Used & Abused

I hate my husband. he verbally, mentally, & physically abuses me. every single day we get into an argument. he starts the day off horribly by doing or saying something mean. he always plays the blame game even when its not my fault. i try to diffuse the situation & he only makes it worse. I knew he was like this before marriage but it got 10 times worse after we got married. I hate my life. the only time i am happy is when he is not around. i can enjoy my day, enjoy peace & quiet, enjoy a meal even without his grumpy input every five seconds.  he has piinned me down so many times with his knees on my arms & every time they leave bruises & i have to be conscious of what shirts to wear at work. he also has put his hand over my mouth so hard I couldnt' breathe. He has spit in my face atleast 20 times. he has headbutted me, pulled my hair, drug me around, broken so many valuable things (my grandmother's antiques she left me after she passed last year, our wedding album, 2 blackberry phones, 3 picture frames, he's put 11 holes in our new home & we've only lived here for 7 months, and many more things I can't even begin to list). i know many people would say to divorce him but i didn't ever want that of my life. i wanted a happy life with a family of my own and for some reason i still think we can form that. i don't tell my coworker half of the **** he does to me because i don't want anyone to call the police. he said if the police where ever involved he would divorce me. this is the second abusive relationship i've been in & this one is far worse. i don't tell my family either because i don't want them to judge him or think badly of him. i know its ridiculous for me to think that way but its hard when your in my shoes. when others say 'how could an abused woman stay with her man, she must be stupid.'  i might say outloud 'yeah, i don't get it either', but inside i am crying because i know that person is me & its hard to get out when you love them & want someone to love you back. he won't go to a counselor, i've tried to ask him to go. he needs anger management classes, he's said so himself, he just wont go. I have my own faults too, i don't want anyone to think i'm soley blaming him but i used to be a happy go lucky, fix things & get over it kind of girl. Now I am a depressed, flaky person who doesn't know how to act anymore, everything's awkward & i don't have much self confidence left. help
doodrop doodrop
2 Responses Mar 26, 2012

You sound a lot like me. I don't think couciling helps anyway. <br />
Y do we continue to put up with these things knowing that we<br />
Deserve better? I have been telling my husband if he keeps thi<br />
Up he's not gonna have me anymore cause I will go looking for <br />
Someone who will treat me better. I really don't want that bu<br />
I feel like he's pushing me away

It doesn't sound to me like you actually still love him. More you just want to try to love someone, anyone. You need to get over this jerk, call the police on him, divorce him. Give that ******* exactly what he deserves, then get out and try to find someone who is going to love you as surely as i know you will love them. Find someone that will make your dream of that happy family and home life come true. you deserve so much more, but you have to be willing to take it for yourself and give it to yourself. no one can do it for you...

I agree with the above post you need out of that try to find shelter there are some available in your area till you can get on your feet and start your life for abuser will always be just that!!!

good luck doll