Beautiful Dream Is Over

I found this site around one year ago when I was married for one year. I just typed "I hate my husband" just like that in Google and to my surprise this real forum came before me where I found that I am not alone, others are also suffering like me. I am married for two years now and I know him since last three years. We met through a matrimonial site where I was trying to find a decent guy with sufficient earnings. He approached me through website, then phone and then we decided to meet. Though I was not very happy with conversation on phone but he did not left any other choice except meeting. I met him in a restaurant and to my surprise suddenly he asked me to reduce my weight by 5 kg (though I am not that fat but he might be liking those skinny figures). I was so frustrated after meeting him as the meeting stretched for five hours for which he replied that he came from so far so he can not afford to come again and again. Long list of his stupid actions made me frustrated. I thought he also did not like me but infact he liked me very much which I came to know later. I am kind of coward person. I could not refuse him directly, if refused he did not take it seriously. Things went to our parents. I was unable to call him off  so I planned my parents will reject him but instead my parents liked his salary and the same caste we belong (I am indian). I was not given the time to think as after two days of parents meeting our engagement was done as his parents were in hurry because they did not want to loose this opportunity. I am a researcher and was earning enough to survive nicely but as I told that I am coward and think myself not very beautiful so i always had a fear that if I would not get married then what would happen. In this anxiety i used to search appropriate guy to get married. I have been in number of relationships and had so many break ups that my mental condition was bad. In that situation I started feeling nice about him as he was showering his love on me and was in so much hurry to get married. I did not want to loose that package of love. But..but how thing change after marriage, I experienced it. I hate his father who did not demand anything at the time of marriage proposal but when my father gave less dowry than his expectation, he commented badly about him. I faced other ritual contradictions also and I used to cry before my husband but he also supported his family. I kept patience and thought things will be better one day. I used to be his dear and always tried to keep him happy by serving him in all senses but he took it as granted. It became his habit and for small small things he started relying upon me which created pressure on me. I did not want to conceive before my degree but it happened by mistake. I am mother of a 11 months old. four and half months of baby's rearing I did completely at home. Then one and half months I spent on coordinating between baby and work. Then finally after 6 months I left baby with her father and I am staying at my workplace. Sometimes I go to see my baby but I can not stay at home for more than one day as his presence irritates me. Though he does not have bad habits like smoke, drink and girls but he is kind of ultimate lazy person.  I usually go during weekends and during that time instead of relaxing I do all tiresome job like laundry, cleaning, cooking etc which his cousin (who is taking care of baby in my absence) could not do properly. I come to bed completely tired when I find him either watching some movie on TV or doing some foolish task on PC (he is beginner in computer and internet and relies on me for small things). Then I expect that he will come and will try to soothe me by saying some nice words or by just hugging me but instead of that he lies on bed and asks me to get up and do his massage which I hate to do as I do not consider myself his slave. I have a baby so I do not want to give divorce but living with my husband is really like hell. I am ok at my workplace but this may affect baby's care. I want to get some good paying job and take a separate home and want to stay with my baby without my stupid husband.
pinkyram pinkyram
26-30, F
3 Responses May 22, 2012

I found this website the same way you did!

"We met through a matrimonial site where I was trying to find a decent guy with sufficient earnings."<br />
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Can someone please tell me... what is the difference between marriage and prostitution?

Culturally, your is much diffferent than what I know. Would you have family support if you were to go through with divorce or are you just seeking a separate residence and keeping the marriage? The living arrangements do not seem to be the best for a family with a young child, which you have realized.