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My Husband Wants All My Money

i swear i can't have anything that is just mine! i have been working on getting my ssi benefits and my husband is constantly harping on me to call the people up to see when they are going to start paying me (which i have called and i am still waiting to hear something). he was so excited about maybe a card came in the mail the other day from them that i was going to get my money finally so he could have the card! well, it was another card that i signed up for hoping to hide some money away that would be just mine. well, he started asking me why i would want a card like that. its not free like a debit card. which i know, i would rather pay some money to use it, at least then i know i will have money of my own so that he can't get it. he already has my bank card, and refused to have another card made. he doesn't see the reason why we should have 2 cards at the same place.

today he is out riding his motorcycle and he doesn't know that my green dot card came in the mail today. so i am hiding that one. at least if he doesn't know about it then he wont stop me from activating it. i am so tired of this happening. he says that the money is both of ours. but if it was meant for both of us then why is he the only one that is allowed to carry the cards and buy what he wants. yeah sure he buys me things sometimes, but it takes months for him to do it. but when it is something he wants he gets it right away.

i do have a paypal account where i am trying to get filled up with working on the internet. i haven't sent him anymore money out of that account in a year. but still don't have that much in their to work with now. and my husband doesn't understand why some marriages have separate money. he doesn't think it would work out right. well, it's because their is always someone in the family that spends money left and right when they have it and the other person saves it and doesn't blow it on everything they see.

i'm the saver of the family and my husband is the biggest spender i have ever seen! he buys things left and right for his motorcycle or any other things he wants. even when he knows we are in a bad spot with money for the month he still spends it on his self. we haven't even been out together for months. but he sure finds the money where he can ride his motorcycle for miles and miles. we haven't done anything fun together at all in a long time. even when a concert came to town that we both wanted to see, he couldn't help himself but spend money so we didn't have enough for the tickets to go. he bought himself a stupid ps3 game, that cost $80.00! so after he done that their was no way we had the extra money to go to the concert, which would have cost 100 for the both of us. that right their showed me that he really doesn't care if he takes me out any place at all.

i'm sick of being stuck at the house, but don't have anyone my age to go out with. i don't want to go out with my aunt and uncle cause they don't go out and do fun things at all. they are super christains, so going out having a drink or something is not going to happen. so i try to endure being stuck here at home. even though it is about to drive me crazy! while my husband goes out and have fun without me, doing god knows what and with who. anyway i have ranted enough. i'm sure some people here know what i am going through.
sadeyes7294 sadeyes7294 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 29, 2012

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My husband Is useless! He stays at home with the kids while I work and wants alllllof the money I make. My job consist of me walking for 12 hours straight. I asked for a new pair of shoes cuz I've had mine for a year now. And he said no. They look fine

Get on the motorcycle with him.

I so relate to this. I got a job 6 months ago because my husband is an alcoholic and lost his job. For the first few months I was taking 20% off the top of my check when I deposited it because I didn't have auto deposit. My boss said it would easier if I had it and I reluctantly signed up so I didn't have to worry about going in to pick up my check if I had the day off on payday. I used every penny I saved for a trip for my son for this summer as I paid in full and I got screamed at by my husband for doing that. Now he says he never took any money and stashed it so I shouldn't either. When it is payday for me he says "good we need the money" and I have yet to go and take out the 20% in the past 6 weeks because he verbally attacks me about and I am tired of fighting. I think I might stop the auto deposit so I can go back to taking my money and later get my own bank account as I am getting tired of living under someone's rule.

Hi sadeyes,<br />
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I can completely relate, and we are the same age range too. I am 26 and my husband is 32. I guess my problem is a lot more difficult to describe. My husband and I have been in school for the last two years, and I have been working a full-time job while going through school. <br />
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He hasn't seemed to care whenever I tell him that we weren't going to have enough money. His problem is buying marajuana. It's upsetting. I used to smoke it, but I stopped, because I was tired of spending so much stupid money on it. He spends about $300 worth of money on weed a month. <br />
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We are broke. We don't have that kind of money. Our largest bill we pay, aside from rent/mortgage, is car insurance, which costs us $182 a month. When I explain to him that his weed bill is the largest, he loses it. I have explained to him that his weed bill is the white elephant in the room whenever we discuss financial matters, but he doesn't seem to care.<br />
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Sure, he has an addiction, and I probably have addictions to weed and alcohol as well. However, once I stopped smoking and drinking, it became ever more apparent how much money HE was spending on all these things. When I looked around to see what I could buy, either a $10 haircut, or a $10 eyebrow waxing, these were things I could rarely afford. However, his needs came first before my own.<br />
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It's painful to be in this situation. You love someone. They love you. The whole issue with the weed is that this is what my husband deems as his "recreational activity". He's said things like "Why do you want to take away the things I love most?" (that being weed, very sad, I know).<br />
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I think the problem when we discuss things with our husbands is not focus on the possessions or the things they shower themselves in and the things that they do not shower us in. I think that the focus should be on sharing. Make "sharing" a word that becomes the focal point of the coversation.<br />
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Try not to use words like "selfish". This is will just upset them. Simply say, "I don't understand why you can't share with me on the 'fun money'. " I explained to my husbadn that all the fun money goes to his weed, so much that I don't have the money for haircuts or eyebrow waxing, god forbid something like a new pair of clothes or a massage. <br />
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He tries to tell me that I do get to do what I want, because I spend $50 on a running race, or spent $70 on someone's wedding present. These are one-time deals. It's not like I spend $50 every month on a race, or even $70 every month for every wedding I go to. <br />
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When your husband is spending all the 'fun money' on himself, and not on you, it's easy to feel neglected. I've explained this to my husband, that all the 'fun money' goes to him. He gets mad when I spend $5 for a quick fast-food breakfast, or a rare $20 to have a night out with the girls to watch a movie. It's crazy.<br />
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If someone is not willing to share their entire life, what's the point in sharing it? I get sick of him calling me selfish and controlling simply because I want money to do fun things too. <br />
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Three months after we got married, he quit his job to go back to school. I was pretty upset about this. I intended him to work while he went to school. He didn't see it that way. He took it as an advantage to sit on his butt and have no excuse for working for two years, plus he gives me guilt trips about the 2 part time jobs I made him get along the way.<br />
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One does have to ask themselves: At what point am I giving too much? <br />
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I don't mind sharing, but I do require that those I share with, share back. I guess we will see what happens. Good luck to you too. I guess this turned out to be a rant for me too. :-) Feels good to post it somewhere in cyberspace. :-)

yes i can relate... my husband says he has been looking for a job for all most 3 and half years.... he thinks i belive in his lies..he has no more looked for a job then the moon has... i told his family finally, how he has lied to them and me about looking for a job... im not going to play along with him and his lies... men these days, i dont get it ..