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I Never Thought It Would Be Me

Greetings. I am at the stage where I  do not mind if my "husband" finds this mail. I have always considered myself warm, generous, moral, kind ,into world peace and all that but......... I am QUITE surprised about this particular emotion  I have called hate. If hate is feeling contempt, wishing him away and not liking the way he chews and eats his food is  well then I hate him. Of course I should get a divorce but (and this is the twisted part) I weirdly like to hate him. I now sound insane! I am not. This is absolutely ridiculious. Since I have to be soooo "nice" to everyone (work, play ect) that when I get home and my "anger for my husband starts "welling" up again, I do receive the "gift" of yelling horrible words @ him. I know that this is a very unhealthy way to live. I just can"t believe how much I really can"t stand him. I am ashamed of myself that i have let my life become this. Egads!!

I have been married 6 years and the first 5.5 of them were not that great.

I want to make his life a living hell yet I want to be the one he desires. I think it"s time for a shrink. Ha ha

redflower redflower 36-40, F 186 Responses Apr 29, 2007

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I feel the same way a lot of the time. He always controls everything n I'm sick of his lack of affection n a man who doesn't kiss.

they all dirty fkers i hate them all. they should b wiped of the fkn earth

DITTO!!!! Men and Women have never been meant to stay bonded to one another, especially for life. We are no different then any other specie of animal on this planet.
You can count on one hand the amount of species that mate for life, and most of them are birds.
It well never be possible for a man to grasp a woman's reality because it is a proven fact that a mans brain is literally built differently, they do not process information the same way as a woman. I'm not saying men are stupid only that they well never be capable of things like empathy. To them empathy is a concept but for women empathy a heart felt emotion.
Women need to understand that, and should be taught these things.

Men are hunters and their brains are made to make sure the hunt is successful.
Their brains can't multitask, they can only focus on one thing at a time.
Women's brains are made for multitasking and their 5 senses are enhanced because women create the babies, teach them and keep them alive and this means being aware of your surroundings, staying aware of the children, cooking food and making clothes all at the same time.

Subconsciously men mimic women in an attempt to compromise and gain trust, once they get trust
they won't need to mimic anymore and this is when a mans true nature comes out.

The number one complaint women have is that the man they married is not the same man they met and fell in love with.

The only way for a man and woman to have a long and successful relationship is for the woman to understand the man well never be able to think like a woman only pretend to.

i hate my husband to only married 2 years. we have a baby he has ruined my life my figure my everything i dont go out he works 3pm till midnight his face needs punched wen he brings home attitude. he is indian i am scottish and i hate his fkn voice he cant even argue properly which i then feel wot a fkn stupid fker. he eats n drinks like a freak. he doesnt no how to act human all his family think he is a tosser he diesnt talk sence doesnt understand anything. he talked me into having his baby. i make him get up fr her everyday he fkn hates gettin up. soooo fkn what i dont care i had to leave my job to stay at home with his child. he sleeps on sofa n tries to come to my room n sleeps on floor next to me.....FREAK... then hangs cover over my window to keep light out....emmmmm this is not fkn a pakistani tramp house u live in now son..... splatters **** all over my toilet. i have no life now. he is atractive and cooks a good curry ...thats it jst fkn hate him and the boring skint life he has made me have.

damn I am the same but I always have terrible guilt feeling after all

So you have a nearly irresistible urge to emotionally and mentally abuse your husband for no good reason?

Do the man a huge favor and leave. You aren't doing anything good for him, and he's just going to go crazy trying to find something in the relationship to fix when the only problem is that you're being an evil crazy b*tch to him over nothing. Seriously, it degrades him, it degrades you. Just end the marriage and go.

Your not alone .

I can relate my jobs require me to take care of and be perfect around people all day long and I find that I am mean to my husband when I get home because I'm sick of being soo nice all the time! It's not fair to him, I was the same way to my sister and she's been in therapy for years because of it. What is at the root of it though? For me it was the feeling like I should be able to come home and be taken care of and act however I wanted because you are suppose to love me unconditionally. If you truly find sadistic glee in torturing your dude there may be some deep seated resentments? I use the term sadistic as a positive btw I believe it is a position if power for those who may otherwise be powerless.
I don't enjoy being mean to my man but there are some resentments that manifest in my behavior as sadistic.

Wow, i think i am beginning to understand the dynamics of my own marriage. Easiest to hate on the one you are supposed to love the most becausr he is bound to you by contract and vow. Nobody else could handle the real you so you dont go there with anyone else.
happy thoughts ladies.

I hear and feel you! I hate the man I am married to! He makes me feel physically sick and want to kill him! I feel so much resentment towards him! I am embarrassed by the way he looks , I don't enjoy doings things with him and my three kids because it always end up as a cussing and shouting match....he is a stupid insensitive lying pig and I can't stand it anymore..... As much as I love my kids, I resent them because I hate their father, knowing for sure I would run far as can from this man if it had not been for them. I can't speak about this anyone because I am expected to remain with this freak of a 'husband' for the rest of my life! I don't know what to do....I want this to end..

How about birth control? Medicine has advanced to allow you to choose when and with whom you shall be impregnated. There is no excuse for bringing unplanned and unwanted children into this world. After contraceptives. vasectomy or hysterectomy is an option or termination of pregnancy. Children deserve a stable home with two well adjusted loving parents. Stop having babies. They don't deserve the agony of your relationship.

I know how u feel as far as hating the way he chews his food etc. My hate for him is overwhelming for me however. I wish he'd just go somewhere far away!!! Lol

I get a jolly out of screaming at my husband too, and I almost can't wait for his come backs so I can find a good zinger right back at him... He's hurt me so much that I want to HURT BACK the only way I can.

Yeah - you don't want to be that person. The satisfaction is temporary, the scars are forever.

Seek counseling

get help.this is unhealthy and negative. it will change who u r.

Omg i feel ur pain! Damn chewing.....

I also hate him... I even don't like to name him " my husband"....I just hate him to hell..,

I am going through the exact same thing! married for 4 years and 3.5 of hell.

I hate him so much it is making me sick, I want to leave but don't have the guts!

what about another guys

Two words for you
SEEK HELP!!

Oh - I know that hate!!! Today as he was sleeping all afternoon - though I had hip surgery last week and it kills to move - I just hoped the pain in his left arm was a heart attack! Sadly it wasn't. He woke up after 10:00 - while I had been cleaning the damn house - to verbally attack me and call me a "zero" in front of our child! I hate him for being a sexist, selfish pig, who causes nothing but hell - and then claims he's the victim. Being called zero was actually much nicer then the time he called me "c$&@" - he's become a raging alcoholic and mean as a snake! I loath him! He refuses to move out so seeing lawyer this week. Can not take living with such a scummy person! Even the way he smells is odd and disgusting! Oh hate is too modest a word for how I feel - there must be a word in another language that mixes - hate, rage, disgust, loathing, and contempt.....

I hear ya lol. I hate him so much, it's like an addiction to be as mean to him as he's been to myself and our kids. I feel no regret saying nasty things to him because I look back on all of the heartless, mean things he's done to me and I feel better. Sometimes I'll even phone him just to argue

I think you are very smart in your assumptions that you like to hate him- it can sometimes feel feeing to just be angry at your spouse. However, your irritations are things I did not feel unto recently towards my husband- and we have been together for 15 years. The fact that you feel it this soon is an indication that you deserve more.,,

I concur! Sometimes I feel like yelling stupid stuff at him is a release of what has been buried deep down inside of me. Then later I wish I did not hate him so much so I can feel the love he won't give me! Endless cycle. Painful circumstances. Fill the void somehow.

u r nuts.

If you are finacially stable and have no kids with him, then why not just leave? Go out and have fun among people who are pleasant company!!

If you are finacially stable and have no kids with him, then why not just leave? Go out and have fun among people who are pleasant company!!

Thats mentally not healthy for you love you need leave him to always hold that anger will make you ill and unhappy your home is your safe place and thats what it should be not a battle ground leave him and enjoy coming home puttin ur feet up doung stuff tha makes u happy read or watch movies if u get loinly ul notice how fun life is dating

Okay I am not old enough for a marrage BUT I know how you feel - and I gotta tell you. When I left my ex THE WORLD BECAME SO MUCH BETTER! - no hate - no sick feelings - think about it !

I am having a smiliar thing going on in my relationship. I have found intemate messages to other chicks..I have found c u m stained boxers in his car..he randomly blows up on me telling me horrible thingsabout myself...he seems to have little to no interest in me and 100% interest in other chicks. I do not know why he claims to love me I do not understand why he stays with me and even bothers to lie to me. I stay with him because I do love him and want him to want me more than all these other women I have been hit on so frequently that I am starting to get so depressed that my man doesnt seem to see what other men do...so much confusion..feelings of hate..longing to be loved and desired.

He is not your emotional punching bag. No one deserves to be yelled at like that. What you are doing is emotional and verbal abuse. You have no excuse.

Wow... it's "kinda" how I feel except I WISH I could come home and yell and scream at him. Instead, I bottle it up and sometimes I totally find myself feigning being nice to him when deep down I want to stab him with my dinner fork!! It's twisted. I know it's twisted. And yet, there are reasons why I don't just yell and scream at him. The few times I've tried he has gotten INSANE. I mean... I can't properly draw a picture of it here. He doesn't get physically violent but short of that and it does not stop. It can go on for HOURS. The few times it's happened I am so exhausted by it that I get depressed for days at a time. So I learned to just pretend and smile and fake it. But it's twisted. So I kind of envy that you at least get to come home and scream at yours. LOL

I'm not talking about the person that posted the original post.

i hate having sex with him. he watches **** while doing sex . if i say no, he gets angry.

Yes it is true there is.no perfect relationship nor it is not true having an ideal husband....women don't be deceive with the romantic words and flowers sometimes hard to say marriage sucks

I've been married for 12 years and the last 3 have been horrid. I have the exact same responses to him. He is treated like royalty at home by me yet he treats me like dirt but doesn't realize it. I can't stand him. The last straw just happened this week when he decided to sell my car in order to start up his business ... The deal was sell both cars but two crappy cars so that the $ can go into the business. Sells them buys me a piece if junk then decides that it's not worth it on case it breaks down and bought a brand Néw car on lease. Hate hate hate him.

i have been married less than a year...what a mistake i made. he is not the man he portrayed himself to be. no more romance, he is passive aggressive, he is now out of work, i gave up everything for him and if i leave i a screwed. i don't know what to do.

I have been married fo 4 years to what I now describe as a looser. Why? He has been out of work for 2 years lending money off my retired parents 10months of which I was pregnant and a further 10 Months trying to bring up our third child. He made himself out to be so different when we met, I feel such a fool. I do everything for my three children and always put them first But feel like I am wrong the way I feel. You are not wrong or alone xxxx

mrsjohnsonthethird: me too, been married just a little over a year, and i can say my husband changed his ways after we got married, aggressive, abusive controlling. i dont know what to do either. =[ i wanna leave him but we have a baby... he uses our baby in a way for me to not leave. I'm stuck and i hate my life now.

How about birth control? Medicine has advanced to allow you to choose when and with whom you shall be impregnated. There is no excuse for bringing unplanned and unwanted children into this world. After contraceptives. vasectomy or hysterectomy is an option or termination of pregnancy. Children deserve a stable home with two well adjusted loving parents. Stop having babies. They don't deserve the agony of your relationship.

Im rite there with u except I wish he find someone esle to **** with.

your sick... if you enjoy hating.. <br />
get the divorce and find someone you can respect<br />
that is the only real thing that is wrong in your relationship<br />
you don't respect him<br />
and if you can't respect him<br />
you ditch him, loose your capacity to be kind<br />
this mate of yours deserves better than you<br />
so leave!

Its not her fault. He can leave as well but will not. If you have never met an emotionally and physically abusive man who you happened to marry and trust who hurts you bad enough to make a sane woman crazy.... Its because he won't leave. He won't file for divorce he will only bash you any way he can. He will lie to you to get you to love him and marry him and he will lie to you to get you to lose your own self worth during marriage then after that he will lie to everyone about you and the marriage as he works on his next victim. Nobody should be put through that pain but its very easy to hate a man who lied to you through everything and he can't man up himself.

Ah red flower I could have written that myself! Hating him is like an extra circular activity ;-)

sounds like I am in the opposite situation. He just enjoys making me feel like ****. Hope you figure it all out.

You don't NEED a shrink! I'm married to one and I HATE HIM! He takes advantage of women in your position...I've watched him do it- he takes your money,pretends to care,then schedules you AND your kids for MORE sessions which to him mean MORE money! He comes home treats me like crap by gambling away every cent you will trust him with...oh yeah and he aid for a 19 year old hooker once and he is 60 - so gross! He laughs behind his suffering patients backs sneering about HOW needy and pathetic they ALL are! He is a complete scumbag and you should go to a ladies support group with other women who feel like you AND I do....at wits end! I sometimes fantasize about picketing outside of his office with a big sign that says FRAUD! Everyone knows I'm his wife!

wow that is so sad =[ poor you ; xoxox

Read this and try to understand<br />
Even i m going tru the same situation since 9 years but still i m trying to find hapines from my husband i m doing my best so the he love me back a small hope<br />
one thing u have to think is dont loose ur self be like what u r before marraige for get however he behaves try to avoid the situation that are going to hurt u. Think u r alone and try to live for urself .The word hate = hell,, evil with this feeling u r hurting urself not ur husband ofcourse he insulted u might be he make u feel tht u should die but still u know what u r ! if he says u r duffer , r u really going to be duffer , u r still the one as u r before marraige so instead of hating him and hurting urself more and more try to avoid him and find happiness in ur intrests music dance and lot more to do these days and keep trust on u always try to be happy and always with smile

Is English your first language?

i understood everything you said =] kind words. xox

I think you're getting TEASED! By everything he does! I used to have that sort of feeling towards a guy I used to be with! He used to be a really good boyfriend, but I just reached to a point where I LOVED to fight, argue, yell and hurt him!<br />
<br />
Until I found out that he's not really my type and and it's best if we parted, it's true he did love me, and care about me, he was faithful to me, and he never did anything to hurt me. But maybe it was because he was TOO nice me that I just couldn't stand it anymore. I mean i would fight/argue with him, and he'd just stand there saying nothing or he would cry! Which got me more pissed off! So I finally decided that I'm not attracted to a guy who can't stand up for himself. And the only reason I've stayed with him, was because, I only liked the fact that he really did love me and was loyal to me, including that everyone around me (whether his friends or mine) really liked him! He was also my friends' friend too! Otherwise, deep inside I've never really fallen in love with him. <br />
<br />
I'm not suggesting that you'd leave your husband now, because this is something serious you're dealing with, in the end you're in something called marriage. Maybe you need some space from him, try to take some space, go on a vacation or something, and think really well about you and your husband. Also getting a shrink won't hurt :P

my boyfriend is the same way! But now he is always telling me he doesn't know if he likes me anymore, and I feel the opposite. I love him, i just love to yell at him too

frankly, if a guy really loves you, he'd be willing to put up with your crap lol, meaning he'd still stick around even if you're moody and always yelling ;) .

No, if a man really loves you - that does NOT mean he has to put up with your crap. If you are emotionally or verbally abusive, he may stay out of love, but hopefully he'll wake up one day and realise he can do better.

I feel a bit sad for these husbands. Everyone wants to love and be loved. Anger just eats you up. Sort it out, talk to each other. If that fails its time to hit the road.

I hate my husband to. He blames me for everything wrong in our marriage. We have a lot of bills and he had to get a 2nd job and because of that he resents me for this. We would not be in the position we are in if he only helped out with the bills 5 yrs ago when I repeatedly asked for it, instead he looked me in the face and said he cannot help so I did what I had to do in order for ends to meet. we do not have a marriage we are two people who live in the same house but lead separate lives. we have 1 child and i am the one who does 90% of the child rearing. I am a married single women who is at the point of wanting to have an affair to get the love and affection i am missing from my lack of a better word husband. i am in the process of getting a higher paying job so that i can eventually leave him and take care of our daughter.

If you hate him that much you should dump him. Your anger will only eat you alive.

I feel each of you! I've been married for a little over 10 years and should of gotten rid of him a couple of days after I married him!! My husband is an alcoholic and druggie!! I knew he drank a lot but I had no idea he was into cocaine!! Around 4 years of marriage he stopped giving me household money and after blowing up on him he started giving me $200 a week. After a few weeks I had to start asking for it. Being frustrated with him and talking with friends I started looking around and found he had gotten loans and not a thing to show for it except empty drug bags that he tried to blame on my children. I left out by this time he had already been to drug rehab twice stating his only problem was alcohol to weasel his a$$ back into my life. After years of BS I thought he had finally changed I found out I had Leukemia. I had to go straight to the hospital for treatment without knowing if I would come out dead or alive. During the first week of consolidation I noticed the old "weasel" was coming back and started looking through his clothes while he was asleep ( all in my hospital room) and I found money that he should not of had. So I kept my mouth shut and decided to sit back and see what happens. As days went by my sister and children noticed that he was up to no good!! Then a day or so later he came to see me and started fussing because someone (my son) drank his mountain dew ( which my mother had brought up there) and one thing lead to another and before we knew it my nurse was in my room. I promised him that day if I ever caught him doing it again I would get rid of him along with my cancer. A month later I was sent home to build up for the next round I discovered that he had found the title to his truck and got a loan on it while I was in the hospital and thats how he had the money. But the sad part is the loan was for $5000 and he had nothing to show for it and all this time friends and family was also giving him money on my behalf. I was scared and didn't know what to do!! Since all of this he has straighten up but I can't forgive him enough to be that loving wife that he wants me to be cause I HATE HIM for whAT HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH!!

do not trust him ever. get your own bank accounts and remove his name from any joint assets. he is a loose cannon and a huge liability.

I feel each of you! I've been married for a little over 10 years and should of gotten rid of him a couple of days after I married him!! My husband is an alcoholic and druggie!! I knew he drank a lot but I had no idea he was into cocaine!! Around 4 years of marriage he stopped giving me household money and after blowing up on him he started giving me $200 a week. After a few weeks I had to start asking for it. Being frustrated with him and talking with friends I started looking around and found he had gotten loans and not a thing to show for it except empty drug bags that he tried to blame on my children. I left out by this time he had already been to drug rehab twice stating his only problem was alcohol to weasel his a$$ back into my life. After years of BS I thought he had finally changed I found out I had Leukemia. I had to go straight to the hospital for treatment without knowing if I would come out dead or alive. During the first week of consolidation I noticed the old "weasel" was coming back and started looking through his clothes while he was asleep ( all in my hospital room) and I found money that he should not of had. So I kept my mouth shut and decided to sit back and see what happens. As days went by my sister and children noticed that he was up to no good!! Then a day or so later he came to see me and started fussing because someone (my son) drank his mountain dew ( which my mother had brought up there) and one thing lead to another and before we knew it my nurse was in my room. I promised him that day if I ever caught him doing it again I would get rid of him along with my cancer. A month later I was sent home to build up for the next round I discovered that he had found the title to his truck and got a loan on it while I was in the hospital and thats how he had the money. But the sad part is the loan was for $5000 and he had nothing to show for it and all this time friends and family was also giving him money on my behalf. I was scared and didn't know what to do!! Since all of this he has straighten up but I can't forgive him enough to be that loving wife that he wants me to be cause I HATE HIM for whAT HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH!!

Been with my partner for 7 and a bit years. Did want to buy a house with him but he is a loser without money, he said he doesn't have any, but when his stupid aunt who wants her daughter to come here to Syd from overseas, he goes and borrows money to help her out. Stupid aunt was going to ask me, hell no, was I going to lend it to her. I asked him ages ago to borrow money from bank to buy place but he said he wants to pay his debts first, well hello, debt going to be going on for life now because of his stupid family, loser son comes from a loser mum. He is going to be out of my life in December.

that post made me laugh--I've never heard of anyone really "loving to hate" someone else.<br />
<br />
I get the hate part--I can hardly stand to be around my own spouse, but I don't get the loving to hate part. I hate myself whenever I lose it and scream at him--I don't like who i become at all when that happens. <br />
<br />
I want to leave my spouse, but don't want to lose my income. I'm rather embarrassed to admit that, but it's true. I'm not rich, but my bills are always paid, and I can afford a decent life style, if a modest one. And I make as much money--maybe more, actually--than he does. Together, though, we're pretty set.<br />
<br />
But I hate how he shuffles around the house, how he smells, how sloppy he is, and sometimes even how he breathes. At night, I keep half my body off the bed to stay as far away from him as i can. I haven't actually really looked at him in years--sometimes I'm surprised to look at him--I often don't quite even recognize him.<br />
<br />
Maybe some day I'll figure out how to leave. I'd like to. I'd like to be on my own.

try to seduce him nd dnt let hm to *** near u

i came to this site because ive been reading about james beating up stephanie all over cyberspace and screwing carol for the past 2 years. so i thought she was here too, i came in and man i didnt know this was oto terain...way cool, i dont want to see her.

life isnt easy. in these cases with children involved its imperative to the happiness of the children they have 2 parents who dont hateone another, they must both love the children equally and not badmouth one another to the children as they are half you, half her,. and it hurts them to see your not getting along. sometimes a break is needed, sometimes peoples priorrities change belileve it or not. He dosentmean to chew with his mouth open, maybe he feels that you love him in an unconditional way therefore he dosent take time to be neater then he may have been were he trying to impress her. however in his mind thats the only solid thing besides his drug habit, that he has. he may not act like it, but he does love her. However so many games and bad haircuts have been played that trust is a big issue.

oh my gosh! I honestly came accross this site because i was a bit frusrated with my husband this morning. He does things that really stress me out. He can be such a smart a** and whan i try to dish it back to him, he tells me things like "youre giving me a headace" or " talking to you stresses me out" or "youre no fun to talk to". i dont know if i am terrible at trying to be a smart a** like him or if he just cant take what he dishes out. Having said that, there are some of you women i really feel for. I dont know how some of you deal with this day to day. I would have to leave- child or no child.

I can't stand my husband either..He thinks he is so cool and reasonable and so sane but I am too good for him..I really am.....I treat him good and he is not very nice back..he's cold, sloppy....he wants no sex from me anymore...and now I don' t want it from him anymore either..to tell you the truth I am very depressed because I never thought my relationship would be like this..NEVER!! And I think I should get away from him because I must think badly of myself to stay in this relationship...I deserve to be treated better..to be loved more..like I love people..

I hate my husband and he irritate the hell out of me. Financially I don't need him but he needs me. He has a son who he doesn't even know how to take care of and I feel sorry for the poor kid. Since I became his step mom, I took good care of him, fed him good and everything. I could never love or feel the same way about him as I do my own son but I provide and feed him good. I take care of his son better than he could or anyone in his family could. He is so damn jealous that sometimes I hug and kisses my son and it would kill him. I'm so damn mad at myself, trying to understand why I stay in this dumb miserably relationship with him. I feel like I have everything and he has nothing but he treates me like ****. He cannot wait for me to make any wrong move or said any wrong, he will start yelling and screaming his *** out, like if he did not do that then he will chock to death or something. At the very moment I have such a hatred against him. I feel like he watches me like a huck, can't wait for me to make a mistake then he will get that ugle/nasty side of him out. <br />
I am not bragging, but I have a good job, a very nice big home, my son is happy, and LIFE WITHOUT HIM AND HIS SON WILL BE SO JOYFUL. NO headaches and stress. Ever since i met him, all he ever brings me is headaches, stress, worries, and cause fuses between me and my family, especially my mother. His mother hats me which is fine. I don't like her too. All she needs from me is money money and buy her things. If i don't then she thinks i'm the worst daughter in-law. I don't complain or say **** about his mother but on the other hand, he constantly complains about my mother. I think the day he doesn't complain about her will be the day he has no breathe left. What's the hell is wrong with me that I still stick around when I am better off without him?

Maybe he is not right for you and it's not worth staying, But he is right about showing favoritism to your son. You can't help how you feel, but being an adult, you can help how you act. You have two children in a home and one gets all the love and affection from the mother/stepmother. How is the other child supposed to feel? It's not his fault that he is not your son. You could at least try to save the favoritism to when the stepson is not around and does not have to witness it.

I did not realize so many women hate their husbands and have almost the same stories. Wow!!!!<br />
It saddens me to say this but I really hate my husband as well. Its like everything he does bothers me. He has messed up so many times with lies and betrayed me in ways I can't imagine. Even though he has done all that I am still faithful and I will stick to my morals of not cheating on him or running out on my kids. I tell him I hate him, I wish he was gone, can't wait to bury him. I know that sounds so insane but its how I feel. When you look at your husband you should feel loved, warm and protected. When I look at him I feel sad, pissed off and hurt. When he walks out the door I am suspicious of where he goes and since he lies anyways that doesn't help. I know I have issues of my own to deal with and I realize that but I can't get pass hating him. I love my kids and I want them to have a dad around but it seems like they are just growing up in a bad situation. I just hope one day I can move on with out him. I feel stuck as well. Thanks for letting me share my story.

M husband sucks as well.

I don't know how old you are but if you are younger than 40-45 get out. I was the most loving devoted wife and raised, homes schooled three amazing kids now adults and all have great careers. Now 31 years later I wish I had gotten out. I knew from he beginning he was selfish. I thought I could show him what real love was! Never! They never change. Get out since it's only been 6 miserable years. Do you want 30 more miserable year? like me. Even counseling , marriage retreat nothing helps. They don't get it. They don;'t want to get. Just selfish, self centered men. You are on your own anyway!

I loved my partner so much, but even in the first few weeks of meeting me he slept with his ex. I got over it, as I was new on the scene and we had a wonderful time.Slowly, he's turned into a controlling, self centred man who puts his needs first; squash, exercise, needing the car (it's mine).We have a beautiful child together after 4 IVF attempts. All he ever wanted was a child. He didn't even buy me flowers after the birth. In fact, we've been together nearly 7 years and in that time, I think he's bought me about 3 Xmas presents and possibly 2(?) bday presents in all this time.He's never bought me anything special; no keepsakes. He never got me one thing for my 40th.We're not rich, I wouldn't expect much, but a token would be nice.He does his own laundry, throwing my stuff to the side, eats and drinks every last thing in the fridge.I've started drinking a lot, but I've turned a corner with that recently.I'm sick of his angry tone toward me and the baby and I'm starting to hate him.Our house is in joint names, but the recent credit crunch makes it hard to sell, plus I'm worried about affording my own place.He's always telling me to bring in more income/get another job, change my day off (would be worse off due to nursery fees). Whilst he sits doing a job he could get twice the wage he's on.Can't stand it any more, I would rather be on my own. If it weren't for our baby, he'd have been binned ages ago. He was horrible to me when I was pregnant too. He calls me lazy, but I have freelance work on top of my job and looking after the house and baby.I want him to smell the coffee before I throw the hot stuff in his stupid, farting, teeth grinding, remote hogging face!

I've been with my husband for ten years, married a month....god I don't know why we done it. I can't stand him I don't think I hate him. He's dumb, stubborn, filthy around the house, can't even hold a conversation anymore it's just TV all night long. I attribute my dislike for him to the problems we have with our families, especially his. Now I can actually say I hate them, and he reminds me so much of them...no kids yet though. But you, I feel like a really low person after I call him names, so I think you do have a problem if you get enjoyment out of putting him down or abusing him.

Me, I am not mad at him, but one day, I'm gonna do him in.

i sing these lyrics every night "praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you."<br />
try having a son with two disabilities and working full time plus overtime - and having a husband that will not do anything to help - including taking out the garbage. i am tired and at the end of my rope - I would love to get a divorce - but because we have a son I would still have to "deal" with him. why do husbands think that even after they have kids - life is still all about them? I did punch him in the face during one viscous fight after he complained about me being selfish and not thinking about my son.

I was lucky - my husband had just had rotator cuff surgery so he was lame in his right arm

I lived that same way, was married for 22 yrs and hated the way he chewed, etc. Then, I had an affair and I wish I would not have handled that way. Either save and get away or put all your hate in the bedroom with him and see what happens

I am so glad I am not alone. I hate my husband too. I hate the way he looks, the way he talks, smells, eats... everything. I never want to be around him. I don't know if I ever really loved him but I liked him enough and thought he was nice, handsome and smart. He may still be most of those things but this does not get in a way of my contempt for him. He is a lazy *** looser and I have to shoulder all responsibility from money making to childcare to house errands. He is responsible for absolutely NOTHING. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford full time help (no thanks to him) so I manage but I am constantly frustrated that there is this big space taken in my life/house with a huge imprint and no positive output. I wish he was out of my life forever but we have two little kids and some means ALL accumulated by me. I am not sure I want or can afford a divorce at this point. The worst part is his resenting me for resenting me. He constantly complains how I am not nice to him or do not have sex with him but he does nothing to be a better parent and husband. I can not be nice or have sex with an empty stinky space. My life could be so much better if it wasn't for him... do not know what to do. Do not want to live with this hate. I try to be civil and polite especially in front of the kids but he is the one constantly grumbling about my lack of affection. I hate it when he does it in front of kids. Hate everything about him!

Don't listen. It isn't your problem. I have only been marries for 2 and a half years but I loathe him at times. We started this relationship 5 years ago and I remember how much I used to give in, push aside and take. He constantly used to put me down and be mean to me and I used to take it and take care of him like gold. Now I'M just like f... it. I don't give a damn anymore. When you start taking a good girl who has done everything for you for granted thats exactly what happens. I still love him but in a very very different way. Sad really.

Don't listen. It isn't your problem. I have only been marries for 2 and a half years but I loathe him at times. We started this relationship 5 years ago and I remember how much I used to give in, push aside and take. He constantly used to put me down and be mean to me and I used to take it and take care of him like gold. Now I'M just like f... it. I don't give a damn anymore. When you start taking a good girl who has done everything for you for granted thats exactly what happens. I still love him but in a very very different way. Sad really.

did you ever resolve this lol i sure hope so dear

Usual reflex to seeing my husband has been to try to find seconal online. I'm obviously still here so haven't had much success with that. My new thing is to fill out a divorce agreement, one line at a time. It's constructive and an inventory isn't a bad thing to have on hand, even if I don't use it for its intended purpose. A completed agreement gets me closer to seriously leaving. PS: If you have a sunset avatar or anything that looks like breakfast-cereal marketing, please go away.

*miracle excuse my spelling please : )

I have been stuck with a passive aggressive man and his passive aggressive family for 25 yrs. and I've just had enough of it. The children have kept me stuck because I don't want to destroy their family. Our marriage has destroyed them too though. I just don't know what to do anymore. i'm disguisted with him and I feel so much bitterness towards him it's incredible, I'm just hoping and praying for a miricle to get my life and happiness back for my later years.

Stop focusing on him and start focusing on you. Take your hate for him and use that energy on something good. If you like animals, volunteer at the local Humane Society. If you like people, volunteer at the Soup Kitchen or deliver meals on wheels. Do something to get out of the house and do something with this energy. <br />
<br />
If / when you leave him, you're going to be carrying all this hate for him around with you and it's going to make you miserable. You need to let it go and focus your attention on good things.<br />
<br />
I used to really hate my husband and I talked about how mean he was all the time. Everyone knew what a bastard he was. I realized at some point that I was living my life enwrapped in negative energy and I started to find things that redirected that anger. <br />
<br />
You can also join the YMCA and take group exercise classes or be a high school mentor or volunteer at Habitat for Humanity. Hell, you can even get a little part-time job. The point is, get away from him. For your own good and so you don't become what you hate.

I can't stomach the ******* that I'm married to. I would like to leave his nagging ***<br />
unfortunately I can't make it on my own financially and that sucks. We have two<br />
children and I've tried staying in a shelter before, but the shelter has <br />
so much strict rules and regulations that u have to abide to !<br />
All he does is ***** about taking care of me. He ******* about the <br />
past and brings up all sorts of ****** ****, he just blows my mind!<br />
from the time he wakes up til the time he goes to sleep he *******<br />
about everything. If something goes wrong, it's somehow my fault <br />
because that's just how he is!<br />
******* doesn't believe that a man should take care of the family. He <br />
believes women should pay all of the bills and take care of the family.<br />
In his mind...stay at home moms are leeches and lazy ******.<br />
I work part time and I have to pay for the utilities and buy neccessities<br />
for the house., but since I'm not paying the rent, I'm not being responsible<br />
and it is considered selfish! <br />
I can't stand him! My kids can't stand him! My family cant stand him!<br />
I don't like the idea of staying with family because then my drama becomes<br />
their gossip and I don't need more bullshit ! Family members turn on u<br />
and create more drama and it's just unnecessary **** I don't need to<br />
deal with and neither do my kids!<br />
Every night before I go to bed , I'm practically crying my hart out! I hate <br />
this! I never pictured my life being like this!

You need to get a full-time job so you can start saving money, get some independence, and most importantly, time away from him. Do this for yourself and your children. It sounds like you're about to burst and we don't want that! He is controling and abusive and it's wrong. Also, seek a counselor just for you. Don't be afraid of him, he's secertly a coward and feeds off of making you feel bad. Just know deep down inside of you that you do not have to pay for his anger or resentments. They are his and he needs to do his own thing to get rid of them, and sadly, mean like that don't work on themselves until you've left.

Bottomline - start making plans to save money and move on your own. Don't count on his income either. What do you sacrifice, time to work so you and the kids can live peacefully without him, or stay miserable until the kids are grown? You're not doing yourself or your children any favors by staying. It does take time to plan, so learn some patience. Volunteer somewhere where you can take the kids and focus good energy on them and refrain from bashing him to the kids, even though they don't like him either. Pray that he will find peace for himself one day too.

Great advice! I would also ad my copied post below. How about birth control? Medicine has advanced to allow you to choose when and with whom you shall be impregnated. There is no excuse for bringing numerous unplanned children into this world. After contraceptives. vasectomy or hysterectomy is an option or termination of pregnancy. all Children deserve a stable home with two well adjusted loving parents. Stop having babies who will suffer needlessly in your environment.

Ok, so I am a husband, and I have a few questions. I always thought, "Hey, I'm not perfect, but I will try my best and that should be enough." Well, it wasn't. I was active duty military for thirteen years, and I have been divorced before. I married a beautiful woman from my childhood, who is absolutely smart and a wonderful mother. I got out of the military last summer, and my wife, two little ones and myself moved across country back home to live and for me to get a job. I got an "ok" job but after 28 days I lost it, and it was all my fault. What followed was the normal stuff when a job is lost. The house we were in, eviction notice. Couldn't pay the utilities, or any other bill for that matter. The situation got worse when she packed up all of the kids and when to her "parents" house. Ok, now, here's the update. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me, and then I took a long, hard, look at myself. I was jobless, with no way of paying bills, and to top it all off I was a total *** to my wife. I blew up a few times, never was abusive bodily, but she tells me that I am emotionally abusive. So,.......once again, self-assessment time. I am not the steriotypical male that cheats, I don't gamble, I don't do drugs, and I really don't drink unless you count the 6-10 beers I have annually. Now, I got an awesome job, 60,000+ a year with full benefits, I go to school and get paid for it, beautiful home with great property, and I totally revamped my self and lifestyle by dressing for success ALL the time even on days off. I am starting counseling, going to church, and keeping everything to myself otherwise. Bottom line, I love her (my wife) so much, so much it hurts. I don't deserve her. She is so gorgeous, smart, and the most outstanding mom. I tell her everything's squared away and she just needs to give me a second chance. I want her and my babies back but I don't know what to do from here. I try and give her space but I'm scared of losing her. I read most of the comments on here and to me it seems a lot of these gentlemen are nightmares. And perhaps I am one as well. So, that being said, since the women on here are SME's or Subject Matter Expert's, I am seeking some outside advice. I will take any type of criticism, thoughts, whatever. Thanks for all of your time. <br />
<br />
Hopeless Hubby

I hate my husband and I can't stand how boring he is in bed. It's like he is having sex for the first time. I should not have married him but now I am stuck because I do not want to get divorced. He loves me but the sex is so bad that I want to have an affair. This whole time i thought that it would get better but I guess I was in denial with no one to talk to about it. I hate him for not being able to give me pleasure which I deserve. I hate him for not being able to show me the intimacy I deserve. How can I teach hi intimacy? I feel like if the sex was good i wouldn't be as angry.

I hate my husband and I can't stand how boring he is in bed. It's like he is having sex for the first time. I should not have married him but now I am stuck because I do not want to get divorced. He loves me but the sex is so bad that I want to have an affair. This whole time i thought that it would get better but I guess I was in denial with no one to talk to about it. I hate him for not being able to give me pleasure which I deserve. I hate him for not being able to show me the intimacy I deserve. How can I teach hi intimacy? I feel like if the ax was god I wouldn't be as angry.

"I hate my husband"...wow, that is a mouthful. I have the same feeling for fleeting seconds at a time and sometimes longer. It generally gets down to communication. When trying to talk to someone and you find it elicits the same result, one of powerlessness and doubt, then you need to change the delivery. People do a "dance" when they have been together a long time. He does this, you do that...and on and on. You can never change someone else but you can change yourself. Don't give your power away. Try to find a different way to approach the situation in your own mind before you implement this with the other party. Find out what the core of your anger is. Is it frustration, lack of appreciation, your weight, their family, your family....etc. Once you have identified the source, then try to find a calm delivery method. No one listens to you when you're yelling and you give them an easy out by doing it. The bottom line is...you don't stay in an abusive relationship for any reason. You don't stay in a loveless relationship for any reason. Marriage is a partnership and requires both parties to show up and give it their all. If you can't do this with the existing dynamics in place, then you need to move on and not destroy yourself and the other party by staying. Own your life and be honest with yourself. Everyone deserves to be loved and when you find you can't love the person you are with, release them. Let them, and yourself, find someone they love and loves them.

Married him for 22 years... hate him more and more each day. He treated every one damn good expect me..... even my 2 kids cannot stand the way he treated me. I worked like a slave in shop everyday....alone... after he fired the worker. Yet he complained I am lazy and stupid. Purposely shouted at me in front of my friends and customers. Wanted to tell the whole world that he is the "King" and I am the slave....Always create a scene whenever I make a small mistake!!<br />
Always threatened to kick me out of the house.... Once i am being chased of out the house and slept in the corridor!!

I totally understand this concept of hating you husband! I hate mine to! He is unsupportive in everything in our lives. Was at a local walmart and a crazy lady got out of her car screaming that I pulled out in front of her. She kept running her mouth til she finally tried to poke me in the eye. I pulled out my phone and my pocket knife and she left. Now I did not pull out in front of her she was speeding through the parking lot. She approached me and then poked me in the eye. In my opinion my response was in self defense. My husband on the other was totally unsupportive saying that I should just drive off. I will not sit in my own car and be assulted by someone else and not do nothing to defend myself not to mention my children in the car. He never once asked me if I was ok or said he was sorry that it happened. He could give a **** less what happens to me. To support this the day before I was an hour and a half late coming home from work because I was working late and he never even called to see where I was or if I was ok. I wish and have begged him to pack his crap and leave but he won't. I really wish he would take his sorry self centered *** away from me. I guess it's like saying with a friend like him I sure don't need enemies.

I think one should live good as we have only one life, and I;ts better to leave, than to die every day , and live only to hate ,the person we have married, that becomes a perfect stranger, when the hate comes in our heart for this person,

I hate no HATE my husband you wouldn't believe the **** he has done to me.I have actually gotten to the point were I did hit him punched him right in the face I dont think I would even cry if he dies. I wish a lot he would never come home he's a horrible person like horrible tryes to keep me alone always telling me i have no friends no family no one likes me iam a piece of crap and crazy..I hate him. Every thing is about or for him he so perfect. I hate my life I want out so bad it just keeps getting worse every day. I so would have given up a long time ago but I love my kids. He makes most our money I couldn't do it alone but iam getting to the point that even welfares better than this. I really am at the end here I just want out and the kids r getting older I would rally miss them ."

after reading just the last line i'd like to ask you this, you need not answer me just think about it yourself. do you think that your husband doesn't disire you as you think he should or as much as you want him to?.....coz this can raise these problems as we think they are going off us and we disire them more so we feel pushed away and then anger hurt ect get in causing a circle we don't know how to get out off. some off this reaction sounds like sexual tention which can manifest in anger and hate, its the love hate syndrome. i hope this is of help.....good look :)

Boy, this sight is very cathartic! I hate my husband...really he should be called my wife since I take care of the family like the man of the house. He only works parttime hours, I carry the financial load. He has no backbone with our 2 year old. He is a constant whiner. Instead of me being able to stay home with our little one, I had to go back to work only 1 month after having a baby and a c-section. He is a liar with low self esteem and just wants to be taken care of. I will leave in a year, once my finances get better. Since being with him, I am in such incredible debt and I have a 16 year old from a previous relationship that I need to get off to college. I ask myself, how low was my self esteem at the time to have married such a loser? Thank God it only took 4 years to figure this out and I am able to eventually take care of myself when this is all over!

Maybe you hate yourself. That's why you hate him. Nice for him to be living with someone who hates him so much.

Is it really normal to say you will stand by someone when they are so unattractive partnerships are so forever it is like being chained to someone who grows in an entirely different direction> it is completely torturous. all I can do is imagine I am with someone else the whole time and this in my head is actual cheating there is nothing this man can do for me to find him attractive he has hurt me so much the history is just weighing me down> not only do i not like him i dont find any males attractive any more i find them all potential harm, I am sensitive and find the neglect to acknowledging my feelings punishment and I have taken this vow to stand by a man forever and currently every day I spend with him sickens me so much I wish I could just be any where else> and I have to live with him hope he grows and I to must admit I wish he would die everyday and I were staring at his face in a coffin>

i hate my husband also his company drains me and discomforts me I put on a stupid show for my son so that one day he has a real happy marriage and his spouse will comfort him when he is sad and always be there for him. I am only wanted because I have a stable home and nothing more I dont like anything he states it clearly is making up for spending money on drugs and not seeking mental help> I dont know what it is that he finds so attractive about me when I find nothing attractive about him>

What is hate? when he touches me, when he snores, when he is cheap, when he is opinionated, when he thinks he knows everything, hate is when I look at him, I have no love left only anger, his fault, my fault what does it matter now? why don't I get a divorce, because I am too tired to start all over again, because, it means being poor again. Becuse loneliness is not accepted .... all these years trying to change someone who can't change, when can we really accept that we can not change the person that we marry but we can only change ourselves, therefore I am almost there, almost where I say"I don't care" but if I was, I guess I would not be writing this message. I am counting the minutes for him to leave home, in a very secretive way I want him to be unfaithfull to me so that I have a good reason to leave me, I guess that makes me a coward. I just wish he would stop trying to get close to me, I can not stand him, I dream of being in somewhere else and not have to see his ugly face looking at me, always asking me, are you ok honey? I am so tired of these life, I wish I could have the courage to leave him...

Is this site open? I am living this. Could I talk 1-1 or forum?

Hi guys, wow... I really thought I hate my husband... but after reading comments... I finally realized that I should be thankful that I have my husband. Well, hate is a strong word... I guess I just hate the fact that my husband has been out of job for the longest time I've been with him. We used to have a business together, he manage the business which I own before I got pregnant. I have a regular job, I'm the bread winner sort of.. then when I got pregnant, we had no choice but to close our shop, he was not good at managing it and its not earning that much. And one of us has to give up work and take care of our daughter. It was him who decided to stay at home since I earn more than he does. Then the problems starts... well, financially of course... I was pissed off that I have to work 2 jobs to earn for both of us and the baby, while paying for our house and lot and bank loans... I was always thinking of ways to make both ends meet, while all he does was take care of the baby... I didn't imagine that it would be that hard work, i mean all he has to do is stay at home... never really imagine it to be a 24/7 job for him... I guess, I should be thankful that I don't have to do the dishes, cook the food, or wash the laundry... he does all of those things... but sometimes he just gets on my nerve, why can't he just look for a job....why do he tolerate to do all of these stuff.....hmmm.... anyway, I hope you guys can settle your differences with your husband... I guess, i just have to talk to him... I'm really glad I found this site.

The one with the power is the one who cares less!