I Feel...worthless

I hate him. I hate how he talks to me. Demeaning, and like I'm an idiot. I play video games to escape how hellish my life has become. He's taken that from me too. He whines and complains and manipulates me until I eventually do what he wants just so I don't have to deal with it anymore. I don't ask him for anything, afraid the answer will be no. I never buy things for myself...I spend money on stuff for my son or for the house. I had to give up my family and friends to be with him. When we moved into a new apartment in a new state, my stuff was the stuff that never got put out. I'm the one that gave up my laptop to a customer(we own a computer repair business) He doesn't want me to go to Florida to visit friends and family I haven't seen for four years. I ended up using my birthday money to pay the bills because he spends money on stupid ****. When he gets angry at me he calls me horrible names. I suffer from depression and I get no support from him, just him telling me that "I'm a miserable piece of ****" when I found some one else to talk to about my problems he called me "a mother ******* lying sack of ****" when I tried to tell him that there was nothing going on between me and my guy friend. He badgers me to play insipid games with him, if I say no, he continues to haunt me until I eventually give in and just do it.  Most of the time I go into the garage and just cry. I feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I would be better off dead. I hate him. I hate myself more for what he's turned me into.
Rikaih Rikaih
May 20, 2012