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You Supposed To Be The Man

Being married is the only dumb thing I regret most
I’am going to write it while blood is still boiling to the  thousands of degrees and not for the sake of sharing it.  
Now don’t get me wrong, teachers and preachers and judge mental people stay away from this rant and don’t ever  think of putting your comments in here.. You are not welcome if you are going to pissed me by all these therapy thing and counceling  and so on.. I don’t want anybody here  fu-k my head now and teach me things about what should I do, things that I must do to save fu-kin marriage etc etc etc.
 I don’t want that..   PEROID.   I’m done.
Why oh why hes not getting what I meant!! Fu-k s—t!!
For all these fu-kn years I’ve never ever ever been this tired, tired as a dying horse who never ate for months and years.
1.    I’m soooooooo tired of  leading the family, for checking if everyone  is okay ‘coz if not, It only means that another  problem  another burden on my back, and another thing for me to solve because husband doesn’t  think of any solutions of his own and just rely onto me all these years even if I beg him to help me at least think and not just wait for me  with my go signals all the time!  It’s so heavy for me to carry and for not really getting the real meaning of helping each other. it’s too much lik I run the fu-kn house like a butler  with no salary. Plans  for groceries and bills and my daughters needs and savings, and  housemaids wage  and guiding her on a list on things needed to be done EVERYDAY and ALLL anything that a wife-husband must share together is always and was always been grade 1 section ELEVEN. I done  it all ALONE. I’m in a long battle of brains alone for so long  ALONE!!!
2.   . I’m tired of being the master planner, master builder, master problem solver and the master adviser. He never planned on to anything for the future, like he never ever layed his dreams on my table and let me dream with him, he never sets a goal for us to achieve. I set all the simple and the hard goals instead and let him dream with me instead which is at first was flattering but now its frustrating.
He doesn’t  even plan for  anything for  even  simple weekend to make it a memorable one but instead sleeeeeeeeeeeeep whole day and never  wakes up until I get angry.  
3.   He never made US special even to the slightest way.  Ok friends are saying hes a good man and everyone respect him but God,,,,He never EVER planned on even giving us together a simple wedding anniversary but instead I fu-kn planned for it and me making  it special but eventually stopped celebrating on the 3rd wedding anniversary  bcoz I didn’t find it special anymore at least to my side. Ok I don’t wanna complain for not getting gifts on that special day but even the thought of gesture of  taking me  out on that stupid day into  a historical places and sights which I was soooooo dying to see eversince I stepped into his land. Never ever been in a movie theater  with him b’coz I don’t know why. I was so stupid to just let all these come up to the  ends of my hairstrands, un-noticed for years and took me for granted like this. I was stil hopeful though but I’m done talking about it to him.
There is soo much more and I was like hoping for people in my family and friends to not just give me the dumbest of all reasons that its okay hes a good man anyway and this and that.. I need a man who speaks his plans and who knows how to  RULE and who can show me that he is the master and me to be at his side  for all the better and for all the worst . I’d be happy  standing and supporting him all the way if only he was like that….. I need a MAN not a man who never wants to grow up.  
TemptressKassandra TemptressKassandra 31-35 43 Responses Jun 3, 2012

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I am so glad I googled I hate my husband, your story sounds so much like my marriage. Omg I f**king hate him but it's getting bad the things that come out of my mouth is pure hatred the worse thing is that he won't even fight back and I have told him exactly what needs doing to save our relationship but it's like he is fu**ing stupid been together 17 yrs married 9 and 2 kids our poor children have lived through this and I hate it I try and wait for them to be out now and then I just go for him but nothing any normal fu**king person would try but nothing totally stupid I f***ing hate him it has got to the point I will break things bite my lips so hard hit things even got physical it's got bad really bad I don't want to spend my life like this nor have my kids go through this all the time he won't wake up it takes him ages to do anything and he won't think about anything or do nothing I do it all I refer to him sometimes as my other child he does NOTHING........I just want a partner a husband a bloody man I can't do this any more I have asked him to leave and he will go to my parents house next thing a phone call form my mum or dad or poor thing don't be stupid such a lovely guy what's wrong with you same with friends it's like I am stuck with him there is nothing I can do.The only thing he does is make me laugh when we get on that is when we get on it's only cause we have gone weeks sometimes months without talking then he starts doing things and I give up only for him to turn into the same person again and surprise surprise it happened all again so tired of this sh** I just want out then I feel sorry for him as he has no one or no where to go to but is that my problem I mean he don't even drive I have to do it all this is going to end up really bad please someone help me I need some advise please I am starting to lose it and falling into depression do not tell me to go counselling I need some straight up advise help me please I am desperate.

I totally hear you Wanda21.... I feel these same things and wonder if it is doing harm to my body in a BIG way. I never knew I could hate someone this much. I think you should read Why Men Love ******* by Sherry Argov... it will give you the courage and knowledge to be able to extract yourself from the relationship first emotionally, then mentally and physically... and don't feel sorry for him - that's what got you into this mess in the first place! That was his line, his ploy. All men have an angle.. your bloke and my bloke had the exact same angle, however 'ham/cheese/tomato' that is; it's global!!! It's a universal male trait to play the 'poor me' card. Best of luck to ya. xx

Why Men Love B i t c h e s by Sherry Argov - thee best book I've ever read on women and relationships...

I couldn't agree more. I am so desperate to have the kind of relationship a woman and man is supposed to have instead of being the mommy to everyone, including him. I hate him. I hate his guts down to the last molecule.

You should cheat on him and rub it in his face and break his heart lol. Maybe the loser will be so humiliated he will go get a rope and hang himself lol what would you do if he did that? lol

CHEAT come on that does not solve problems it worsens them. the author has enough on her plate already never mind adding that to the mix.
You guys seem to come up with this all the time if you do not like it in your marriage cheat.

I understand fully what the author is trying to say. To put it in a nutshell the burden has just too heavy for one person to bear. And she is right. It does get too much.

She is also right in saying about Therapists and councillors they are as useless as **** on a bull they sit there listen and hold their hand out for the money.

Love I have one like yours too. I think the problem is they have no idea how to cope. I worry if anything happens to me what will happen to him.

He is a good worker but if anything goes wrong I have to deal with it. he cannot manage money I do that too I pay someone to do the lawn or else would be up around our necks.

I brought up my two on my own too. He was never there was at work when came home did not wish to be bothered. Anything goes wrong I dealt with it.

These are not bad people as such that is why you find people do like them.
they do not have to live with them. Outside they are great.
But others do not understand because they are not doing the running around.

They just have no idea how life is supposed to work if can put it that way.

I am sorry to hear you hate him. I could not think of leaving mine because I would worry about him and how he is coping. But that is me.
We all have different personalities and I have learned to work around mine. he does not hit me or abuse me.

Yes I do not get presents either but I do not mind because I can always buy for myself at least that way I get what I want.
I would hate him to buy for me because no idea if a piece of jewellery etc was genuine or not lol.

I think it is the way we each look on things that guides us in the way we deal with them.

You sound like your really under stress with this and need to do something and soon but please lol do not cheat it will not help anything. Actually I do not think somehow you would your really fed up and sounding off. that is good too I do it all the time


Yeah - don't cheat.. phuck someone else in his bed and TELL him about it. Better still, let him come home and SEE you. maybe for sure he will top himself.

He doesn’t even plan for anything for even simple weekend to make it a memorable one but instead sleeeeeeeeeeeeep whole day and never wakes up until I get angry.

OMG u are talking about the creature I got married to! he would wait until the lava has reached the top of the volcano before he tried to open his mouth and that too only after the volcano spits a little hot ash on his head... then it would ba a full blown explosion and nothing makes sense no more... horrible marriage... now i am fifty...looking for differnt things in amarriage...God that is impossible..the man can not think!~ his mind is fixed on just one thing alone and now he doesn t even bother to enter the room...i am thinking i should just get a single bed and have more living space in my room... din know marriage is just about the base emotions in man... had i known it, no need to get hitched at all... really bad luck!

Deared Kassandra, I have a similar husband. Whom everyone always console me with the reason he is a nice man.

If I am a man, I will not behave like him.

1) I decided not to chip in seed money for his brother's tailor shop. He says he decided not to do it too. 1 year ago he told me he was glad he did not join because his brother's shop was doing badly. Now that the shop is doing stellar, he told me it was because I did not want to chip in that's why he followed. ACTUALLY he wants to support his brother.

2) He decided to ignore his mum's sadistic jealousy of me. BECAUSE he feels that she will be more mean to me if he meddles.

3) He has serious ***** problem. But during his annual family gathering he just says we have been trying for a long while. But we will not opt for IVF as Jaime thinks the hormonal treatment is harmful.

Is he a man at all? Why did he share half the story of our baby trying and mask his own infertility and misled his family's attention to me not wanting to do IVF.

I so hate him now I really want a divorce.

Maybe he will realize he is not a man and do you a favor and go hang himself lol

Is it a good idea to be thinking of a baby right now ? why bring another innocent life into this mess.

We are women you should know by now we can never do right for doing wrong


Im 21 and I have never agreed more. My husband is the exact same way! I don't know how much longer I can handle it either. How do you deal with it?

Drastic(and sometimes tragic) changes that have happened, in the 21 century, can do funny things to the human mind. I think it excels more quickly with the human male variety. Which could possibly explain your hubby's behaviour. Just my hypothesis here.

Read your store sounds just like my life now on top off that my husband abuse an all way on Craigslist looking in the casual in counters for women and men. He also has a bunch of accounts to that are for meeting up with people for sex. I've gave him more then enough chances to come clean about everything but nope. I keep finding more an more I am just a dead soul waiting to not wake up.

He's probably overwhelmed with certain changes in his lifestyle,that it has spooked him to the point of not knowing how to maturely deal with 'em. So I'm afraid he might be using a very unhealthy approach here. :s

oh bullsh1t. sorry, but that's a cop out. Overwhelmed with change so he sits on his hands and cries... pfffft. He's a wuss and he needs to grow a pair.

Love under these circumstances only two words for you
Looking at your age I take it no children you have not said. There is no reason to stay.
You have a whole future in front of you. Do not wait too long each moment that passes is one you will never get back. We all make mistakes it is not rectifying it that is the problem.



poor darlin. You are in a sh1t state... take as much cash as you can and divorce the loser and move someplace where you can have a dog. A dog is WAY more loyal, faithful, better company and sooo much easier to care for. My best friend never says a word to me, but we know each other's heart and there's love between us, me and my 4-legged daughter :-)

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hi,trust me when i tell you if he was to change and start making desisions,and take control,you might regret it,a controling man is no fun,its terrible about the lack of loving emotion he seems to have,he sounds cold hearted,if i were in your shoes i would live my life the way i wanted,do what makes me happy,because he doesnt seem to care if your happy,dont let him dictate your happiness,its in your hands,good luck.

WOULD it be ok to request your friendship? I like your views on things

this sounds like my story,only in addition i have to earn too!

Hello Temptressempress,
You sound so frustraited , I went through something like what you are at the moment with my ex . Man or woman it takes the suport of two to raise a family and if you have so much anger built up it looks like the best thing to do is to leave . Your life is to short to wait to see if anything will change . If your unhappy and you feel that there is nothing left then get your stuff and leave. In the end its best for you, him, and any kids involved .

Start new and choose well but also remember to change yourself to become who you want. No man out in the world can help you. You have to be happy with who you are and happy about where you are at in life before you can be at peace and happy with some one else .
We all make mistakes mine alot like yours .I have learned what I am telling you . What helped me prob wont help you but I hope you know your not alone and there are plenty of people dealing with what you are going through.
Just dont wait as long as I did . Im 46 and wish i would have cut ties a long time before I did.
My kids were happier as well. No more stress in the house. My two daughters chose to live with me so I was a single parent .It was hard raising two daughters by myself . In the end it was the best thing I ever did. I didnt ever re-merry . I didnt have time to chase women around. I worked 10 hrs a day and had to get my girls to school and pic them up . They did stay with there mom some but for the most part they were with me .
There mom was happy to go chasing men all over the country and didnt have the time for her kids.
SO even though it was hard it in the end was the best thing for my kids and myself.
If you need some one to vent on or say hi or just to chat look me up I will be your Huckle Berry ! lol Have a good day and I hope you find a way to ease your pain!

thank you so much for taking your time to post your comment in here. I appreciate it.

You have made some very good points in your post. Only you can make yourself happy.
People move on without finding peace in themselves.

Actually as I have the same kind of husband I can cope because I am at peace inside.
Like I said before he is not a bad person. It is the way he is.
Too many people get married trying to think they can change who they marry and those who find out later in marriage think they can still solve the problem by changing the person.

Only thing you can change is yourself.

We have been married 33 years this Halloween. And I am so used to doing everything that I think would be lost if I did not. Actually found it easier when bringing up the children because could work to my own pattern. And now only two of us can do my own thing with hobbies and he does not mind

A comfort zone can be found in anything if try hard enough and can change yourself enough if other person cannot do this then they will never move forward and nothing can do about that.


thank you for all the thumbs up :)

If he was a "master",then you should be his queen.

Then men shouldve known that...

I understand what you mean I was married to a woman I hated. We were married for 7 and a half years before I filed for divorce. It is best to get away from him and move on with your life.

I did already.

I am very happy for you. It is very hard to have a good life with dead weight on your shoulders.

true...and life is much more brighter once we knew that the time is up.

I agree and I applaude you for your decision.

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Leave him, take everything from him and then leave him a diaper and some plastic panties to show him what a baby he is!

Another woman here that could have wrote the exact same thing. After being together for just over 9 years, married for 4, 2 boys, we've been separated for the last month and even this last month he was still playing his games but as of yesterday I'm Done!!! I realized that i'm dealing with someone who is an absolute narcissist. I need a man not some boy who keeps fooling himself into thinking he's one. Apparently i'm the one to blame for treating him like a child, well sorry to tell you ******* but you get treated the way you act. He used the fact that the depression he drove me too was his other problem, he couldn't deal with me yet he was the one that made it that way. I'm finally taking back control of my life and giving my boys the life that they deserve without having this narcissist suck the life out of us. So much clearer now i don't have to explain reality to someone who will never ever ever get it.

Hope your boys grow up to be better men then their "dad" was.

Thank You for posting this. We just passed our 3rd year together and I feel the same. Im frustrated and Angry and resentful. And my mind wants to make up that Its al okay or I can change my perspective. I like having SOMEONE around b/c not so many friends since I got married, but I read something saying Lonliness is surrounding yourself with the wrong group of people more than being alone. My frustrations are the same, though. He's a great leader of self, but he leaves the rest up to me and plays a very small part. He is a taker, not a giver. And he is bossy, but not a Leader. He has no plan for a family and disagrees with whatever I want to collaborate on. Just a thorn in my shoe. I pray for a cohesive family life with my (2) beautiful boys, another leader who collaborates about the family, who thinks and cares about the future. I see a mutual trust and respect and someone I can work with. I want a partner. I deserve a partner. I enjoy being loved by someone, but I think Im making him sick by hating him and I feel bad about that too. Some other poor girl might just love being with this ****. Poor girl. He can not give an ounce to her.

... Maybe you'd feel a little better knowing my story... I got knocked up at 19 to a guy with no job no home that mooches of me and my parents. He can only keep a job for 6 months at most. 8 months ago I called the police because he tried to kill himself and we both ended up in jail and my mom got custody of our at the time 1 1/2 year old baby girl. 8months later he still has no job, my mom still has our daughter, we are still living with my parents, I am 4 months pregnant with our second child, and he's obsessed with video games.... I know I should leave him... But I'm just so lost right now...

When we are in a chaotic situation we need to distance ourselves from people and so we could start evaluating things up from ourselves and start loving ourselves... one thing for sure is we need to move on, the world will not stop rotating for us and wait for us, we need to move on with a head held high...
start wrting down your goals in life and focus to that...

Only you can make you happy... :) God bless you my dear

Girl, I could have written your post word for word and line for line. My husband changed so much, and I just don't even respect him anymore because I always have to stand up for the both of us, negotiate for him, be his mouthpiece and make most every decision...and yeah, I am capable 100% but I am a grown WOMAN and I want a grown what his 40 year old self SHOULD be, right? Nope. He is just biztch-made as hell. I am his cook, his dictionary, his spell-check, his personal assistant, his nurse, his reminder for ALL things A-Z, his alarm, his errand runner, his warrior and guess what? I'm dead tired of it. He never used to be this way until he got hurt and now he just changed. I'm also sick of his stupidity and brazen ignorance. He doesn't even try to learn and experience new things. I feel like I am dying.

Can't you see, women like us are superheroes nothing more nothing less...

Oh honey, I can totally relate. I feel sometimes as if I am my husband's pulse, lifeline. Make sure Brian is fed, watered, has enough sleep , vitamins, restroom needs are met, etc etc. What's worse is that his mother makes excuses for him!

Again, Leave him, take everything from him and then leave him a diaper and some plastic panties to show him what a baby he is!

This is my 2nd marriage, my first one passed in an accident... I regret being with this thing who thinks hes a man!! He has a sit down job that he makes lousy money at, he brought NOTHING to this marriage and claims to own everything I have. He sleeps all the time except when he is yelling at me.. We go to Church and he complains about everything. In the 2 years we have been together we have had sex 3 times and it was horrible.. (2 sec rodeo). I have never hated, despised anyone the way I do him.. He breaks everything and fixes nothing.. He rain into the neighbors chain link fence 4 months ago and its still broken. He breaks EVERYTHING and then laughs cuz he knows I am gonna find someone to fix it!! How do we get out?????

oh goshhh... he should not treat you like that...nobody owns anyone in this world... if we need change, we gotta do it right now to make way for something new..

Yep. Me too and I am sick of it!!! He asks me how to do everything!!! He will NOT think for himself even if I beg, and he gets more dumb every day. This is why I can't sleep with him anymore. It is beneath me. He pretended to be someone else before we married. The man I married seemed smart & motivated with life. This one is dumb and lazy to the bone:(

true i agree..they are all good at the first base just to get our attention...then when u start living with them they turned into monsters..

I cosign! Whew... I thought I was the only wife in the world who felt this way!!!

I feel you my husband is no man neither and i have to decide everything for this marriage because he's so f**king dumb. I hate is stanky a**. People in my family tell me he's a nice guy, but they don't live with him. He's a weak a** B**ch. All he do is eat up all the food, sleep sh**, and watch cartoons all damn day, lying on his fat a** back. I don't celebrate my our anniversary any more either because all he want to do is sit and watch TV.

these kind of people are so wasting our times! tiring to the maximum levels.

Basically it sounds like you're smarter than him. I'm like you! I can't stand a man who doesn't think. I can't stand a man who is less smart than me. If you can't leave him for whatever reason, my 2 cents, I say train him like a puppy. Give him many things to do for your house hold, keep him busy and out of your hair while you get some alone time!! Go out girl!!

thank you so much! I acctually done those things to him and yes it worked for a while but ultimately failed along the way. so that means that I had to leave him or ill die young.

this looks like my life story..only that i don´t tell anyone..i just keep is bullshit to myself and I keep it all inside...sometimes i just wanna kill myself and i really start doing it by cutting myself..but then i thing about my childrens....i´m so sick and tired of this life.

we all still have all the choices in our hands...choose what is best for u and for the childrean... we all deserve to be happy.

Marry for 2 and fell the same. I want a divorce but I don't want to hurt my 2 yrs daughter.

ive been through same options long ago...but when time is up all I gotta do is stand up and choose and i chose to walk away and leave.

Oh my gosh! I think we are married to the same man! Your husband sounds exactly like mine. You have my empathy and sympathy.

same to you....

I know exactly how you feel. I deal with the same crap. Been married over 5 yrs, never celebrated an anniversary-nothing to celebrate.

I feel for you... But at least we still have ourselves which is the most important than anything else...

I hear ya! I have said exactly what you are saying a million times over before in my head. I hate my husband very passionately for all those same reasons.

Thank you for ur comment and ugh yeah men only thinks of themselves and nothing more...we all deserve to be happy...we are not born to be just any mens nanny forever...we have our own selves to attend to and we as a women are more responsible than these unworthy men...

you know, reading your post I thougth It was me talking.... its made me cry. I'm in a very similar situation. I hope you can get out of it for the both of us. x

Please dont cry... Yes there is no other way but to get out from certain situations like this whatever the risk and the one deserves to treat women this way...the decision is always in our hands... we get out as soon as possible or loose the fight forever. God bless you and to all women who walk through same journey...

in the same boat minus #3 but I can add a few others on that list! lol
Very frustrating. either way I wish you the best!

thank you...