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I Never Thought It Would Be Me

Greetings. I am at the stage where I  do not mind if my "husband" finds this mail. I have always considered myself warm, generous, moral, kind ,into world peace and all that but......... I am QUITE surprised about this particular emotion  I have called hate. If hate is feeling contempt, wishing him away and not liking the way he chews and eats his food is  well then I hate him. Of course I should get a divorce but (and this is the twisted part) I weirdly like to hate him. I now sound insane! I am not. This is absolutely ridiculious. Since I have to be soooo "nice" to everyone (work, play ect) that when I get home and my "anger for my husband starts "welling" up again, I do receive the "gift" of yelling horrible words @ him. I know that this is a very unhealthy way to live. I just can"t believe how much I really can"t stand him. I am ashamed of myself that i have let my life become this. Egads!!

I have been married 6 years and the first 5.5 of them were not that great.

I want to make his life a living hell yet I want to be the one he desires. I think it"s time for a shrink. Ha ha

redflower redflower 36-40, F 186 Responses Apr 29, 2007

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I feel the same way a lot of the time. He always controls everything n I'm sick of his lack of affection n a man who doesn't kiss.

they all dirty fkers i hate them all. they should b wiped of the fkn earth

DITTO!!!! Men and Women have never been meant to stay bonded to one another, especially for life. We are no different then any other specie of animal on this planet.
You can count on one hand the amount of species that mate for life, and most of them are birds.
It well never be possible for a man to grasp a woman's reality because it is a proven fact that a mans brain is literally built differently, they do not process information the same way as a woman. I'm not saying men are stupid only that they well never be capable of things like empathy. To them empathy is a concept but for women empathy a heart felt emotion.
Women need to understand that, and should be taught these things.

Men are hunters and their brains are made to make sure the hunt is successful.
Their brains can't multitask, they can only focus on one thing at a time.
Women's brains are made for multitasking and their 5 senses are enhanced because women create the babies, teach them and keep them alive and this means being aware of your surroundings, staying aware of the children, cooking food and making clothes all at the same time.

Subconsciously men mimic women in an attempt to compromise and gain trust, once they get trust
they won't need to mimic anymore and this is when a mans true nature comes out.

The number one complaint women have is that the man they married is not the same man they met and fell in love with.

The only way for a man and woman to have a long and successful relationship is for the woman to understand the man well never be able to think like a woman only pretend to.

i hate my husband to only married 2 years. we have a baby he has ruined my life my figure my everything i dont go out he works 3pm till midnight his face needs punched wen he brings home attitude. he is indian i am scottish and i hate his fkn voice he cant even argue properly which i then feel wot a fkn stupid fker. he eats n drinks like a freak. he doesnt no how to act human all his family think he is a tosser he diesnt talk sence doesnt understand anything. he talked me into having his baby. i make him get up fr her everyday he fkn hates gettin up. soooo fkn what i dont care i had to leave my job to stay at home with his child. he sleeps on sofa n tries to come to my room n sleeps on floor next to me.....FREAK... then hangs cover over my window to keep light out....emmmmm this is not fkn a pakistani tramp house u live in now son..... splatters **** all over my toilet. i have no life now. he is atractive and cooks a good curry ...thats it jst fkn hate him and the boring skint life he has made me have.

damn I am the same but I always have terrible guilt feeling after all

So you have a nearly irresistible urge to emotionally and mentally abuse your husband for no good reason?

Do the man a huge favor and leave. You aren't doing anything good for him, and he's just going to go crazy trying to find something in the relationship to fix when the only problem is that you're being an evil crazy b*tch to him over nothing. Seriously, it degrades him, it degrades you. Just end the marriage and go.

Your not alone .

I can relate my jobs require me to take care of and be perfect around people all day long and I find that I am mean to my husband when I get home because I'm sick of being soo nice all the time! It's not fair to him, I was the same way to my sister and she's been in therapy for years because of it. What is at the root of it though? For me it was the feeling like I should be able to come home and be taken care of and act however I wanted because you are suppose to love me unconditionally. If you truly find sadistic glee in torturing your dude there may be some deep seated resentments? I use the term sadistic as a positive btw I believe it is a position if power for those who may otherwise be powerless.
I don't enjoy being mean to my man but there are some resentments that manifest in my behavior as sadistic.

Wow, i think i am beginning to understand the dynamics of my own marriage. Easiest to hate on the one you are supposed to love the most becausr he is bound to you by contract and vow. Nobody else could handle the real you so you dont go there with anyone else.
happy thoughts ladies.

I hear and feel you! I hate the man I am married to! He makes me feel physically sick and want to kill him! I feel so much resentment towards him! I am embarrassed by the way he looks , I don't enjoy doings things with him and my three kids because it always end up as a cussing and shouting match....he is a stupid insensitive lying pig and I can't stand it anymore..... As much as I love my kids, I resent them because I hate their father, knowing for sure I would run far as can from this man if it had not been for them. I can't speak about this anyone because I am expected to remain with this freak of a 'husband' for the rest of my life! I don't know what to do....I want this to end..

How about birth control? Medicine has advanced to allow you to choose when and with whom you shall be impregnated. There is no excuse for bringing unplanned and unwanted children into this world. After contraceptives. vasectomy or hysterectomy is an option or termination of pregnancy. Children deserve a stable home with two well adjusted loving parents. Stop having babies. They don't deserve the agony of your relationship.

I know how u feel as far as hating the way he chews his food etc. My hate for him is overwhelming for me however. I wish he'd just go somewhere far away!!! Lol

I get a jolly out of screaming at my husband too, and I almost can't wait for his come backs so I can find a good zinger right back at him... He's hurt me so much that I want to HURT BACK the only way I can.

Yeah - you don't want to be that person. The satisfaction is temporary, the scars are forever.

Seek counseling

get help.this is unhealthy and negative. it will change who u r.

Omg i feel ur pain! Damn chewing.....

I also hate him... I even don't like to name him " my husband"....I just hate him to hell..,

I am going through the exact same thing! married for 4 years and 3.5 of hell.

I hate him so much it is making me sick, I want to leave but don't have the guts!

what about another guys

Two words for you

Oh - I know that hate!!! Today as he was sleeping all afternoon - though I had hip surgery last week and it kills to move - I just hoped the pain in his left arm was a heart attack! Sadly it wasn't. He woke up after 10:00 - while I had been cleaning the damn house - to verbally attack me and call me a "zero" in front of our child! I hate him for being a sexist, selfish pig, who causes nothing but hell - and then claims he's the victim. Being called zero was actually much nicer then the time he called me "c$&@" - he's become a raging alcoholic and mean as a snake! I loath him! He refuses to move out so seeing lawyer this week. Can not take living with such a scummy person! Even the way he smells is odd and disgusting! Oh hate is too modest a word for how I feel - there must be a word in another language that mixes - hate, rage, disgust, loathing, and contempt.....

I hear ya lol. I hate him so much, it's like an addiction to be as mean to him as he's been to myself and our kids. I feel no regret saying nasty things to him because I look back on all of the heartless, mean things he's done to me and I feel better. Sometimes I'll even phone him just to argue

I think you are very smart in your assumptions that you like to hate him- it can sometimes feel feeing to just be angry at your spouse. However, your irritations are things I did not feel unto recently towards my husband- and we have been together for 15 years. The fact that you feel it this soon is an indication that you deserve more.,,

I concur! Sometimes I feel like yelling stupid stuff at him is a release of what has been buried deep down inside of me. Then later I wish I did not hate him so much so I can feel the love he won't give me! Endless cycle. Painful circumstances. Fill the void somehow.

u r nuts.

If you are finacially stable and have no kids with him, then why not just leave? Go out and have fun among people who are pleasant company!!

If you are finacially stable and have no kids with him, then why not just leave? Go out and have fun among people who are pleasant company!!

Thats mentally not healthy for you love you need leave him to always hold that anger will make you ill and unhappy your home is your safe place and thats what it should be not a battle ground leave him and enjoy coming home puttin ur feet up doung stuff tha makes u happy read or watch movies if u get loinly ul notice how fun life is dating

Okay I am not old enough for a marrage BUT I know how you feel - and I gotta tell you. When I left my ex THE WORLD BECAME SO MUCH BETTER! - no hate - no sick feelings - think about it !

I am having a smiliar thing going on in my relationship. I have found intemate messages to other chicks..I have found c u m stained boxers in his car..he randomly blows up on me telling me horrible thingsabout myself...he seems to have little to no interest in me and 100% interest in other chicks. I do not know why he claims to love me I do not understand why he stays with me and even bothers to lie to me. I stay with him because I do love him and want him to want me more than all these other women I have been hit on so frequently that I am starting to get so depressed that my man doesnt seem to see what other men much confusion..feelings of hate..longing to be loved and desired.

He is not your emotional punching bag. No one deserves to be yelled at like that. What you are doing is emotional and verbal abuse. You have no excuse.