.

That's one thing I have to work on, trying not to react. At best, I just ignore the drama.

As someone who has an EX with similar intentions to your EX, my heart goes out to you. I hope he gets a new hobby soon and leaves you alone!

New hobby, let me see....... Oh I know he could go and help identifying where the landmines are. Now that's a worthwhile cause! Hey, Lady Di did it and nothing happened to her whilst she did that! The man is a psycho so he flies at me every now and then. All I can do is pray for change and one day it will come.

Honey, if you hang up on him enough he'll stop calling. Nothing hurts an evil person more, who won't stop calling, than the disconnect tone. Also, he can't hurt you at all. You allow him to. He is a weakling. One day, you'll be strong enough to block any and all negativity that steems from him. It's ok to admit he upsets you. Admitting your dislike for him may have been the action needed for you to start healing. Trust me, I was in a similiar situation only months ago. I made it and so shall you! :)

You think he'll stop calling, lol? No this man, he's possessed. The calls do not happen as much as they used to do. Most times when the phone rings I do not answer it now. I will check to see who called and then return calls to relevant persons. I am glad that your situation improved, mine will too. Thank you for reading my story :)

In his own sick, demented way, this is his way of controlling you, even though he can't control you in person anymore. By making you feel like utter garbage, he can dictate how you feel, what you think about, and how you act. H gets off on it, it's his own little fetish. You need to do whatever you can, be it legal or illegal to get him out of your life for good.

You are right, he is sick. But he is getting to understand that I can match him sometimes. They say the race is not for the swift..... One cannot do illegal things, there are penalties for such behaviours, not that these have not crossed my mind. When you are being tormented until you cannot sleep you sometimes feel you would do anything to rid yourself of this torment. But one always has to do what is morally right. I always say it's just a matter of time......

Certaines personnes ne supportent pas être des perdants.<br />
Leur niveau de frustration les empêchent de voir clair en eux-même.<br />
Ils sont générateurs d'émotions négatives et empoisonnent la vie des autres parce que leur propre vie est décevante.<br />
Il vaut toujours mieux les ignorer même si cela n'est pas facile. Acheter un miroir et envoyez-lui !

Merci beaucoup pour cela. Je prends retour contrôle lentement mais surement. Je refuse d'être traités de cette façon. Je sortiront de ce cauchemar mon la tête haute et victorieux. C'est juste une question de temps.

Woaw. Mais vous parlez parfaitement ma langue. Vous êtes vraiment une grande dame. Bravo, parce que le français n'est pas facile ! Félicitations. :)

Sometimes I get distracted when I'm emotionally shaken by a story or bad people appear. So I often write with my tongue. I'm sorry, I congratulate you and thank you for responding so well !

Make sure you get call block too.

You know what happens though, these kind of people call from their friends house!

Am I sure you can block all his friends too.

I will at some stage get caller display or caller I.D. This week I did not answer any calls that came in. I checked afterwards who each caller was then returned the calls. There is an awful lot for me to sort out, sometimes get overwhelmed with it all. I will get there, that's what I tell myself......

You can't let him spoil things for you. Take a deep breath and be thankful that once the phone hangs up, you can put him out of your mind. The best part, he's not standing in your kitchen.

This posting was done soon after I took the call. I was as hot as hell and felt that I had to get these negative thoughts out of my head. I walked around in here ranting and talking to myself, the air was blue, it wasn’t pretty! Once I let everything out I felt a lot better.

Once the phone hangs up, I can’t get him out of my mind as he’s wound me up. It takes time for me to get the fool out of my head at the best of times. I am so glad that he’s not in my kitchen, it’s not the safest place to be when you are antagonizing a woman!

Thank you for that your comments.<br />
I have considered caller I.D. <br />
When I move from here that is the first thing I'm having. When he calls my cell/mobile, I just don't answer it. <br />
Half the time I don't listen to the calls, I was just caught off guard this time. <br />
He has a contract/calling plan so it does not cost him anything extra to torment me, it comes within the deal.<br />
What I need is one of those devices that gives him a negative shock everytime he thinks of tormenting me, that or a remote control taser (see told you I was feeling ok now)