Where Did I Go Wrong?

I've been married 5 years to the most ignorant, controlling, abusive man in the world. This is one of the times I will say, I wish I had listened to my mother!

I can't be at peace in my own home with out feeling like I am contsantly walking on eggshells. Or feeling like I am always wrong or need to be apologizing for everything! I have not had a full nights sleep since I got married. I feel so paranoid about being around him. If its not the childish `dirty looks` he is shooting my way, its the constant criticism about pretty much everything that has to do with me. The house isnt clean enough, he doesnt like what ive cooked, i dont work hard enough, why do i stay up late at night, why dont i talk, nag nag nag! Im sorry but how much more am i expected to do aside from taking care of a 2 year old, working full time, making sure there are 3 meals cooked a day and keeping the house clean!!!

before getting married, while i was living with my parents i used to be able to fall asleep on the sofa and sleep peacefully. I would not dream of that now, i get terrified of the thought of falling asleep while he is still awake.... this is not normal. A person should not feel like this in their own home! i have tried to leave in the past but the argument of child custody is ever present. i hate how i feel about myself, and my life. i hate him because he has made me feel this way. like i mean nothing to him, to anyone. that im not good enough.

when i met him i never would have thought that i could feel this way about him, he makes me so mad, but i say nothing out of fear of the backlash. i hate that i cant speak freely because he`ll retaliate. i would never want my child in that environment.

i hate that he does nothing around the house to help me. i mow the lawn, do the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the floors, the only thing he has to do is provide our child with her dinner. ONE MEAL my friends ONE MEAL. even that is something that i have already made in advance, because he is to incompetent to cook her a decent meal. I bathe her, read to her, teach her color abc`s and numbers. i dont ask him for anything other than a little respect and aknowledgement of all that i do.

i would like to be spoken to like a human being, like an equal. not the hired help, which is usually how i feel, without being paid of course!

what happened to chivalry, what happened to a guy acting like a man, not a spoiled little brat...

i hate my husband for making me feel like i dont matter...
Gildedwings Gildedwings
2 Responses Aug 22, 2012

He sounds like a total control freak and you don't sound very safe there. I hope your are not still in they same situation.

That's ridiculous. If you don't feel safe in your own home you need to get out ASAP. Go to the police, tell them you want to leave your husband but that you're afraid of him. They can put you and your daughter in protective custody. Then when you divorce him and custody issues come up, I can assure you they'll place the child with you because you have on your record taking her our of an abusive home. Plus, you're the mother. 9 times out of 10 they place children with the mother. You can leave! Be strong and get out of the abusive home and relationship!