I Never Thought It Would Be Me
Greetings. I am at the stage where I do not mind if my "husband" finds this mail. I have always considered myself warm, generous, moral, kind ,into world peace and all that but......... I am QUITE surprised about this particular emotion I have called hate. If hate is feeling contempt, wishing him away and not liking the way he chews and eats his food is well then I hate him. Of course I should get a divorce but (and this is the twisted part) I weirdly like to hate him. I now sound insane! I am not. This is absolutely ridiculious. Since I have to be soooo "nice" to everyone (work, play ect) that when I get home and my "anger for my husband starts "welling" up again, I do receive the "gift" of yelling horrible words @ him. I know that this is a very unhealthy way to live. I just can"t believe how much I really can"t stand him. I am ashamed of myself that i have let my life become this. Egads!!
I have been married 6 years and the first 5.5 of them were not that great.
I want to make his life a living hell yet I want to be the one he desires. I think it"s time for a shrink. Ha ha