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I Never Thought It Would Be Me

Greetings. I am at the stage where I  do not mind if my "husband" finds this mail. I have always considered myself warm, generous, moral, kind ,into world peace and all that but......... I am QUITE surprised about this particular emotion  I have called hate. If hate is feeling contempt, wishing him away and not liking the way he chews and eats his food is  well then I hate him. Of course I should get a divorce but (and this is the twisted part) I weirdly like to hate him. I now sound insane! I am not. This is absolutely ridiculious. Since I have to be soooo "nice" to everyone (work, play ect) that when I get home and my "anger for my husband starts "welling" up again, I do receive the "gift" of yelling horrible words @ him. I know that this is a very unhealthy way to live. I just can"t believe how much I really can"t stand him. I am ashamed of myself that i have let my life become this. Egads!!

I have been married 6 years and the first 5.5 of them were not that great.

I want to make his life a living hell yet I want to be the one he desires. I think it"s time for a shrink. Ha ha

redflower redflower 36-40, F 186 Responses Apr 29, 2007

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Wow... it's "kinda" how I feel except I WISH I could come home and yell and scream at him. Instead, I bottle it up and sometimes I totally find myself feigning being nice to him when deep down I want to stab him with my dinner fork!! It's twisted. I know it's twisted. And yet, there are reasons why I don't just yell and scream at him. The few times I've tried he has gotten INSANE. I mean... I can't properly draw a picture of it here. He doesn't get physically violent but short of that and it does not stop. It can go on for HOURS. The few times it's happened I am so exhausted by it that I get depressed for days at a time. So I learned to just pretend and smile and fake it. But it's twisted. So I kind of envy that you at least get to come home and scream at yours. LOL

I'm not talking about the person that posted the original post.

i hate having sex with him. he watches **** while doing sex . if i say no, he gets angry.

Yes it is true there is.no perfect relationship nor it is not true having an ideal husband....women don't be deceive with the romantic words and flowers sometimes hard to say marriage sucks

I've been married for 12 years and the last 3 have been horrid. I have the exact same responses to him. He is treated like royalty at home by me yet he treats me like dirt but doesn't realize it. I can't stand him. The last straw just happened this week when he decided to sell my car in order to start up his business ... The deal was sell both cars but two crappy cars so that the $ can go into the business. Sells them buys me a piece if junk then decides that it's not worth it on case it breaks down and bought a brand Néw car on lease. Hate hate hate him.

i have been married less than a year...what a mistake i made. he is not the man he portrayed himself to be. no more romance, he is passive aggressive, he is now out of work, i gave up everything for him and if i leave i a screwed. i don't know what to do.

I have been married fo 4 years to what I now describe as a looser. Why? He has been out of work for 2 years lending money off my retired parents 10months of which I was pregnant and a further 10 Months trying to bring up our third child. He made himself out to be so different when we met, I feel such a fool. I do everything for my three children and always put them first But feel like I am wrong the way I feel. You are not wrong or alone xxxx

mrsjohnsonthethird: me too, been married just a little over a year, and i can say my husband changed his ways after we got married, aggressive, abusive controlling. i dont know what to do either. =[ i wanna leave him but we have a baby... he uses our baby in a way for me to not leave. I'm stuck and i hate my life now.

How about birth control? Medicine has advanced to allow you to choose when and with whom you shall be impregnated. There is no excuse for bringing unplanned and unwanted children into this world. After contraceptives. vasectomy or hysterectomy is an option or termination of pregnancy. Children deserve a stable home with two well adjusted loving parents. Stop having babies. They don't deserve the agony of your relationship.

Im rite there with u except I wish he find someone esle to **** with.

your sick... if you enjoy hating.. <br />
get the divorce and find someone you can respect<br />
that is the only real thing that is wrong in your relationship<br />
you don't respect him<br />
and if you can't respect him<br />
you ditch him, loose your capacity to be kind<br />
this mate of yours deserves better than you<br />
so leave!

Its not her fault. He can leave as well but will not. If you have never met an emotionally and physically abusive man who you happened to marry and trust who hurts you bad enough to make a sane woman crazy.... Its because he won't leave. He won't file for divorce he will only bash you any way he can. He will lie to you to get you to love him and marry him and he will lie to you to get you to lose your own self worth during marriage then after that he will lie to everyone about you and the marriage as he works on his next victim. Nobody should be put through that pain but its very easy to hate a man who lied to you through everything and he can't man up himself.

Ah red flower I could have written that myself! Hating him is like an extra circular activity ;-)

sounds like I am in the opposite situation. He just enjoys making me feel like ****. Hope you figure it all out.

You don't NEED a shrink! I'm married to one and I HATE HIM! He takes advantage of women in your position...I've watched him do it- he takes your money,pretends to care,then schedules you AND your kids for MORE sessions which to him mean MORE money! He comes home treats me like crap by gambling away every cent you will trust him with...oh yeah and he aid for a 19 year old hooker once and he is 60 - so gross! He laughs behind his suffering patients backs sneering about HOW needy and pathetic they ALL are! He is a complete scumbag and you should go to a ladies support group with other women who feel like you AND I do....at wits end! I sometimes fantasize about picketing outside of his office with a big sign that says FRAUD! Everyone knows I'm his wife!

wow that is so sad =[ poor you ; xoxox

Read this and try to understand<br />
Even i m going tru the same situation since 9 years but still i m trying to find hapines from my husband i m doing my best so the he love me back a small hope<br />
one thing u have to think is dont loose ur self be like what u r before marraige for get however he behaves try to avoid the situation that are going to hurt u. Think u r alone and try to live for urself .The word hate = hell,, evil with this feeling u r hurting urself not ur husband ofcourse he insulted u might be he make u feel tht u should die but still u know what u r ! if he says u r duffer , r u really going to be duffer , u r still the one as u r before marraige so instead of hating him and hurting urself more and more try to avoid him and find happiness in ur intrests music dance and lot more to do these days and keep trust on u always try to be happy and always with smile

Is English your first language?

i understood everything you said =] kind words. xox

I think you're getting TEASED! By everything he does! I used to have that sort of feeling towards a guy I used to be with! He used to be a really good boyfriend, but I just reached to a point where I LOVED to fight, argue, yell and hurt him!<br />
<br />
Until I found out that he's not really my type and and it's best if we parted, it's true he did love me, and care about me, he was faithful to me, and he never did anything to hurt me. But maybe it was because he was TOO nice me that I just couldn't stand it anymore. I mean i would fight/argue with him, and he'd just stand there saying nothing or he would cry! Which got me more pissed off! So I finally decided that I'm not attracted to a guy who can't stand up for himself. And the only reason I've stayed with him, was because, I only liked the fact that he really did love me and was loyal to me, including that everyone around me (whether his friends or mine) really liked him! He was also my friends' friend too! Otherwise, deep inside I've never really fallen in love with him. <br />
<br />
I'm not suggesting that you'd leave your husband now, because this is something serious you're dealing with, in the end you're in something called marriage. Maybe you need some space from him, try to take some space, go on a vacation or something, and think really well about you and your husband. Also getting a shrink won't hurt :P

my boyfriend is the same way! But now he is always telling me he doesn't know if he likes me anymore, and I feel the opposite. I love him, i just love to yell at him too

frankly, if a guy really loves you, he'd be willing to put up with your crap lol, meaning he'd still stick around even if you're moody and always yelling ;) .

No, if a man really loves you - that does NOT mean he has to put up with your crap. If you are emotionally or verbally abusive, he may stay out of love, but hopefully he'll wake up one day and realise he can do better.

I feel a bit sad for these husbands. Everyone wants to love and be loved. Anger just eats you up. Sort it out, talk to each other. If that fails its time to hit the road.

I hate my husband to. He blames me for everything wrong in our marriage. We have a lot of bills and he had to get a 2nd job and because of that he resents me for this. We would not be in the position we are in if he only helped out with the bills 5 yrs ago when I repeatedly asked for it, instead he looked me in the face and said he cannot help so I did what I had to do in order for ends to meet. we do not have a marriage we are two people who live in the same house but lead separate lives. we have 1 child and i am the one who does 90% of the child rearing. I am a married single women who is at the point of wanting to have an affair to get the love and affection i am missing from my lack of a better word husband. i am in the process of getting a higher paying job so that i can eventually leave him and take care of our daughter.

If you hate him that much you should dump him. Your anger will only eat you alive.

I feel each of you! I've been married for a little over 10 years and should of gotten rid of him a couple of days after I married him!! My husband is an alcoholic and druggie!! I knew he drank a lot but I had no idea he was into cocaine!! Around 4 years of marriage he stopped giving me household money and after blowing up on him he started giving me $200 a week. After a few weeks I had to start asking for it. Being frustrated with him and talking with friends I started looking around and found he had gotten loans and not a thing to show for it except empty drug bags that he tried to blame on my children. I left out by this time he had already been to drug rehab twice stating his only problem was alcohol to weasel his a$$ back into my life. After years of BS I thought he had finally changed I found out I had Leukemia. I had to go straight to the hospital for treatment without knowing if I would come out dead or alive. During the first week of consolidation I noticed the old "weasel" was coming back and started looking through his clothes while he was asleep ( all in my hospital room) and I found money that he should not of had. So I kept my mouth shut and decided to sit back and see what happens. As days went by my sister and children noticed that he was up to no good!! Then a day or so later he came to see me and started fussing because someone (my son) drank his mountain dew ( which my mother had brought up there) and one thing lead to another and before we knew it my nurse was in my room. I promised him that day if I ever caught him doing it again I would get rid of him along with my cancer. A month later I was sent home to build up for the next round I discovered that he had found the title to his truck and got a loan on it while I was in the hospital and thats how he had the money. But the sad part is the loan was for $5000 and he had nothing to show for it and all this time friends and family was also giving him money on my behalf. I was scared and didn't know what to do!! Since all of this he has straighten up but I can't forgive him enough to be that loving wife that he wants me to be cause I HATE HIM for whAT HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH!!

do not trust him ever. get your own bank accounts and remove his name from any joint assets. he is a loose cannon and a huge liability.

I feel each of you! I've been married for a little over 10 years and should of gotten rid of him a couple of days after I married him!! My husband is an alcoholic and druggie!! I knew he drank a lot but I had no idea he was into cocaine!! Around 4 years of marriage he stopped giving me household money and after blowing up on him he started giving me $200 a week. After a few weeks I had to start asking for it. Being frustrated with him and talking with friends I started looking around and found he had gotten loans and not a thing to show for it except empty drug bags that he tried to blame on my children. I left out by this time he had already been to drug rehab twice stating his only problem was alcohol to weasel his a$$ back into my life. After years of BS I thought he had finally changed I found out I had Leukemia. I had to go straight to the hospital for treatment without knowing if I would come out dead or alive. During the first week of consolidation I noticed the old "weasel" was coming back and started looking through his clothes while he was asleep ( all in my hospital room) and I found money that he should not of had. So I kept my mouth shut and decided to sit back and see what happens. As days went by my sister and children noticed that he was up to no good!! Then a day or so later he came to see me and started fussing because someone (my son) drank his mountain dew ( which my mother had brought up there) and one thing lead to another and before we knew it my nurse was in my room. I promised him that day if I ever caught him doing it again I would get rid of him along with my cancer. A month later I was sent home to build up for the next round I discovered that he had found the title to his truck and got a loan on it while I was in the hospital and thats how he had the money. But the sad part is the loan was for $5000 and he had nothing to show for it and all this time friends and family was also giving him money on my behalf. I was scared and didn't know what to do!! Since all of this he has straighten up but I can't forgive him enough to be that loving wife that he wants me to be cause I HATE HIM for whAT HE HAS PUT ME THROUGH!!

Been with my partner for 7 and a bit years. Did want to buy a house with him but he is a loser without money, he said he doesn't have any, but when his stupid aunt who wants her daughter to come here to Syd from overseas, he goes and borrows money to help her out. Stupid aunt was going to ask me, hell no, was I going to lend it to her. I asked him ages ago to borrow money from bank to buy place but he said he wants to pay his debts first, well hello, debt going to be going on for life now because of his stupid family, loser son comes from a loser mum. He is going to be out of my life in December.

that post made me laugh--I've never heard of anyone really "loving to hate" someone else.<br />
<br />
I get the hate part--I can hardly stand to be around my own spouse, but I don't get the loving to hate part. I hate myself whenever I lose it and scream at him--I don't like who i become at all when that happens. <br />
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I want to leave my spouse, but don't want to lose my income. I'm rather embarrassed to admit that, but it's true. I'm not rich, but my bills are always paid, and I can afford a decent life style, if a modest one. And I make as much money--maybe more, actually--than he does. Together, though, we're pretty set.<br />
<br />
But I hate how he shuffles around the house, how he smells, how sloppy he is, and sometimes even how he breathes. At night, I keep half my body off the bed to stay as far away from him as i can. I haven't actually really looked at him in years--sometimes I'm surprised to look at him--I often don't quite even recognize him.<br />
<br />
Maybe some day I'll figure out how to leave. I'd like to. I'd like to be on my own.

try to seduce him nd dnt let hm to *** near u

i came to this site because ive been reading about james beating up stephanie all over cyberspace and screwing carol for the past 2 years. so i thought she was here too, i came in and man i didnt know this was oto terain...way cool, i dont want to see her.

life isnt easy. in these cases with children involved its imperative to the happiness of the children they have 2 parents who dont hateone another, they must both love the children equally and not badmouth one another to the children as they are half you, half her,. and it hurts them to see your not getting along. sometimes a break is needed, sometimes peoples priorrities change belileve it or not. He dosentmean to chew with his mouth open, maybe he feels that you love him in an unconditional way therefore he dosent take time to be neater then he may have been were he trying to impress her. however in his mind thats the only solid thing besides his drug habit, that he has. he may not act like it, but he does love her. However so many games and bad haircuts have been played that trust is a big issue.

oh my gosh! I honestly came accross this site because i was a bit frusrated with my husband this morning. He does things that really stress me out. He can be such a smart a** and whan i try to dish it back to him, he tells me things like "youre giving me a headace" or " talking to you stresses me out" or "youre no fun to talk to". i dont know if i am terrible at trying to be a smart a** like him or if he just cant take what he dishes out. Having said that, there are some of you women i really feel for. I dont know how some of you deal with this day to day. I would have to leave- child or no child.

I can't stand my husband either..He thinks he is so cool and reasonable and so sane but I am too good for him..I really am.....I treat him good and he is not very nice back..he's cold, sloppy....he wants no sex from me anymore...and now I don' t want it from him anymore either..to tell you the truth I am very depressed because I never thought my relationship would be like this..NEVER!! And I think I should get away from him because I must think badly of myself to stay in this relationship...I deserve to be treated better..to be loved more..like I love people..

I hate my husband and he irritate the hell out of me. Financially I don't need him but he needs me. He has a son who he doesn't even know how to take care of and I feel sorry for the poor kid. Since I became his step mom, I took good care of him, fed him good and everything. I could never love or feel the same way about him as I do my own son but I provide and feed him good. I take care of his son better than he could or anyone in his family could. He is so damn jealous that sometimes I hug and kisses my son and it would kill him. I'm so damn mad at myself, trying to understand why I stay in this dumb miserably relationship with him. I feel like I have everything and he has nothing but he treates me like ****. He cannot wait for me to make any wrong move or said any wrong, he will start yelling and screaming his *** out, like if he did not do that then he will chock to death or something. At the very moment I have such a hatred against him. I feel like he watches me like a huck, can't wait for me to make a mistake then he will get that ugle/nasty side of him out. <br />
I am not bragging, but I have a good job, a very nice big home, my son is happy, and LIFE WITHOUT HIM AND HIS SON WILL BE SO JOYFUL. NO headaches and stress. Ever since i met him, all he ever brings me is headaches, stress, worries, and cause fuses between me and my family, especially my mother. His mother hats me which is fine. I don't like her too. All she needs from me is money money and buy her things. If i don't then she thinks i'm the worst daughter in-law. I don't complain or say **** about his mother but on the other hand, he constantly complains about my mother. I think the day he doesn't complain about her will be the day he has no breathe left. What's the hell is wrong with me that I still stick around when I am better off without him?

Maybe he is not right for you and it's not worth staying, But he is right about showing favoritism to your son. You can't help how you feel, but being an adult, you can help how you act. You have two children in a home and one gets all the love and affection from the mother/stepmother. How is the other child supposed to feel? It's not his fault that he is not your son. You could at least try to save the favoritism to when the stepson is not around and does not have to witness it.

I did not realize so many women hate their husbands and have almost the same stories. Wow!!!!<br />
It saddens me to say this but I really hate my husband as well. Its like everything he does bothers me. He has messed up so many times with lies and betrayed me in ways I can't imagine. Even though he has done all that I am still faithful and I will stick to my morals of not cheating on him or running out on my kids. I tell him I hate him, I wish he was gone, can't wait to bury him. I know that sounds so insane but its how I feel. When you look at your husband you should feel loved, warm and protected. When I look at him I feel sad, pissed off and hurt. When he walks out the door I am suspicious of where he goes and since he lies anyways that doesn't help. I know I have issues of my own to deal with and I realize that but I can't get pass hating him. I love my kids and I want them to have a dad around but it seems like they are just growing up in a bad situation. I just hope one day I can move on with out him. I feel stuck as well. Thanks for letting me share my story.

M husband sucks as well.

I don't know how old you are but if you are younger than 40-45 get out. I was the most loving devoted wife and raised, homes schooled three amazing kids now adults and all have great careers. Now 31 years later I wish I had gotten out. I knew from he beginning he was selfish. I thought I could show him what real love was! Never! They never change. Get out since it's only been 6 miserable years. Do you want 30 more miserable year? like me. Even counseling , marriage retreat nothing helps. They don't get it. They don;'t want to get. Just selfish, self centered men. You are on your own anyway!

I loved my partner so much, but even in the first few weeks of meeting me he slept with his ex. I got over it, as I was new on the scene and we had a wonderful time.Slowly, he's turned into a controlling, self centred man who puts his needs first; squash, exercise, needing the car (it's mine).We have a beautiful child together after 4 IVF attempts. All he ever wanted was a child. He didn't even buy me flowers after the birth. In fact, we've been together nearly 7 years and in that time, I think he's bought me about 3 Xmas presents and possibly 2(?) bday presents in all this time.He's never bought me anything special; no keepsakes. He never got me one thing for my 40th.We're not rich, I wouldn't expect much, but a token would be nice.He does his own laundry, throwing my stuff to the side, eats and drinks every last thing in the fridge.I've started drinking a lot, but I've turned a corner with that recently.I'm sick of his angry tone toward me and the baby and I'm starting to hate him.Our house is in joint names, but the recent credit crunch makes it hard to sell, plus I'm worried about affording my own place.He's always telling me to bring in more income/get another job, change my day off (would be worse off due to nursery fees). Whilst he sits doing a job he could get twice the wage he's on.Can't stand it any more, I would rather be on my own. If it weren't for our baby, he'd have been binned ages ago. He was horrible to me when I was pregnant too. He calls me lazy, but I have freelance work on top of my job and looking after the house and baby.I want him to smell the coffee before I throw the hot stuff in his stupid, farting, teeth grinding, remote hogging face!